I never thought I’d be able to say that Brexit had failed so quickly, as we supposedly ended up with a Brexit deal rather than “WTO, way to go”. But, already we are seeing the “hors d’ouevre” of Brexit. I have summarised just some of the early impacts, as Brexit reality meets satire. This is a long post so hold on to your butts.
Hotel California Brexit
It seems that the British people are fed up with Brexit – A recent report from The Guardian stated that Britons do not want continuous negotiations with the EU over Brexit. This failure to understand the complexities of international trade and co-operation infected the Brexit debate and it will not go away just because people wish it. In the words of some leave voters, Brits had better “get used to it”, especially as the obstacles to progress continue to come from the UK in the main. For example David Frost’s repeated demands to cancel the Brexit agreement which he signed. Such things simply frustrate the prospects of making the relationship work and it is plain that Brussels and the 27 states are getting tired of our repeated sabre rattling, done only to create the impression that Britannia rules the waves. Hotel California seems to describe Brexit well, as we keep wanting to change aspects of an agreement that we signed in haste so that Johnson could claim that Brexit was out of the oven.
Crocodile Dundee Brexit
Liz Truss’ much spun trade deal with Australia is worth just £1 per person per year. How will you spend it? A pack of Tim Tams perhaps? Against that backdrop, The National Farmer’s Union reports that the Australian Trade Deal will break British farming. Listen to Farming Today on Radio 4 which should now be renamed Brexit Carnage Today.
In another massive climbdown from the promises of Brexit, hidden from view by COVID, Johnson’s Government has just agreed to accept jurisdiction from The European Court of Justice (ECJ). This was one of the cornerstones of Brexit – if you remember the idea of “taking back control” of our laws and so on. So far we have not taken back control of our borders either and we already had our own currency.
Frosty the No Man
Lord David Frost has just run scared from his role as Brexit negotiator, just ahead of January 1st 2021 when the grace period ends and we commence full customs checks and tariffs on imports and exports to the EU. This is expected to add on average an eye watering 11% to costs of goods entering the UK and will further exacerbate the near 5% inflation that is predicted for 2022 in the UK. This follows 4.2% inflation in 2021, an unprecedented figure with a major contribution from Brexit. Our predictions of stagflation are gradually coming true.
This twitter thread explains the carnage to come in January better than I can:
Ryanair have just abandoned the London Stock Exchange in preparation for Brexit. Expect more of this as Brexit Britain melts down.
Trussed up on Brexit Bollocks
Liz Truss has been lined up to succeed David Frost. Perhaps this an attempt by Johnson to ensure that “The Truss” does not manage to launch a leadership challenge, after all Brexit has already consumed five ministers. Or, perhaps it is intended to demonstrate the impossibility of Brexit due to Liz’s unprecedented levels of incompetence. Nonetheless, the DUP see Liz as an easy touch and have already begun to lobby her to invoke Article 16 and threaten peace and stability in Northern Ireland. Nice people! See Trussed up
Unmasking Brexit Carnage
In the months after Boris Johnson signed his post-Brexit trade deal with the European Union, COVID masked the economic damage of leaving the bloc. As the pandemic drags on, the cost is becoming clearer and voters are noticing. Goods trade with the EU was 15.7% lower to October 2018, in line with HM Government predictions. The article above shows that Brexit has been a drag on growth. It brought new red tape on commerce between Britain and its largest and closest market, and removed a large pool of EU labour from the country on which many businesses had come to rely. The combination has exacerbated supply chain shortages, stoked inflation and hampered trade. In March 2020 I coined the phrase Britastrophe to describe the toxic combination of Corona crisis + Brexit disaster. It has literally allowed Johnson to mask Brexit:
Clapping for shortages
Still Johnson continues with distraction, dither and delay. This costs lives. I predict a new round of clapping soon …. What shortages did I miss?
Monday : Turkey farmers, postal workers and food pickers
Tuesday : Gas workers, plumbers, hospital porters and brewers
Wednesday : Foreign butchers, space scientists and food processing staff
Thursday : Foreign surgeons, opticians, researchers and podiatrists
Will world leaders COP out at COP 26? The world is watching.
Brexit madness makes our climate change problems much worse:
Increased transportation increases the Carbon footprint of Brexit Britain.
A bonfire on standards leads to moral hazard in materials and product manufacture. It’s back to the bad old days.
Disaster capitalism also leads to unethical practices, some of which are environmentally unsound.
