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Mugged by Mogg

Mugged by Mogg

By Adrian Ekins-Daukes

Jacob Rees-Mogg has been slammed for suggesting the people died in the Grenfell Tower tragedy because they listened to the fire brigade’s orders. Mugged by Mogg, Jacob claimed that they lacked ‘common sense’. The Tory MP told LBC host Nick Ferrari that the victims would have survived if they’d just ignored what they were told. Since when would anyone ignored the advice of someone in charge of saving lives if your house was burning down. The Metro reported that Jacob would have left the building as ‘it just seems the common sense thing to do’.

Mogg Fish

A happy fish

Faced with furious complaints that lorry loads of fish had to be thrown into the sea owing to delays caused by Brexit red tape, Jacob Rees-Mogg replied as follows to questions in the house:

“The key is we’ve got our fish back. They are now British fish and they’re better & happier fish for it”

Toby Earle MP stated that unsold fish are rotting on docks, seafood companies are hitting the wall.

Others pointed out that rotting fish are not happy fish. Also, the happiest of all are those who are not caught and live out their lives peacefully because British fisherman have all gone bankrupt because they have no one to sell their fish to!

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This piece of condescending Etonian humour stands comparison with Mary Antoinette’s remarks about cake eating. It is fit for an audience of three-year-olds only, not grown ups inside or outside the House of Commons.

Suffer little children

The Mogg Family

Jacob Rees-Mogg is also under fire for accusing UNICEF of a “political stunt” after the UN agency stepped in to help feed deprived children in the UK during the COVID-19 pandemic. 

The Commons leader hit out at Unicef, which provides humanitarian aid to children worldwide, after it launched its first domestic emergency response in the UK in its over 70-year history. He characterised Unicef’s support as “playing politics” and said it should be “ashamed of itself”.

As part of the support programme of more than £700,000 to help fund projects for children and their families, UNICEF has pledged £25,000 to supply nearly 25,000 breakfasts in a south London borough over the Christmas holidays and February half-term.

After UNICEF’s support in the UK was raised in the Commons, Mogg stated:

“I think it’s a real scandal that UNICEF should be playing politics in this way when it is meant to be looking after people in the poorest, the most deprived countries in the world, where people are starving, where there are famines and there are civil wars. And they make cheap political points of this kind, giving, I think, £25,000 to one council. It is a political stunt of the lowest order.”

He defended the government’s response to child poverty, including expanding free school meals, adding: “UNICEF should be ashamed of itself.”

However, the minister’s comments prompted a backlash, with Labour’s deputy leader, Angela Rayner:

She said: “In one of the richest countries in the world, our children should not be forced to rely on a charity that usually works in war zones and in response to humanitarian disasters. The only scandal here is this rotten Tory government leaving 4.2 million children living in poverty, a number that will only rise due to the coronavirus crisis.”

The Liberal Democrat leader, Ed Davey, said: “Rees-Mogg’s sneering comments are abhorrent – a modern-day version of ‘let them eat cake’.”

Write to your MP using this as content to complain about the slow creep into fascism as espoused by Jacob Rees-Mogg. Refuse to be mugged by Mogg.

Here’s a couple of songs we wrote which express our views on being mugged by Mogg:

Mogg Chorus – with apologies to Paul McCartney
Jacob Rees- Moog – THE BREX-KIP FAR-RIGHT FAR-AGE DOMINATRIX MIX – PG rated

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BACKGROUND

Anna Kettley, UNICEF UK’s director of programmes and advocacy, said: “UNICEF UK is responding to this unprecedented crisis and building on our 25 years’ experience of working on children’s rights in the UK with a one-off domestic response, launched in August, to provide support to vulnerable children and families around the country during this crisis period.

“In partnership with Sustain, the food and farming alliance, over £700k of UNICEF UK funds is being granted to community groups around the country to support their vital work helping children and families at risk of food insecurity during the coronavirus pandemic. UNICEF will continue to spend our international funding helping the world’s poorest children. We believe that every child is important and deserves to survive and thrive no matter where they are born.”

