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Iron Maiden

Run to the hills

This list will probably be out of date by the time it is published. Thank you to my musical chum Dr Mike Alexander for sending me this list. Fear of losing one’s seat is a powerful motivator and the Tories have run to the hills to quote Iron Maiden. Order our leaflets to end Tory rule.

  • Douglas Ross – Moray (announced 14/10/21)
  • Charles Walker – Broxbourne (announced 2/2/22)
  • Crispin Blunt – Reigate (announced 1/5/2022)
  • Mike Penning – Hemel Hempstead (announced 17/5/2022)
  • Adam Afriyie – Windsor (announced 22/7/2022)
  • Andrew Percy – Brigg and Goole (announced 8/11/2022)
  • Chloe Smith – Norwich North (announced 22/11/2022)
  • William Wragg – Hazel Grove (announced 22/11/2022)
  • Gary Streeter – South West Devon (announced 25/11/2022)
  • Dehenna Davison – Bishop Auckland (announced 25/11/2022)
  • Chris Skidmore – Kingswood (announced 26/11/2022)
  • Sajid Javid – Bromsgrove (announced 2/12/2022)
  • Mark Pawsey – Rugby (announced 5/12/2022)
  • Matt Hancock* – West Suffolk (announced 7/12/2022)
  • George Eustice – Camborne and Redruth (announced 18/1/2023)
  • Edward Timpson – Eddisbury (announced 1/2/2023)
  • Jo Gideon – Stoke-on-Trent Central (announced 9/2/2023)
  • Paul Beresford – Mole Valley (announced 12/2/2023)
  • Stephen McPartland – Stevenage (announced 13/2/2023)
  • Robin Walker – Worcester (announced 3/3/2023)
  • Gordon Henderson – Sittingbourne and Sheppey (announced 17/3/2023)
  • Graham Brady – Altrincham and Sale West (announced 17/3/2023)
  • Pauline Latham – Mid Derbyshire (announced 19/3/2023)
  • Craig Whittaker – Calder Valley (announced 21/3/2023)
  • Stuart Anderson – Wolverhampton South West (announced 27/3/2023)
  • Nicola Richards – West Bromwich East (announced 27/3/2023)
  • Henry Smith – Crawley (announced 31/3/2023)
  • John Howell – Henley (announced 12/4/2023)
  • Robert Goodwill – Scarborough (announced 13/4/2023)
  • Julian Knight – Solihull (announced 21/4/2023)
  • Jonathan Djanogly – Huntingdon (announced 21/4/2023)
  • Christopher Pincher – Tamworth (announced 26/4/2023)
  • Matthew Offord – Hendon (announced 2/5/2023)
  • Alister Jack – Dumfries and Galloway (announced 17/5/2023)
  • Richard Bacon – South Norfolk (announced 20/5/2023) 
  • Philip Dunne – Ludlow (announced 22/5/2023)
  • Dominic Raab – Esher and Walton (announced 22/5/2023)
  • Andy Carter – Warrington South (announced 30/5/2023)
  • Will Quince – Colchester (announced 9/6/2023)
  • Royston Smith – Southampton Itchen (announced 9/6/2023)
  • Bill Cash – Stone (announced 10/6/2023)
  • Lucy Allan – Telford (announced 15/6/2023)
  • Steve Brine – Winchester (announced 23/6/2023)
  • Chris Clarkson – Heywood and Middleton (announced 28/6/2023)
  • Ben Wallace – Wyre and Preston North (announced 15/7/2023)
  • Trudy Harrison – Copeland (announced 24/07/2023)
  • Stephen Hammond – Wimbledon (announced 14/9/2023)
  • David Jones – Clwyd West (announced 20/9/2023)
  • Alok Sharma – Reading West (announced 26/9/23)
  • Chris Grayling – Epsom and Ewell (announced 06/10/23)
  • John Baron – Basildon and Billericay (announced 26/10/23)
  • Nick Gibb – Bognor Regis and Littlehampton (announced 13/11/2023)
  • Bob Stewart – Beckenham (announced 20/11/2023)
  • James Duddridge – Rochford and Southend East (announced 20/11/2023)
  • Oliver Heald – North East Hertfordshire (announced 23/01/2024)
  • Mike Freer – Finchley and Golders Green (announced 31/01/2024)
  • Bob Neill – Bromley and Chislehurst (announced 2/02/2024)
  • Kwasi Kwarteng – Spelthorne (announced 6/02/2024)
  • Nickie Aiken – Cities of London and Westminster (announced 7/02/2024)
  • Tracey Crouch – Chatham and Aylesford (announced 12/02/2024)
  • Kieran Mullan – Crewe and Nantwich (announced 13/02/2024)
  • Paul Scully – Sutton and Cheam (announced 4/03/2024) 
  • Theresa May – Maidenhead (announced 8/03/2024)
  • Brandon Lewis – Great Yarmouth (announced 14/03/2024)

Bubbling under : Rehman Chishti (Gillingham and Rainham) and Kelly (Chav) Tolhurst (Rochester and Strood). Sunak next?

To help get the rest out, order some of our ABC leaflets. See below:

Run for your life …..

And finally, thanks to Helga Perry for these Iron Maiden quotes which describe the malaise of the Tory party perfectly ….

The number of the beast is 10 Downing Street.

No prayer for the dying Tories

No piece of mind for Johnson

Theresa May Cat

Theresa May RIP

The popular view of Theresa May in the wake of her decision to stand down as an MP is ‘good riddance’. As always, I wish to put forward a more nuanced view. My title does not wish her dead by the way, just that she now has some peace from the swivel-headed loons on both sides of the Brexit debate. Here’s a few inconvenient facts for Remoaners and Brexiteers alike:

Sure, yes, May’s record at the Home Office was pretty terrible. The hostile environment and so on. Not as terrible as Patel, Braverman et al, but terrible. Then there was Windrush …

However, May appointed a 52:48 cabinet to respect the Brexit vote, whereas Johnson reduced the gene pool to far right nutters and sycophants. See my interview on the BBC for more on this point.

I spoke with Michel Barnier a little while back. He pointed out that May had two battles to fight. The one on Brexit and the bigger one of her own party fighting like cats in a sack. Eventually they killed her. Paul Witts nails the leadership difficulty in one pithy paragraph:

Although the only good Brexit remains (sic) a dead Brexit, Theresa May’s deal was the ‘high water mark’ of Brexit deals. Crucially it covered the economic relationship, security co-operation, cross-cutting issues and institutional arrangements that would preserve the future relationship. if you cannot now remember the details, see Institute for Government.  Johnson systematically degraded May’s deal to get it through Parliament. He allowed no scrutiny of the deal using Christmas and COVID as a distraction and not even reading the contract himself. Rishi Sunak has quietly tried to restore elements of Theresa May’s deal through what I called a Pay as EU go rejoin strategy. However, ‘Logical incrementalism’ has many faults, as I pointed out in conversation with the BBC’s Jonty Bloom.

