This is a fantastic french letter from one of our Brexit satirists. Feel free to use or adapt it for your own purpose. Find your MPs e-mail at Write to Them.
Dear xxx,
I have a few questions for you:
1. Could you please tell me why Chris Pincher hasn’t resigned? Is it because the serial groper has been kept on by the PM because a by-election would almost certainly mean another catastrophic result for the Conservative Party?
2. When Boris Johnson was Foreign Secretary he was interrupted in his office getting a blow job by his mistress Carrie (now his wife). Is this in your view a sacking offence? Or should we just move on (again)?
3. The person who interrupted Carrie giving Boris a blow job in his office whilst supposedly at work is alleged to be Gavin Williamson – who some in the media and elsewhere are saying he is incompetent and was given a thoroughly undeserved knighthood to keep his silence. Can you shed any light on this please?
4. Has Jacob Rees-Mogg found any ‘Benefits of Brexit’ yet? I know he’s struggling, so you must be incandescent with rage?
As one of your constituents I am desperate to know where you stand on these issues, so an early reply would be appreciated.
Available to order direct from ebay – click to view. Discounted copies available direct from the author via reboot@brexitrage.com. Also on Amazon at a higher price.
Re-Boot Britain is a practical methodology on changing minds about Europe and Brexit. Find it on Amazon or direct from the author via reboot@brexitrage.com
Private Eyelines : Have I Got Fake Brexit News for EU is just released. Humour is one of the few weapons this Government cannot take away from us. It’s a historical and hysterical record of #Brexit and one that holds this #fascist government to account in ways that spreadsheets and graphs do not. The book helps us deconstruct the fake news of populist media from “The Son” to “The Daily Maul” “Excess” and “Telegravda”. Grab copies for yourself and your Brexity friends now on Amazon or order discount copies direct from the author by e-mailing us at reboot@academy-of-rock.co.uk Here is the book blurb below:
Satire reaches the parts that spreadsheets, graphs and logic do not. Brexit provides a rich dark seam of tragicomedy in a Kafkaesque world of gaslighting, shapeshifting and shameless lies. We live in desperately sad times. But simply drowning in the sadness of Brexit does not help us deal with paranoid populist politicians. Bittersweet levity cuts through people’s minds to their visceral core. Simply stated, satire heals.
Populist media brainwashed leave voters to believe in Brexit unicorns. I tried my hand at parodying these media to expose the lies on which the Brexit hydra reared its many ugly heads. I found that people rather liked my gutterpress pages. Some even believed that they were real!
To change minds on Brexit, it is not sufficient to break the parliamentary paralysis which continues to enable the slow-motion destruction of Britain. Nor is demographic change, aka death, a success recipe. We must actively work on the huddled masses. People almost literally eat lies for breakfast from a biased populist media, owned by people who seem just a little bit too friendly with Vladimir Putin. Private Eyelines opens up the conversation anew with Brexiteers with buyers’ remorse, or Remainers numbed into submission by six years of bullshit and bullying from our so-called political leaders.
Peter Cook is a unique combination of scientist, business consultant and musician. As a 60’s child, his mum made him watch Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, saying “it would be good for him”. It wasn’t! Instead, Peter built a solid career bringing life-saving treatments for diabetes and HIV / AIDS to the world, 18 years tutoring MBAs in academia, writing books and 28 years running a business. His early exposure to Cook and Moore suddenly came to the fore after 24 June 2016, as satire met real life through Brexit. His mis-spent youth and creativity have been rejuvenated through campaigning, writing, music, film making and speaking about our rightful place in Europe. It was good for him after all. Mum was right!
Available to order direct from Amazon – click to view. Discounted copies available direct from the author.
Turn despair into action. Join us every Monday at 8pm on ZOOM via Reboot Britain.
It’s been a week of car crash events with Boris Johnson. Somewhat unbelievably he was asked to deliver the reading at St Paul’s Cathedral on the occasion of the Queen’s jubilee. We reconsidered his speech through the values espoused by the Bible and its apostles : Mogg, Truss, Dorries, Madonna et al. This was the result. For complete clarity, we felt sorry for the Queen having to put up with Johnson and Brexit. Whatever your views on the monarchy, the Queen’s 70 years of service stand in stark contrast to Johnson’s spirit of self-service. Watch the 2 minute video and read the “Tory Bible quotes” below:
Bible quotes:
“Better is a poor person who walks in his integrity than one who is crooked in his speech and is a fool” Gove 48.52
“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: … drunkenness, orgies, and Instagram. Those who live by selfies will not inherit the kingdom of God.”Truss 78.6
“Whoever loves Somerset wealth is never satisfied with Brexit”Mogg 6.31
“Whatever it takes” Sunak 20.21
“Whatever” Liam Gallagher 19.94
“Iwas hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me in Rwanda.” Patel 52.48
“There are six things the LORD hates: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, Brexit, disaster capitalism, spaffing and hands that shed innocent blood” Johnson 20.22
“Let your requests for media censorship be made known to God” Dorries 6.66
“God save the Queen … from Brexit and Johnson” Ellwood 20.22
Turn despair into action. Join us every Monday at 8pm on ZOOM via Reboot Britain.
People say, what’s the point of writing to MPs? Well, other people read the letters. It informs their views on whether they are going to lose elections and so on. Everything counts. Here’s a cracker from one of our team. Please use of modify the letter to write to your MP. Find your MP email address at Write to Them.
Dear Ms Whately,
The Sue Gray report has now been published, so I would now like to hear your thoughts.on the matter.