Kettley said UNICEF UK was providing grants of between £5,000 and £25,000, with more than £700,000 being made available in total to 30 community organisations to fund projects for children and families in their area. “For some of the projects, the funding is distributed via a council, but the majority of the grants are being made directly to community organisations,” she said. “In Southwark, the funding has gone directly to School Food Matters, a community organisation.”

UNICEF UK said the first round of grants were confirmed in mid-August and all funded programme activity was due to conclude in February next year.

It has given a £25,000 grant to the community project School Food Matters. The charity says it is working with Premier Foods, Southwark council and Southwark Food Action Alliance – a collective of charitable organisations, residents and community partners – to deliver 18,000 breakfasts to 25 schools for distribution around the borough over the two-week Christmas holidays, as well as an additional 6,750 breakfasts over the February half-term.

The PM’s spokesman declined to comment directly on Rees-Mogg’s remarks, saying: “What we would point towards is the work and the action that we’ve already taken to support the most vulnerable and the poorest families across the country.”

Jacob’s Crackers

In this roundup of Jacob’s Crackers, we chart the unprecedented developments in our Government’s idiotic approach to Brexit, COVID and Trump. I am finding it very difficult to distinguish satire from reality, as Boris Johnson lurches from the COVID car crash to our Britastrophe in waiting …

Write to your MP

Ask that Brexit be suspended in the wake of Corona

Thank The Lords

The House of Lords firmly rejected the idea of breaking international law in order to “Get Brexit Done”. Johnson’s response? “Carry On Breaking The Law”. The likely outcome? Britain will be twinned with North Korea as a rogue state. The EU and US will treat Britain accordingly.

Trust is essential

Jacob's Crackers
Trust is essential for all trade and business – The UK is not trustworthy

Write to members of the House of Lords – Point out that the internal markets bill was NOT a manifesto promise and therefore it is perfectly reasonable for the House of Lords to continue to oppose it.

World Beating COVID deaths

Once again, we lead Europe with COVID deaths, due to our “too little, too late’ approach”. This Twitter thread sums up the problems:

Please Retweet this and related tweets. Tweet your MP with a personal message about #suspendbrexit. Hold their feet to the fire.

Rats deserting the sinking ship

If the COVID deaths were not bad enough, it seems that Downing Street is more concerned with petty power squabbles between Dominic Cummings, his cronies and Boris’ girlfriends. Whitehall is now occupied by a large number of Vote Leave cronies and we await the departure of Dominic Cummings and our idiot negotiator David Frost, following Lee Kane’s departure last night. Watch Channel 4 News last night to find out more:

To learn more about cronyism in Whitehall check out My Little Crony by Sophie Hill

IBS – Irritable Brexit Syndrome

If all of the above were not enough to make you think that we have lost control of our senses, swivel eyed loons John Redwood and, not IBS, but IDS (Iain Duncan Smith) have pointed out that Britain is bigger than the US. They have also told Joe Biden had better watch his step if he wants to get a trade deal with Britain. Texas and California are bigger than the US geographically, never mind the economy. The US economy is 20 x larger than the UK economy. For the avoidance of doubt:

Size matters

Jacob's Crackers
Size is important – we are 40 x smaller than the US
John Redwood “Mine’s bigger than yours” Retweet and share to your MP
Retweet please

Citizens of Nowhere

Boris Johnson and Priti Patel scraped the bottom of the barrel by claiming that ending our freedom of movement was somehow a great triumph, whilst trying to pretend that the matter does not apply to British people. Johnson seems to have forgotten that he said exactly the opposite when he was seeking people’s votes for Brexit. In the words of Johnny Rotten:

Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?

We are all Citizens of Nowhere

Oh Brexit, up yours

In case you had forgotten, there’s a thing called Brexit looming. It turns out that 90% of UK trade is not covered by free trade deals after Brexit. So, when Johnson says Get Ready For Brexit, he means himself.

