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Brexit Broke Britain

Britons

Updated on date by author

Paolo Bolzoni, an Italian in The Netherlands, set this poem to music to explain the condition of Brexitosis which still infects some Britons. We are gradually awakening from our slumbers and will soon get to a point of Rejoining the EU.

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BRITONS


Transposition of “Italiani”, by Cochi e Renato, 2007
Cochi e Renato are a legend of Milanese cabaret.
© Paolo Bolzoni, 3 September 2023

Ce n’est qu’un début, continuons le combat!
Nous voulons réintégrer l’Union Européenne!

There is a window to Britain
Where you can listen to gossips
Where you can watch the tears
Where you can hear the curses

There is a window to Britain
And if you open it
You’ll see the despair
Can’t you understand why?

It’s the Britons who shout
It’s the Britons who cry
It’s the Britons who curse
This Cabinet of Fools

It’s the Britons who leave
And who’ll never come back
It’s the Britons who are angry
Don’t you get it?

They have a Cabinet who lie
And people who listen to them
While they laugh at the poor chaps
Who believe in their crap

It’s the Britons who suffer
It’s the Britons who fight
To rejoin the EU
And they’ll never give up

Oh, Jesus, look down here
Bless whoever you want
But, we’re all Britons
Don’t bless only the Conservatives
Oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Forgive me if I call for you
Oh, Jesus, come down here
We can’t take it any more

It’s the Britons who boo
It’s the Britons who sink
Their trials and tribulations
In a bitter pool of ale

It’s the Britons who watch
The small boats sinking in the Channel
It’s the Cabinet who know 
And still don’t give a damn

It’s Rishi who loves
Talking cricket with Modi
It’s Cruella who hates
And has one obsession

It’s the Britons who are sick
It’s the Britons who are disabled
It’s the nurses who strike
It’s the teachers who are lost

It’s the Britons who watch
The news that report all this
And those who present it
And those who comment on it

Those who can’t stand it
Those who fall asleep
And those who get angry
And smash the TV

“Excuse me, Sir Larry, please?”
“What’s up?”
“Is Rishi there?”
“No, he’s in a meeting”
“Meeting with whom?”
“Alone, in the toilette”
“Will he have it for long?”
“Eh … he is on a conference call”
“Um… I’ll be back later”
“No! Rishi has two more meetings later
And two more conference calls”
“Excuse me, but… does Rishi …. all day?”

It’s the Britons who cherish
The good times long gone
Those who get married
To get a cheap council flat

Those who have nothing
And who lost their job
Those who can’t understand
When they see Londongrad

“Look, Rishi, excuse me…”
“Stop bothering me! Stop!
Go to hell, commoner!”

DEDICATED TO BRITAIN
III – IX – MMXXIII

Posted in Brexit, Brexorcism, Britain, Cheese | Tagged , , | Leave a reply
Truss Fridge

Reflections from a sea dog

Posted on date by author

Don Adamson writes from Yorkshire on the latest mayhem which contributes to our Britastrophe.

