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Brexit opportunities

Career opportunities

There is a job going for Director, Brexit opportunities in the Cabinet Office – I was excited by the prospect of finding out what these were after five years of waiting patiently so I have applied. My application is below. I’d urge you to do the same. Here is the specification:

Brexit opportunities

Dear Lord Sir David Frost,

I have been an avid follower of your work ever since The Frost Report and I was excited to see your research post for a Director of the BOU (Brexit Opportunities Unit). You need look no further, as you have found your man. To quote ELO, ‘I’ve been searchin’ for five years on my own account, meticulously comparing what we had in the EU with what we are getting, now that Brexit is out of the oven. I’d like to continue that research in the quest for the economic, social, technological, ethical, environmental and constitutional benefits of Brexit. As far as your job specification goes, I meet and exceed your requirements, in brief:

  • I am a skilled researcher, covering qualitative and quantitative methods, survey design and communications. With 3.5 degrees covering science, business and HR, I am quite used to dealing with the distortion of data by politicians, so I’d be more than able to extract the Brexit benefits from the background noise, if they exist. Broadly speaking, I am happy to continue with your line of “if the facts don’t fit the story, change the facts or just erase them”.
  • I am used to dealing with intelligent senior people across industry, politics, media and in public life. I am quite sure I could “level down” to work with imbeciles, sycophants and psychopaths as required by the role. I met the Prime Minister in 2012 shortly after the Olympics when he was dating a young woman so we have actually met.
  • In terms of change management, I have written 12 books on leadership and one on the question of changing minds on Brexit. Admittedly, the strategies in “Let’s Talk About BREX .. it” are directed towards the removal of illusions and fantasies about Brexit, what I call “Brexorcism”. However, these change management strategies are just as applicable to the erasure of people’s minds who voted to Remain, although it may be a lot quicker to round these people up and send them to a BCC (Brexit Concentration Camp) – in fact, I will make a proposal on this separate matter to Priti Patel shortly. I am prepared to work on this for 50 years as suggested by Jacob Rees-Mogg.
Change minds on Brexit
  • In terms of commanding confidence, I am a skilled practitioner of speaking truth to power. I see that lying is a precondition for doing the job and I would cope with this by using a placard saying “fake news” whenever I give a public brief to the media for greater clarity. In any case, in the post-Brexit world, the truth is an expensive luxury. I see that you, Johnson, Patel, Hancock, Raab, Duncan Smith, Francois et al. have managed to get by without needing to get dragged down by the truth. Bravo!!
  • As regards changing laws, I have no respect for the law, having been let down by the Police on several occasions when being attacked by Brexiteers. This means that I regard the law as unimportant in the quest to get Brexit done. Judges and the judiciary are one of the areas we must target to remove the scales of justice from people’s eyes.
  • I was considered to be too organised to get a job for Dominic Cummings. This demonstrates my ability to stick at something that has been a proven failure over the long term.
Dealing with the Russians at Parliament – Photograph by Bruce Tanner http://www.brucetanner.com
  • Crucially I have no political experience at all, a massive asset in a political world befuddled by political experts.  Who needs experts (Gove, Govia). But I am good at coming up with meaningless phrases to describe the toxic cocktail of Corona crisis + Brexit disaster aka “Britastrophe“.
  • In the words of The Clash “I hate the army and I hate the R.A.F. I don’t wanna go fighting in the tropical heat. I hate the civil service rules. I won’t open a letter bomb for you.”
  • Put plainly, if Dido Harding can run the NHS, I can run the fucking Cabinet Office, FFS.
  • In summary, 27 years diverse experience as a business consultant, author, speaker and academic, working with companies such as Unilever, Pfizer, The UN, Virgin, BP. Find me at Linkedin.

