The last remaining Brexiteers

This week, I’ve been out and about in Medway and Deal in Kent discussing the fact that Brexit has failed and that we can and must Rejoin the EU to save Britain from itself. Reactions to this have been overwhelmingly positive. But, as always, the comically sad stories of the exceptions make for much better reading ….

Bicycle racists

I visited two pubs in Medway. Within a few minutes of my visit to one, a woman came to tell me that my bicycle had been vandalised. In fact someone had broken the sign off. The pub in question was full of older very suntanned people talking about their holidays in Europe. One of them presumably thought that it was their right to teach me a lesson whilst smoking a fag outside. Imagine their anger when they find out that they will no longer be able to travel to Alicante or Tenerife after Brexit if they have criminal records …

I was broke but not broken. The trouble is, if we had spoken about the matter I’d hazard a guess that the person who did this would have agreed that they don’t have the Brexit they wanted, IN SPITE of a 90% Brexit cabinet for FOUR years, a Brexit PM who allegedly delivered Brexit from an OVEN and now a fully RACIST PM in Rishi Sunakered. I felt pity for the person who did it. I will now have to redouble my efforts to get a secure sign for the bicycle.

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Deal or No Deal

We went to Deal in Kent yesterday with the Bollocks to Brexit Mini Cooper, stopping at Ash for breakfast much to the delight of the chickens and the people at the cafe there. Deal WAS very Brexity. It is no longer. The town is close to Dover where they even have a racist pub. UKIP and the Tories stoked racism there to preserve the illusion that Brexit will solve all their problems. In large measure, the people were not fooled. A wonderful chap called David Reid put the event together. He ran a Brexitometer which overwhelmingly showed that people now realise that they were lied to about Brexit, save for one person who even went as far as saying that he believed Boris’ suggestion that we would have straight bananas if we left the EU. Johnson also said that Brexit would make your wife’s breasts larger. I have checked with several woman and this is also untrue.

We parked up and began our work. On returning, someone had used lipstick to write on the car, YES lipstick. This bourgeous protest made me feel very sorry for the perpetrator. Some of the stories we were told by people lined up with this ‘dirty protest’. One woman walked past and said “I like Brexit”. I politely asked what did she like most about it and she ran away. Another man shouted at the car “Bollocks to you” as I drove by. Sadly, he had nothing else to offer me. Two women tried to explain that carbon dioxide was good for plant growth and we should put cars with their engines on in polytunnels to promote food growth!! But MOST people were quite willing to say that Brexit has failed and that we should Rejoin the EU. Some were not sure how this might happen. I explain this in the book Reboot Britain.

Points of order

The word bollocks is vulgar but not offensive as we demonstrated when Essex traffic cops tried to arrest us on the M25 and then had to back down. Read Sex Pistols v The Queen 1977.

Our car has a snowflake in place of the O of BOLLOCKS. The projection by Brexiteers of vulgarity is, of course, a product of their own tesiticular minds.

One man in Deal claimed to support our campaign but objected to Charlie Mullins’ (former CEO of Pimlico Plumbers) use of the word ‘Bollocks’ in our Chas and Dave Cockney Brexit Knees-UP song which we performed on the street. His argument was that children could be polluted by my bollocks. Methinks the ‘lady’ doth protest too much. Later on that day, I heard a young women shouting at her three kids (aged around 3 – 7 years old) “stand together you fucking c…nts – we’re crossing the road”.

With thanks to the wonderful force of nature that is David Reid for organising the event.

Last Orders

Here’s the latest round up of myths put forward by the last remaining Brexiteers to justify their fading Brexit unicorn:

Brexit is done

A barmaid in a pub on Thursday told me that Brexit is done. When I tried to explain that it is far from done and that impacts would continue long into the 2020’s she then invoked a made up ‘rule’ that “we don’t talk about Brexit in this pub” (there was no sign) !! This kind of cancel culture is a bizarre development from people who say they wanted Brexit freedoms. Of course, it’s untrue. To look at what’s coming over the hill with Brexit, see Biz Catalyst 360 and UK in a Changing Europe (UKICE). p.s. I cannot recommend that anyone spend their money in this pub in future.

Brexit is an unbreakable spell

A couple of the last remaining Brexiteers have told me that our CPTPP deal means that we cannot legally rejoin the EU. Something akin to the unbreakable vow in Harry Potter. Of course it is horseshit but it is all they have left. The Tories continue to diverge away from the EU, in order to increase the difficulty, but nothing is impossible in politics. Read what Gina Miller has to say about Rejoining the EU. It could take just 3 years to stop the carnage and we would gain an immediate uplift just by applying to join anew.

I love Boris

The same sad landlady who told me that Brexit is done as Boris put Brexit in an oven also came out with “I love Boris”. I had to ask her “what do you love about him? Is it his hair, his fertility, his oral skills (oratory), the way he dresses like a tramp or something else?” Strangely, she did not know. Usually people are able to explain themselves. I found this strange although I’ve heard it before. Precisely why a much longer sitting and effort over time is needed to Brexorcise the worst cases of “Bojona-19”.

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