Find all our populist parodies at https://brexitrage.com/gutterpress
EXTRACT from the book Private Eyelines. I’ve noticed that everything is UP in the post-Brexit sunny uplands world. What could have possibly caused this?
Costs of children’s shoes are UP by 20% shortly. Jacob Rees-Mogg promised that shoe prices would plummet after Brexit. Oh dear, Jake was wrong.
Inflation in UK is UP at over 6%. This is exceptional.
Gas prices are UP by 54% In France they are UP by 4% France levied a windfall tax on energy companies using their own sovereign powers. In Brexit Britain our Brexit freedoms seem to have prevented this. How strange?
Hunger is UP.
Food bank usage in Britain is UP, but food bank donations are DOWN.
COVID cases are UP. This is preventing the NHS from treating people with other serious conditions.
DEATHS will be UP but Boris Johnson says that COVID is DOWN. Of course, he is WRONG.
Russian influence is UP.
Sunak’s tax dodging is UP. His holidays in California are UP. More sunny uplands.
Bullshit from the Go Home Office about the Ukrainian refugee settlement scheme is UP.
Queues on the M20 / M2 in Kent are UP. P&O Ferries are only in part to blame. Since we have no resilience in our port systems after Brexit, only a small knock is needed to bring the system to a standstill.
The Brexit IT system is UP the cack. This does not help, but the underlying cause of delays in Kent is Brexit and not the IT system per se. if we did not have Brexit we would not have the crappy IT system and we would not have gridlock in Kent.
Urination is Kent is up as drivers have no place to go (freedom of movement and urination).
National Insurance is UP.
Sea levels are UP.
Hospital parking fees are UP.
Looting is UP.
Tory ethics are DOWN.
Labour is UP.
Tax is UP.
The game is UP.
With thanks to all at Re-Boot Britain for this list. The sunny uplands can only increase. This list is an extract from Private Eyelines.
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Re-Boot Britain is a practical methodology on changing minds about Europe and Brexit. Find it on Amazon or direct from the author via reboot@brexitrage.com
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It seems that some Tory MPs were caught watching porn on “Tory Hub” whilst working. To those who find politics boring, I agree that it is and watching almost anything would be better than being a politician. I also don’t much care whether they were watching Neighbours or porn. The point of the matter is that they are paid to do a job and that should be the object of their work. If any people reading this were caught watching The Waltons, Eastenders, Naked Attraction or Porn Hub whilst at work, it would be a sacking offence. So it should for them.
Can you seriously vote Tory at next week’s local elections given that they prefer to watch porn on “Tory Hub” rather than do their work? Seriously? Neil Parish must resign without delay.
The meeting came amid reports that dozens of MPs, including three Cabinet ministers, are facing allegations of sexual misconduct referred to the Independent Complaints and Grievances Scheme (ICGS).
Asked about the newspaper’s original report at Prime Minister’s Questions, Boris Johnsonagreed that sexual misconduct would be “grounds for dismissal” for ministers. How about corporate manslaughter of 20 000 ++ people in care homes by the Prime Minister and his Cabinet?
Join us Thursday 05 May 7 pm for a masterclass on Brexorcism via ZOOM
Whilst we are on the subject, here’s a few choice videos – they are not pornographic by the way but You Tube deemed them PG rated:
Jacob Rees Moog – THE BREX-KIP FAR-RIGHT FAR-AGE DOMINATRIX MIX
Priti Patel plans to send asylum seekers to Rwanda. A modern form of concentration. In case you are unsure as to what is fact and faction in this edition of The Maul, here’s some help:
FACT: Priti Patel’s concentration arrangement is a one-way ticket to Rwanda. So all asylum seekers are sent to Rwanda, regardless of their status. If they are found to be legitimate, they cannot return.
FACT: The concentration scheme will cost far more than housing migrants in The Ritz hotel in London.
FACT: The Home Office objected to the scheme but Patel forced the process through using a special order.