On the suggestion of Julia Smith, may I ask for these other fringe benefits:

  • Free flags for my home, car etc.
  • Private health insurance delivered by the NHS
  • Cocaine discounts
  • Free use of the Royal Yacht Brexit McBrexitFace at weekends
  • Exclusive access to PPE contracts for which I am quite unsuitable @ £107 million per item
  • I require a minimum of two cats in the office at anyone time and a supply of fresh food for the kitties
  • A job for my son in strategic management
  • A gravy train and two year’s supply of Bisto

Yours in waiting

Peter

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The Euros

The Euros 2021

Brexit : they think it’s all over. But it’s far from done. As the COVID umbrella lifts, Brexit is beginning to show its ugly heads. And, in the vernacular of Priti Patel, it’s all kickin’ off on Saturday 12th June with the worldwide premiere of Rage Against The Brexit Machine’s new song Alo’ Vera – Football’s Comin’ ‘Ome Euro Mix.

Saturday marks the start of the Euros and an exclusive live performance of the song at Chesham to celebrate Rejoin EU’s campaign in Chesham and Amersham. As with the Eurovision song contest, it rather seems that Global Britain’s attitude to aid and trade will leave us with “nil points” when it comes to re-booting Britain.Having asked for extra time for the transition period to mask Brexit carnage, Johnson is now losing trillions of pounds on “penalties” and he no longer knows where the goal is. But has Britain got the legs? Or will it crash out of the Euros, and of being a serious player on the world economic pitch?

Find all buying options at https://orcd.co/7x80v1j

Rage Against The Brexit Machine (RATBM) aims for the Premiere League, lining up for a Number One on Friday June 18th. Alo’ Vera latest release in our Pop versus Populism series, a rousing football-inspired pop pathos marching tune. A match for any match, it’s a tale of what’s finally comin’ ‘ome, and it ain’t Priti Patel’s fruit pickin’ teams, the European Corona care nurses or the easiest deal in history.

“Brexit was a game of two halves … but now the players are off the pitch, we wonder whether we should be supporting another team?”

Peter Cook, Brexorcist in Chief, RATBM.

The Euros

Alo’ Vera – Football’s Comin’ ‘Ome is the follow up to “The Brexit Party” album” – the party album to end all parties. This includes other Brexit classics, which we will be performing from 11.00 am in Chesham, an unlikely location for a worldwide song release!

• A Chas & Dave Cockney Brexit Knees-Up “Bollocks to Brexit”.

• The punk-metal-trance-funk grind “Nigel Farage’s Garage”.

• The unforgettable Bojo French sex anthem “Take Back Control”, a fusion of “Je T’Aime” and AC/DC.

• A poignant dance floor track called “In Limbo”. An epic project with 20 voices from all over Europe.

• An 18th Century Tory Trance Floor Acid House Groove “Jacob Rees-Moog”.

“Music reaches our heads, hearts and souls in ways that politicians only dream of. The art of protest just found its 21st century voice. Corona Crisis + Brexit Disaster = Britastrophe”.

For an exclusive interview on Rejoining the EU, contact me and we will arrange with the Rejoin party leader / candidate.

Sovereign Tea

Sovrinty

In the wake of absolute Brexit destruction, The Daily Excess reports on distraction via “Sovrinty”. Excess readers are easily fooled with colourful stories. Are you?

Sovrinty

Happy fish

Trade deals with rogue states

Buying nuclear weapons to make us feel safer

Asylum seekers being sent to Scotland and The Isle of Man

If you are not fooled by The Excess please join us at Re-Boot Britain.

Dying for Boris
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Re-Boot Britain
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If you want to buy some Sovereign Tea here’s how:

Standard £48.52, empty box, comes with free gift of 3 books and 2 CDs.

Deluxe £52.48 empty box, comes with free gift of 3 books and 2 USBs.

All available via View Delta.

