This is a fantastic french letter from one of our Brexit satirists. Feel free to use or adapt it for your own purpose. Find your MPs e-mail at Write to Them.

Dear xxx,

I have a few questions for you:

1. Could you please tell me why Chris Pincher hasn’t resigned? Is it because the serial groper has been kept on by the PM because a by-election would almost certainly mean another catastrophic result for the Conservative Party?

2. When Boris Johnson was Foreign Secretary he was interrupted in his office getting a blow job by his mistress Carrie (now his wife). Is this in your view a sacking offence? Or should we just move on (again)?

3. The person who interrupted Carrie giving Boris a blow job in his office whilst supposedly at work is alleged to be Gavin Williamson – who some in the media and elsewhere are saying he is incompetent and was given a thoroughly undeserved knighthood to keep his silence. Can you shed any light on this please?

4. Has Jacob Rees-Mogg found any ‘Benefits of Brexit’ yet? I know he’s struggling, so you must be incandescent with rage?

As one of your constituents I am desperate to know where you stand on these issues, so an early reply would be appreciated.

Many thanks

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