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New Variant Brexit

In this edition of the Daily Maul, we cover BOJONA-21 – the New Variant Brexit. It seems that the Brexit deal we did has mutated, so now we must waste more time and money trying to get a new deal after we already left. Fat chance. Read the terms and conditions.

The Maul also covers the Australian deal, an exposé into the private life of Boris Johnson and a new hardcore approach to immigrants by Priti Patel. As always, a fact and fiction checker has been prepared as it is hard to tell the difference between farce and fact with our Government.

FACT V FICTION

FACT : Australian beef is hormone injected. It can be selectively fed to children and vulnerable people as UK Government rules allow for cheap food to be dumped on schools, the NHS and care homes. Our EU membership protected us from dodgy food standards but we opted for a blue passport. Liz Truss faces a dilemma on whether she kills British farmers or British children.

FICTION : Poots is not undergoing conversion therapy but he does need to re-take CSE History and Science.

FACT : Priti Patel has had some ‘tough girl’ photographs taken so she can look tough on immigrants. At the same time Liz Truss will be agreeing to give Indians freedom of movement as part of her Brexit “fire sale”. This is all grandstandin on Patel’s part to make her look like she is respectin the will o’ the people. It’s just a photo scam.

FACT : In other news The Department of Health wanted to send 1.6 million pieces of PPE to India but the Treasury stopped them because of Rishi Sunak and Priti Patel’s overseas aid cuts. Noice

Police State

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FACT : The new DUP leader Edwin Poots is a creationist who claims that the earth is only 6000 years old. Just when you thought that it could not get any madder than Arlene Foster …

FICTION : Boris Johnson is not full of custard. He is however full of shit.

FACT : “Sir” David Frost continues to pretend that Brexit is the fault of the EU. Frost is a serial failure as a civil servant who got lucky by suggesting that he would be a useful liar for the Government. In an astonishing move, Frost said that noboby expected Brexit to cause problems in Northern Ireland. Marina Purkiss sums it up well. Sounds a bit like the Monty Python Spanish Inquisition sketch …

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Say no to the new variant Brexit – Write to your MP and the press using the facts in this article to make your case

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Railway Modeller

Trains and Goats and Planes

In our occasional series of Brexit satire we offer you Railway Modeller and The Northern Farmer. Plus a fact checker to help you tell Brexit facts from fiction.

Railway Modeller
Trains and Goats and Planes

FACT and FICTION checker

FICTION : AC DC’s Angus Young does not have a signature hormone fed steak pie. He has a signature Gibson SG.

FACT : Australian beef is hormone injected. It can be selectively fed to children and vulnerable people as UK Government rules allow for cheap food to be dumped on schools, the NHS and care homes. Our EU membership protected us from dodgy food standards but we opted for a blue passport.

FACT : Liz Truss has NOT struck a great trade deal with Japan. Japan benefits five times more than we do. Our desperation to get Brexit done makes us an easy target for “fire sale” type trade deals. Truss wants to claim success by striking a deal with Australia. We will pay for this dearly. Free trade in 15 years time will decimate the economies of Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and parts of England.

FICTION : Boris Johnson is not a train enthusiast. Allegedly he paints cardboard buses.

FACT : The rebrand of Great British Railways is an expensive distraction. See Grant Schapps’ ludicrous flag shagging video filmed with emotional music at the National Railway Museum in York, shortly to be renamed the Great British Brexit Museum.

FICTION : Mallard is not being put back into service, nor The Rocket to power HS2.

FACT : The Australian trade deal will spell a sharp decline in farming in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.

FICTION : Ringo Starr is not stuck in the tunnel from Scotland to Northern Ireland. The tunnel is a work of fiction rather like Brexit.

FICTION : Jennifer Arcuri is not a farmer. She is about to release a TV drama in which she describes her sex life with Johnson : “We read sonnets to each other, then he rolled onto me like a binbag full of custard, gasping like an asthmatic octogenerian, as he reached his climax & I wondered if he’d got it in yet”.

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An Australian Brexit

AC / DC, Vegemite, Kylie, INXS, Neighbours, Tim Tams, Rolf Harris, kangaroos, boomerangs, Home and Away, barbecues, koalas, Skippy, fairy bread, meat pies, fish and chips, Nicole Kidman, Sia, Pavlova, bush tucker, Ant and Dec, Men at Work, The Saints, Nick Cave. Toni Collette, Lamingtons, Golden Gaytime, The Bee Gees, Olivia Newton John, Midnight Oil, Ned Kelly, Russell Crowe, Mel Gibson, Castlemaine 4X, Margot Robbie, Fosters, Barry Humphries, Barry Crocker. Paul Hogan, Miriam Margolis, didgeridoos, Dame Edna, Tony Abbott. These are just some of the delights that await us from an Australian Brexit. Oh wait a minute …

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN AUSTRALIAN BREXIT

I’ll just repeat that …

Watch the video

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN AUSTRALIAN BREXIT

I’ll just repeat that

REALITY INTERVENTION

Our “Australian trade deal” gives five times the amount of trade to Australia compared with our trade. Remember, one of the reasons we left the EU was because we had a trade deficit with the EU. It proves the old Brexit adage “We need Australia more than they need us”

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A VEGEMITE BREXIT

The Tim Tam is mightier than the Penguin according to Boris Johnson ,
According to bunter Johnson …

I’ll just repeat that

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A TIM TAM BREXIT

I’ll just repeat that

The notion of an Australian Brexit was introduced into the lexicon of Brexit Bullshit Bingo early in 2020 as a euphemism for No Deal Brexit. The EU does not have a deal with Australia. We are headed for a WTO No Deal Brexit, which should please the remaining 37 % of the population who want their Brexit hard, with BBQ sauce and massive tariffs on imports and exports.

Do not be gaslit by this. There remains NO good Brexit deal. The only good Brexit is a dead Brexit. Read why No Deal and a Brexit deal are the equivalent of a sudden death or a slow death in Brexit Choices. Read why rejoining is a unicorn in the mid-long term. We must now suspend or end Brexit in the wake of COVID and an oncoming “Britastrophe“.

Take Action – Click on the links

Report MPs for breaking international law

Find out why Suspending Brexit is still possible

Read Operation Pisspot – why Kent is now a toilet

Highway to Brexit Hell
Beware of the BoJona-20 Virus – it’s lethal
BREX it’s a mistake
Corona Crisis + Brexit Disaster = Britastrophe
Better the devil EU know
Cummings is the product of a mutant algorithm
Suicide Boris Brexit Blonde

Thank you to Patrick Tribe, Doug Futers and Helga Perry for the Aussie provocations !!