Oh yes, and the hauliers’ guidebook to handle border confusion has been delayed until after Brexit has happened. Presumably this is to give Dominic Cummings more time to appoint more cronies or indulge in a mud wrestling match with Carrie Symonds. Best get more of those portaloos in Kent, Sussex and Surrey …

Flush Brexit
Dump Brexit

English exceptionalism continues to dominate our Brexit negotiations, in stark contrast to the EU’s organised and transparent processes to democracy:

Bunkering down

If Jacob’s crackers, all the while, Johnson continues to self isolate from the truth about COVID and Brexit, Trump is also bunkering down, whilst he makes a new series of “Borat” with Rudy Giuliani:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fG0RRZoAJo&ab_channel=CSmoke365
Jacob's Crackers
Crushed by Victoriana – Jacob’s crackers
Paul McCartney meets Jacob at a Queen Concert

Read our satirical front pages of The Sun, Maul, Excess

Join us on ZOOM, Facebook to multiply your impact

TAKE ACTION – SuspEND Brexit

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Jacob’s Bladder
Get Ready for the Brexit Wars

Get Ready for The Brexit Wars

In case you are unaware occasionally we parody the immense stupidity and lies from populist newspapers. Here is today’s edition as we get ready for the Brexit wars. This includes some fact checking below, in case you are unable to separate Brexit fact from fiction.

Get Ready for The Brexit Wars

Facts and Fiction Checker

Conservative MP George “Useless” Eustace told farmers to switch from Sheep to Cows in the wake of almost certain bankruptcy in the face of 35% tariffs on Lamb. Useless Eustace also told Danish firm Lurpak to move production of their butter to Britain. Sadly Lurpak pointed out that it would be illegal. In any case, why would they wish to locate themselves in Brexit Britain?

Boris Johnson has suggested that Parliament will not have time to approve a Brexit deal. So, when he said “Take Back Control”, he meant for himself rather than Parliament or the People. In the words of Johnny Rotten:

Ever got the feeling you’ve been cheated?

Farmers fear that the turkeys they are rearing will be too big for Christmas. Some (turkeys, not farmers) have in fact been put on diets.

Johnson has summoned up more jingoistic rhetoric about war with his announcement of more money for our military. This amounts to more distraction from COVID and Brexit. And like most of Johnson’s announcements, it’s not quite what it seems …

Minister for the 18th Century, Jacob Rees-Mogg did quote Caractacus on Parliament the other day, but did not make an explicit connection between Rolf Harris and his song The Court of King Caractacus. Unfortunately many other people did. Please reply to Jake The Peg …

Meanwhile, it has been reported that 62% of British people now want to stay in the EU. 60% of people feel that the EU has handled the pandemic well.

In the ultimate irony, it seems that “forins” will be manning the border posts if Brexit proceeds. They very thing that Brexiteers wanted will not come to pass and they will have their blue passports inspected by Romanians and Indians. Oh, the joy on their faces!

A book on Brexit has been released. Entitled “The Benefits of Brexit“. The book contains 234 BLANK pages. Some Brexiteers are outraged, having bought the book to find it devoid of inspiration. Here’s my review:

If you want a good book on how to have difficult conversations about Brexit around the Slimfast Christmas Turkey, please find our book on Brexorcism on Amazon.

TAKE ACTION

Write to MPs and the European Union. Ask them to help Suspend Brexit in the wake of Corona.

Read our article on Suspending Brexit and share widely.

Get ready for the Brexit Wars … here’s an echo of what Johnson has created …

SuspEND Brexit

Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit

Just a day after Johnson appeared to have made a “Canada style” deal, it turns out that all is not well and the industrial scale lies and gaslighting has started again. Our deal is really a Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit. Here we report the news via the medium of populist press parodies. Today it’s the Daily Maul and The Sun. Including a fact and fiction checker. As always it’s action that counts. Please follow the links at the bottom.

Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit
It’s always Fury in the Maul

FACT AND FICTION CHECKER

TRUE : Boris Johnson has thrown students under one of his buses by cancelling the Erasmus scheme. In one of his empty flourishes he says he plans to replace it with our own scheme which he has rather oddly titled The Turing System. FALSE : It does not require students to undergo castration like Turing had to, leading to his suicide.

TRUE : Britain “leads” all of Europe in terms of COVID deaths. We are once again back up at peak deaths per day as we experienced in March 2020. This is because Johnson has prioritised the economy above health throughout this crisis, acting too little and too late and using the science when it was expedient to do so and then ignoring it to silence opposition.  As a result, Britain lurches from lockdown to lockdown.  The result will be a prolonged crisis rather than a rise to zero.  Schemes such as eat out to help out and the use of exceptions mean that everyone loses as the pandemic flatlines at 400 – 700 deaths per day.

FALSE : Police did not threaten to taser lorry drivers to prevent them urinating.  However, they used tactics reserved for totalitarian states in their attempts to control people who, through no fault of their own, were trapped at Manston airport and remain so.

TRUE : Plans exist to evacuate the Queen in case of civil unrest over Brexit. This unrest can only come from those who apparently have “won” Brexit, since remainers are largely unable to contemplate acts of civil unrest. beyond eating cucumber sandwiches and sitting down on the grass opposite parliament.

TRUE : These charts are an accurate appraisal of the Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit deal, as compared with our existing arrangements with the EU.  It tells a very sorry story. To read the full text of the trade deal go to Brexit Trade Deal.

Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit
Brexit Fury in “The Sun”

FACT AND FICTION CHECKER

TRUE : Jacob Rees-Mogg did in fact blame UNICEF for feeding children at Christmas.  This is beyond shame.  FALSE : As far as we know, Mogg has not opened a workhouse in Chew Magna, But one never knows.

FALSE : Although “John” has not taken over as home secretary , this regular attendee at 10 Downing St is an advocate of hanging.  TRUE : He often turns up drunk at 10:00 o’clock in the morning to sing songs such as Bye Bye EU. In fact this is his only song .

TRUE :  Oi band the K**TS managed to get to #5 in the Official Charts this week with their song Boris Johnson is a F*****G C**T.  Speaking as a musician, I cannot say this song is particularly well written, but clearly the sentiment has captured the mood of the nation.  Ursula Von de Leyen is in fact a gynaecologist, but did not utter the words about Johnson, apart from expressing some hand relief in her dignified speech on Thursday afternoon.

TRUE : The French provided relief to stranded lorry drivers with 10,000 COVID tests. The Germans airlifted supplies in, whilst Sikhs from Gravesend cooked thousands of curries for lorry drivers stuck in Kent through no fault of their own.  In contrast, Kent County Council managed to provide a snack bar, whilst Kent Police locked the drivers in at Manston airport and wielded tasers in order to frighten them.  Kent County Council’s CEO also was complicit in lying about the numbers of lorry drivers stranded in the County, suggesting that it was in the hundreds rather than thousands.

TRUE : Boris Johnson attempted to cover up the fact that he has given a lot of ground to the EU by refusing to publish the details of the deal.  He is calling it a Canada style deal, when in fact it is what I’m calling Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit.  Meanwhile today Michael Gove is involved in gaslighting us to talk about a “special relationship” with Europe, in order to stop scrutiny on the deal.  Keir Starmer is still undecided as to whether to oppose, abstain or support a Brexit deal.  Although it’s a difficult choice, an abstention would be the minimum best course of action given that Boris Johnson will blame Labour if they back the deal.  Where are your six tests Keir?  And your backbone?  John Redwood wishes to write a spoiler clause into the EU trade agreement, saying that we can cancel the agreement at any time without consequence.