May fought her own party, saying that they would end up with no Brexit deal at all if they did not unite on more than one occasion. Mr Bullion is always on point (and pints) with points about strategy:

The illusion of control Johnson style – a fancy slogan but totally vacuous.

May did not indulge in public backstabbing of her own party. I’m pretty sure she was a tough opponent in the back rooms though.

May was socially inept. Yet, did you prefer Johnson, Truss or Sunak? What exactly is so wrong about being good at the strategy and details but rather less good at the presentation? Please write to me when you have found the perfect leader.

She was however rubbish at Grenfell and I’m not saying in any way that she was perfect before the attacks on my analysis begin.

I was shot down in flames when I suggested that Remainers should support Theresa in her last months as PM. I pointed out that we’d end up with Boris and a hard Brexit. Look what happened … ? !! The European Movement and other large Remoan groups were consumed by the visceral reactions of the mob. May stayed in the party when others fled. Can anyone imagine how hard that might be?

Theresa. You are not Mother Theresa. Nadine Dorries even pointed out that you are not a mother. However I feel you are owed some thanks for trying to hold back the tide of the swivel-headed Brexiteers.

Join us on Monday at 8 pm to Reboot Britain on ZOOM

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Anybody But Conservative

Know your ABCs : Anybody But Conservative

We have got a fantastic leaflet design for ‘non-party leaflets’ to encourage people to vote for Anyone But Conservative.  These are perfectly legal under our current system.  To order some leaflets for local distribution, please get in touch.  The design builds on an iconic image from Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” and a withered Tory tree.  Prices range from £35 inc P&P for 1000, £75 for 5000 and progressively better rates for larger orders.  Included in all orders is a hi res pdf / jpg version of the leaflet for use on social media.

If you wish to make variations to the draft design below for a more local feel, we can also do that.  Please get in touch with amended wording etc. via reboot@brexitrage.com

We have our next ZOOM meeting on Mon 11 March at 8 pm – NOTE Monday not Wednesday – open agenda but the GE will feature strongly.  We will know whether the GE is to be called in May, November or January 2025 shortly after Jeremy Hunt’s tortured budget.  Usual link via ZOOM.

I made a new film with a Rejoin Party member, inspired by a 50’s Sci-Fi Movie as Rishi Sunak’s power decreases in size by the day.  Please share widely.

Larry knows it …

Meanwhile Brexit continues to deliver its toxic payload of destruction, socially, culturally, politically, economically, legally and environmentally.  See Brexit Four Years On.  Of course, getting rid of the Tories is paramount and guaranteed at this point in the cycle of things. We must therefore turn our attention to strategy.  My contention is that if we rid ourselves of the Tories and end up with Brexit we will have failed to Reboot Britain.  All efforts in terms of influence and persuasion must continue on Labour, now that the Tories face oblivion.  Yes, it’s true that the main parties have formed a pact not to mention Brexit at a GE, but all the offspring of Brexit will be doorstep issues and Brexit will not go away just because it does not fit into polite conversation at Sunday tea.

The Brexit Iceberg
The Brexit Iceberg
Cold War Steve

2023

One of the few remaining arguments of the last Brexiters on planet earth is that it’s too soon to review the benefits of Brexit in 2023. It isn’t. We have had nearly eight years of intention / formulation of Brexit strategy and nearly four years of Brexecution / implementation. Formative evaluation is therefore both possible and necessary. Let’s not forget that we were told that there would be no downsides to Brexit and we would have instant wins from our independence, in terms of ‘taking back control’ of our money, borders and laws. So, how is it all going? What does it mean to the man and woman on the street? Take a look back to my Linkedin article of July 2023 for a bit of nostalgia – Hard Facts about Hard Brexit. It gets worse every month. Header image by the genius Cold War Steve.

On a simple basis, Brexit did not solve our abilities to take back control of our money. Brexit inflicted the Government’s own predictions – a 4.5% resilience shock to GDP or £100 BILLION per year. This is the equivalent to trying to swim the English Channel with a 4.5 kg block of concrete round your neck. Liz Truss’ experiment in Brexonomics added a whopping £74 BILLION in just 49 days, ruining young people’s dreams of home ownership for a generation. Read the Bloomberg report on decline in foreign investment in Brexit Britain. Whilst it is clear that nobody wants to talk about Brexit in 2023 due to radio silence by politicians on all sides, the ‘offspring’ of Brexit are all around us with the cost of living, food inflation and so on. All is depicted by our Brexit iceberg below. Government gaslighting continues with ‘pints of wine’ and other bollocks. Nobody of any intelligence is fooled by this shit. Are you?

The Brexit Iceberg
The Brexit Iceberg – what’s visible and what’s hidden.

At a more parochial level and as an example of ‘taking back control of our money’, British energy prices in 2023 are 53% more than in France. Yet Gina Miller demonstrated that we have always had our sovereignty without needing to leave the EU. French energy companies are owned by the state and still make a profit at half the prices of British energy companies. When Boris Johnson said ‘take back control’ he forgot to mention WHO would be taking back that control. Clearly it was NOT the taxpayer or the great unwashed.

Longer term, we have only just begun to see the unfolding of a return to slavery in terms of minimum wages and an unwinding of employment standards in Brexit Britain. The drive towards the return to a feudal system continues with no opposition in sight. Read Red Brexit, Blue Brexit for insights into Labour’s failed Brexit strategy. Take a look at this You Tube video below, made earlier this year for insights into Brexonomics and numbers in general.

The numbers don’t add up.

Clearly Brexit worked from the viewpoint that it discouraged Europeans from wanting to come to Britain. We could have achieved this quite simply by having a Government sponsored campaign of racial hatred in Britain, without needing to break the economy and destroy our reputation in the world as a standard bearer. Oh, wait a minute, we did that! You will notice from the graph below that migration figures from Europe are now in negative numbers. Yet migration from Africa, India and the Far East has increased dramatically.

As well as that, Brexit did not magic away our responsibilities to take in migrants from Hong Kong, Ukraine, Afghanistan and so on. Brexit has worked in exactly the opposite way to that predicted by the Brexiters. This is the perverse law of unintended consequences that arises from shoddy strategy. In short, fail to plan, plan to fail.

New Migration figures
For clarity, Non-EU means people OUTSIDE the EU.

Inside the non-EU figures in the graph are people who came from Ukraine, the Hong Kong refugees and other effects, so the figure is temporarily high. Nonetheless, Brexit did not solve migration, nor will it. Britain also relies on foreign students as a source of income, many of who then return to their own countries, so it is all too simple to say that we must ban students. Our Government needs to maintain the illusion of ‘the enemy outside’ in order to win the votes of xenophobic Brits, racists and general shits in elections. Watch our You Tube video on how to address immigration.

Brexit means more migration, not less.

Buy us a coffee

The illusion of small boats

Before Brexit, small boats were not a thing really. The weaponisation of small boats was an invention by a Tory government desperate to distract people from thinking about the real issues facing an island nation with an increasing elderly population with food, skills and other resource insecurities. It is the triumph of marketing via right wing media to feed feeble minds and fill their minds with fury. Nearly every headline in the Mail and the Express has the word FURY in it. This is exactly why I wrote Private Eyelines to highlight how we are being taken for furious fools. In a parallel universe, in 2014 nobody gave a stuff about Europe or the EU. Again, EU fury was steadily manufactured to win a referendum based on lies.

In the 14th century it may have been feasible to operate your own laws in your town, fiefdom, region or country as, generally speaking, world trade and travel were not a thing. In 2023, we live in a globally connected world and it becomes increasingly difficult to become a rogue state, unless you are Belarus or North Korea. if we wish to exploit people’s lives and livelihoods we are set on a course to become international pariahs rather than guardians of law and order. People still moan at me about the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) as if it is part of the EU. It is not.

When people talk to me about taking back control of our laws, they often fail to mention which ones are troubling them. We don’t have to drive on the left hand side of the road as part of the EU, nor drink litres of beer. We are still free to conduct barbaric acts such as fox hunting as the Spanish have their bull fighting. We have pounds and the Queen on our money. Just what laws do the Brexiters mean when they claim that they want them back? The law exists to protect people from exploitation. We now see the bizarre spectacle of our Government arguing with the rule of law in order to exploit people or behave unethically.

I’m sure you know the story of the boiling frog. People tell me that “Brexit was done”. “It happened”. Sorry, Brexit was not an event, a newspaper headline or a project with an end point. It was a process. Michael Vail, a ‘farmer’ living in Brisbane, typifies the view that Brexit was an event on his Linkedin ravings. Sure there can be some winners and losers in all changes, such as in the field of disaster capitalism (Michael is a disaster capitalist cum estate agent) but, of course, Brexit was supposed to offer benefits for all not just for people who can play the financial system in the wake of a boom or bust.

Brexit hasn’t delivered the promised benefits except in the case of people who have exploited other people’s misery. I am not in a stage of grief. When someone points to the many benefits of Brexit, I will join the cause. It’s just that Michael and his few remaining Brexiters have nothing to show me socially, economically, politically, environmentally and so on for the positive impacts of Brexit nor any problems that Brexit solves. Read Brexit Freedoms.

Michael Vail - Linkedin

Michael resorts to yin and yang rather than a lie on a bus to explain Brexit. I guess it’s a new take on “Que sera sera” which my Brexity sister favours. He also lies about the Cuty (city) who are quietly moving people out of London. It’s easy to say all this when you live in Australia.

In case you are still under any illusions that “Brexit is done”, please see this very long list of Brexit impacts still to come in 2024 – 2027 and beyond. from Edwin Hayward.

We’ve only just begun … The Brexit Carpenters.

In Europe, they have agreed to use one charger to rule all our electronic devices. It means
🔌The same charger for all phones, tablets and cameras
⚡ Harmonised fast-charging technology
🔄Reduced e-waste

In Britain, we’re still talking pints. Soon, we will be introducing bakelite plugs. This brilliant video sums up the fact that Brexit and satire are now indistinguishable.

Please subscribe to Evan Edinger’s channel.

Fix our broken politics in 2024

Observer poll
Not something to be proud of really.

David Cameron

Cameron

I’ve been shocked and disappointed by the public reaction to David Cameron’s appointment by Remainers and Rejoiners alike. They appear unable to get past the “two minutes of hate”, sometimes much longer, for pig fucking and various other of David Cameron’s peccadilloes. It is, of course, too early to judge him by his actions now in post, but I put it to you that Cameron is a potential asset in the fight against Brexit. Stay with me on this. This will be a long piece and a nuanced argument and I am not in any way excusing him for his sins in and out of office. Before we begin, I am NOT suggesting that we forgive Cameron for his faulty referendum decision and various other defects and decisions. I am suggesting that we use Cameron’s obvious regret about that decision to help alter the political paralysis that has allowed Brexit to prevail. Let’s begin with the man himself:

Regrets, I’ve had a few

Cameron says in his autobiography that not one day passes when he does not regret Brexit. If you are a cynic, you may find this to be an attempt to gain sympathy. It’s true that people do not write autobiographies to trash their reputation. However, when taken in the round I find his regrets to be authentic and heartfelt. More importantly, whatever the reasons for his regret, we must use his reflections as a lever for change. Compared with Liz Truss, Johnson and the emotionally bankrupt Sunak, Cameron is a much softer figure. He mistakenly thought that he could build unity in the Tory party by offering the people a plebiscite on Brexit. Of course he was horribly wrong and, importantly he did not see that Nigel Farage would weaponise austerity by blaming immigrants for people’s lived experience in 2016. Research from UKICE demonstrates that Vote Leave moved the dial on the result by 12% – in other words the referendum result would have been 60:40 for staying in the EU without Farage’s ‘clever’ but deplorable interventions on ‘othering’. Yes, the campaign was lame and the murder of Jo Cox allowed Richard Tice and his mates to pile into the campaign in the final days. All of it odious.

Total misjudgement by Cameron? YES.

Total contrition by Cameron? YES.

Has he emerged wiser? We’ll see but possibly YES

… but only if we play the ball, not the man.

Hold your nose and read his reflections.

STOP PRESS : Guy Verhofstadt welcomes Cameron’s return

Guy Verhofstadt tweet
Click to respond to Guy’s tweet.

Rishi’s decision

I called James O’Brien some months back saying that if Rishi Sunak was wise, he would pivot to the centre rather than the right to save his party. I suggested that he needed about a dozen rabbits to pull from a hat. It seems that David Cameron is one of those rabbits, judging by the reactions of voters in Brexity West Bromwich being interviewed for BBC Radio 4 Today on Saturday 18 November around 07.20. Jeremy C. Hunt’s tax cuts are another, even though these will probably only affect a small number of people and are probably based on fiddled inflation figures.

A passage to India

Sunak is not Johnson. Sunak will not have tossed a coin, smoked a cigar or had a few glasses of Chablis to decide whether he should sack Braverman. He will have carefully weighed up the issues, perhaps even on a spreadsheet! He must have ‘priced in’ the notion that the ERG are a busted flush and that any counter reaction would be tolerable, even agreeable. So far, his analysis holds true: Hardly anyone attended the New Conservatives (akin to the Real IRA?) meeting on Monday 13 November and; Andrea Jenkyns managed to get a five year old to write a letter asking for Sunak to resign.

It is rumoured that Sunak may wish to be off soon to a position in the Indian High Commission. By putting Cameron in the Foreign Office, he has installed a safe pair of hands amidst the lunatic fringe of Badenoch, Morduant and others who may wish to hold the crown or a sword. A journalist pointed out that Sunak may have just installed the next Prime Minister and with it someone who may be able to join the EU anew before Starmer has even woken up in 2032. Perhaps the question to ask in terms of Sunak’s reputation is does he leave before an election to pursue other goals or does he risk leaving after a crushing or less fatal defeat which still seems possible given recent events on all sides. I know which I’d choose. Yes, Cameron’s appointment is an affront to democracy and so on, but I repeat, we are not in a position at this point to do much about that, so we must act in ways that can make some useful changes.

Vital signs

At the moment, the jury is out as to whether Cameron will be a force for reform towards the centre, although I have some direct intel from inside Parliament that says he could well be. However, he did temper the Government’s attitude towards the ceasefire on Tuesday 14th November. This itself is a sea change from the far right loons of his party such as Braverman who borders (sic) on fascism. Labour are now caught with their trousers down on the ceasefire. This is an immediate vital sign of a more centrist viewpoint from Cameron acting from his role as Foreign Secretary.

But what would Cameron need to do in order to change the parliamentary paralysis that I mention? His moves may only need to be quite minimal to be effective. For example, as Foreign Secretary, all Cameron has to do is go on a trip to Europe, mend some bridges with EU leaders, utter some of his regrets about Brexit in despatches, perhaps even suggest that Brexit has not worked out per the ‘brochure’ and so on. His views on Brexit are already public knowledge so there are no surprises for the far right press to report on here. If he even so much as whispered something about the failure of Brexit, Keir Starmer would be compelled to agree, in order to maintain his strategy of being in lockstep with the Tories. The vow of silence on Brexit would be broken irrevocably.

Andrew Marr has an interesting complementary outlook on this matter. It’s well worth watching his You Tube video on matter. In the words of George Michael, ‘Listen without prejudice’. Marr agrees with me on the point that Cameron virtually had no choice but to offer a referendum on Brexit. Clearly he did not factor in the toxic weaponisation of austerity by Nigel Farage, without which the referendum result would have been 60:40 to remain in the EU.

My views have polarised the masses, with some believing that we should influence the debate and others (almost universally Labour ideologies) saying that we must just get the Tories out. That of course is guaranteed, but then we are left with a red Brexit. Read Faulty Towers for more on the existential risks of leaving Brexit to Labour. Some of the people telling me I’m wrong have not even read the article before making their judgement. I imagine that thy must have ESP !!

It seems that Betty did not bother to read the article before responding. Oh well.
2 minutes of hate. Actually I’ve had hours of it on social media. Note that I never said any of these points yet people believe I’m giving Cameron a pardon for his misdemeanours which I’m not.
The only good Brexit is a dead Brexit
The only good Brexit is a dead Brexit.

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Breaking Parliamentary Paralysis

At the present time, all we have had in terms of tools to stop Brexit have been lobbying Labour, Lib Dems etc. and our efforts have largely failed in the wake of complete radio silence on the subject and mealy mouthed platitudes from both main parties. If Cameron were to utter even some doubt about Brexit we suddenly have a new powerful tool in the box to work across the other parties with. Political influence requires us to be emotionally detached from political ideology. Breaking Parliamentary Paralysis has been one of our five goals for activism.

Five Goals
Reboot Britain goals.

Join Gina Miller, Marr, Bercow this evening

What to do then?

I sometimes wonder if grassroots Rejoiners and especially those who are Labour supporters actually want to remain ‘Brexit victims’. When they are presented with opportunities, they spend inordinate amounts of time telling me how I’m mad, bad or evil. I prefer not to pathologise victimhood or what I call ‘learned helplessness’. Here are my suggestions if you wish to act rather than watch from the sidelines.

Forget the pig fucking.

Start supporting Cameron.

Separate this from legitimate criticism of Sunak and the cabinet.

Lobby for a change in the Conservative party’s position on Brexit.

Mention what you are doing to Keir Starmer and Labour.

Remember, you don’t have to agree with Cameron on everything.

Be surgical and support any positive moves he makes on Europe.

Play the ball not the man

Learned Helplessness
Learned Helplessness summed up.

SS Brexit

Don’s Brexit Bunker

Don Adamson writes from the Barnsley Brexit Bunker:

One – Discuss the following statement. Murdoch and Rothermere lackeys are under strict instructions that they must not believe what they write in the newspapers.

Two – Discuss the following statement: Richy Scumbag has dismissed Cruella Braverman from the job of  Home Secretary. This comes as a surprise to 21st century Tories who expect Cabinet Ministers to be a) extremely incompetent and b) racists of the worst description. The scandal involving Stickyfinger Pansey-Lenin (alias Tommy Robinson) is also causing consternation in 21st century Tory circles. Laws, conventions, terms and conditions that affect decent people do not apply to Gammons and Flagshaggers. It is interesting that Cameron has been appointed Foreign Secretary. He is neither an MP nor a Peer. That ordinarily would disqualify him from being a Cabinet Minister. We do live in strange times. Editor’s note : We must use Cameron – Read Play the ball, not the man.

Three – Several years ago John Cleese was a high profile member of the Liberal Democrats. The Lib Dems are not to every taste but, at least at that time they bore some resemblance to a respectable political party. Around that time Cleese was quoted as saying that ‘Woke’ was a good thing and applied to people with some kind of empathy. Cleese quit the Lib Dems and became an outspoken supporter of Brexit and other dubious causes. He now has become a presenter for Gammonite Balderdash News and has some offensive things to say about people who are ‘Woke.’ Cleese is not a stupid person so why is he lending his name and fame to dubious causes? How badly does he need the money?

… irrational hatred of inheritance tax … that hardly anybody pays … may only be paid the estate of dead people who have accumulated an awful lot of money … Inheritance Tax is necessary … Untaxed wealth creation distorts the economy … creating a level playing field is essential not just because it is fair but because it is economically efficient … Tory Party will spend billions of poor taxpayers money in a state run attempt to increase house price inflation and make the rich richer … 96% of people will never pay IHT … a more subtle version of Trussonomics … Jeremy *unt is not reversing her disastrous measures after all, he is just being more clever than she was … *unt threw a billion pounds at the wealthy in his first financial statement … billions will go to the wealthiest, to the house building sector (which donates millions to the Tory Party) … the plan is to take a large slice of money and give it to millionaires, while telling ordinary taxpayers they will benefit (COMMENT: if they are thick enough to believe Brexit is a good idea then they are thick enough to believe anything) … It is a total con and an economically damaging con … 

will soon add his name to the roster of failed entertainers who have sought career stretching refuge in the clammy arms of Gammon Balls News. The only surprising development is that some people appear to be surprised by it … increasingly unfunny farce that is the life and times of Alexander du Piffle Johnson … a lot of free time on his hands just now … had a lot of free time when he was supposed to be leading the country through the worst pandemic in a century … what a joy it will be for the man who was dismissed from the Times for dishonesty to be working for a ‘news station’ where pulling ‘facts’ directly out of your arse is keenly encouraged … Johnson can expect a cool welcome … will he really feel at home among the assorted wing nuts and tinfoil hatters on GB News? … Maybe it will convince OFCOM that the station is balanced as opposed to completely unbalanced… 

… breached impartially rules for the fourth time … chaos at GB News … Telegraph is up for sale ‘’’ owners of GB News and Daily Mail are sitting at the front of the auction room … expect more slagging off across the right wing media … as they struggle to prove … they are ready to step into Barclay’s shoes …

… Westminster Hall debate entitled ‘Honesty in Politics’ … just 8 MPs attended and the only Tories were the chair and duty minister … 

… systems have been rejigged that … ‘actively prevents anybody who knows what they are talking about attending’ … the system collapses into a state of Chinese whispers…

Richy Scumbag … a year in office … people are deeply dissatisfied … Tories look exhausted and short of ideas…

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… A corrupt, lying, philandering, incompetent… 

… no long term planning; disjointed decision making; tension between  expert advice and political calculation … some parts of the criminal justice system close to breakdown … push to be tough on crime coincided with .. spending cuts … gaols, overcrowded, squalid and unsafe … gaol population nearly double in three decades … emergency measures … will not come close to tackling the crisis … decision making … contradictory and incoherent …  probation service is in terrible shape … part privatisation so disastrous … it was reversed … backlogs worsened by problems of the government’s own making … in large part caused … by politicians … grim conditions … more assaults and suicides behind bars … poorly run services compromise public safety … situation dreadfully exacerbated by shortage of prison guards … a redundancy scheme so dire it had to rehire many of those it paid off … calamitous … jammed understaffed gaols … 22 hours of daily confinement not uncommon … self-harm, drug use and violence are all rising … situation gets worse and worse … prisons failing in … chief purpose … rehabilitation … perfect storm of failures … situation so bad that government cannot ignore it … probation service in shockingly bad shape … 

… Dominic Cummings called ministers ‘useless f***pigs’, ‘morons,’ ‘c*nts’ … Cabinet Office ‘terrifyingly sh*t’ … if anything he understated the scale of the dysfunction within the government … individuals in power spectacularly unsuited to the job … departmental responsibilities … horribly muddled … glacially slow to respond to emergencies … chaos was driven by individuals … Johnson … unserious, indecisive and unable to grasp detail … Cummings … incapable of running a functioning office … an environment that was toxic, macho and sexist … Richy Scumbag has spent the last year trying to banish memories  of his chaotic predecessors. Instead the circus is back…

Johnson v God

… huge damage to the economy … concept of shame is as alien to Thick Lizzie as is to Johnson … continues to insist that she alone is marching to the right tune … Tories believe her … Mad Halfcock …. Presided over a process that was corrupt and chaotic …  had a tendency to get over excited and make stuff up… 

… persistent rumours … Murdoch wanted him to edit the Times … rumours did not originate with Murdoch … Gove has been sucking up to GB News … Gove’s predicament emphasis the problem Brexit ultra will have finding employment after the election …

… current incumbent proclaimed that the ‘government is looking like terrible, tragic joke… while Johnson was nominally PM the real person in charge was his then fiancée, now wife … demoralise a civil service in desperate need of strong leadership … the rich and powerful brazen out their position in the knowledge that the public is not interested and the media will follow its lead … Johnson is the most obvious example to whom the concept of shame is meaningless … his attitudes have polluted the atmosphere … Ecclestone was found guilty of misleading HMRC over £400M in an offshore account… he got a suspended sentence  … self righteous newspapers that would pillory a desperate single mother for being a ‘benefits scrounger’ showed barely a flicker of interest in Ecclestone’s attempts to rob the country … Michelle Mone used her position to benefit from PPE contracts, has shown no sign of penitence … Yet another Tory MP accused of rape with drug possession thrown in … soon vanished from the headlines … similar allegations about another Tory MP  … never been named … fiasco 

… the former human rights lawyer appearing to endorse what some regard as war crimes went viral in Labourland where Israel/Palestine is a poisonous issue … he was stuck, kippered, by a breakfast show radio Disc Jockey … Rachel Reeves published book ‘The women who made economic’ … lifted phrases and paragraphs fro, Wikipedia … both errors tell a story, one serious and one silly … when Labour is in power … Labour neuroses will replace Tory neuroses … Tories spent a decade obsessing over Europe not because the voters wanted but because Tories were obsessed by it … with Labour in power topics such as Israel/ Palestine will become matters of internal psychodrama rather than cold debate about policy … Backbench Tory bores waving copies of the Treaty of Rome will be replaced by Labour counterparts quoting the Balfour declaration … Control was one part of the Labour pitch … competence was the other. Reeves’ literary endeavours have damaged that part of the pitch … lifting an explanation out of Wikipedia is mortifying … Labour’s reputation for economic competence is relative… relies on Tory ineptitude … Tory polling is only four points above … Thick Lizzie era … a quicker leader would not have made the error on Gaza in the first place … now that Labour government seems inevitable … boot licking season has begun … masterful inactivity can easily be labelled timidity… 

Red Brexit Blue Brexit
Red Brexit Blue Brexit – Read the article.

… ineptitude of ministers … dangerous distraction … all pervading culture of misogyny … government machine not structured to cope … floods … evacuation of Afghanistan … food shortages, the UK has been found wanting … public wants and expects government to sort out its problems but the government is not equipped to do so … it is not just the constant restructuring which hampers government … government is no longer fit for purpose  … huge expertise and talent within the civil service but the difficulty is getting that applied to the issues … even the most competent ministers – and that is not saying much, given the depressingly low calibre of the current crop – is hugely dependent on senior civil servants … this government… is determined to sour its relationship with the civil service … Misconduct and malfeasance by the ton … corruption … needless loss of life … cavalier, unserious, incompetent, law-breaking charlatans in Downing St … fascinating that there was no inquiry into Brexit … same lack of accountability and unsuitability for the job … the damage that these chancers have done on so many fronts is off the scale ..   

Pip Pip                                   Don Adamson Medway Delta Retired    Brexorcist and Saboteur First Class

All you ever did is wreck me – Liz Truss
12 angry Tories

12 angry Tories

Some of you will have seen the famous film “12 angry men”. If you have not here is the plot in a few words from the official film description. Following the closing arguments in a murder trial, 12 members of the jury must deliberate. A guilty verdict would mean death for the accused, an inner-city teen. As the dozen men try to reach a unanimous decision while sequestered in a room, one juror (Henry Fonda) casts considerable doubt on elements of the case. Personal issues soon rise to the surface, and conflict threatens to derail the delicate process that will decide one boy’s fate. Through the process of dialogue and analysis Fonda convinces his fellow jurors to acquit the teenager against all the odds. The parallel questions here must be:

“Why are the Tories so angry?”

and

“Can anyone heal their regrets?”

12 angry Tories
Who will heal their collective anger?

From far right to right :

1. Steve Baker

Self-confessed hardman of Brexit who went soft as his dream melted away and under pressure from the many people who said he was delusional. Baker said he hadn’t felt happy since the Brexit vote, never mind the people who had to suffer from its death wave. Baker recently said that the 2016 referendum should have had a mandatory 60% majority for it to be a settled matter. This is polite parlance for the fact that Brexit has failed and we can and must join the EU anew.

2. Nadine Dorries

Monkey testicle eating Dorries now falls into the category of a woman scorned, after falling in love with Boris Johnson and having that love denied. This coincided with Johnson giving an honour to a 29 year old woman who bears an uncanny resemblance to Bojo rather than ‘Lady’ Dorries. Nadine more or less went on strike, failing to attend Parliament or do her constituency work for an extended period. She is no more, having been voted out of her Mid Bedfordshire constituency. Anger is too polite a word to describe Ms Dorries. Even local dad and police commissioner could not save her solid Tory constituency from falling in the recent by-election.

3. Penny Morduant

PM (Penny Morduant not Prime Minister) in waiting, Penny is angry because she was overlooked in the search for a Prime Minister in 2022, having been passed over for Liz Truss. Penny decided it was best to hold a sword for an hour to demonstrate the relevant competences for being PM (Penny Morduant not Prime Minister). PM has the unusual accolade of claiming military credentials in the Royal Navy, although it seems that all her experience with seamen was acquired on dry land. Another angry Brexiteer with several grudges, a sword and a desire to stand up and fight …

4. Douglas Ross

Scottish Conservatives leader. Yes it’s hard being a Conservative in Scotland as virtually everyone swears at you but Douggie has other reasons to be angry as well. Boris Johnson swore at him when Doug voted for Johnson to resign in 2022. Doug shouted Deputy First Minister of Scotland Shona Ross down when she called on Rishi Sunak to meet his commitments for net zero instead of watering them down. This is one of his regular behaviours in the Scottish Parliament. Don’t be like Doug.

5. Priti Patel

Priit Patel was once hailed as the most extreme Home Secretary of all time. Priti is angry because Suella Braverman has made her look like a member of the Cats’ Protection League when compared with Suella’s full fat Nazi style celebration of children drowning in small boats. One of the most vicious ‘immigrants turned racist’ in the Tory party, Priti remains popular due to her loyalty to Boris Johnson. Known for shouting and bullying staff, Priti waits in the wings ready to pounce on Rishi when the time is right. Check our remake of “Priti Woman” which satirises some of her most famous quotes. PG rated due to Matt Hancock in leg irons.

6. Liz Truss

What can one say? The woman who broke Britain with her version of hard Brexit economics in just 49 days with her partner in grime Kwasi Kwarteng. The cost of ‘Trussonomics‘ was an eye watering £60 billion, only eclipsed by the ongoing cost of Brexit which stands at £100 billion EVERY year. As if all this was not bad enough, Liz is undeterred and plans a comeback, saying that her wilful destruction of the country was “not understood by the markets”. The Truss has had some public speaking training recently. Since people are easily fooled by a slick presentation over content (see also Johnson for style over substance), we should be very afraid. Although The Truss started life as an anti-monarchist woke lefty liberal, she has now ‘manned up’ in support of cheese, Norfolk turkeys and the British apple. A stint on ‘Bakeoff’ seems more appropriate. Our song “more than enough” sums up The Truss well. Watch the video and buy the albums to support our independent journalism.

Download the albums via https://academy-of-rock.bandcamp.com/
Resilence

7. Boris Johnson

There are not enough column inches or time at the COVID enquiry to describe this man’s impact and catastrophic demise from his imposter position as PM. He said that Brexit could be microwaved when it was already burned. Brexit has given us a 4.5% hit to UK resilience. This is the equivalent of trying to swim the English Channel with a block of concrete around your neck. Johnson killed up to 40 000 vulnerable people through dither and delay and making decisions that were against the science. He allowed his mates to profit from COVID, even encouraged it. Eventually his party chums turned against him and he more or less had to be forcibly removed from No 10 Downing Street. Johnson’s attempted comeback was resisted by his party colleagues. He has now reversed into GB News so that he can snipe at Rishi Sunak from the sidelines.

8. Jacob Rees-Mogg

Having lined his pockets from Brexit, lied to the Queen and then reversed into being a paid hack for GB News, Jacob resigned from his position. This was probably because he regretted the reverse takeover of the British Empire by the Indians. Mogg is one of the few politicians who continues to stand by Brexit which he claims will offer immense opportunities sometime into the 23rd Century. Privately I suspect he is much less happy about the lack of divergence from EU laws 98% of which we helped to make. He will also be spooked by the paltry returns on our trade deals which are effectively ‘fire sales’ in our desperation to point to something positive about Brexit (See also Kemi Badenoch and CPTPP). This film is from 2018 when we ambushed Jake at BBC Question Time.

9. Suella Braverman

As stated previously, Suella has made Priti Patel look like Mother Theresa with her full fat fascist agenda to feed a few remaining gammon voters with live immigrant children. Braverman has recently tried to put thought crime on the statute book, by suggesting that anyone who uses the word Jihad on the street is a terrorist. Even Tory peer Baroness Warsi was moved to criticise Suella by pointing out that divide and rule tactics are themselves the tools of hate. Not content with trying to kill migrants on dangerous disease ridden prison ships and breaking international law, I imagine that Suella must have said “thank you God” when the Israeli – Palestinian conflict started. She has been quick to use the war to weaponise her own domestic agendas. It’s even more surprising as Braverman is herself a barrister at No 5 Silk Chambers (better suited to being a barrista). As most observers have stated, Suella’s bizarrely disturbed outlook on foreigners is probably rooted in some very dark experiences in childhood.

The Disney Longstocking prison ship
I had trouble deciding if Robert Jenrick or Lee Anderson ought to be part of our 12 angry Tories.

10. Richard Tice

Of course Tice is not a Tory, just a pound shop racist. Tice recently turned his hatred on Sadiq Kkan and ULEZ in a desperate move to find a new issue to enrage people with feeble minds. Nigel Farage is also searching for things to trigger his remaining following from Gammon Brexit (GB) News. Tice remains angry that he has not got the Brexit he wanted. But he still cannot describe the one he was looking for … No wonder Steve Baker is effectively saying that the referendum should be declared null and void. Tice is angry with the Tory party for being more fascist than his Brexit party aka Reframe UK.

11. Kemi Badenoch

Another PM hopeful, Badenoch has the dubious credentials of having done some of the most worthless Brexit trade deals on the planet via the CPTPP deal (worth 1/50th of what we had in the EU over 10 years at best and pushed through Parliament without a referendum). Although she was appointed by Truss, I suspect that this was Liz acting ‘to keep one’s enemies close’, as Badenoch is also popular with the Tory membership. Rishi has also kept her close, possibly because her nuclear levels of incompetence make Sunak look good. Incidentally, Badenoch stated that the CPTPP deal will only produce any benefit if we use it. So she’s already getting ready to say that the people thwarted her pathetic CPTPP deal.

No 12?

By this time, you may have worked out that there were only 11 angry people in the picture. So who is no 12? – Lee Anderson, Jonathan Gullis, Gove, Iain Duncan-Smith, Mark Francois, Esther McVey, Dehenna Davison, Liam Fox, Keegan, Coffey, Harper, Steve Barclay, the Tory rapists? There are so many to choose from. Usually a threat from outside is the stimulus for unity. Can Keir Starmer provide that threat? I think not since I find it increasingly difficult to find differences on policy between Labour and The Tories in many areas.

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Brexshit

Brexshit Bonus

Yet another Brexit freedom has emerged. We are to be free to dump more shit in our rivers. Previously, we were tethered to those pesky EU standards for clean beaches  and rivers. Read The Guardian article for more details. Rather than levelling up after Brexit, we are quite literally shitting on our own doorstep. Are you still happy about Brexit and its false promises? Planning to swim with your kids in a river of Brexshit with Therese Coffey who points out that “it’s just a bit of poo”. Granted there are many more things to think about at the moment but (a) our Government has turned a blind eye to these and (b) urgency is not a reason to let important standards drop.

Liz Truss Brexshit
Brexshit Broke Britain

I wrote a song which foreshadowed the problem a year ago called Tory Brexit Scum. Check the PG rated video out below.

Tory Brexit Scum – Country and Western Punk Rock : PG rated.

Somewhat coincidentally, Crispin Blunt and Jeremy Hunt feature in the song along with some other rhymes. Jeremy Hunt is rumoured to be about to leave the Tory party before having to face losing his seat. As for Crispin Blunt, time will tell …

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Rishi 2.0

Rishi 2.0

The Tufton Street gang have decided to genetically reformat Rishi Sunak to help him win an election. The ‘battleship grey’ Rishi 1.0 was at least built on the solid foundations of Sunak’s dull technocratic self to calm down politics. Rishi 1.0 had to deal with two crises:

Boris Johnson’s negligent killings of old people via his herd immunity fallacy, his “oven ready Brexit” deal which is burnt to a crisp, gross spaffing of our money on failed vanity projects, a tsunami of cronyism, gross lies and excuses and, of course, the Partygate scandals whilst people were forced to let their loved ones die alone, including the Queen.

Liz Truss’ wilful destruction of the economy in one weekend, adding thousands of pounds per year irreversibly to mortgages, billions to our national debt and a total loss of confidence in the UK plc on the world stage.

Cue Rishi 2.0, the radical reinvention from bland to ‘exciting’. Sunak’s ‘mum’ aka Akshata Murty launched Rishi’s reformatting at the Tory party conference, in order to curry favour from Tory faithful. With support from the warmup act Penny Morduant aka Alana Partridge, who managed the dubious accolade of saying “stand up and fight” 12 times in 80 seconds, although nobody was sure why, who with, when, where or with what.

Rishi 2.0 – What’s in store?

‘Radical Rishi 2.0‘ will be tough on society and tough on the causes of society. Fierce with the 99% of wokeists, leftists, left luggage attendents, left handed bankers, left leaning journalists, centrists, greenies, hippies, commies, liberals, snowflakes, members of the London Assembly, forins, doctors, train drivers, nurses, social workers, teachers, farmers, fishermen, firemen, train drivers, trainspotters, comedians, LGBTQIA+, judges et al. In fact everyone that does not sign up to the Tory fascist agenda. Here are some of the policies which Rishi 2.0 will likely hint at in the coming months, slightly exaggerated for fun. Of course he will actually do nothing about any of them:

Rishi 2.0
Rishi 2.0 Part I.

Running through some of the Rishi 2.0 bullet points above:

On Thursday Sunak aligned himself with Italian fascist Georgia Meloni, to build a desperate consensus around his “Stop the Boats” campaign. However, Brexit Britain will be regarded as international pariahs if we leave the ECHR as a piece of Brexit grandstanding. Twinned with North Korea and Russia.

It sounds frivolous to suggest that model railway company Hornby should run the railways, but clearly a Government that does not know whether the rail link has been built to Manchester airport is not fit to commission rail projects using £ billions of our taxes. The HS2 fiasco has cost £91 billion of taxpayers’ money.

Check out CPC 2023 by clicking on Thomas.

As with Johnson, the devil is in the detail with Sunak. Having announced that HS2 will go to Euston at CPC 2023, the truth is that this will only happen with private investment to build the line from Old Oak Common to Euston. If I were an investor at this point in the cycle I’d not be up for investing in a railway that could be cancelled in a few years’ time after an election.

Rishi 2.0
Rishi 2.0 Part II.

The distraction of a new British educational qualification almost literally concretes over the problems of crumbling schools. Rishi is trying to gaslight us away from the problems of RAAC by introducing the ABS (Absolute Bullshitter Sunak / Advanced British Standard) qualification to replace A and T Levels. You fool no-one Rishi.

RAAC and Roll
Gillian Keegan – concreting over education problems.

Will Rishi cancel the triple lock for pensioners as the new hard man of the Tory party? Time will tell. So far, it is more of the same with Jeremy Hunt targeting the most vulnerable with his next set of cuts. But the pensioners could well be next as a new cash cow. After all, I guess that Lee Anderson would ask what is the point of them being alive if they won’t vote Conservative? In any case, I guess Anderson believes that pensioners can live on 30p a day.

The Times

Levelling up proves to be a project about levelling roads, with 25% of the £36 billion ‘windfall’ from HS2 going to fill potholes. This may help to fill election leaflets in MP constituencies but is hardly a demonstration of Rishi Sunak’s so-called claim of “long term decisions for a brighter future“.

Manchester Evening News

Clearly the Tories love the distraction of XL Bully dogs to stop people thinking of more important matters. Nonetheless I doubt we’ll see The Police employing them to patrol the streets, but anything is possible given recent lies about meat tax and 15 minute cities.

Finally, Robert Jenrick has suggested that we must breed more children to cope with the need for more carers for old people. I imagine that Boris Johnson is ready as CIO (Chief Insemination Officer).

Daily Maul

Will Rishi 2.0 succeed?

Highly doubtful – Tufton Street have no idea about personality change, as they are people without personalities. Leopards and spots etc. Rishi Sunak’s speech to CPC 2023 was pretty much his usual “Blue Peter” style of delivery and the excitement of all the promises has been shown to be a pack of lies within a day. CPC 2023 looked like a wake for a dying brand. I guess Tufton Street could tell Sunak to work on his image rather than his content. Perhaps some pink flashes in his hair, flairs to give him more appeal to youth or at least trousers that reach his ankles? Or maybe a beard to make him look a bit more radical / risky?

Risky Sunak – a dying beard?

You can’t take the bore out of bland

You can’t take the Rishi out of the Sunakered

Join the True and Fair party

The room next door ….

Career opportunities

I stumbled over a job for Medway Council as a Political Assistant to the Conservative Group. The role requires an allegiance to the Tory party but is paid for by taxpayers money. I cannot understand how this can be legal. It’s an outrage. Anyway I made an application. Here are the job basics in blue and my personal statement in purple. What are my chances?

Job Spec

The Conservative Group are looking to recruit a highly motivated individual with exceptional political and communication skills to support its work. You will assist with political issues, suggest potential courses of action and provide evaluation, information and research services as required. You will proactively research policy, liaise with the media, prepare speeches and brief members.

You will need acute political judgement, be able to establish positive working relationships with members and officers, have excellent communication skills and be able to assimilate and analyse information quickly, spotting critical political issues and managing time effectively to ensure deadlines are met. The need to be sympathetic to the aims of the Conservative Party will be essential.

My personal statement

I am committed to Tory fascism and its practical applications in Medway. This makes me ideal for the position. Here are some specific behaviours and projects I would be willing to oversee:
Very happy to watch asylum seekers drown whilst fleeing from terror if it pleases my MP.
I will assist the sitting Tories to recreate Dead Man’s island as an asylum centre.
Delighted to see the rise of food banks in Medway. Lee Anderson is right when he says that people can cook a meal for 30p. Dust is plentiful in the towns and inexpensive.
I think Boris is a good laugh and probably plays a good game of darts. If required I will meet him in the Cooper’s Arms to talk about Winston Churchill, the Dambusters and the failure of Medway to ingratiate itself by becoming a city.

I can spend money without moral justification or a business case. Whilst I’m not up to the Liz Truss, Dido Harding or Boris Johnson nuclear levels of spaffing, I will learn at the feet of the masters in the council. I approved of the utter waste of money for the Japanese roundabout and the Tori.

We will commission a bird clearance society on the Cliffe Peninsula. Birds serve no useful function for the Tories and the removal of the birds will pave the way for Cliffefell – a high rise development on the marshes, built to new Brexit fire standards.
I’m able to come up with meaningless three word chants to distract the masses from anything that might be important.
I would help to see Suella Braverman as the head of social services in Medway and the installation of prison hulks on Rochester Riverside and Chatham Dockside.

I am joining the Masons. You may say it’s too late, but I have ordered an apron on e-bay.

Civil servants are a blight on society. I would ensure that the council workers are publicly humiliated and flogged at the Dockyard for their woke dress sense and other aspects of their scummy hand to mouth existence on a daily basis. This would also serve as a visitor attraction and bring more revenue to the Council.

I have many bags of sovrinty in my loft and will use them to inflate the aspirations of the prevailing Tory MPs who are not so ashamed of themselves that they will still stand for election in 2024.

I once drowned a puppy and felt no emotion. I saw that as a turning point in my emotional resilience, taking my inspiration from Robert Jenrick, Priti Patel and Suella Braverman.

I am not afraid to call Vince Maple and Keith Starmer out for copying us on Brexit. They have no ideas of their own.

Kelly Tolhust is a proper hardcore woman. She’s a dude innit. We should use her to do some cage fighting with the woke Labour Councillors. We should fight them with the biatches. The Green party in Medway are terrified of her and we can organise some Just Stop Oil type people to fight with them as they eat their vegan sandwiches.
We can transform the Dickens’ Festival into an all year round reality event with guidance from the Minister for the 18th Century, Jacob Rees-Mogg. With forced child labour camps in Luton Road, bear-bating in Lordswood and a Scurvy Centre replacing Gillingham Library. Disease keeps the proles occupied and I will ask Rodney Chambers to commission a campaign of releasing rats into lower Gillingham.

I am skilled in painting and decorating and stand ready to paint over any cheery artworks in child care centres and infant schools.
We could turn the Medway Tunnel into a giant refugee concentration centre. If anyone escapes they would find themselves on the Medway City Estate, itself a wasteland. Fun Drum could also be used to contain the immigrant scum.
If needed. I have some Nat C cosplay suits for party conferences and other Tory youth rallies.
I have a collection of German marching tunes on 78 RPM CDs.
I will fashion an Alan Jarrett memorial statue using slave labour from the Medway artist community and erect it at the War Memorial. Art, music and poetry are a blight on the Medway landscape and I would work hard to replace this will statues of Mark Francois and other military figures.
I am comfortable with taking additional wages for doing arms consultancy with Saudi Arabia whilst relaxing at Avenue Tennis Club.

I have many criminal convictions: petty crime, grand fraud, sexual predation and so on as well as general lying and making false promises. I hope these will be an asset to the Tory party.
I hope that’s enough.

p.s. Brexit has failed – 350 000 people agree with me on this.

350 000 plus views in one day and no credible explanations of the benefits of Brexit.

Somewhat fortuitously, Rishi Sunak has just requested a new post of Prime Minister’s Official Deputy Spokesperson and Head of News. I have also applied for this using some of the ideas for the local job. No disrespect to the council but I’d prefer the top job.

No future … at Medway Council.

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