This week’s quotes: “Johnson’s ‘levelling up’ agenda is ailing and listless, a casualty of Johnson’s lack of seriousness …   Few doubt the new chancellor’s intellect but he swings between genius and idiocy …  an attention span of four seconds … The Chancellor rattles the Treasury … the Treasury needs good advice more than ever … may not be enough to avoid a downturn … None of this bodes well for the public finances. Yet the government is expected to announce tax cuts … Having got their woman into Downing St dodgy financiers can look forward to … deregulate their businesses yet further … Kwarteng should be able to get his ideas through with less sense checking from experienced officials…. However resounding the next crash the sound for friends of Kwasi wil be ‘kerching’ … Department of Health and Social Care is proving shy about efforts to claw back billions of pounds from underperforming suppliers … progress on suspect suppliers is close to bugger all …Priti Patel put former Australian Foreign Secretary (who helped create Australia’s harsh anti-refugee system) in charge of ‘independent review’ of her Rwanda scheme  … leaked files showed guards hitting children or demanding sex from female inmates in grim camps in Papua New Guinea … If Downer could not detect abuse in Australia’s infamous offshore camps it seems unlikely he will spot it in Rwanda … Chris Philp, new appointment as Chief Secretary to the Treasury … why pay any tax at all when they can simply fold their companies when owing hundreds of thousands of pounds to Revenue and Customs … It was refreshing to hear a Labour Politician unapologetic about opposing Brexit, clear about the palpable damage was doing …  Sept ans plus tard qui peut pretendre que le Royaume-Uni a beneficie du Brexit (Translation – after seven years who can pretend that the UK benefits from Brexit) … the answer is next to nobody. The tragedy is that the few who do pretend are sitting round the cabinet table, living in la la land imagining that Brexiters who ‘knew what they were voting for’ knew that it was bankers getting bigger bonuses … many of Thick Lizzie and Kwarteng’s plans are detailed in an economically illiterate pamphlet they published ten years ago … Britannia Unchained … unremarkable, badly researched, cherry picked data using taxi drivers’ anecdotes as ‘evidence.’ … evidence is thin … lifting the ban on bankers’ bonuses … even Johnson retreated on this idea … the authors without a science or maths degree between them or any sense of irony … one of the most illiterate parts of the prospectus is the notion that we will all have to work harder … in fact British workers put in longer hours but productivity remains low … the obvious change  is more training, investment and better management … if you don’t believe ‘Britannia Unchanged’ the pamphlet has the evidence to convince you  … the opinions of taxi drivers … the authors are terrible at maths, economically illiterate, ignorant of science and engineering and completely unaware of how to research a book or write well … smug, selfish, self satisfied, lacking in empathy, ignorant of facts and believing in their own fantasy economics …unfortunately they are now running the country …

Pip Pip            

Don Adamson, Medway Delta (Retired), Saboteur and Brexorcist First Class 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Brexorcism, Britain, Britastrophe, Cheese, Europe, Labour, Leadership, Liz Truss, Northern Ireland, Politics, Sovereignty, Ukraine | Leave a reply
Liz Truss

Do you trust Truss?

Updated on date by author

As Liz Truss becomes more desperate to win the election, her measures become more desperate.  But the Janusian confusion in “Trussian” thinking continues.  The key question is “Do you trust Truss?” We depicted the question in the Queen song “Now I’m here” in the attached video “The Two Minds of Liz Truss”.  Famously, Freddie Mercury sings “Now I’m here” from one side of the stereo field and “Now I’m there” from the other side.  Truss is all over the place – even surround sound could not cover Truss’ ever changing moods !! 

We made the video to leaven Truss’ chances of winning.  A Prime Minister with no real majority will find it hard to enact radical policies and the ideal ironic election result would be 52 : 48.

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Posted in Article 16, Australia, Borders, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Cheese, Democracy, Economics, Elections, Liz Truss, Northern Ireland, Politics | Leave a reply

Britastrophe

Updated on date by author

Extract from the book Private Eyelines. Britain officially slid into what looks like an L-Shaped recession today (L stands for LONG). Whilst Corona undoubtedly provided the tipping point into recession, we must also look longer into the past for the underlying reasons. The FT reports that UK is the worst performing nation in Europe regarding our decline into recession under Corona. Brexit must therefore be added in terms of how deep and rapid our plunge into recession has been. Brexit uncertainly has laid the table for our Britastrophe, making Britain especially vulnerable in terms of resilience. The term resilience is essentially our ability to ride out tough times. Longer term, adding a man made disaster in slow motion (Brexit) to the Corona crisis offers us a “Britastrophe“. We have to endure Corona, but we need not have Brexit.

In March 2020, we made some socio-economic and political forecasts about the coming 6 months. Prediction is largely a dangerous game, but it turns out we were mostly right. We would be very badly advised to add Brexit to our list of problems in 2021 under this analysis:

But here at Rage Against Brexit we look deeper at the underlying economics and today we can report that it seems that Britain’s problems have been caused by … cheese ….

Taking back control … of our Stilton

Liz Truss has made the protection of Stilton a red line in the Brexit talks with Japan. In case you are not familiar, Truss is a massive defender of cheese and has made it her personal mission to defend her “blue veins” against what she considers the “yellow peril” in Brexit talks.