The Brexit Bounce

The Brexit Bounce

I was somewhat depressed when we ended up with a Brexit deal as I had hoped for no deal on the basis that it would offer people a short sharp dose of Brexit realism. I had thought that the slow death / boiled frog syndrome of a Brexit deal would mean that people would not notice any changes and this piece of trickery would allow Boris Johnson to get Brexit done under cover of the terror of COVID. Just 40 days on and we are already experiencing “The Brexit Bounce”. I am surprised to say that, even with our oven ready Brexit deal, the outcomes are far worse than I expected. Proof positive that nobody in Government read the terms and conditions on the sale of the century. In this piece, we review the Brexit Bounce. Remember, we’ve only just begun …

Selfish about shellfish

Both DEFRA and George Eustace have admitted that the EU were right about the problems of selling shellfish after Brexit. Paul Bowers reports that this ought to be a resigning issue for Eustace, but these are not ordinary times, they are Brexit times and instead he’s trying to distract, by threatening military disruption of French fishing. This is a very dangerous game.

Write to Boris Johnson to call for George Eustace to resign. Use Paul Bower’s guide to writing letters to MPs and this example to help you

Selfish about shellfish

In case you are thinking it’s all about the bass, wrong, over half of British traders report difficulties in exporting from UK.

Euromillions

The government has announced a £20 Million fund to help small businesses affected by Brexit. That’s £3.17 per business. How shall we spend it?

Write to your MP. Ask them for suggestions on how best to spend the £3.17

In other news, it is reported that the Brexit hit to London’s financial centre will be £9.5 BILLION. That’s £1533.33 per person. How shall we lose it?

And Amsterdam took over from London as Europe’s leading share dealing centre as more companies plan to leave the UK – Read more at The FT.

Winners and Losers

Don’t stop the music

A great exhortation but one without substance now that musicians are working out the true cost of Brexit. NME report on how Brexit will more or less end touring for artists. Classic FM entered the fray in 2019 on this and the impacts were confirmed by one of our members on our Monday ZOOM call, who works for the London Philharmonic Orchestra. Elton John also stepped in recently in The Guardian as did Fish. Of course the issue also applies to others working in the arts. Reports of up to £600 for visas to perform in Europe make it uneconomical for most artists to even consider working outside Britain.

From Carnaby Street to Brexit Street

Down on Brexit Street

The FT reports on impacts in the fashion industry all the while that second hand clothing piles up at the borders, with 5.3% tariff on clothes, making it almost impossible for charities to continue their work.

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Bread and Circuses

Having declared that the activities of Black Lives matter were disagreeable, the Government plans to erect statues of Captain Tom and Margaret Thatcher. Of course, Captain Tom’s work was laudable. It’s just that his efforts would not have been needed if the NHS were to be funded correctly. Now we also hear that the NHS is once again being prepared for eventual sale, following Matt Hancock’s announcement that health is to be taken back into political control in the middle of a pandemic. This is another extremely dangerous move and the timing is catastrophic.

Welcome to Brexit Britain

Professor Chris Grey presents the most well balanced appraisal of the European Commission’s mistake with reference to the use of Article 16 on the island of Ireland recently. Proportionality matters.

“In and of itself it was an indefensible error by the EU. But all political systems commit such errors and it was speedily corrected, so whilst there may well be some lessons for the European Commission in what happened the idea that it says anything one way or another about the merits of Brexit is nonsense. Inevitably some Brexiters leapt upon it to claim justification, and some erstwhile remainers professed that it had changed their minds about Brexit. But there was no reason for that except for anyone who imagined that the EU is a perfect institution that never makes any mistakes, which remainers shouldn’t have and Brexiters surely didn’t. And let’s be clear, this episode has not led to the breakdown of trust between the UK and the EU – that was caused by the UK’s behaviour over the last four years or so, years in which the EU has been remarkably consistent and rational. That doesn’t excuse this piece of stupidity but it should put it in perspective.”

Professor Chris Grey

Our own Re-Boot Britain correspondent in Northern Ireland Jane Morrice wrote this piece on the subject, where she proposes a creative compromised with Scotland:

“That creative compromise may lie with Scotland. An independent Scotland welcomed into the EU with open arms would leave England and Wales reminiscent of a headless chicken, cut off from their nearest neighbours, isolated and alone. It would also leave Northern Ireland out on a limb more susceptible than ever to increasing pressure for a move towards a shared or united Ireland. If that were the case, the possibility of the three nations that support EU membership coming together to form an arrangement between Scotland, Ireland and Northern Ireland could be a worthy alternative.”

