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Monthly Archives: May 2022

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Sign O’ The Times

Sign O’ The Times – 01 May 2020

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In this edition, like Prince, Madonna and the Tory party, we see no divisions between sex, religion and politics.  Hold on tight!  It may be a bumpy ride. This is an extract from our next book. Buy the existing one here. In honour of Prince’s comment on politics we named this post Sign O’ The Times.

FACT: Jacob Rees-Mogg[1] admitted that Brexit is an act of self-harm.  Speaking at Folkestone last week, Mogg admitted that he would once again delay the introduction of border checks, as it would lead to food and supply shortages.  Having invested millions of pounds in infrastructure and systems, it seems that the port authorities are rather cross with Mr Mogg.  Meanwhile the minister for the 18th century drinks port in his mansion.  We do not know Mr Mogg’s views on sex with one’s nanny.  Open borders sound good in principle, but how do they achieve the primal Brexit ambition of keeping foreigners out, alongside contraband and other consequences of ‘letting go of control’?

FICTION: Although Liz Truss is probably one of the main users of Instagram, to promote her selfies in her bid to be Prime Minister, it is not true that she has been appointed head of the platform.  She continues to exploit war in Ukraine as a fashion accessory.

FACT: Our reporter confirms that Neil Parish MP is innocent.  We investigated how he came to be accidentally watching porn whist at work.   Here is the sequence:

1.Parish Googled ‘huge elections’ but made a mistake when typing.  This is what should have happened:

Porngate

2. Parish inadvertently substituted the letter ‘l’ with an ‘r’ and instead Googled ‘huge erections’.   It’s an easy mistake to make, even though the letter l is nowhere near the letter r on the keyboard:

Porngate

3. Then Parish would have gone through all the search results and eventually found himself on Pornhub.  It’s quite obvious to see how he made this catalogue of errors.

4. Neil Parish said he was Googling for tractors, as he is a farmer.  Even then, it is simple to see how he quickly ended up on a porn site.  Parish would have typed ‘huge erections massey ferguson’ into Google and then switched to videos.  This is what he would have found:

Prongate

It becomes clear that Neil Parish was a passive victim of mis-spelling tractor related words whilst at work.  Undoubtedly this ‘flick of the wrist’ led him into penis-related peril. Dom Jolly summed up the situation differently:

“While attempting to purchase a Massey Ferguson 2245 4WD I inadvertently stumbled across a website called Extraordinary Buttholes. Once I realised my mistake I immediately logged off, twenty minutes later. This should put the matter to bed.”

FICTION: Although Nadine Dorries[2] wants to privatise Channel 4 and The BBC to silence all criticism of far-right politics, dumb dumb Dorries has so far not threatened to replace them with 24/7 ‘downstreaming’ of porn movies.  Give it time.  I personally don’t want to see Mark Francois and Kate Hoey on ‘Naked Attraction’, but maybe I’m a prude.  The obsession with driving all criticism out of public life is yet another hallmark of Brexit sponsored fascism.

FACT: Although Boris Johnson did not use the words ‘Fcuk Jesus’, he did attack the Archbishop of Canterbury the other week for his criticism of Priti Patel’s ‘concentration camp’ policy on people fleeing from war zones.  Johnson did say ‘fuck business’, so he may as well have gone the whole hog with the almighty.

FACT: Priti Patel is not a Christian fundamentalist, although her father was a UKIP fundamentalist when he stood for the UKIP party in 2013.  Priti has broken the ministerial code several times, which is ungodly.  Killing people who are fleeing from terror is also not mentioned in the scriptures of any religion as far as we can tell.

Tory Porn Hub
Tory Porn Hub – picture by The Sun

Tory Porn Hub – Picture by The Sun

FACT: British Virgin Islands leader Andrew Fahie was arrested in the US for alleged drug trafficking and money laundering.  The reaction from Downing Street was to send a minister and suggest that the islands be taken back to direct rule[3] due to corruption.  Perhaps they would apply the same standards to Westminster?

Vote the Tories out this Thursday at the local elections.


[1] Jacob Rees-Mogg www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/apr/29/jacob-rees-mogg-brexit-disaster-leaving-eu-boris-johnson

[2] Downstreaming gaffe – Nadine Dorries www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-61201792

[3] Virgin Islands crisis www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-61280587

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Brexorcism masterclass 7 pm Thursday 05 May via ZOOM

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Street Brexorcism

Street Brexorcism

It’s the Queen’s platinum jubilee and the Brexit gammon are high.  On Saturday 28 May I met one of the Brexit flagshaggers at 7am in the morning, at my train station in Kent, en-route to Brighton to give a masterclass on rejoining the EU. I decided to perform a miniature Street Brexorcism.  The conversation went something like this:

HIM: Oh, I suppose you are off to one of those remoaner protests in London again, having fucked the country up (he had noticed my Break Brexit Before Brexit Breaks Britain t-shirt).