In case you are wondering about the benefits of the “Stilton Clause” as it is referred to in Whitehall, here they are:

Our trade with Japan was worth £31.6 billion last year

The Stilton Wedge is worth £102 million

In case of doubt, a billion is more than a million – a lot more

70% of Japanese people are unable to eat Stilton due to lactose intolerance

Liz Truss: [furiously] “Tell the yellow midgets that they’d better start liking Stilton or they can make their fucking cars in their own country”

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The easiest deal in history

You may well ask, why is Liz standing up for cheese? Well, it may have escaped your attention, but we have not done a significant trade deal since we “left” on January 31st, 2020, although we all know that Liam Fox said that getting trade deals was to be the easiest thing in history. Liz needs to bring in the bacon (and brie) pronto, so that we can say we did a better deal with Japan than the EU did … because Stilton is included. Makes sense, eh?

The Stilton Clause” is said to include unlimited supplies of Cheesy Wotsits in exchange for the ceremonial inclusion of a Torii at Cheddar Gorge and its use on premium brand Cheddar:

Moveable Feast

In other news, the much vaunted moveable barrier for the M20 gridlock in Kent promised for 31 December 2020 by Grant Shapps is not going to be ready until 2022. Shapps was heard to say that this would not be a problem, as we would improvise with wedges of cheese in the two year intervening period. Here is an artists’ impression of the SS (Stilton System) in action during the Brexit food shortages.

As Boris will say:

The British Government is crumbling

Sadly Corona, Flu and Flooding are natural phenomena. Brexit is a man-made disaster and we don’t need to add it to the Winter of Discontent. We must avoid a BRITASTROPHE.

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Re-Boot Britain is a practical methodology on changing minds about Europe and Brexit. Find it on Amazon or direct from the author via reboot@brexitrage.com

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Posted in Borders, Brexit, Cheese, Politics | Tagged | 2 Replies
Sunday Bloody Sunday

With or Without EU

Updated on date by author

In this Irish special we focus on the U2 question posed by Liz Truss “With or Without EU”. It becomes clear that she still hasn’t found what she’s looking for with Brexit.

Sunday Bloody Sunday
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As things continue to become more bizarre by the day in Brexit Britain, we focus on the Irish question in this fake version of The Mail on Sunday.

FACT: Liz Truss is prepared to risk the breakdown of the Good Friday Agreement and 30 years of peace on the island of Ireland to improve her chances of becoming PM. In 2019 the Conservatives said that peace in Northern Ireland and independence for Scotland were prices worth paying to “Get Brexit Done”. One of the few truths they told.

FACT : It was the BRITISH government that signed the Brexit deal which required the border in the sea between Britain and the island of Ireland. Blaming the EU is simply gaslighting. We are a third country and, to quote the Brexiteers we should “Get over it”

FACT : ‘Sir’ David Frost read the deal and then ignored it in order to “Get Brexit Done”. This problem is ENTIRELY of our own Government’s making and Frost’s squirming is pathetic. He’s not even elected.

FACT : Boris Johnson said that a border between Ireland and Britain would only happen over his dead body. We note that he is still alive.

FACT : The majority of people and politicians in Northern Ireland want to keep the Northern Ireland Protocol. Some 70% of people voted for parties that support peace on the island or Ireland.

FACT : ‘Sir’ David Frost is now pretending he was railroaded into signing the deal. The word scum is not bad enough for someone who refuses to own his Brexshit.

FACT : Johnson needs this distraction to ensure people don’t think about unnecessary COVID deaths, Leadership failures via Partygate, the cost of living crisis, Brexit carnage, Levelling down, NI rises, Pension unlocking, killing bees, killing kids by encouraging them to eat more junk food, the list goes on.

FICTION : Whereas Coleen Rooney has not shagged Johnson, Arlene would do anything to restore the troubles to Northern Ireland, including a performance with Dolly Parton if one could be arranged.

Whilst the EU are the adults in the room, they should respond to this childish behaviour by our adapted children in Government.

