Sunny UPLANDS

by

Telegravda — Find all our populist parodies at https://brexitrage.com/gutterpress

EXTRACT from the book Private Eyelines. I’ve noticed that everything is UP in the post-Brexit sunny uplands world. What could have possibly caused this?

Costs of children’s shoes are UP by 20% shortly. Jacob Rees-Mogg promised that shoe prices would plummet after Brexit. Oh dear, Jake was wrong.

Inflation in UK is UP at over 6%. This is exceptional.

Gas prices are UP by 54% In France they are UP by 4% France levied a windfall tax on energy companies using their own sovereign powers. In Brexit Britain our Brexit freedoms seem to have prevented this. How strange?

Hunger is UP.

Food bank usage in Britain is UP, but food bank donations are DOWN.

COVID cases are UP. This is preventing the NHS from treating people with other serious conditions.

DEATHS will be UP but Boris Johnson says that COVID is DOWN. Of course, he is WRONG.

Russian influence is UP.

Sunak’s tax dodging is UP. His holidays in California are UP. More sunny uplands.

Channel 4 is UP for sale.

National debt is UP.

Petrol prices are UP.

Homelessness is UP.

Delivery times are UP.

Troubles in Northern Ireland are UP.

Fines for breaking lockdown are UP.

Postage fees are UP.

Bullshit from the Go Home Office about the Ukrainian refugee settlement scheme is UP.

Queues on the M20 / M2 in Kent are UP. P&O Ferries are only in part to blame. Since we have no resilience in our port systems after Brexit, only a small knock is needed to bring the system to a standstill.

The Brexit IT system is UP the cack. This does not help, but the underlying cause of delays in Kent is Brexit and not the IT system per se. if we did not have Brexit we would not have the crappy IT system and we would not have gridlock in Kent.

Urination is Kent is up as drivers have no place to go (freedom of movement and urination).

National Insurance is UP.

Sea levels are UP.

Hospital parking fees are UP.

Looting is UP.

Tory ethics are DOWN.

Labour is UP.

Tax is UP.

The game is UP.

With thanks to all at Re-Boot Britain for this list. The sunny uplands can only increase. This list is an extract from Private Eyelines.

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Flush Brexit

by

Peter Cook

We must Flush Brexit down the pan … I was assembling my equipment for our Silent Brexit Protest in Kent last Friday evening … Musing upon the bizarre week of 1984 styled events, especially the spectacle of thousands of portaloos arriving in Kent to cope with 72 mile tailbacks of traffic on the main arteries (A2, A20, M20, M2, M25, M26, A299, A256, A28, A251, A249, A229, A228, A25, A26, A259, A227 etc.). Riffing on the idea of Flush Brexit, it came to me:

“Wouldn’t it be great if we had a portaloo for our event on Saturday in Lenham”

I considered scouring the town’s skips for a suitable toilet bowl, but time was short, so I decided to focus on more important matters …

On Saturday morning, whilst driving down to Lenham, w came upon a bidet bowl (forin’ innit) and cistern that had been fly-tipped on a drive of a country house just off the A249 trunk road. It was difficult to stop with lorries behind me, but I knew we were meant to Flush Brexit from my Friday night brain dump. I decided to make a detour of 7 miles by driving back up the A249 and returning to pull into the tiny hollow. We collected the bog by the side of the road. Mischief managed.

This put me in mind of the shit that is published by the Daily Mail, so here is today’s news dressed up as the Maul on Sunday:

In case you doubt where the actual stories come from, here are a few references:

PROJECT FACT:

Pension credit to be slashed

10 000 Portaloos in Kent

Hancock commits people to “death by Brexit“

BOJO says we’ll have an Australian deal aka No Deal

William Shatner gives up on Britain for Star Trek merchandise

Flush Brexit down the pan

Jennifer Arcuri gaslights us away from Brexit catastrophe

SuspEND Brexit - Click to read — SuspEND Brexit – Click to read

BBC - Brexit Border Control — BBC – Brexit Border Control – The latest from Cold War Steve – get his work from https://coldwarsteve.com/

Take Action – Click on the links

Report MPs for breaking international law

Join us at Futurama – an arts festival to change the world

Find out why Suspending Brexit is still possible

Find out why Rejoining is a unicorn in the mid-long term

Read The “Daily Maul“

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3 Replies

Shock and Awe

by

Peter Cook

The recent announcements from Boris Johnson’s Government indicate that Dominic Cummings‘ “Shock and Awe” campaign is in full swing to subjugate us into accepting Brexit under the safe umbrella of COVID crisis for a 2021 “Britastrophe“. Here’s what “The Sun” has to say about shock and awe:

In cased you doubt some of these satirical headlines, here are the links to the base stories behind the Government’s cynical shock and awe campaign to bludgeon us into accepting any kind of Brexit deal.

322 Tory MP’s vote to starve children

Priti Patel crushed by law courts for threatening to remove migrants without access to justice

20% food price hike after Brexit

Kent – Toilet of England

It is well-known in personal situations, that people who are confused or frightened tend to accept any kind of advice that is given to them. This is why counsellors do not offer advice. The campaign by the Government is designed to gaslight us into a state of terror, where we will accept almost anything they choose to do. There is no way back from such policies and Dominic Cummings’ guidance comes directly from the tactics of Nazi Germany. I predict that Britain will be in a state of war with itself by mid winter 2021 under the combined effects of Corona + Brexit. We cannot rid ourselves of Corona, especially since Government actions are specifically designed to cause more deaths than necessary. However, we can rid ourselves of Brexit, to properly focus on the disease. Take action today using the actions below.

TAKE ACTION

Report MPs for breaking international law

Join us at Futurama – an arts festival to change the world

Find out why Suspending Brexit is still possible

Find out why Rejoining is a unicorn in the mid-long term

Read The “Daily Maul“

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2 Replies