ME: Not exactly.  I’m off to talk to a bunch of entitled lefty twats in Brighton about my latest book.

HIM: That’s not very nice.

ME: Nah, it’s OK.  People in Brighton can probably afford to ride the storm of Brexit.  It’s the people who live here in Medway like you and me that I feel sorry for.  They must bear the consequences.

HIM: Nah.  We’d have been alright if it had not been you lot stopping us getting Brexit done properly.

ME: But you have a pretty hard Brexit.  Boris popped in the oven and it’s done.  What did you get from Brexit by the way?

HIM (dithering slightly and getting a bit angry): It’s too soon to say (obviously he could name nothing).

ME: OK, but what did you want from Brexit?

HIM (calming a little): Well, I wanted local democracy rather than being told what to do?

ME: Have you got that?

HIM (confused): Too soon to say.  You lot spoiled it anyway.

ME: We can agree that we have not got more local democracy.  But you give me too much power by assuming that I can change anything.  We are all ignored by politicians.  I’m sure you realise that Brexit was not for us.  It was for them.  You do realise that Johnson cancelled democracy yesterday when he put himself beyond the law by cancelling the ministerial code?

HIM (he did not know about the changes to the ministerial code): I don’t care about Boris.  He can fuck off.

ME: Anyway, I must be off to talk to the ‘entitled lefty pricks’ of Brighton.  Nice to speak.

HIM: That’s rude.  You are not going to call them that are you?

ME: Of course.  They know who they are, as we do.  I’m just intelligent scum.  Anyway, thank you for speaking with me.

To my surprise, he shook my hand! 

Learn how to Brexorcise people – Buy the book : Changing Minds on Europe and Brexit

To perform a ‘Brexorcism’ you need some way to ‘activate’ your subject.  This t-shirt was my chosen method at the station.

Within minutes of entering the station I had an entirely different conversation with the South Eastern ticket clerk:

HER: No bike today?

ME: No, I’m loaded up with books to go to Brighton.

HER: Can I get hold of one?

ME: Yes, but not now as they are all packed. I will give you my card.

Brief Encounter at platform 9 and three quarters

And on arrival at St Pancras I bumped into BBC Travel Correspondent Simon Calder.

ME: Hello Simon. We met years ago and talked of The Beatles and riding shotgun on Indian Railways.

To my amazement, Simon seemed to remember our conversation. If not, he was very kind.

ME: I’m off to give a talk in Brighton about Rejoining the EU and the tragedy of Brexit.

SIMON (looking around and pointing at Eurostar queues): All this is totally down to Brexit! Good luck.

Listen to Simon speaking on travel delays and naming Brexit as a cause at BBC Radio 4 Today, today Tues 31 May 2022 at 8.45 am.

Turn despair into action. Join us every Monday at 8pm on ZOOM via Reboot Britain.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqrAPOZxgzU&ab_channel=SexPistolsVEVO

Daily Excess

Food Fight Fury

In this edition of the Daily Excess we focus on the effects of Brexit on food price rises and the extraordinary statements by Tories blaming the poor for their plight.

Daily Excess

FACT: Lee Anderson claimed that people on low wages were not able to cook economically and said that he could cook a meal from scratch for 30 pence[1].  The Trussell Trust replied: “Cooking from scratch won’t help families keep the lights on or put food on the table, if they don’t have enough money in their pockets”.

FACT: A snickers bar, a curly wurly, a finger of fudge or a raw egg are not a substantial meal.  Remember however that a Scotch egg was classified as a substantial meal[2] when Rishi Sunak wanted to encourage people to ‘eat out to help out’ in 2020.  However the benchmark price of a Scotch egg in a pub is £5.00 and it would have to be consumed with a pint of beer to be considered a ‘substantial meal’.  This is somewhat more than 30 pence.

FICTION: Various Tory MPs have started blaming Ukraine for food price rises, when, apart from just a few items, these price rises have not fed through the food chain at the time of writing in May 2022.  Food inflation due to Brexit[3] accounts for some 6% and, in some areas such as meat, the rises have been substantial.  It is despicable behaviour by Tory MPs to blame Ukraine but, of course, totally true to form to blame someone or something else.