This piece of excellent analysis by James Chespy who has read the entire EU Trade Agreement on Boxing Day – a Herculian effort:

The purpose of a Free Trade deal is to remove barriers to trading across frontiers. Having read this EU/UK Trade and Cooperation Agreement I can say with some degree of certainty that this is not a free trade deal it is not even a Canada Style deal which the Prime Minister articulates. The deal is a regressive agreement because imposes barriers to Trading across frontiers. It imposes extra bureaucracy for businesses to adhere to. That means extra costs of doing business and that will mean lost jobs and reduced profits.

When companies are having their profit margins hit by the extra bureaucracy they will take the view that it will be far easier to conduct their business from within the EU than from within the UK.Whilst its welcome that there are no tariffs on exported or imported goods the extra cost imposed on businesses by the extra bureaucracy will make the fact that there are no tariffs rather meaningless.

ACTIONS

Write to Keir Starmer and Labour MPs.  Ask them to abstain as a bare minimum response to the Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit trade deal.

Continue to operate divide and rule tactics in the Tory party in whatever way you can. Use their own tactics on them and better their strategies rather than copy them.

If you want our work to continue here and on the street, please support us via Re-Boot Britain.

Wash your hands of Johnson – Click to support
The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games

Outside my life on here, I am a business person so, of course, I’m keen to harvest the benefits of Brexit. I’m impatient to discover what they are, as I have been promised a bright future over many years. First I decided to assess the cost-benefits of our new found sovereignty.

SOVRINTY INNIT

I discovered that Britain always had our sovereignty. This was demonstrated in the Supreme Court by Gina Miller. It was actually stated in the Brexit Withdrawal Agreement. How else were we able to close our borders for COVID in 2020 without asking the EU? We have kept the Pound. We turned down Billions of Euros of EU assistance for the Corona crisis. Now we even have our own “British sovereign variant” of Corona, according to Boris Johnson. But I am told by Boris Johnson that 67 million of us each now own a great big bag of sovereignty. To assess the value, I have put my bag up for auction on e-bay for £10 000.

Bags ‘o sovrinty – PRICELESS

Sadly, no one has taken up the offer of the bag. I am prepared to take one penny. Does nobody place any value on it? Will it buy a lunch box for a hungry child?

The Hunger Games

Meanwhile, the real Hunger Games are just beginning. In Northern Ireland, supermarket shelves are emptying, as it becomes apparent that frictionless trade was yet another Brexit unicorn sold by serial liar Michael Gove. In schools, our Government has been so possessed by Brexit that it is unable to organise itself to feed children under lockdown.

Perhaps Jacob Rees-Mogg was on the money when he said that he was not troubled by a few smugglers after Brexit. Here is the Brexit Smuggler’s Song after Rudyard Kipling.

Brexit Priorities

Finally, here is a wonderful poem by Barry Fentiman-Hall called “When Brexit comes (you will not be prioritised)”

When Brexit comes
You will not be prioritised

White is not the original canvas
On which the world was colourized
Jim Davidson will not make a comeback
Chalky was not really his friend
You are not the beginning of anything
Nor the default setting
You will queue for cabbages
With a pantone nation

When Brexit comes
You will not be prioritised

God is not an Englishman
You are not his messenger
Sent to wash the world in shocking pink
Dunkirk was a defeat
A flotilla of weekend pleasure boats
Are not coming to save you
And neither is Sir John Mills with a cold Danish beer
There are no exceptions
You will be on universal credit
With Jakub, Karosh, and Li Cheng

When Brexit comes
You will not be prioritised

How you voted is irrelevant
Maggie and Winston are dead racists and their statues will be pissed on by poodles and shat on by doves
Theresa May will never be any more of a statue than she is now
Conservatism is not a natural state
It does not appear
In the periodic table of elements
The calcium in your bones
Will be at the same levels as your anarchist neighbour

When Brexit comes you will not be prioritised

We are finally all in it together
You and I

There will be no further extension
Brexit will come
It will be televised live from your living room…
And you will be the star…

Ending Brexit populism is our priority and those that continue to push it. Join us tonight at 8 pm on ZOOM.