Click the image to look inside

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Posted in Article 16, Borders, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Cheese, Ireland, Northern Ireland, Partygate, Politics | 2 Replies
NI and Social Care

Paying for Social Care

Updated on date by author

There is a widespread view that we must pay more in National Insurance to cover shortfalls in social care and healthcare. All of this has been hung on the hook of COVID, as if it anaesthetises the arguments or any debate. I would like to question the notion that we must raise NI to raise £13 billion as there are many more routes to raise the required capital. In fact it would be easy for this Government to raise the capital without using the crude instrument of NI, which selectively targets those least able to pay the tax, whilst protecting old age pensioners, many of whom vote Tory. But fear not OAPs. Rishi is not paying for social care. Rather, he will be coming for your triple lock soon …

Option 1 – The Brexit Bounce

Robert Dyer coined the phrase “The Brexit Bounce”. Remember we were getting £350 million back from the EU EVERY WEEK. Do the math. That’s £18.2 BILLION every year into perpetuity. So, in one fell swoop, we can pay for social care with the Brexit Bounce, except the £350 million has not materialised.

Write to your MP and ask them where the Brexit Bonus for the NHS is. After all, we voted for it.

Option 2 – The COVID Corruption Fund

Dido Harding spent £37 BILLION on Test and Trace, much of which was either non-existent or faulty. Let’s be generous and suppose that only 20% of the project was fictional or faulty. That’s a cool £7.4 BILLION towards the social care uplift. Then there is the PPE fraud …

Write to your MP and ask them to sue the companies that made faulty or non-existent Test and Trace.

Option 3 – The Tory Spaffing Fund

Liz Truss took a lonely trip to Australia in the Government A321 Airbus at a cost of £500 000. Small beer I hear you say. But these trophy flights could help pay for the NI hike !! What’s wrong with Ryanair? Or BA if you wanted to be truly patriotic at a cost of around £4000 to Oz.

Rishi Sunak seems to have cancelled £4.3 BILLION of fraudulent COVID loans. That would be a nice contribution to the social care fund? Closing tax loopholes would make enough funds to fund good quality services not just care and allow for less taxation on those that can least afford it. With thanks to Gail Jones.

Then there are the small ticket items but yet every little helps as they say at Tesco. The No 10 wallpaper bill (£840 per roll), Priti Patel’s Eyelashes, Suitcases of wine, the Royal Yachts at a snip of £250 Million. Everything adds up.

What other spaffing options exist? Write to me in the comments and I will add your point with a credit to your input.

Write to your MP and ask them to review the use and need for the Government Airbus.

Option 4 – Brexit to the rescue

Brexit has cost £128 billion so far, or £727 per second. Although it would not be straightforward, stopping Brexit would give us access to all the social car,e by stopping Britain bleeding to death. Here’s a helpful chart to show what you can buy with £128 257 825 862 in case you have never thought of “how to spend it”.

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Write to your MP and ask them question the spending on Brexit.

BREXIT IS COSTING THE EARTH. SAY NO TO USING NI AS A MEANS OF PAYING FOR SOCIAL CARE

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Posted in Australia, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Cheese, Corona, Economics, Leadership, Politics | 2 Replies

Dead Cats

Updated on date by author

Watch out for a tsunami of dead cats in the coming days, as Johnson attempts to divert attention from his criminal activities. Johnson’s modus operandi is to use distraction as a means to divert attention from important issues. He did it to “get Brexit done” (It’s not done by the way), we are still “world beaters” on COVID infections and deaths. All is done in order to save his dynasty, rather than from what my friend Judith Spencer calls “the spirit of service” which is the duty of a Prime Minister. Here is a short list of some anticipated dead cats. Some may seem frivolous and / or dark, but someone pointed out to me that they thought he may even consider asking for the Queen’s sacrifice to save his skin.

Johnson to announce that a family member has COVID – already done!

The Queen to remove Prince Andrew’s title – dang – already done!

A Chinese Spy is found in Parliament – they are caught by setting traps of Vesta Chow Mein with crispy noodles in Westminster by Priti Patel and Cressida Dick – ongoing.

Wilf is found to have been abducted. Piers Corbyn is seen with a suspicious parcel on the underground. Dilyn leads the search.

Nonce Andrew decides to do a fun run for “Save The Children” around Westminster Palace to raise funds for his prosecution.

Jacob Rees-Mogg is hired as the host of a remake of “Upstairs Downstairs” with Michael Fabricate as “Hudson”.

Nadine Dorries bans Chinese meals in the Parliament canteen.

Mark Francois is arrested for army themed crimes on manoeuvres in Canvey, using pop guns and other childhood militaria. He is suspected of training COVID army volunteers in armed combat with peashooters.