Even Evan Davis sold us down the river on BBC Radio 4 when he proclaimed that, until we stop flying, driving petrol based cars and stop industry we could more of less forget any progress. Although Evan is an economist he seems not to understand that billions of people making small decisions makes a massive difference to our net zero target. Importantly, his careless comments contribute to the view that “climate change is someone else’s fault”. I’d expected better from him.
Nicola Sturgeon is much more on point, having been unafraid to meet Greta Thunberg today.
We must be the adults in the room. Watch this video and share widely:
Please help support the people who made this video at COP26.
On this day when it became obvious that Brexit literally means Brexshit, as beaches are closed, due to the Tories voting to dump raw sewage in rivers due to lack of chemicals from Europe, this article is dedicated to the wonderful work of James Rowland aka Aidan Grooville on Twitter. Follow up for up to the minute satire on Brexit and other related matters.
Latest Tory Party Conference news from “The Telegraph” ….
The Telegraph produces fake news so you don’t have to think …
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In this special edition of “The Sun“, we offer you a short series of the achievements of The Brexit Party aka the Tories in recent times. The Sun presents FAKE news so that you don’t have to hunt for your own. However our own brand of The SUN is filled with some actual FACTS !!
FACT not FAKE
Carrie Johnson IS expected to deliver the 11th Johnson baby around Christmas. This will present the ideal distraction from empty plates and missing Christmas trees.
ONS reported that wages have dropped consistently under 10 years of Tory rule. Even Andrew Marr was unable to stomach Johnson’s attempts to distract him from the hard facts. Here’s one part of the car crash interview. It’s hardly possible to call it a car crash these days due to petrol shortages!
2000 soldiers are expected to deliver petrol starting from Monday. We are short of 100 000 lorry drivers, thanks principally to Brexit with further food shortages expected across the mid-term according to the Chancellor Rishi Sunak.
Germans ARE being recruited to help drive lorries as are prison inmates. There’s no need to have experience, as we are desperate thanks to Brexit. Why not go the whole hog and recruit German Prisoners of War? Hence our banner picture !!
We have always had pints, miles, pounds and other imperial measures throughout our time in the EU. The idea that Pints are to be reintroduced by The Sun is FAKE NEWS.
Johnson also reported that wage growth is more important than life expectancy and cancer deaths recently. Still happy?
Here are our first cut stories from our Scenarios to Rejoin exercise. We are still working on these and you can join in every Monday at 8 pm via ZOOM. So far we have four thematic stories which may end up mixing and intermingling but at present are separate:
Bluff, Bluster and Bust – predominantly macro-economic
Breadline Britain – predominantly socio-economic
The Empire Strikes Back – predominantly political
The Eye of the Irish Tiger – predominantly global but focused on the post Brexit world outside Albion, so not exclusively Ireland, more a competitive scenario as to how the world responds to Brexit especially near neighbours
I’ve yet to capture some of the other scenarios – environmental and long range legal stuff. But we have made huge progress down to your efforts. Please get in touch to add your fingerprints to the work.
Please be kind. These are by no means finished and need your input.
Bluff, Bluster and Bust
London made a bid for independence in 2030 as news that the UK economy slipped from No 4 in 2015 to No 11. This had been preceded in 2029 after the UK Brexit economy finally tanked. The Sun reported the headline “England sick as a Brexit dog”.
The rot had started much much earlier, when Rishi Sunak removed the triple pension lock in 2022. This produced a generation of pensioners that were effectively living on the breadline, unable to support children and grandchildren, selling off their homes to pay for retirement and care homes. This was compounded by stagflation due to Brexit, as wages levelled off and National Insurance increased. Working people struggled to get well-paid jobs. Brexit economists struggled to find diversions to point the finger for Britain’s problems elsewhere but the underlying logic of high structural costs and declining economic activity defined our early years of so-called freedom. Things became so bad in 2024 that some people in UK insist on being paid in Euros. The Lugano Convention had still not been signed by 2026 but Britain continued to rely upon services to drive it’s economy, yet Lugano prevented UK from thriving in a post Brexit world. Save for an uptake in food production which happened as a necessity after The Hunger Games in 2022, Britain was broken.
The new EU tax avoidance scheme came into force on January 1st 2022. Brexit supporters started to become angry that it meant that Amazon et al had to pay tax in the countries they operated in within EU countries, whilst Britain became a haven for companies who wished to avoid tax. This meant that people were exploited to even greater levels than before and thus the dream of Brexit became even more distant.