FACT: Priti Patel has united several religions of the world. God has found her bang out of order as have the Sikhs.
FACT: There are better alternatives identified by Yvette Cooper and others. Cooper pointed out that Australian Refugee Council offshoring figuress show 3127 people were sent to Papua New Guinea/ Nauru since 2013 at cost to Australian taxpayer of AUS$10bn. That’s £1.7m per person. We can expect a similar order of costs here.
FACT: Israel introduced a similar system. All those expelled fled the country and re-entered the countries they left. There is no sense in which the British system will lead to a different outcome.
FICTION: There is no proof that Larry the cat deliberately attended lockdown parties. After all, cats retain freedom of movement, unlike human beings after Brexit.
FICTION: Butlins are not hosting refugees in Rwanda, nor are they hoping to host holiday homes there. Instead they prefer to host true Brits at Clacton, Greet Yarmouth, Bridlington and Camber. Book your staycation and avoid 5 hour airport queues or even longer at the Brexit ports.
FACT: Priti Patel is subhuman scum in the Harry Enfield / Reginald Perrin sense of the word. An immigrant who has forgotten how she came to be here.
Companies continue to leave these shores for Europe. At the outset, the government’s standard response was to deny this had anything to do with Brexit – it was just a coincidence that so many had taken the same decision. Over time, even by their own standards of truth and accuracy, that argument was becoming difficult to defend. In April 2022, a company in the seat represented by former government housing minister Robert ‘It was pure chance that a change I made benefitted a Tory donor’ Jenrick joined the throng an upped sticks for the continent. Brexit-supporting Newark in shock as largest employer shuts up shop and heads for mainland Europe (cityam.com)
Join us TONITE Thursday 21 April for a masterclass on Brexorcism at 7 pm via ZOOM
Face with a problem that the public were noticing ‘levelling up’ was just a slogan and that Brexit was turning out to be the disaster predicted, a government minister had a flash of inspiration:
A senior minister has highlighted that the UK is well on its way to overcoming the shortage of fruit and vegetable pickers that has been such a problem since the UK left the EU.
Highlighting specifically the freeing up of 110 potential labourers from the Goodlife factory in Newark, the minister for Brexit Excuses Jackie Dix-Sprogs said:
“Whingeing Remainers said that after Brexit there would be a shortage of people to harvest our food. This proves they were wrong – there was no shortage, the workers were just in the wrong place. We simply needed a way to level up and allow our highly-skilled workforce to get out there and do some back-breaking work. Now, thanks to Brexit, firms like Goodlife are moving their operations to Europe and freeing up workers to pick crops. This certainly doesn’t bode well for Europe as if more companies relocate, they will likely end up with a shortage of workers themselves. Leave means Leave.”
It’s Party Party Party in the Telegravda. Come on down and celebrate death by Brexit. Taken from a forthcoming book on the Kafka-esque political world in which we now operate.
FACT: Drivers stuck on the M20 [1]are not allowed to leave their cabins to urinate or defecate by Kent Police, so that traffic can continue its slow grind towards Dover. It’s not Party Party Party if you are stuck in your cab with a bottle of urine and a pile of Brexshit on the floor.
FICTION: The M20 has not been turned into a rave venue and the drivers are not drinking their own urine during ‘Operation Pisspot’[2].
FICTION: Sue Gray has not shown up in Ibiza. On the other hand, her report on leadership failures has disappeared without trace.
Chilled – Sue Gray
FACT: Johnson needs the Russian war to deflect attention from Brexit carnage, now that he has cancelled COVID, his leadership, gas, oil, petrol and food prices, national insurance, NHS backlogs, COVID … the list goes on.
Brexorcism masterclass 7 pm Thursday 21 April via ZOOM
FACT: Johnson’s leadership is disliked by 72% of the population with the most frequent word mentioned about him being LIAR.