Iain Duncan Smith picks his nose again in Parliament.

Iran threaten to invade Clacton. Nigel Farage is called to form a battalion of the LDV to investigate kebab shops and novelty emporia.

Carrie delivers a surprise baby in what is described in the Daily Express as a virgin birth.

All European washing machines are recalled for failing to meet new Brexit standards on pollution. Army put on standby to wash smalls as the crisis mounts. Michel Barnier summoned to clean up the mess.

Nigel Farage announces that he has become Novak Djokovic’s personal trainer.

Boris Johnson goes to war in Ukraine – oh well !!

Chicken nugget shortages cause riots in Sainsbury.

Priti Patel shock revelations “my life in the Taliban caves”

The Mail reports that Meghan Markle is considering a trans operation.

COVID is declared officially over by John Redwood after watching a You Tube video on bacteria.

Andrew Bridgen rescues Novak Djokovic from an asylum centre in Kent, after he is arrested by Priti Patel in a dinghy trying to cross the channel.

Liz Truss invokes Article 16 and declares war in Ireland.

What are your favourite Dead Cats? With thanks to Helga Perry.

Make a comment and we’ll add your remark and credit you.

We leave you with some advice for Sue Grey on “rules”:

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Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Cheese, Corona | Leave a reply

BREXCESSION

Updated on date by author

Not only does the UK have the “best” deaths from COVID of the G7 countries. We now have the deepest recession in Europe. Boris Johnson is mystified as to why, but we here at Let’s Re-Boot Britain can help – the UK’s resilience is at an all time low due to four years of Brexit decline. It’s time to boot Brexit and build a better Britain in a better Europe.

“The Sun”

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Posted in Borders, Brexit, Cheese, Corona, Cummings, Farage, Politics | Tagged | Leave a reply
Railway Modeller

Trains and Goats and Planes

Updated on date by author

In our occasional series of Brexit satire we offer you Railway Modeller and The Northern Farmer. Plus a fact checker to help you tell Brexit facts from fiction.

Railway Modeller
Trains and Goats and Planes

FACT and FICTION checker

FICTION : AC DC’s Angus Young does not have a signature hormone fed steak pie. He has a signature Gibson SG.

FACT : Australian beef is hormone injected. It can be selectively fed to children and vulnerable people as UK Government rules allow for cheap food to be dumped on schools, the NHS and care homes. Our EU membership protected us from dodgy food standards but we opted for a blue passport.

FACT : Liz Truss has NOT struck a great trade deal with Japan. Japan benefits five times more than we do. Our desperation to get Brexit done makes us an easy target for “fire sale” type trade deals. Truss wants to claim success by striking a deal with Australia. We will pay for this dearly. Free trade in 15 years time will decimate the economies of Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and parts of England.

FICTION : Boris Johnson is not a train enthusiast. Allegedly he paints cardboard buses.

FACT : The rebrand of Great British Railways is an expensive distraction. See Grant Schapps’ ludicrous flag shagging video filmed with emotional music at the National Railway Museum in York, shortly to be renamed the Great British Brexit Museum.

FICTION : Mallard is not being put back into service, nor The Rocket to power HS2.

FACT : The Australian trade deal will spell a sharp decline in farming in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.

FICTION : Ringo Starr is not stuck in the tunnel from Scotland to Northern Ireland. The tunnel is a work of fiction rather like Brexit.

FICTION : Jennifer Arcuri is not a farmer. She is about to release a TV drama in which she describes her sex life with Johnson : “We read sonnets to each other, then he rolled onto me like a binbag full of custard, gasping like an asthmatic octogenerian, as he reached his climax & I wondered if he’d got it in yet”.

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Posted in Australia, Borders, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Cheese, Corona, Cummings, Farage, Farming, Food, Sovereignty | 2 Replies
Farage Garage

Not in my back yard

Updated on date by author


I deplore NIMBY-ism (Not In My Back Yard).  It typifies the English condition. It is an underlying cause of our Brexit vote (fear of foreigners, “my home is my castle”, Rule Britannia and so on).  We experienced a small dose of NIMBY-sim in conversation with the good ladies of Deal on Sunday. We took the seaside town by storm with some candyfloss and cockles.  Although the women we spoke to voted for Brexit, they demonstrated typical English parochial self-interest:

“If it does not affect me, I don’t care”

Yet, even these fine women had changed their mind about Brexit. They realised that their quaint town will be filled with lorries from Dover shortly, under any Brexit deal.