FACT: By the same token, they have blamed oil and gas rises on Ukraine when these price rises were factored in before the invasion of Ukraine by Russia.  In fact, money saving expert Martin Lewis[4] warned as early as late 2021 on the matter.

FICTION: Liz Truss has not so far recommended that the poor begin cooking their pets to cope with food poverty.  Give her time.  She did recently get her picture taken with Larry the cat, perhaps to improve her popularity with old ladies, or perhaps in preparation for Larry’s sacrifice at some point in the future.

FICTION: If Boris had written The F Plan diet, the word F would not have stood for fibre!  Nor has Boris ever had a meal for 30 pence.

FACT: The recent emergency budget measures set out by Rishi Sunak will not address the needs of people at the edge of poverty through Brexit assisted price rises.  It is yet another example of a ‘too little, too late’ strategy by the Conservative government.

FACT: Grilled wasps are neither tasty nor nutritious.


[1] ITV News www.itv.com/news/central/2022-05-13/food-bank-row-tory-mp-lee-anderson-says-he-has-proven-he-can-make-meals-for-30p

[2] Politics Home – Scotch eggs www.politicshome.com/news/article/substantial-meal-pub-alcohol-rule-scrapped-boris-johnson

[3] Food inflation due to Brexit www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/brexit-food-prices-living-costs-b2065985.html

[4] Money saving expert www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2021/12/martin-lewis–even-the-cheapest-deals-are-more-than-double-than-/

NEW BOOK : Changing Minds on Europe and Brexit

Turn despair into action. Join us every Monday at 8pm on ZOOM via Reboot Britain.

SUPPORT us via PatreonPaypal or GoFundMe. We work 24/7/365 on a suite of projects.

DOWNLOAD MUSIC : Rage Against The Brexit Machine

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The Letter

People say, what’s the point of writing to MPs? Well, other people read the letters. It informs their views on whether they are going to lose elections and so on. Everything counts. Here’s a cracker from one of our team. Please use of modify the letter to write to your MP. Find your MP email address at Write to Them.

Dear Ms Whately,

The Sue Gray report has now been published, so I would now like to hear your thoughts.on the matter.

We knew before the report was issued that the rules that applied to the general population were completely ignored by the PM.

It now turns out that the extent of rule breaking was far worse than originally thought.

We, the UK population, now know with absolute certainty that the PM is a liar, so I want to know if he has your continued support?

If you do still support him, I would like to know why? I sincerely hope that you don’t, as this will make you complicit in the corruption and law-breaking.

The PM has said he will not resign, so do you think that a fine from the police for his law-breaking is an appropriate consequence for his actions?

I hope I get something better than a stock reply from you. This is important, and a whitewash of what has been happening at the heart of our government is unacceptable.

As my elected MP, your integrity is under very close scrutiny.

Yours sincerely

Dr. Bob

Nothing succeeds better than the glare of public transparency. If you cannot get any satisfaction from your MP in private, Tweet them in public or send the letter to your local newspaper or radio station. While we are here, read our latest newsletter and join us on Saturday 28 May in Brighton or online via ZOOM.

Turn despair into action. Join us every Monday at 8pm on ZOOM via Reboot Britain.

NEW BOOK : Changing Minds on Europe and Brexit

SUPPORT us via PatreonPaypal or GoFundMe. We work 24/7/365 on a suite of projects.

DOWNLOAD OUR MUSIC : Rage Against The Brexit Machine

Subscribe to our EU TUBE channel : EU TUBE

Read recent articles : Sign O The TimesBrief EncounterBrexit and WW IIIClarissa Cork’s Diary.

Find us on Twitter and Facebook

Kent Toilet of England

We are planning a film to feature truck drivers and their supply chains, to focus on the plight of people caught within Operation Brock, TAP, 256 TAP and associated lorry queues within Kent as a result of Brexit.

Please send your pictures from the crime scene to me at reboot@academy-of-rock.co.uk

Turn despair into action. Join us at Reboot Britain.

BOOK : Changing Minds on Europe and Brexit

SUPPORT us via PatreonPaypal or GoFundMe. We work 24/7/365 on a suite of projects.

MUSIC : Rage Against The Brexit Machine

Subscribe to our EU TUBE channel : EU TUBE

Read recent articles Sign O The TimesBrief EncounterBrexit and WW IIIClarissa Cork’s Diary.

Find us on Twitter and Facebook