Watch out for a tsunami of dead cats in the coming days, as Johnson attempts to divert attention from his criminal activities. Johnson’s modus operandi is to use distraction as a means to divert attention from important issues. He did it to “get Brexit done” (It’s not done by the way), we are still “world beaters” on COVID infections and deaths. All is done in order to save his dynasty, rather than from what my friend Judith Spencer calls “the spirit of service” which is the duty of a Prime Minister. Here is a short list of some anticipated dead cats. Some may seem frivolous and / or dark, but someone pointed out to me that they thought he may even consider asking for the Queen’s sacrifice to save his skin.

Johnson to announce that a family member has COVID – already done!

The Queen to remove Prince Andrew’s title – dang – already done!

A Chinese Spy is found in Parliament – they are caught by setting traps of Vesta Chow Mein with crispy noodles in Westminster by Priti Patel and Cressida Dick – ongoing.

Wilf is found to have been abducted. Piers Corbyn is seen with a suspicious parcel on the underground. Dilyn leads the search.

Nonce Andrew decides to do a fun run for “Save The Children” around Westminster Palace to raise funds for his prosecution.

Jacob Rees-Mogg is hired as the host of a remake of “Upstairs Downstairs” with Michael Fabricate as “Hudson”.

Nadine Dorries bans Chinese meals in the Parliament canteen.

Mark Francois is arrested for army themed crimes on manoeuvres in Canvey, using pop guns and other childhood militaria. He is suspected of training COVID army volunteers in armed combat with peashooters.

Iain Duncan Smith picks his nose again in Parliament.

Iran threaten to invade Clacton. Nigel Farage is called to form a battalion of the LDV to investigate kebab shops and novelty emporia.

Carrie delivers a surprise baby in what is described in the Daily Express as a virgin birth.

All European washing machines are recalled for failing to meet new Brexit standards on pollution. Army put on standby to wash smalls as the crisis mounts. Michel Barnier summoned to clean up the mess.

Nigel Farage announces that he has become Novak Djokovic’s personal trainer.

Chicken nugget shortages cause riots in Sainsbury.

Priti Patel shock revelations “my life in the Taliban caves”

The Mail reports that Meghan Markle is considering a trans operation.

COVID is declared officially over by John Redwood after watching a You Tube video on bacteria.

Andrew Bridgen rescues Novak Djokovic from an asylum centre in Kent, after he is arrested by Priti Patel in a dinghy trying to cross the channel.

Liz Truss invokes Article 16 and declares war in Ireland.

What are your favourite Dead Cats? With thanks to Helga Perry.

Make a comment and we’ll add your remark and credit you.

We leave you with some advice for Sue Grey on “rules”:

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