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Operation Truss – protecting our borders with cheesy stories about Japanese trade deals

Say NO to Britastrophe – Click here

So, I cannot help reflect on the looming case of NIMBY-ism about to befall my fellow men of Kent and Kentish women.  It was announced on the BBC that 7000 lorries would soon be blocking the roads in Kent and the South East.  This represents a single lane queue of some 72 miles, stretching approximately from Dover to Greenwich, Gatwick or Guildford.  Of course. it won’t be a single lane queue though …

No, it will be worse than this.  About 18 months ago, I spoke with some Councillors at Kent County Council who had undertook some serious road planning for Brexit.  Their studies indicated that, in the age of SatNavs, people would attempt to use villages and B roads to beat the jams.  Just a few people doing this will effectively block most villages in East Kent.  They concluded that big towns like Folkestone, Dover, Ashford, Canterbury, Whitstable, Thanet Maidstone and The Medway Towns would be gridlocked.

Does it get worse?  Of course it does.  Once minor roads and villages are gridlocked, teachers, carers, nurses, business people etc. will be unable to get to work.  Their children will have to stay at home.  Contagion dictates that the impact of Brexit is very much in your back garden (and everyone else’s). Today it was reported that Kent will have an internal border something like the island of Ireland, with fines and police enforcement for lorries without the correct papers. Yet, we don’t have enough permits or customs agents to provide the said papers! Michael Gove says it is business leaders that are to blame for this. I rather think it is Michael Gove for not building capacity and capability.

Whilst we are here, don’t forget to SNITCH ON YOUR TORY MP – follow the link in red

You may well say, we knew that Brexit would make things worse.  Well, consider these further facts of life from my experience as a pharmaceutical scientist and business person.  90% of our food supply comes from Europe, especially in winter.  Much of it relies on cold storage (cook-chill, fresh food and so on).  So that means that much of our food will stand rotting on the M20 and M2, if Kent County Council’s scenarios come to pass.  The leaked Government report predicts up to two days delay per lorry in Kent and the South East.

“No problem, I don’t eat” you may say.  Well the problem extends to people who need healthcare, as many drugs are imported and some also crucially rely on carefully controlled temperature conditions.  Others have limited shelf lives anyway.  Radioisotopes literally rely on limited half-lives, especially technetium generators, which are the mainstay of UK nuclear medicine scans.  This means that babies and vulnerable people will die for Brexit.  Still happy with half a life? Will your child settle for death, in order to deliver a windfall to Jacob Rees-Mogg?

Boris Johnson has just announced extreme measures for social control to suppress resistance to Brexit chaos.  Are you still happy about this?  If you voted to Remain, are you simply going to lay down and pretend to be dead, based on the notion that spaffer Johnson popped Brexit in the Microwave, Gas Mark 4 on Halloween, then again on December 12 2019 and finally on 31.01.20? if you voted for Brexit are you now beginning to think that Johnny Rotten was right:

“Ever had the feeling you’ve been conned?”

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Project fear I hear you say?  No, I’m afraid this is project fact.  Whether you voted for Brexit or not, my guess is that you did not vote for lorries in your back yard.

It is necessary to suspend Brexit in such drastic circumstances.  Corona has contributed a 12% decline in GDP with Brexit predicted to add between 5-11% more.  We have to endure Corona as a natural phenomenon, but we don’t need to add Brexit to create a “Britastrophe”, as Brexit is a man-made phenomenon.  The economics don’t just add together to produce approximately 20% loss of GDP by the way. In any case, it only took 3.5% GDP loss to produce the 2008 crash. Do you really want this for your kids?

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No Brexit is the only good Brexit. Suspension is the next best option, followed by No Deal and then a Brexit deal. Read why by clicking the image.
THE SUN

Write to your MP today. Ask them to push for a suspension of Brexit using this article

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Posted in Borders, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Cheese, Corona, Cummings, Farage, NHS, Politics, Russia | Tagged | 8 Replies
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