Liar in Chief
FACT: Let’s play the party game of ‘closets and skeletons’ whilst the drinking continue into the night:
Rishi Sunak defended Mrs S of her absolute right to legally pay as little tax as possible to the country that supplies her with the house she lives in. She was part owner of Lava Mayfair Club Ltd[3] (a private membership gym), which collapsed last year, owing almost £44 million to creditors, including £374,000 to HMRC.
Another of Mrs S’s ventures, education firm ‘Mrs Wordsmith[4]‘, went into administration last year owing £16.3 million … after receiving a £1.3 million loan from the Government’s Future Fund.
Digme Fitness, of which Mrs Rishi owns, received up to £635,000 of furlough money before it closed its eight studios in London and Oxford still owing HMRC £415,000. In case of doubt, 635 is more than 415.
So, Sunak introduces the furlough scheme … and the woman he’s sleeping with benefits by up to £635,000.
Sunak oversees the UK rules regarding non-Dom status[5] … and the woman he’s sleeping with benefits by over £20 million.
Sunak is supposed to be in charge of ensuring that the UK maximises its tax take…yet the woman he’s sleeping with has overseen companies going bust owing £789,000 to HMRC.
Sunak says his wife’s tax affairs are none of our business! Never mind, let’s party like it’s 1999!
P&O is one of the finest names in British maritime history, dating back to 1837 when the name was chosen to mean Peninsula & Orient; where Peninsula refers to the Iberian Peninsula, and Orient refers to the Eastern Mediterranean. Not much is written about the early years including its service to supply troop ships during WWII, but its current structure dates back to 2002 when P&O Ferries was formed as a Company in its own right, followed by its purchase by DP World in 2019.
In common with the Maritime Industry in general, it has always faced challenges and opportunities (none more so than at present); as it is forced to adapt to a changing world. Firstly, the very concept of a RORO ferry, was thought up when the cost of capital was high, meaning the turn-around time at port, and travel time was at a premium; and Carbon (and Sulfur) emissions where hardly on the agenda. Now, fuel costs and environmental legislation (e.g. the Sulfur Cap of 2020) are of prime importance, while the cost of capital is rock-bottom. Sea travel can however still be the cheapest and most environmentally friendly, but only if the ships can enjoy economies of scale, are packed to capacity, and can travel at a speed (sometimes as low as 2 knots) to optimize engine efficiency, tide, and berthing time table. This suits the container ship but is an anathema to the sea passenger. The RORO ferry however still has the edge for perishable goods.
Ferry services on the Dover Calais route have faced other competitive challenges, firstly from the over-priced but even speedier Channel Tunnel, secondly from Irish Ferries being allowed to ply the same route from March 2021, using third country contract seafarers. Brexit and Coronavirus must certainly have had their impact on ticket sales, staff shortages, and boarding delays. All together, these have cost the company £100 Million per year. One response has been in restructuring; another could be outsourcing ship’s construction to the Far East.
P&O Ferries is a British Company, owned by Dubai based DP World. The ships are flagged in Malta, and the staff paid out of Jersey. It is important to note that at sea, the Captain is the Sovereign Authority under the jurisdiction of the flag, and nobody pays tax anywhere. This may change once the ship enters territorial waters, and certainly will change once a crew member steps ashore. Tax arrangements are exceedingly complicated, as they depend on how much time one spends in each zone; with each jurisdiction measuring time differently! A seafarer can find that just one short delay, a change in shift patterns, or an extended shore leave can change his tax liability completely. Jersey is outside the UK and outside the EU. It is therefore an ideal jurisdiction for withholding tax till the year’s returns are completed (it’s very easy to forget or miss a rule). – In the light of seafarers working arrangements, I don’t think it was unreasonable for the CEO of P&O Ferries, Peter Hebblethwaite, to announce the mass sacking of staff by recoded video message. It was the only way to reach everyone fairly and simultaneously.