Contributory factors to the decline of Britain as a world economic power began quickly after Brexit with Scottish independence in 2023, Irish unification in 2025 and a decision by Wales to seek independence in 2027. Their economies disappeared too, although Boris Johnson tried to hold back Scottish independence by moving UK public service agencies out of Scotland. Once the contagion began, it was unstoppable with London seeking to make itself a Crown Dependency and Cornwall and The North-East asking for Regional Parliaments.
In other disruptive and unexpected events, cybercurrency became regulated as the Bitcoin economy collapsed in 2025. Jacob Rees-Mogg lost everything in 2024 in the Sterling Crisis, after overplaying the markets with his financial trading company. The Daily Express headline said “How the mighty have fallen”, whereas The Sun ran with “Mogged off’. The Brexit illusion of Singapore on Thames came back to bite people where it hurt most. Never more had bluff, bluster and bust made more sense to the blowhards of Brexit.
By 2031, the impact of The Brexit Hunger Games had been felt through civil unrest, the formation of The People’s Progress Party (PPP), formed from the fragments of Labour, Lib Dems, a merger with The Green Party and Memoranda of Friendship with the independent Governments of Scotland, Ireland, Wales and The European Union. Although the party could not stop the damage done by Brexit, Brexit carnage had eventually unified the people against the remnants of the Conservative Party. This took place after an attempted takeover by Jacob Rees Mogg and following the worst riots ever seen on the streets of Britain in 2022, after the impact of Brexit on food supplies, prices and availabilities of goods and services previously taken for granted. One of the earliest acts of the PPP was to prosecute various culture carriers of Brexit. In 2026 a group of these people were jailed for various offences, including Boris Johnson and Priti Patel.
The PPP was formed in 2023 in a complete volte face of traditional politics. People were selected for office, based on rigorous selection methods and then elected by people’s assemblies. Whilst the party had some politicians drawn from the best of the crop, it was formed from people from business, the arts, community leaders and so on. This was informed by the insight that some celebrities and sportspeople were more skilled and popular than Westminster politicians. This was however no populist uprising. The PPP insisted on informed democracy, fought the election in 2024 on some old-fashioned ideas about trust, reforming politics and healing the country. They won a majority of votes but lost the election to the Conservatives due to the existing FPTP system This was based on some very good campaigning, based on an Enough is Enough message and a promise to make a Better Britain in a Better Europe through Better Politics. This included plans for electoral reform. It had become clear that the European Union felt they were better off without Britain at the table and, although they had left the door open to rejoining the EU, it would come with some important pre-conditions. The most important one was for a complete removal of the Brexit ultras from power, to avoid a “Hokey Cokey Brexit” i.e. in/ou/shake it all about approach to EU membership. Other items such as Schengen and Euro membership were negotiable depending on whether they felt that our standards of democracy were acceptable and the degree to which English exceptionalism had been removed from the political culture.
Breadline Britain tipped over in September 2021, when children were seen crying in the aisles of Dudley Tesco, as their parents fought over the last packets of frozen chicken nuggets. An angry woman was heard to say “I voted to get my country back, but not for a chicken shortage. I was duped”. Once Brexit food import restrictions kicked in on October 1st 2021, the situation rapidly deteriorated. Shortages were not limited, sporadic and selected. They were continuous, deep and they touched everyone in strangely different ways. Still one or two leave voters celebrated the Blitz spirit. Laura from Basildon won a prize on “Come Dine Without Me” and went to No 10 Downing Street. She was reported as saying “I’m actually not that hungry”, when having an austerity Christmas lunch with Boris Johnson.
Government plans to mitigate foreign lorry driver shortages due to Brexit backfired badly into 2022. The 2000 army HGV drivers diverted to deal with the 100 000 foreign lorry driver shortage were quickly rediverted to deal with the Autumn of Discontent, which emerged because of the food shortages and rationing of specific items. Attempts by food retailers to up HGV driver wages to £55 000 were of course welcomed by lorry drivers. However, it quickly became apparent that this would “drive traffic” around the supply chain of drivers, as some ambulance drivers, HGV drivers in other sectors etc. decided that they fancied a better wage. It simply created deficits in other areas. The initial reaction of the public to the “Keep on Trucking for Britain” campaign was positive but turned sour quickly, as people realised impacts on prices and NHS services.
