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Monthly Archives: January 2022

Dead Cats

Dead Cats

Watch out for a tsunami of dead cats in the coming days, as Johnson attempts to divert attention from his criminal activities. Johnson’s modus operandi is to use distraction as a means to divert attention from important issues. He did it to “get Brexit done” (It’s not done by the way), we are still “world beaters” on COVID infections and deaths. All is done in order to save his dynasty, rather than from what my friend Judith Spencer calls “the spirit of service” which is the duty of a Prime Minister. Here is a short list of some anticipated dead cats. Some may seem frivolous and / or dark, but someone pointed out to me that they thought he may even consider asking for the Queen’s sacrifice to save his skin.

Johnson to announce that a family member has COVID – already done!

The Queen to remove Prince Andrew’s title – dang – already done!

A Chinese Spy is found in Parliament – they are caught by setting traps of Vesta Chow Mein with crispy noodles in Westminster by Priti Patel and Cressida Dick – ongoing.

Wilf is found to have been abducted. Piers Corbyn is seen with a suspicious parcel on the underground. Dilyn leads the search.

Nonce Andrew decides to do a fun run for “Save The Children” around Westminster Palace to raise funds for his prosecution.

Jacob Rees-Mogg is hired as the host of a remake of “Upstairs Downstairs” with Michael Fabricate as “Hudson”.

Nadine Dorries bans Chinese meals in the Parliament canteen.

Mark Francois is arrested for army themed crimes on manoeuvres in Canvey, using pop guns and other childhood militaria. He is suspected of training COVID army volunteers in armed combat with peashooters.

Iain Duncan Smith picks his nose again in Parliament.

Iran threaten to invade Clacton. Nigel Farage is called to form a battalion of the LDV to investigate kebab shops and novelty emporia.

Carrie delivers a surprise baby in what is described in the Daily Express as a virgin birth.

All European washing machines are recalled for failing to meet new Brexit standards on pollution. Army put on standby to wash smalls as the crisis mounts. Michel Barnier summoned to clean up the mess.

Nigel Farage announces that he has become Novak Djokovic’s personal trainer.

Boris Johnson goes to war in Ukraine – oh well !!

Chicken nugget shortages cause riots in Sainsbury.

Priti Patel shock revelations “my life in the Taliban caves”

The Mail reports that Meghan Markle is considering a trans operation.

COVID is declared officially over by John Redwood after watching a You Tube video on bacteria.

Andrew Bridgen rescues Novak Djokovic from an asylum centre in Kent, after he is arrested by Priti Patel in a dinghy trying to cross the channel.

Liz Truss invokes Article 16 and declares war in Ireland.

What are your favourite Dead Cats? With thanks to Helga Perry.

Make a comment and we’ll add your remark and credit you.

We leave you with some advice for Sue Grey on “rules”:

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True and Fair

True and Fair

I was privileged to attend the launch of the True and Fair Party today by Gina Miller, devoted to reform of our politics and to end the cosy duopoly of Conservative and Labour. Find out more at True and Fair. Truly differentiated from Labour in saying that business is not a dirty word. Refreshingly willing to oppose Conservative sleaze, law breaking and a slide into an elected dictatorship. Willing to say the word Brexit, now banned in Parliament and in polite English political discourse. Brave enough to stand for a reform in our voting system. True and Fair ask you to join them in this endeavour to demand change if you feel politically homeless. I feel that’s all I need say for now. We simply need to be True and Fair.

50 Shades of Sue Grey

50 Shades of Sue Grey

I drove through a set of red lights recently. Shortly afterwards, I could not remember if I had committed the crime. I now await a report on whether I broke the law from someone that wasn’t there …. Frankly Boris Johnson’s “sorry, not sorry” statement in Parliament simply won’t wash. It has not convinced his party, or the people. Not one senior Tory stood up to defend his statement yesterday. Liz Truss managed a tweet. Rishi Sunak laid low. Jacob Rees-Mogg went on Newsnight to introduce a dead cat:

We have no need to wait for Sue Grey to report. Boris Johnson admitted his guilt. He should now be arrested and jailed. Simples.

I can’t help but repeat Boris Johnson’s record in office:

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Original image by Cold War Steve. Cat augmentation chez nous
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Der Clown

Boris Johnson ist ein clown

This latest piece of music portrays Boris Johnson as others see him. Set in the mode of a Kraftwerk song “Boris Johnson ist ein clown” tells the terrible story of Johnson’s record on COVID, Brexit and his personal life. Download the album on Bandcamp to help us continue our work. Please don’t just steal the music, it takes a long time to produce. The video is free and needs sharing widely with this post. Here is just a small segment of Johnson’s record to ponder:

150 000 unnecessary COVID deaths due to Johnson’s “too little too late policy”.