We knew before the report was issued that the rules that applied to the general population were completely ignored by the PM.
It now turns out that the extent of rule breaking was far worse than originally thought.
We, the UK population, now know with absolute certainty that the PM is a liar, so I want to know if he has your continued support?
If you do still support him, I would like to know why? I sincerely hope that you don’t, as this will make you complicit in the corruption and law-breaking.
The PM has said he will not resign, so do you think that a fine from the police for his law-breaking is an appropriate consequence for his actions?
I hope I get something better than a stock reply from you. This is important, and a whitewash of what has been happening at the heart of our government is unacceptable.
As my elected MP, your integrity is under very close scrutiny.
Yours sincerely
Dr. Bob
Nothing succeeds better than the glare of public transparency. If you cannot get any satisfaction from your MP in private, Tweet them in public or send the letter to your local newspaper or radio station. While we are here, read our latest newsletter and join us on Saturday 28 May in Brighton or online via ZOOM.
Turn despair into action. Join us every Monday at 8pm on ZOOM via Reboot Britain.
In this Irish special we focus on the U2 question posed by Liz Truss “With or Without EU”. It becomes clear that she still hasn’t found what she’s looking for with Brexit.
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As things continue to become more bizarre by the day in Brexit Britain, we focus on the Irish question in this fake version of The Mail on Sunday.
FACT: Liz Truss is prepared to risk the breakdown of the Good Friday Agreement and 30 years of peace on the island of Ireland to improve her chances of becoming PM. In 2019 the Conservatives said that peace in Northern Ireland and independence for Scotland were prices worth paying to “Get Brexit Done”. One of the few truths they told.
FACT : It was the BRITISH government that signed the Brexit deal which required the border in the sea between Britain and the island of Ireland. Blaming the EU is simply gaslighting. We are a third country and, to quote the Brexiteers we should “Get over it”
FACT : ‘Sir’ David Frost read the deal and then ignored it in order to “Get Brexit Done”. This problem is ENTIRELY of our own Government’s making and Frost’s squirming is pathetic. He’s not even elected.
FACT : Boris Johnson said that a border between Ireland and Britain would only happen over his dead body. We note that he is still alive.
FACT : The majority of people and politicians in Northern Ireland want to keep the Northern Ireland Protocol. Some 70% of people voted for parties that support peace on the island or Ireland.
FACT : ‘Sir’ David Frost is now pretending he was railroaded into signing the deal. The word scum is not bad enough for someone who refuses to own his Brexshit.
FACT : Johnson needs this distraction to ensure people don’t think about unnecessary COVID deaths, Leadership failures via Partygate, the cost of living crisis, Brexit carnage, Levelling down, NI rises, Pension unlocking, killing bees, killing kids by encouraging them to eat more junk food, the list goes on.
FICTION : Whereas Coleen Rooney has not shagged Johnson, Arlene would do anything to restore the troubles to Northern Ireland, including a performance with Dolly Parton if one could be arranged.
Whilst the EU are the adults in the room, they should respond to this childish behaviour by our adapted children in Government.
Rejoin EU and Brexorcism masterclass 10.30 – 12.00 Saturday 28 May Brighton followed by lunch – Friends Meeting House, BN1 1AF – contact us to book your space
It’s Party Party Party in the Telegravda. Come on down and celebrate death by Brexit. Taken from a forthcoming book on the Kafka-esque political world in which we now operate.
FACT: Drivers stuck on the M20 [1]are not allowed to leave their cabins to urinate or defecate by Kent Police, so that traffic can continue its slow grind towards Dover. It’s not Party Party Party if you are stuck in your cab with a bottle of urine and a pile of Brexshit on the floor.
FICTION: The M20 has not been turned into a rave venue and the drivers are not drinking their own urine during ‘Operation Pisspot’[2].
FICTION: Sue Gray has not shown up in Ibiza. On the other hand, her report on leadership failures has disappeared without trace.
Chilled – Sue Gray
FACT: Johnson needs the Russian war to deflect attention from Brexit carnage, now that he has cancelled COVID, his leadership, gas, oil, petrol and food prices, national insurance, NHS backlogs, COVID … the list goes on.
Brexorcism masterclass 7 pm Thursday 21 April via ZOOM
FACT: Johnson’s leadership is disliked by 72% of the population with the most frequent word mentioned about him being LIAR.
Liar in Chief
FACT: Let’s play the party game of ‘closets and skeletons’ whilst the drinking continue into the night:
Rishi Sunak defended Mrs S of her absolute right to legally pay as little tax as possible to the country that supplies her with the house she lives in. She was part owner of Lava Mayfair Club Ltd[3] (a private membership gym), which collapsed last year, owing almost £44 million to creditors, including £374,000 to HMRC.
Another of Mrs S’s ventures, education firm ‘Mrs Wordsmith[4]‘, went into administration last year owing £16.3 million … after receiving a £1.3 million loan from the Government’s Future Fund.
Digme Fitness, of which Mrs Rishi owns, received up to £635,000 of furlough money before it closed its eight studios in London and Oxford still owing HMRC £415,000. In case of doubt, 635 is more than 415.
So, Sunak introduces the furlough scheme … and the woman he’s sleeping with benefits by up to £635,000.
Sunak oversees the UK rules regarding non-Dom status[5] … and the woman he’s sleeping with benefits by over £20 million.
Sunak is supposed to be in charge of ensuring that the UK maximises its tax take…yet the woman he’s sleeping with has overseen companies going bust owing £789,000 to HMRC.
Sunak says his wife’s tax affairs are none of our business! Never mind, let’s party like it’s 1999!
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