A tipping point in the Brexit debate was the so-called “Pigs in Blankets” famine of December 2021 where frantic parents fought for Turkeys and the trimmings in supermarkets after the supply chain broke down. Preceded by a number of marches for and wildcat disturbances at food depots in Britain, Bernard Matthews was asked to join a Government taskforce with Ian Botham and Roger Daltrey on the future of turkeys for Christmas. Botham promptly attempted to blame farmers for the problem and was squewered by Matthews who was heard to say “Bootiful”. Meanwhile M&S Chair and former Conservative Party MP Archie Norman pointed out “This is totally down to Brexit. Nothing to do with COVID and the product of a party I was once proud of, but which has now put Brexit ideology above pragmatism”.
But Britain was not beaten. Boris Johnson, buoyed up by the birth of his second son, Aristotle, whipped up enthusiasm for British Bulldog Spirit and initiated a new scheme called Grow for Britain, where house owners were given a £50 grant to convert their gardens to allotments, using Afghans as live-in labour as part of their cultural conversion. Johnson appeared on Gardener’s World just before Christmas in a project with Monty Don to convert the Rose Garden into a cabbage patch just before Carrie delivered Aristotle to offset people’s thoughts about food shortages at Christmas. In real life however, the British people found that micro farming was not popular, especially in the middle of winter.
Brits, freed from lockdown restrictions and loaded with cash sought to unload their excess financial baggage by holidaying in Europe and beyond in 2022 and 2023. But they faced a new problem. Sterling. In 2022, Sterling had parity with the Euro and in 2023, with the dollar, due to Britain’s new standing in the world as a third country. Although some continued with their holidays, Rishi Sunak introduced restrictions limiting the amount of money taken on holidays to curb the Sterling crisis. The Daily Express was unable to blame the problem on Johnny Foreigner and used the headline “Pounded by Brexit”. Queues at passport control when the EU channel was absolutely empty made holiday makers irate, aside from the hassle and £6 charge to go into Europe. But most staycation holidays in Britain were out of reach financially for many people, as prices were hiked due to supply and demand considerations.
Can’t get no
Shortages continued at a deep level for two more years until 2024, but they never actually went away completely. Some items simply disappeared from shelves. Many were unexpected, such as bleach, diagnostic tests, tonic water and some medicines for rare conditions. As with all crises, human ingenuity finds a way. If an out-of-stock item was discovered in a particular town on a given morning, all the stock would be gone by 9 am and then sold on the black market. “Only Fools and Horses” became the reality in trading scarce goods and every village had a character known as Del Boy. Clandestine banana trading was used as a kind of proxy to preserve community spirit as Del liked to say “’Ave a Banana” to keep the neighbours sweet. The Police noted a small rise in looting, not of money or property, but of vegetables from gardens. All the while Boris Johnson refused to accept humanitarian aid from the EU during the UK “hungry gap”. This is the few weeks, usually in April, May and early June, after the winter crops have ended but before the new season’s plantings are ready to harvest. Boris Johnson continued his campaign of deflection into 2023 after he swapped Carrie up for a debutante who was working as a media relations executive at The Daily Express. This followed Carrie’s failure to host a third child for the Johnson dynasty.
Little things seem to irritate more than the big-ticket items. Whilst people were prepared to forget the £37 billion wasted on fictional PPE and the 150 000 unnecessary COVID deaths, they found it extremely annoying that the EU’s new satellite system Galileo made GPS navigation much more accurate with implications for driverless cars and HGV’s into 2027. Insurance companies started to insist on the use of Galileo as the gold standard for driverless vehicles and people were able to access Galileo on a paid for basis.
Although Boris Johnson attempted to deflect the fact that Britain has systematically degraded its levels of food security over decades, people were more persuaded by the continuing food shortages in 2022 and the so called “Andrex Wars”. Strategies to pay lorry drivers extra by commercial companies are seen to backfire after it becomes obvious that these were taking staff away from NHS ambulance drivers and critical services. In any case smart young people who saw the future did not want to take up careers as lorry drivers as they saw the advent of driverless trucks in 2028. Some hauliers upgraded to LHV rather than training new HGV drivers. The trucks were more efficient, lower GHG emissions per tonne transported.
After a complete meltdown of the Conservative party in 2027 and the removal of the Brexit ultras from power with some being imprisoned, the PPP finally got elected in 2028 and began the business of Rejoining the EU. This was preceded by riots by pensioners after free prescriptions were removed in 2026 on the road to privatisation of the NHS.
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