Jane Morrice is a former vice-president of the European Economic and Social Committee and deputy speaker of the Northern Ireland Assembly

Lobster Thermostat

Yet more fishermen have been hit by Brexit this week and the damage is not temporary nor anything to do with the EU. 71 pages of paperwork must be filled in for ONE lorry of fish. 71 PAGES !!! Yet again it is Britain’s fault for not reading the contract, whilst promising the earth to fishermen. Mike Cashman has two songs about fishing featured on this week’s 16 Million Rising radio show.

Sale of The Century

Matt Hancock wants to “take back control” of the NHS. This is quite irresponsible as it is currently at breaking point with COVID. Any sensible person would tell you not to introduce system wide change when the system is operating over capacity. Put simply, more people will die. Also this change is intended to make the NHS more saleable, through giving power to Westminster to make decisions about the everyday management of the NHS.

So, why is he doing this now? Quite simply because they are piling everything that is potentially difficult through Parliament whilst COVID is still driving fear into people’s hearts. There will be no resistance.

Far from The Brexit Bounce, this already looks like The Brexit Flounce

The Brexit Bounce
The Brexit Bounce
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With thanks to Carol Hudson, Daphne Franks, Adrian Ekins-Daukes, Elwyn Lloyd-Jones, Irina Fridman, Helga Perry, Jo Wace, Lisa Lanfranchi, Louise Hunter, Greg Newman, Mike Cashman, Paul Bowers, Peter Daws, Roger Cracknell, Philip Waller and Ron Tendler for their help in producing this.

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Get Ready for the Brexit Wars

Get Ready for The Brexit Wars

In case you are unaware occasionally we parody the immense stupidity and lies from populist newspapers. Here is today’s edition as we get ready for the Brexit wars. This includes some fact checking below, in case you are unable to separate Brexit fact from fiction.

Get Ready for The Brexit Wars

Facts and Fiction Checker

Conservative MP George “Useless” Eustace told farmers to switch from Sheep to Cows in the wake of almost certain bankruptcy in the face of 35% tariffs on Lamb. Useless Eustace also told Danish firm Lurpak to move production of their butter to Britain. Sadly Lurpak pointed out that it would be illegal. In any case, why would they wish to locate themselves in Brexit Britain?

Boris Johnson has suggested that Parliament will not have time to approve a Brexit deal. So, when he said “Take Back Control”, he meant for himself rather than Parliament or the People. In the words of Johnny Rotten:

Ever got the feeling you’ve been cheated?

Farmers fear that the turkeys they are rearing will be too big for Christmas. Some (turkeys, not farmers) have in fact been put on diets.

Johnson has summoned up more jingoistic rhetoric about war with his announcement of more money for our military. This amounts to more distraction from COVID and Brexit. And like most of Johnson’s announcements, it’s not quite what it seems …

Minister for the 18th Century, Jacob Rees-Mogg did quote Caractacus on Parliament the other day, but did not make an explicit connection between Rolf Harris and his song The Court of King Caractacus. Unfortunately many other people did. Please reply to Jake The Peg …

Meanwhile, it has been reported that 62% of British people now want to stay in the EU. 60% of people feel that the EU has handled the pandemic well.

In the ultimate irony, it seems that “forins” will be manning the border posts if Brexit proceeds. They very thing that Brexiteers wanted will not come to pass and they will have their blue passports inspected by Romanians and Indians. Oh, the joy on their faces!

A book on Brexit has been released. Entitled “The Benefits of Brexit“. The book contains 234 BLANK pages. Some Brexiteers are outraged, having bought the book to find it devoid of inspiration. Here’s my review:

If you want a good book on how to have difficult conversations about Brexit around the Slimfast Christmas Turkey, please find our book on Brexorcism on Amazon.

TAKE ACTION

Write to MPs and the European Union. Ask them to help Suspend Brexit in the wake of Corona.

Read our article on Suspending Brexit and share widely.

Get ready for the Brexit Wars … here’s an echo of what Johnson has created …

SuspEND Brexit