£37 BILLION spaffed away to his mates for non-existent or non-functional PPE. Some of the companies hired to make PPE had no experience in the field.

Breaking lockdowns with lavish parties whilst others saw loved ones die alone in care homes and hospitals.

Multiple lies about non-existent Brexit benefits.

Killing 27 migrants at sea with a policy that has been judged by HMG as “dangerous”.

Still waiting for the £350 million every week for the NHS.

Left his wife for another women whilst she had cancer.

Lied to the Queen.

Watch the video, share and download the songs to support our work

Worst record on COVID in Europe.

Failed to sack Cummings and Hancock whilst he allowed junior ministers to resign for less serious offences.

“Frictionless” trade killing businesses despite promises that Brexit would be “oven ready”.

£840 per roll for wallpaper for the flat at 10 Downing Street on the whim of Carrie.

“Bonfire” on red tape has produced intolerable levels of … Brexit red tape – who knew?

Changed the rules on sleaze to protect Owen Patterson.

Illegally shut down Parliament because he could not get his way.

Failing to wear masks at hospital visits.

Stripped people of their human rights and threats to reintroduce English concentration camps for migrants. In case of doubt, it was England that introduced the idea of concentration camps during the Boer War.

Promised 50 000 more nurses for the NHS, but failed to deliver.

Blames the EU for our self-imposed Brexit when it is his decision alone.

Lied about the Northern Ireland protocol. Continues to threaten peace in Northern Ireland by breaking international law.

Counts hospital refurbishments as “new hospitals”. Counts a pair of gloves as two items of PPE.

Bungled projects : The Garden Bridge. The Scotland-Ireland Bridge. The Isle of Man Bridge. Boris Island. The Festival of Brexit.

Stopping food aid to most vulnerable children in a pandemic.

Allowing water companies to dump shit in our rivers.

Far from Boris Johnson ist ein clown, Boris Johnson is a very dangerous clown. Check more of his lies out at Boris Johnson Lies.

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With thanks to Colin Taylor, Irina Fridman, Susanna Leissle, Richard Hewison and Ambasuthan J. for their help with this.

Brexit is Broken

Brexit is broken. We are just about to notice now that the mask of COVID has come off. Here is our latest parody issue of the Telegraph with a fact checker attached, just in case you cannot tell the difference between Brexit fact and fiction:

FACT : Brexit border controls begin today. The EU has allowed us a full years grace on our desire to become a third country. The delays and tariffs are all on our own Government. early indications suggest that there will be significant impacts. See The Independent, The FT, The Mirror for more details.

FACT : So concerned are our Government to “mask Brexit” that they have instructed civil servants not to mention the word. Sadly we are unable to comply. If Brexit is so great why are they not instead publishing the benefits of our departure? The best that Johnson can mention is the reintroduction of pints in pubs. I may have amnesia but I thought we had pints before?

FACT : Dr Liam Fox went on BBC to lie about Brexit yesterday. We decoded his response to the question. You have to be really good to lie and Liam is just not very good at anything. Liam said that the main point of Brexit was to reclaim sovereignty. If that’s true how come nobody wants to buy my bargain bag o’ sovrinty?

FACT : Boris Johnson has not built any of the promised hospitals. It seems that pop up tents in car parks are now being classified as “hospitals”. We lead the world in COVID infections once again although Johnson feels unable to make the tough decisions that are needed, as he has not got the support of his own party to make decisions in the best interests of the people.

FICTION : The Queen is not prosecuting Prince Andrew even though she ought to, ma’am.

FACT : Boris Johnson is still a fu…king cu…t entered the UK charts at No 5, confirming the nation’s view on his premiership.

FICTION : Peppa Pig is not taking up a post as a doctor in the NHS, even though he has “most admired” status by Boris Johnson.

FICTION : Lenny the lion has not eaten Liz Truss as yet. We hear that Lenny is unlikely to do so as he favours eating brains.

FACT : Britain drowned 27 migrants in the channel due to their Brexit policy, which has been demonstrated to be completely unsuitable and dangerous method of addressing the issue. The United Nations reported the story as the worst disaster on record. Kent residents laughed about the deaths of women and children. This is what Brexit has brought us. Do you really support drowning women and children who are fleeing terror?

FICTION : Geoff Boycott has not written a book on cricket and racism. Maybe he should?

FACT : Brexit is broken. Read all about it at Brexit has Failed.

Write to your MP today to tell them that Brexit is broken. Demand better.

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Read our book to help with having the difficult conversations about Brexit.

Brexit is Broken
Border Farce

George came up with this helpful explanation of Brexit for toddlers: