Not only have we had five Prime Ministers since Brexit, we have also had five lecterns. Each of them have a different character, like each PM and each has cost the taxpayer more than Angela Rayner’s alleged tax scam. Liz Truss’ Jenga lectern cost an uncool £4175, seemingly appropriate, as, no doubt it could be rebuilt into something else 49 days later … In this article we look at the emerging “academic discipline” of lecternology inspired by Peter Hurst and Peter Stefanovic.
Cameron
Cameron’s lectern was designed by his head of operations to appear “statesmanlike”. Cameron was the youngest PM and, as such, the wood for his lectern was sourced from B&Q, using freshly cut pine with a curved, flared column, signifying agility and smoothness, and a glossy finish to signify superficiality. Read more on Cameron at Cameron.
May
The simple religious cross style of Theresa’s oak lectern symbolises her victimhood as the Prime Minister who felt a sense of duty to serve but who ultimately would be hoist by her own inner conflict. In the end, the ERG and Remainers placed her on a cross for sacrifice in favour of someone more malleable. That person would be the fatberg formerly known as Boris Johnson.
Johnson
Johnson’s lectern column and base are the thickest of the five, matching the intelligence and heft of the incumbent. “The Johnson” as it was referred to in No 10 was constructed of teak for strength, as it doubled as a shagging plinth for internal use. It is believed that Carrie’s children were conceived on “The Johnson” along with other random offspring from the Brexit staffers during Partygate.
Truss
The Truss lectern is perhaps the most interesting in so far that it is constructed using Jenga. This would enable quick breakdown and reassembly after her 49 days tenure. We have an authentic woodchip replica of The Truss ceremonial lectern available on e-bay for the bargain price of £30 000. This would enable us to stand a lettuce for election in her South West Norfolk constituency. Tony Hanlon commented on the spiral construction “Its a treasured memory of her death spiralling of the economy”.
Truss has since blamed the failure of her Brexonomics budget on the infiltration of left-wing Norwegian wood into her lectern at a cost of £70 billion to the taxpayer and the ruination of young people’s hopes of home ownership. John Lennon, Kate Bush, Chris Witty and Angela Rayner have been blamed by The Truss, along with left wing lawyers, left wing carpenters, carping judges, civil servants, punk rockers, classicists, MDF, lettuce, homosexuals, trannies, the blob, layabouts, drug users, climate protesters, smoking bans, Potter Heigham, Brundall, The A47, The Bank of England, The OBR, UN, The Queen, charities, do-gooders, poets, artists, piss artists, vegans, Christians, Moslems, London, wood carvers, carvery owners, wood workers, sex workers, sex swappers, The Lib Dems, brie, gorgonzola, camembert, left wing cheese, real ale drinkers, real world thinkers, Remoaners, men, women, children, animals, plants, left wing micro-organisms, algae, fungi, Liz’s parents and all members of the deep state who sought to bring her down. The Jenga lectern proved to be her downfall and it was nothing to do with her incompetence, social ineptitude and the triumph of confidence over competence. That is a disgrace. In Liz’s own words “Liz Truss is best ignored”.
Click on the description to buy The Truss on e-bay.
Sunakered
The Sunak lectern is paradoxical. It is bigger than the other lecterns although Sunak is possibly the shortest Prime Minister in history. The upright section is designed to obscure both of Rishi’s legs for reasons of modesty and as support in case he were to break one. Just like its user, the Sunak lectern has no integrity, professionalism or accountability, being made from offcuts from the “previous administration”.
All of the above are, of course, pathetic attempts to look in control by people who are easily persuaded by presentation over content.
Don Adamson writes from the Barnsley Brexit Bunker.
This week’s homework:
Discuss the following statement. Since 2013 the Tories have ‘outsourced’ army recruitment to Crapita; which is a hopelessly incompetent ‘private enterprise company’ that gets obscenely rich on government contracts by overcharging and underperforming; except in those cases where they overcharge and do not perform at all. Crapita has missed Army recruitment targets every year. We all bad years but ten bad years in a row indicates the kind of corruption and incompetence that Gammons and Flagshaggers wanted when they voted for Brexit. The Tories are so delighted with this sheer, crass, unpardonable uselessness that they have begun to put Crapita in charge of Naval and Air Force recruiting. This is music to the ears of the morons who, after everything that has happened, still think Brexit is a brilliant idea.
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Meanwhile there is a worse example of sheer, crass, unpardonable stupidity in military matters. Wagner Group is a company of mercenaries that recruits by emptying the Russian prisons of brutish thugs of the worst description. Wagner has cut a swath across Africa; looting, raping and killing gratuitously everywhere they go, usually against unarmed villagers. Wagner Group did not do so well against outnumbered but armed Ukrainians. Wagner Group attempted a coup d’état to oust Putain but made a complete fiasco of it. This is exactly the kind of idea that 21st century Tories love: evil, violent thugs who loot and rape but are so incompetent that they cannot even mount a coup d’état against a regime as inept as Putain’s. How long will it take the Tories to abolish the British armed forces and replace it emptying the prisons of evil thugs and rapists? In this way they will have defence services that cannot even mount a coup d’état to oust a hopelessly incompetent political regime.
This week’s quotes:
Britain’s inflation and finance
… 8.7% in May … price of housing in Britain is soaring … only in Britain is inflation worryingly entrenched … Britain’s problem most acute … mortgage rates are surging … excruciating situation… grim … among G7 countries none has higher inflation than Britain … miserable … what has gone so wrong? … EU workers are missing … labour supply is down by 3% … inflation is unusually persistent… £1Trn government debt when Osborne became Chancellor … £1.5Ttn debt when Osborne left office in 2016 … £1.7Trn debt when going into the pandemic thanks to Osborne’s ‘repair’ of the economy … Britain signed a memorandum of understanding with EU on financial services …. Does not restore Britain’s access to the EU … mortgage rates have surged… Jeremy *unt has told banks to pass on higher interest to customers… Since the end of WW1 … Britain was economically crippled … Britain has been in a long and steady decline … endless cycle of boom and bust … promises of a better tomorrow … Brexit put the tin hat on it …
Ukraine accession to the EU is so important. It creates an incentive for reform and application of law… Do not be so sure our place is lost; some do want us back … a Eurocrat friend said ‘You forget we want you back … Leavers were fond of referring to … an army of bureaucrats but forget that in that army the British were the Brigade of Guards . Many who work for the EU miss the rigour, clarity and discipline that British Eurocrats brought to the party … politician may want to make a British return look difficult. Many of Europe’s staffers would give us our old concessions back in the blink of an eye if it brought British Eurocrats back to Brussels … I find it hard to imagine that the EU would insist on the most stringent conditions before letting Britain Rejoin. They too have been damaged by Brexit (though nowhere near as badly was us) … Question Beaucaire, France, renamed a road that leaves Rue Robert Schuman (EEC founder) and rejoins it 60m later. What is it now called? Answer: Rue de Brexit … Brexit is a disaster that just keeps on disastering … Clacton Coastal Academy … all but two children said they would vote to Rejoin … the norm in schools is zero … something strange about a political class where the government keeps telling us that Brexit is going well and an opposition that that insists they will make Brexit work when the next generation knows it is not going well and cannot be made to work.. Something has got to give… Rejoin March 23 September is causing consternation on the Labour front bench … Keith Starmer is trying to out-Brexit Richy Scumbag … Starmer wrote pro Brexit piece for the Daily Express … who have not got around to paying Starmer for it …
Gutter Express
still unrelentingly positive about booming Brexit Britain … even last week Grease Bogg promised cheaper food thanks to Brexit. He is unlikely to venture into Aldi to check the prices … biggest house price rise in 14 years … Oh Dear…
Daily Excess. Click to read the gutterpress pages.
Pandemic
any hope politicians would put learning lessons ahead of protecting their own repudiations ended when Osborne appeared before the inquiry…. ‘the numbers you refer to are from 2015 to 2020 … I left office in 2015 ’ expect months of high level arse covering … Longest most detailed most expensive enquiry in UK history … why did UK government believe itself to be well prepared when in fact it was woefully unprepared and vulnerable … politicians did not want to commit the money … even though it was number one on the risk register … DHSC knew that the risks were huge … economic outlook was dire … it was more than likely that a moderate pandemic would overrun the system … Jeremy *unt did not attend board meetings … ministers were concerned about *unt’s lack of engagement … no deal Brexit took the focus away from pandemic planning … same lame defence of austerity … we decided to sleepwalk into a £400B disaster … *unt knew the worst case scenario … UK entered the pandemic with its public services depleted, health improvements stalled, health inequalities increased… we did not have resilience in the health service … we were at the bottom of the table in doctors, number of nurses, ITUs, respirators, ventilators … if the next pandemic does not take down the NHS diabetes will … we did not give sufficient thought to a pandemic or any other pathogen …. It is hard to imagine we would do any better in the next pandemic … government has disinvested in infection monitoring services, dismantled key infrastructure … wound down our capacity for drug and vaccine development…. levels of public anger remain high … repeated reminders … Westminster, under the leadership of Johnson, flouted rules … even stupid enough to record photographic and video evidence of gratuitous flouting … Johnson repeated lied… shows how badly things have deteriorated inside the Tory Party …
A stitch up in time saves nine.
Fraud
system for victims to report crimes ‘outsourced’ to the usual suspects … Crapita was hit with a cyber attack … exposed thousands of savers in pension schemes … less than impressive data hygiene … Colchester Council ‘extremely disappointed’ … unsecured Amazon data bucket controlled by Crapita … Crapita is no stranger to financial rip offs … when it comes to general incompetence Crapita is no more reassuring … most notorious is military recruitment … Crapita has missed Army’s annual targets for recruiting new soldiers and officers every year since 2013 … Crapita assisted by PwC … PwC faced a string of large fines for poor auditing … focus of criticism … real problem is not reporting it but the near absence of policing it … less than 1% of reports lead to prosecutions … it will take more than another Crapita deal to address that …
GB News
GB New boss Angelos Frangopoulos is desperately attempting to reposition his channel away from being a home for right wing cranks and conspiracists …. ‘this is not just Channel Nigel Garbage … glad to be shot of Canadian wacko Mark Steyn … found guilty of breaching Ofcom rules when he approvingly interviewed weirdo writer Naomi Wolf on her view that Covid 19 vaccination is ‘mass murder’ …
Lockdown
staff at Mail on Sunday had a leaving party for departing member of staff. Video shows at least 30 people … no social distancing…
Read Private Eyelines on Amazon
Don Adamson Pip Pip Medway Delta (Retired) Brexorcist and Saboteur First Class
Our weekly update from Brexit Balderdash de-Bunker Don Adamson from his Brexit Bunker buried in Barnsley. Don takes on GB News aka Gammon Balderdash News this week.
This week’s homework:
One. Discuss the following statement – Daily Vile has made large numbers of staff redundant, Torygraph has called in the receivers, fewer and fewer people are watching Gammonite Balderdash News Cur James Dyson, Nigel Garbage, Dim Tim Wetherspoon, Ann Widdecombe. Rachel Johnson (sister of Satan’s Deputy) and 66% of Daily Express readers have stated that Brexit has gone horribly wrong. Meanwhile Keith Starmer insists he can ‘make Brexit work’ despite all the evidence to the contrary. Starmer is, essentially, giving us the same deceit and hypocrisy that Neo Nazi Tories and far left Trade Unionists have been giving us for years. Can Keith Starmer do what Neo Nazi Tories have failed to do?
Two: ‘Men without honour and women without virtue’ is a disparaging comment that has fallen into disuse because it is nowadays considered politically incorrect. For all that it may be out of step with the times it is a profoundly accurate way to describe the people who have inflicted this Brexit FUBAR on us. This is a good time for Johnson to go. He can quit politics secure in the knowledge that Keith Starmer is as hell bent on doing a Brexit FUBAR as the Tories are hell bent on doing a Brexit FUBAR. Tories got us into this mess by making promises they could not keep. Keith Starmer says he can get us out of this mess by repeating the same promises even though he knows full well that that these are promises that nobody can keep. In what way are Labour Party promises they cannot keep better than Tory Party promises they cannot keep? In what way is a Labour Party Brexit FUBAR better than a Tory Party Brexit FUBAR? In what way are Labour Party Brexit masturbation fantasies better than Tory Party Brexit masturbation fantasies? Why are we stuck with a ruling class that is hell bent on doing a FUBAR?
Three: In the language that Gammons, Flagshaggers and Tories speak the term ‘Move on’ is a euphemism for ‘Allow crimes to go unpunished.’ Why are Gammons, Flagshaggers and Tories so anxious to let crimes go unpunished? Similarly: Love Americans or hate those at least Federal Prosecutors have the brains, courage and decency to bring charges against Trump. Why is it that British prosecutors lack any kind of brains, courage and decency?
Four: Torygraph has gone into receivership. Elon Musk has expressed an interest in buying it. Will this make the Torygraph more of a pack of lies or less of a pack of lies?
The Torygraph. Return to sender. Click to read more.
Five. Rachel Johnson (sister of Satan’s Deputy). Recently commented that apart from Brexit and the Pandemic her adored brother got everything right. For the last three years Gammons and Flagshaggers have been telling us that they ‘Got the big calls right.’ Do we now understand that Brexit and the Pandemic are otherwise than ‘the big calls?’
Boris Johnson in the stocks – Image by the brilliant James Rowland.
Richy Scumbag’s new ‘anti fraud champion’ Antony Brown…. accepted £5,000 … from Jeffrey Archer – one of the most notorious frauds in British political history…. Polyco Healthline’s Covid record … supplying more than a million counterfeit masks … bagged profits of £40M last year… Blame Matt Hancock … everything is his fault. We always knew that he was a useless idiot; which is why we made him health secretary…
Sexual harassment
How did Nadine Dorries react when Johnson was accused of covering up repeated incidents of sexual harassment by Tory Whip Chris Pincher … Dorries defends Johnson … a man who thinks he is above the law and the standards the rest of us are held to… Rape has long had the lowest charging rate of all crimes…. in recent years a precipitous drop in the number of cases that make it to court … reports of rape have increased exponentially …
Last year a senior Daily Mail journalist … sacked after sexual investigation with junior trainee … pontificating of one pundit left colleagues gobsmacked … propensity for harassing junior male staff … resulted in staff leaving with payouts …
Sue Ellen Braverman’s speeding ticket
… Grease Bogg laughed off questions about whether he speeds … message from corridors of power is that speeding is something that everybody does … provisional statistics for 2022 reveal 136,000 road casualties including 1,659 deaths …
We need a new industrial revolution
Can Labour provide one? … Manufacturing peaked across G7 countries in the mid 1960s …our political elites did deindustrialisation long and hard … manufacturing in Germany and Japan contribute 20% and 17% … in Britain 9.7% … we have the smallest manufacturing sector in the G7 and is shrinking the fastest … restricted the UK’s ability to haul itself out of recession … only a productivity miracle will provide an escape hatch … too small to drive an economic turnaround … there are solutions but none of them have the slightest chance of boosting UK to pole position within 5 years … the easiest way to achieve Labour’s growth target would be to boost inward immigration beyond the already all time high … the deindustrialisation mania of the 1980s and 1990s left us strategically insecure … learning must begin with frank admission of what we do not know …
Keith Starmer’s attempt to win over Daily Express readers by nailing his colours to threadbare Brexit flag
… Starmer accused the EU of stealing our dinner money on the basis of a Brexit that he voted for … Express readers cynical about attempt to win them round… at event in Ely not one person thought Brexit was going well … Brexit is the worst act of self harm in the world’s development … direction of opinion polls is all one way at the moment … timing of Keith Starmer’s article … adamantly sticking to his ‘make Brexit work’ approach all the more baffling … reality has caught up with Johnson lies and Nigel Garbage fantasies … ‘Christ! This is worse than anybody expected’ … Keith Starmer promises the ‘highest sustained growth in the G7 … not going to happen until we fix the damage Brexit has done …
… resignation honours always pretty dodgy … Thick Lizzie’s list has also been put on definite hold… prospect of Johnson’s unredacted WhatsApp messages being submitted as evidence to Covid enquiry is causing terror in the Cabinet Office … it is difficult to find ways to satirise this stuff … it would seem that whatever Johnson has just submitted is at least as damaging to his successors as it is to him… Schofield had an affair and lied about it … so did Johnson … Johnson lied about far more consequential things … Schofield is disgraced former TV presenter … why is Johnson never the disgraced former PM? … Schofield is a ruined, broken man … Johnson broke a country … plays the media like a fiddle, gets taxpayer to fund huge legal bills … buys a £4M house for cash …. Fights to put donors in the House of Lords…
Rupert Murdoch’s summer party
Keen to demonstrate he is still breathing … dilemma for Keith Starmer … keen to ingratiate himself with Murdoch … also reluctant to alienate his natural base …
Andrew Bridgen
… kicked out of Tory Party … sole Reclaim MP … predicted other Tories would be won over by Laurence Pox …remain in splendid isolation … Tories so unpopular people will vote for anybody who is not Tory …
John Simpson
BBC world affairs correspondent for 35 years … criticised BBC for giving too much air time to Brexiters … powers want the viewers to see him as little as possible…
Australia / NZ trade deals
… negligible contribution to British economy … not a good deal for the UK … gave far too much away for too little…
National Conservatives
Knew their name would be abbreviated to NatCees and did it on purpose … human breach of the Ministerial Code Sue Ellen Braverman…
Do you support killing children? Suella and Priti do.
Pandemic
We are not ready for the next pandemic … Arcturus is the latest variant of Covid 19 …surged across India …detected in more than 30 countries … pathogen is still mutating …We cannot afford to drop our guard … 227,000 fatalities recorded in Britain to date … compare to 454,000 Brits killed in WW2 … twice the toll of the virus but over six years not three … Lady Hallett’s inquiry … reported as Westminster soap opera … Richy Scumbag might reflect on Richard Nixon … reluctance to hand over tapes led to impeachment … For PM who promised ‘integrity, professionalism and accountability to make himself vulnerable to charge of cover up is madness … preparations for a future pandemic are in a wretched state … when not if … we are not ready … infrastructure developed during the crisis is being dismantled or defunded … deliberate government policy … Westminster recrimination and desperate Tory infighting …
Covid 19 inquiry
Commissions in other countries finished their reports…. In complexity, political sensitivity…. only Chilcott Iraq inquiry compares … most sensational hearings will come Autumn 2023 … focus on Johnson and his inner circle …’why did you skip five meetings …. did you really suggests you should be injected with Covid on TV … obtaining evidence has become a circus … Witness statements patchy and late … silence and obfuscation … Inquiry is still in the dark … Britain was led into a crisis by an inadequate and distracted PM …
Richy Scumbag
Setting up a public enquiry then withholding evidence looks like an admission of guilt … Scumbag’s approval ratings at -21 point (20 points worse than Keith Starmer’s) … Scumbag accepted that his election defeat is inevitable … what is happening in Scumbag’s government is so ill thought-through that it is hard to believe that a clever Goldman Sachs man is in charge … furlough loans … undue generosity to fake businesses that have since disappeared … no hope of being repaid … Tory party riven with divides for decades … Scumbag as reluctant as his predecessors to confront them … striving to keep far right Sue Ellen Braverman lovers sweet, while attempting to please more moderate Tories … grandstanding … not impressive … other European countries benefitting hugely … another Brexit ‘freedom’ that is damaging … glaring evidence that government takes a blinkered view ….dogmatic approach leads government in indefensible positions … selfish … short-sighted … if Tories sneak an election victory … he will find himself confronting the same problems, only even more deep seated … sound bites will have vanished along with the hopes they promised … Scumbag does not look like a man in charge … increasingly looks like one leaving after the next election for comfortable life in Santa Monica …
Economists wring their hands over seaside towns
Metropolitan politicians fret (their inhabitants were likeliest to vote for Brexit) … ‘Good Lord! This is ghastly?’ … populist tides that resulted in Brexit swelling in eastern coastal towns … fertile soil for resentment based cause …
Our latest edition of the Daily Maul covers the massive litter tray of dead cats generated by Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, Rishi Sunakered and Nadine Dorries. This in the wake of Johnson’s long overdue fall from grace for killing 30 000 people unnecessarily and giving us an oven burned bungled Brexit. Please see our fact and fiction checker to tell the difference between facts and fictions in our edition of the Maul. Grab a copy of Private Eyelines for more of this stuff. Fight fascism with satire – the one thing they cannot take away from us.
Click on a dead cat to read Private Eyelines.
HARD FACTS
FACT : Liz Truss went on GB News (Gammon Balderdash News) last night, appearing to forget that she supported Remain in 2016. Her parents have disowned her. The kids must be next. Although she has not formed the BUSS (Boris-Truss) party, stranger things have happened. The Truss is out on manoeuvres to kill little Rishi Sunak along with Mad Nads and some other Tories.
Liz Truss was a Remainer Liz Truss backed REMAIN Liz Truss tweeted in 2016: I am backing Remain as I believe it is in Britain's economic interest and means we can focus on vital economic and social reform at home.
FACT : Boris Johnson was found guilty of lying repeatedly by a committee comprised mainly of his own party members. No amount of gaslighting or dead cattery can cover this up. Read the Select Committee report.
FACT : Boris Johnson started new job as Daily Mail columnist the day after the Select Committee (aka Kangaroo court) report found he lied repeatedly to Parliament. They have clearly picked the right man to lie for them. This itself is another breach of the Ministerial Code. His first report concerns the vitally unimportant fact that he takes drugs to stop him raiding the fridge at night for cheese and chorizo. He needs really to take drugs to stop his infatuation with fridges …
The real Daily Maul. Click to read the satire version.
FACT : Boom and Brexit Busted : Mark Carnage reports on Brexit Carnage and its effects on inflation in the Telegraph. YES, the Telegraph !! There was no Boris Brexit Boom. Carney was former Bank of England chief.
Click on the image to read the ‘Telegravda’.
FACT : Jacob Rees-Mogg and the other few remaining nutters on the deck of the SS Brexit are now calling for the removal of our sovereignty. Sovereignty was the very thing that they said we had to have back as the main reason for Brexit. This by the genius Cold War Steve:
Click to see Cold War Steve’s work.
FACT : Rishi Sunak has resorted to wearing brown boots that are nearly bigger than his torso in order to look like a ‘hard man’. Caught smiling on camera whilst the police raided a home yesterday in the traditional racist smirk pioneered by Priti Patel and gold-plated by Suella Braverman.
FICTION : As far as we know, Boris Johnson has not ordered Carrie to deliver a new baby on Monday as a distraction when Parliament vote to accept the Select Committee report. Nor has Nadine Dorris moved back into nursing, or delivered a Cesarian section. However, if I were Carrie, I would not let Mad Nads near her.
In this edition of the Daily Maul we look at how the populist media keep us focused on dead cats rather than the things that affect our futures … To read more of these please check out Private Eyelines. The book makes an excellent gift for Brexiteers in regret. Private Eyelines provides a sense of uplift for people who are sick to death of fascist Nat-C Brexit Britain. Here’s some hard facts and fiction busters to help you navigate today’s papers.
Cash ‘n’ Carrie
FACT : Carrie Johnson is NOT delivering the 3rd Johnson baby on Thursday at 4pm as far as we know. However, a public inquiry about Johnson’s conduct is in progress. Baroness Hallett has called for Johnson’s WhatsApp messages to help with that inquiry. It therefore seems terribly convenient that Carrie is up the duff. Swivel headed Tory loon Andrea Jenkyns said that we must leave Johnson alone, as Carrie is having a baby. Johnson literally did leave Carrie alone, by jetting off to the US to earn millions on the conference circuit, instead of spending time in his Uxbridge constituency and supporting his wife.
By giving Johnson more time to produce the evidence, it gives Johnson more time to delete messages that would incriminate him. In case you think that this witch hunt is bad form, never forget that Johnson’s decisions caused 30 000 unnecessary deaths. These were political CHOICES and not necessities. Ethics matter if you are leading the country through a pandemic. People misunderstand the difference between leadership and comedy.
FICTION : As far as we know Johnson has NOT shagged Andrea Jenkyns. His diary is full. Doubtless Nadine will be trying to access Johnson’s binbag.
To distract us, this is what the papers actually say today. Who gives a flying fuck what Holly Willoughby is doing?
You are being taken for fools.
Whats Appened?
FACT : Rishi Sunak has said that he does not think it would be helpful for the COVID inquiry to see his WhatsApp messages, claiming that they would be irrelevant. In the words of the Police “if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear sir”. What might Rishi be wishing to hide? FICTION : as far as we know, Rishi Sunak has not ordered more shredders for The Cabinet Office. It already has plenty from the Johnson era.
Cats Against Brexit Mayhem
FICTION : Larry the cat has NOT been arrested, nor beaten up by the Met Police. FACT : We don’t know if Matt Hancock has deleted WhatsApp. We do know that he gave out COVID PPE contracts to people with no experience of making medical devices. He also gave special access to Tory donors, irrespective of whether they were experienced PPE manufacturers. We know that much of the PPE did not work. We know that this cost the earth when a more responsible approach was needed in a crisis. We also know that reputable manufacturers were ignored in favour of pub landlords and personal friends. Michelle Mone and Dido Harding are still at large.
The real Daily Mail today – Leading through FURY, shock horror and plain lies.
The Daily Mail, Express, Sun et al systematically delete and downgrade inconvenient truths whilst distracting us with trivia and hyperbolic headlines. Many people almost literally eat their lies for breakfast. It works because many people would either prefer oblivion or entertainment to the awful truths about Brexit, the cost of living, global collaboration, wars and so on. Despite what many would say, these big issues DO affect our daily lives. One of the things the populist media wish to distract us from today is the simply appalling CPTPP trade deal that we did not vote for. Nor does it make up for the losses from Brexit in any way shape or form. The CPTPP deal will only contribute 1/50th of that needed just to stand still after Brexit. And that only after 10+ years. CPTPP contribution to GDP is + 0.08% over 10 years. Brexit losses worth MINUS 4% GDP. Do the math. Simply stated:
— Reboot Britain – Rage Against The Brexit Machine (@BrexitRage) May 31, 2023
Cold Chain Shane misrepresenting CPTPP on BBC Radio 4.
This film we made about Boris Johnson’s burned Brexit deal way back is now coming home to roost. All the Brexit carnage was baked in by Johnson and now we are in ‘Brexit fire sale mode’, willing to make deals at ANY cost.
Reject the lies. Reject the Maul, Excess, Son, Telegravda. Reject Brexit
In this roundup of what could be euphemistically called fun loving criminals, I make some unemotional comparisons of people who should be in jail for crimes against humanity with Rolf Harris. Without excusing Harris for his crimes, it is fair to say that Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, Priti Patel, Kwasi Kwarteng, Suella Braverman, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Nigel Farage, Matt Hancock, Dominic Cummings et al. have done more damage to young people’s lives, through their decisions on Brexit, Brexonomics, immigration and COVID. Why then are they not in prison?
Brexit is a crimescene
The impact of Brexit is already evident across all the STEEPLE factors: Sociological, Technological, Economic, Environmental, Political, Legal and Ethical. See our articles on the impacts at Scottish Bylines and Biz Catalyst 360. The costs of all of these STEEPLE factors are one thing, but if they were to be offset greatly by Brexit benefits which outweigh the costs, then Brexit will have been worth it. However, no Brexit benefits have accrued so far, nor are any on the horizon, apart from some flaky notions of ‘freedom’. See our article on Brexit freedoms for a full list of these so-called freedoms.
Economic, environmental and social damage from Brexit ultimately impact people’s lives and livelihoods. Accordingly, the perpetrators of these crimes must therefore be locked up as a bare minimum. Their crimes are more significant than Harris’ heinous crimes, however hard that might be to hear. And the impacts will become even more pronounced as Brexit reveals its full horrors. Sure, Boris Johnson seems like a loveable rogue, but he is not a fun loving criminal, just a pound shop thief.
Trussonomics
Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng put young people’s hopes of home ownership into the deep freeze with their cocaine fuelled experiment on the nation called ‘Trussonomics‘. In just one weekend, Truss and Kwarteng took £70 BILLION off the UK balance sheet. OK, it’s only money, but such things have significant impacts on lives and livelihoods. I pay my taxes so that our politicians can make careful decisions about macro-economics. I don’t expect them to behave like gamblers in a casino on smack, crackle and pop. Accordingly, Kemi Badenoch, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Penny Morduant are also key players in destroying the value of Britain through their bungled Brexit decisions.
Wreckers of lives and livelihoods
Child killers
Suella Braverman and Priti Patel’s time as Home Secretaries have made Theresa May’s hostile environment look like a trip to a Butlins’ holiday camp. It is not something to be proud of to dream of children being deported to Rwanda. And better alternatives are available. See our two minute answer to immigration below.
Immigration sorted in just two minutes
Immigration has failed over 13 years. Brexit did not deliver
and Rishi Sunackered is simply too weak to sack Braverman, as our micro film in this tweet shows:
— Reboot Britain – Rage Against The Brexit Machine (@BrexitRage) May 24, 2023
Sunakered – Feat James O’Brien
COVID killers
Boris Johnson and Matt Hancock’s decision to put infected COVID patients into care homes had an estimated impact of 30 000 unnecessary deaths. In case you are wondering, this was a political CHOICE and not a necessity. Their decision was based on Dominic Cummings’ obsession with the idea of herd immunity. This again is a crime for which no punishment has been administered to date.
Instead, Matt Hancock got £400 000 on ‘I’m a Celebrity’. Michelle Mone and Dido Harding disappeared with hundreds of thousands of pounds from dodgy PPE contracts. Boris Johnson escaped to go on the conference circuit and Cummings scarpered from the crime scene having driven to Barnard Castle to check his eyesight.
Dying for Boris – find the album at https://academy-of-rock.bandcamp.com/
Partygate is one thing, but 30 000 avoidable deaths another thing altogether. Here’s today’s edition of ‘The Son’ – Populist Political Papers Parodied:
The Son – Click the image to read Private Eyelines on Amazon.
These are not fun loving criminals, they are professional crooks. In the words of Donald Trump:
As part of our continuing work to Brexorcise the population as a preparatory step on the road to rejoining the EU, I encountered two tough cases recently. Selecting your target is vital if you want to make the most of your time, but given that I go out daily with an open invite to talk to people painted on my t-shirt, bicycle etc. one cannot always choose your ‘client’ for Brexorcism. Learn the underlying psychologies, sociology and therapeutic approaches here. The two individuals were themselves quite complex and this underlines the need to use personalised approaches to reach such people.
The Club Landlord
I had the ultimate confessional from the Club Landlord last night. A man in his 50’s who was jailed for violent crimes in his 20’s. He has taken to God of late, believes in Brexit mainly because he watches You Tube videos that tell him that the whole world is a conspiracy and that most of the time we are lied to. Amongst the lies that he believes we have been told include that COVID exists. The conversation went on for hours. He is a lost cause in terms of Brexorcism so I chose to just listen to him. He has picked up the term critical thinking from somewhere but tends to go only to the internet for his information, and then, a fairly narrow channel of material. He voted for Brexit as a protest vote and does not care about the outcomes, even though he has teenage children. I know him quite well and mainly feel sad for him.
There is no single standard Brexit Brain. Learn how to enter them by clicking on the image.
The Trade Unionist
I stopped at a cafe with my bicycle. A man about 50-60 approached and observed my signage, opening up with “I would die for the King and my country”. After some introductions, he self identified as a trade unionist. I imagined him to be left of centre and enquired “what do you think about Brexit?”. He replied that it was the best thing that had happened to Britain as we could make our own Labour laws. He winced as I pointed out that Liz Truss plans to roll back the working time directive which prevents exploitation of the masses, but dodged the question about this. I asked him about what he was now able to do because of Brexit and he answered with some twaddle about WW II. I restated the question but he returned to WW II. I asked “Were you in WW II?” He replied yes but clearly this was not true. He eventually admitted that the country was just the same as it was before Brexit, in other words, that there were no benefits. We moved on to Mick Lynch and host of other topics and it was hard to get away from him. Finally we discussed the 2019 election, Boris, Corbyn and so on. I explained from personal experience of standing a cat for election that my experience on the doorstep demonstrated that Boris and Brexit did not win but Corbyn lost, in part due to our populist media but possibly due to his own presentation and policies in a word that is more sensitive to style over substance. To my surprise, he revealed that he voted for Boris Johnson !! A trade unionist, Brexiteer who voted for a right wing populist. To quote Jim Morrison “People are strange”.
Don Adamson reviews the week – there’s not enough time to get it all done within a short article !!
This week’s homework: Discuss the following statement. We used to have a system in this country. When the Tories ran out of steam Labour would take over for a while. When Labour ran out of steam the Tories would take over. It did not make for great government but it did provide for failure. That system does not work anymore. Tories have proved themselves unfit to govern and show no indication of having learned the error of their ways. Labour has been AWOL since 2010 and shows no indication of wanting to form a government. The only answer they have for inexcusable standard of government that we have is that Labour makes vague and unconvincing promises ‘to make Brexit work.’ To quote Shakespeare: A plague on both their houses. We have local government elections coming up. Vote for anybody, repeat anybody, who wants to Rejoin the EU.
Help us remove Boris Johnson from his seat – click the image
This week’s quotes: “Thick Lizzie and Toilet Kwarteng broke the economy … this budget is returning to Trussonomics… huge benefits for the rich … higher taxes and worse public services for the rest of us … good ideas that clash with Brexit ideology … useless ideas, waste of time and money but the Brexiters like it … incomes fall by further 6% … biggest drop in living standards since records began .. worst record for any major economy … rocked by post Brexit disruption … Global Britain is a lie … £29B in lost investment … future growth is unlikely to take off … lower growth because of Brexit, higher taxes because of Brexit and worse public services because of Brexit … throwing billions at the wealthiest … Brexit has made everything worse … As always in Tory Britain, there is one rule for them and another for the rest of us … Tory MPs breathless excitement at the news that Richy Scumbag was not as totally useless as Johnson and Thick Lizzie … Daily (Once was a real newspaper) Telegraph …. in other news you are unlikely to hear … Rwanda has so far picked up £140M for the deportation scheme at the time that the number of asylum seekers sent there was zero … What Sue Ellen Braverman calls invasion has been a continuous process throughout history … there is no precise distinction between British and non British life forms … never mind the facts … atavistic fear of invasion … hard to say which is more dismaying … politicians compete as to who can be the nastiest … to the most desperate people on earth … Braverman’s nasty public image … Rwanda policy is doomed … as is Richy Scumbag’s pledge to stop boats crossing … UK is abdicating an essential responsibility under international law … Rwanda’s problematical track record on human rights … British government’s message is baffling … even more nonsensical … the site Braverman visited is nothing to do with the UK … smoke and mirrors with nothing behind them … sadistic bait … UK receives small number of asylum seekers than even most European countries … British government policy serves to enrich and empower people smugglers … do we compromise with reality or continue the current deadly charade … toxicity of the asylum debate … ridiculous backlog of claims … realism needs to enter the debate … so long as there is profit people smugglers will enable that behaviour … ridiculous … government is taking the public for fools … promising something it cannot deliver … decent economic growth has escaped the Tory government for all 13 years of its tenure … Braverman’s Rwanda policy is the worst of all the options … no PM has abused powers in such a manner in the last 50 years …
Johnson’s hypocrisy … taxpayer footing the bills … Johnson has made £3.5M and counting … Murdoch talks of being Scottish … he is whatever is expedient for tax purposes … little fraternisation between Daily Mail top brass and Richy Scumbag … Richy Scumbag is in no hurry to sign off the peerage for Dacre … he could do without yet another sleaze scandal … Braverman is awful … scandals … idiotic remarks … fault is not with her but with those who over promoted her … not up to the job … Scumbag is scared of the not sensible wing of his party … Tories have run out of ideas … out of control … desperation leads to bad choices … Braverman gets a free ride for a calculated lie … Tories abandoned the British manufacturing industry in 1979 …
Trump’s dwindling but increasingly unhinged fan base … Brexit is most embarrassing unforced error since Villa keeper let a throw in into his net … Inflation in Britain rose to 10.4% in February … machinery and structure of British government need reform …
Dump Trump
Johnson’s blustering testimony to Parliament reminded us what we had not been missing … less experienced officials acre in more senior posts … ministers have eroded the tradition that officials provide candid advice … the planning system makes quagmires look slick … taxation will reach a lost war high this year … not producing better results … bleak picture …
Pip Pip Medway Delta (Retired) Brexorcist and Saboteur First Class
Learn how to get rid of these shysters – click the link on this picture
Some cold unemotional analysis for Remainers and Rejoiners who are hard of thinking. If we accept :
1. That all the Tory candidates are essentially the same in terms of their short term impact on the economy (shades of badness etc.). Morduant is another ERG puppet and Rishi is mistrusted by ERG because he is a prudent brown economist by TP members, having shown his credentials already.
2. That the next Brexit / Kwasi Recession is more or less “baked in”, thus the impact of leadership in the next few months has an NPV of zero. So the choice of leader is an irrelevant issue in ‘accountancy’ terms. Note that Liz Truss’s departure did nothing to the value of the pound. The city is not fooled by replacement headstones.
Then we move on to the next level of analysis. Which leader is worst for the Tories and Brexit?
1. If Boris loses, he loses any opportunity to return to politics. There would be no need for a judicial review etc. It’s a slam dunk success. This is probably why he’s hesitating as he is not a losing kind of guy.
2. If Boris wins, a new bloodbath will open up in the Tory party – with those who wrote letters resigning, writing more letters and so on and members leaving. Roger Gale has already written his letter!!
So, basically it’s a win win win win win win …. In short, if the ERG don’t want Johnson, and 1/3 of the Tories don’t like it, we should support it.
None of the above appears to be apparent to most Remainers / Rejoiners who are gaslit by the Johnson persona and his sins. We must set that aside. If Johnson gets elected, it will be tragic for the Tories and the Brexit bubble will be popped, like a very nasty boil.
Cold analysis is far more important than hot emotional reactions to the ghost of Johnson. Think about it. Put your head before your hedonic response.
The best outcomes at this time re Tory destruction are in order of desirability:
1. A General Election – However, I don’t yet see the mechanism for this, as the English don’t riot. The Tory argument that they were elected may well stand unless it faces significant parliamentary and public pressure. This, however is why we wrote the letter to King Charles. Now the Remainers are complaining about that for a host of bizarre reasons.
2. Boris wins – Vote of No Confidence, resignations and more mayhem.
3. Boris loses – they limp on with another lame duck.
I don’t really think that Boris Johnson deserves more than one minute to reflect upon his legacy so I made several videos in less than one minute on this subject. In fact James O’Brien summed up the detail so well that I don’t feel i could better that. In summary we are talking about:
Broken promises on Brexit (It is NOT “DONE”, it will consume a lifetime of wasted time and money to continue the pretence). To read the full history, read Private Eyelines – Have I Got Fake Brexit News for EU and Reboot Britain – Strategies and skills to change minds on Europe and Brexit. Remainers and Rejoiners seriously need to up their skills if we are to win the next battle with the populists. Never forget that we lost two elections and a referendum, however inconvenient that fact is. Yesterday I delivered copies of these books to Sir Alan Sugar, Richard Branson and James O’Brien. I wish to send them to Hugh Grant next if anyone can help with this.
On Brexit, COVID and lies
Outright LIES on COVID (Johnson was late to the party when others were listening to experts. He conducted an experiment with genocide by placing infected NHS patients into care homes, causing 10’s of 1000’s of unnecessary deaths). The list goes on. These were political CHOICES and not inevitable. Johnson has been lying ever since he was born. Why would we expect any different from him?
On COVID, care homes and unnecessary deaths
On Brexit, Kettles and gold wallpaper
Industrial levels of distraction or dead cat politics, the latest one being the “kettle”. Even the kettle story is not correct. If you want your kettle to boil faster, descaling and using the correct amount of water will make bigger impacts on your bill. £20 is of course not even significant when compared with the actual energy price rises, but Johnson assumes that people cannot add up.
I don’t believe the Tories will call an election in order to lose their majority but if they do, we’ll need to do better than sharing memes on fb. The Daily Maul has set another dead cat loose on this subject today. Preparation is better than regret. Learn the skills to persuade people outside your bubble to change their voting behaviour here.
I don't believe the Tories will call an election in order to lose their majority but if they do, we'll need to do better than sharing memes on fb.
Preparation is better than regret.
Learn the skills to persuade people outside your bubble to change their voting behaviour here.
— Reboot Britain – Rage Against The Brexit Machine (@BrexitRage) September 3, 2022
Join us on Monday September 12 at 8 pm on ZOOM to build momentum to remove the Brexit beast from our lives and build a better Britain in a better Europe for a better World.
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