Illogical Politics

Illogical Politics is the brainchild of a friend. He uses satire to unseat the lies of far right politicians such as Reform, Restore, UKIP, Advance, Raise the Standard, Logical Politics, The Heritage Party, The EDL / BNP / National Front (aka Tommy Robinson aka Stephen Yaxley Lennon) et al. Written in the spirit of “Private Eyelines” which we pioneered in 2020, the posts cut through in ways that graphs and spreadsheets do not. Here’s an example article:

BAN NUANCE

The metropolitan elite have activated their newest weapon against the hardworking British public: “Nuance.”

Whenever we demand absolute, immediate, three-word solutions to incredibly complex, centuries-old geopolitical and economic crises, the so-called “experts” immediately start droning on about “grey areas,” “underlying socio-economic factors,” and “unintended consequences.”

Let us be brutally honest.

Real patriotism is entirely binary.

It is black and white.

Good and evil.

Us and them.

“Nuance” is just a woke liberal buzzword for “I don’t love my country enough to blindly yell about it.”

The Danger of ‘Understanding Both Sides’:

The establishment wants to pacify us by suggesting that major global issues require careful consideration and delicate diplomacy.

This is an insult to our intelligence.

We do not want carefully weighed options; we want a scapegoat and a catchy rhyming chant.

Here is our official blueprint for completely eradicating nuance from the national conversation:

The Three-Word Maximum:

If a government policy cannot be entirely summarised by three aggressive words shouted over the noise of a pub fruit machine, it is a globalist trap.

“GET IT DONE.”

“STOP THE THING.”

“DO THE STUFF.”

Anything longer than this is basically an academic thesis and must be rejected at the ballot box.

Context is Censorship:

When a politician claims their disastrous quote was “taken out of context,” what they actually mean is “I am furious that you aren’t listening to my boring, 20-minute explanation.”

We assert our sovereign right to react purely to the most inflammatory six words of a headline without reading the article.

Abolish the ‘Grey Area’:

Grey is the colour of cloudy skies, depressing concrete, and Brussels bureaucracy.

There are no grey areas in common sense.

You are either entirely right (us) or actively trying to destroy the very fabric of society (anyone who disagrees with us).

The Beer Mat Standard:

We will formally replace the Civil Service with a stack of damp cardboard beer mats.

If an international trade agreement or a comprehensive healthcare reform strategy cannot fit legibly on a single mat, we simply tear it up and default to World Trade Organisation rules.

Defend Your Right to Simplicity:

The tofu-eating, Guardian-reading intelligentsia want you wasting your weekends reading complex policy papers and “considering the historical context.”

Do not fall into their intellectual traps.

They want to dilute your pure, unyielding anger with highly inconvenient facts.

We demand leaders who refuse to understand the details.

We demand absolute certainty in the face of overwhelming contradictory evidence.

Say NO to nuance.

Say NO to reading past the headline.

Stay loud, stay simple, and let’s just get on with it! 🇬🇧🔥