Malta is an EU Member State, well known as an off-shore tax-haven and easy centre for ships registration. As a new Member State, I have found them very lax in converging to EU Legislation. Because of their special sacrifices in supporting the allies during WWII, Britain is disinclined to find fault with them. And because of their smallness within the big EU picture, Brussels is hardly likely to take notice. But they will converge, eventually.
Dubai, as an Arab State probably has access to the best deals in bunker fuel. But more ominously, DP World has been advising the government on free-ports. DP World also has a majority stake in the container port of Yuzhny about 20 miles East of Odessa in Ukraine (acquired in 2020). Ukraine is the prosperous breadbasket of Europe and the World, and this is likely to be a very profitable asset once the war is over.
Now, what about the new outsourced third party crew, and what is life going to be like for them? Most young men take to sea to see the world, with full board and lodgings paid, and a little bit of pocket-money to boot; but when they come to the UK, they’re going to be very sorry indeed. They’ll be forced to stay on-board without a proper Visa, like any other tourist. (Or will they need the very expensive UK working visa, if they’re deemed to be employed in the UK?) – The EU has been working on this problem for years, trying to ensure that any legitimate seafarer can have shore leave based on his ship’s papers. This is now fairly well harmonized, including the right of transit from airport to duty ship, or between duty ships. The latest EU legislation however, restricts the rights of seafarers taking shore leave to cross Sovereign State boundaries. It is not a Schengen Visa. The UK is no longer party to this agreement, and as a result, third party seafarers may suffer. – The UK Government does have the right to detain a ship once it is in port, and prevent it leaving again; for instance, if debts have not been paid, if the ship has been found to be unseaworthy, or if the crew do not live up to the necessary standard of competence. This is very much the limit of the UK’s authority. Even the right to run a service can only be granted in agreement with the EU counter-party. Parochial British Trade Unions have very little purchase on the problem.
How could this sorry state of affairs have been avoided? In the USA, they have something called the Jones Act, which says that any service run between USA ports must be on ships that have been constructed, owned, and crewed by Americans. A federal Europe could do something similar; sure it is protectionism, but I think we need a bit of protectionism. And if we consider: wages, shipbuilding, and financing skills across Europe, I think there is plenty of scope for reasonable competition. In reviewing the above, it strikes me that we spend too much time and effort on: gaming the system, the tax system, and the shipping regulations. – It would surely be far better if those in the business where given a level playing field so that they could concentrate on what they know best: running a ferry service, or a shipping line. There are plenty of changes that are still needed in the industry.
Whilst people obsess about gas prices and other gaslighting by Government, the Death of Democracy in UK is proceeding under the radar of our attention spans:
Note 32: Legal restraints on a Progressive Alliance and similar strategies.
The Elections Bill currently passing through Parliament contains key changes which would restrict the ability for a Progressive Alliance or any non-party campaigning to mitigate or reverse Brexit to occur in practice.
The Government is tightening up spending rules on political parties who work together. Under existing laws Political Parties have strict spending limits at a General Election both at a National Level and a local level.
If for example the Labour Party and Liberal Democrats agreed not to field candidates against each other in certain seats, then Labour and the Liberal Democrats would be deemed to be working together and instead of having separate spending limits as individual parties they would be restricted to one spending limit for both parties.
The new legislation now extends this rule to third party campaigners such as charities, trade unions and campaign groups such as Best for Britain, European Movement and Open Britain who have previously been active in campaigning for parties and candidates at the General Election. Even if third party campaigners were to coordinate campaigns with each other or a political party on a single issue i.e. electoral reform this would still be considered working together and the same spending restrictions would apply.
The Government is also closing a potential loophole which previously allowed political parties to register simultaneously as ‘third-party campaigners’ in order to have two sets of spending limits to use. The change in legislation prevents a political Party not contesting a particular constituency being able to still spend money on the same campaign.
In summary the idea of a progressive alliance, whilst not illegal under electoral law, is de facto impossible for the two main option parties to implement without severely compromising the amount of money they could both spend on the campaign both at national and constituency levels.
Are we going to just shrug about the Death of Democracy in UK?
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