I have said on numerous occasions that populism will eat itself. And so it comes to pass, as Nigel Farage decides to cannibalise himself by stating that “Brexit has failed” this week. I wrote a song in 2018 that predicted Nigel’s demise at the confessional box of Farage’s fascist funeral. Just like Eleanor Rigby, nobody came. Check our film “We are Donkeys” out on our EU Tube Channel. It’s a dark dystopian piece of ambient jazz. not destined for the pop music charts, but it tells the tale of Nigel’s lonely demise in his bunker:
Nigel was a great opportunist. Having failed to mobilise any meaningful movement around his euroscepticism over 20 years whilst taking a large salary from an employer he hated, he weaponised Tory austerity from 2010-2015. Angry people need something or someone else to blame. Nigel spotted that immigrants were an excellent target for ‘othering’. He set about leveraging the dissent within knuckle dragging racists and people with feeble minds who felt they did not have a voice in David Cameron’s Britain. Borrowing an old Nazi poster from the 1930’s, Nige kept his message simple and clear. “Breaking Point” was a huge success, contributing to a 12% swing in the referendum result which would have otherwise been 60 : 40 in favour of remaining in the European Union. When combined with the vacuous promises of Boris Johnson about “Taking Back Control” and giving £350 million to the NHS EVERY week, it represented a potent cocktail which people drank in straight glasses with a crown on the side. Cameron was caught with his pants down as he also assessed Nigel as an utter tosser. He could not believe it when Nigel use the killing of Jo Cox in the final push towards victory. Now that Nigel is dead, he seeks forgiveness for his sins, along with his wife Ann, who could not even afford a cheese sandwich at his funeral, choosing to appear on GB News instead. Nigel leaves his German children with a blue passport, a Toby jug and a 1970’s alarm clock to remind them of the final destination of Brexit. Nigel is remembered as being quintessentially a pound shop fascist and a piece of Eurotrash, not even worthy of a slot on Antoine de Caunes’ famous expose of all things kitsch, arcane, bizarre and just sad.
We’re only making plans for Nigel
Nigel’s admission will have systemic consequences. What does Rishi Sunak now do about his pound shop fascist Suella Braverman? What does Richard Tice do about the Reform party? How will the BBC find guests for Question Time? How will Jacob Rees-Mogg continue to espouse the benefits of Brexit in terms of cheaper training shoes etc.? How will Ann Widdecombe cope? Liz Truss? Penny Mordaunt? Kemi Badenoch? and much more … We finish with the A-side of the Nigel Farage single. “Nigel Farage’s Garage” is a song performed regularly on Downing Street and also in Swindon, The Reading Festival, Glastonbury, Leeds, Manchester, Harrogate, Durham, Barnard Castle, Brighton, Rochester, Deal, Faversham, Sittingbourne and …. Brussels. Please support our continuing work by buying The Brexit Party Album on Bandcamp. It’s the party album to end all tomorrow’s Brexit parties !!