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Bread, Beef, Biscuits, British Bulldogs and Brown Beer

Buy British is trending on Twitter. Since I consider myself a patriot, as someone who wishes to keep the Great in Britain by remaining in the EU, I wondered, what can we buy that is British?

Food, Glorious Food

When people tell me that Britain is full, they need to realise that we congregate on approximately 5% of the land mass. 70% of our land is agricultural with 36% arable. The rest grassland, rough grazing, or woodland. From the land, we mostly produce grains; wheat, oats and barley; root vegetables, chiefly potatoes and sugar beet; pulses such as beans or peas; forage crops such as cabbages, rape and kale; fruit, particularly apples and pears; and hay. We produce about 6.5 million tonnes of barley. 1.5 million tonnes are exported, 2 million tonnes used in brewing and distilling activities and the remainder fed to livestock. After Brexit, Michael Gove has admitted that we will see tariffs applied to meat of up to 40%. The Grocer reported that exports outside the EU may not be accepted at all. Lamb farmers are especially vulnerable, as 98% of their production is exported and their business runs on narrow margins.

UK self sufficiency has dropped from 75% to 61%

Apart from the economics, estimates suggest that 90% of the 75,000 seasonal workers in edible horticulture in the UK are migrants from the EU. They will no longer be eligible to come here to pick the fruit and evidence suggests that Britons do not wish to do the work. Read our article on traffic contagion in Kent for more insights.

So, what foods will we not see on our shelves so much after Brexit? Here’s a short list:

“Still, the turnip is quite versatile”

“How about a good British Curry” I hear you say? Well the sauces are made in Patak’s factory in Poland. I understand that people are stockpiling Christmas Puddings, presumably informed by the instruction from Wizzard Johnson that “I wish it could be Christmas every day”. Sadly many of the ingredients are not indigenous to Britain.

Highway Star

“We make cars” I hear you say. Quite correct. Our most popular cars are made by Nissan (Japanese), Land Rover (Indian), Mini (German), Honda (Japanese) and Toyota (Japanese). Tariffs will make cars made in Britain more expensive to buy domestically or uncompetitive to export. We have already seen industry making tough choices on where to locate production and this will continue under Brexit.

Chris Barnett points out that if you want to buy a British car you can buy a Morgan. The engine is German though.

Fad Gadgets

Then there are the rest of the things we consume. Electronics, toys, computers. Most of them are imports which are therefore subject to whatever trade deals and relationships we chose to strike with the rest of the world if we continue with Brexit. Our level of trusthworthiness will largely dictate how these go.

Read our article on Trust by clicking the picture

The Drugs Don’t Work

And it’s not just food. See our article on medicine shortages. People will die for Brexit. Are you prepared to accept this on behalf of friends and loved ones? It’s all on you if you continue to want any kind of Brexit. Ask Wendy Novak about health and medicines after Brexit.

But we have lots of tanning booths, nail bars and hair salons, so that’s alright then

Dang, most of our cosmetic products are imported

Read our article on how to suspend Brexit by clicking the picture
Read our article on why Rejoining is a unicorn in the mid-long term by clicking the picture

Don’t just sit there:

Gift Britastrophe to MPs to prick their consciences on the toxic mixture of Corona + Brexit

Report MP’s for breaking international law

Ask your MP to act to suspend Brexit 

Find out why Suspending Brexit is still possible

Find out why Rejoining is a unicorn in the mid-long term

Join us at Futurama – an arts festival to change the world

There is no future in England’s dreaming

“We won the war. We won the World Cup. We won Brexit. I’ve not idea what it’s for but I’ll look a bit of a twat down the pub with my mates if I say so”
Still, the Brexiteers can drown in Watneys’ Red Barrel whilst Jacob Rees-Mogg laughs all the way to his tax haven

Windpower

Today, Boris Johnson will promise to power the UK with wind by 2030. In particular he promises £160 million in ports and factories across the country to manufacture the next generation of turbines. Malcolm Miller helpfully points out that this is about “half a footballer”.

It’s an ideal time for Boris to harness the winds of change. While he hasn’t quite blown it with the electorate, some of his back benchers have really got the wind up recently: at his inability to provide leadership, to offer a strategy or fulfil the simplest 3-word pledge. Now, perhaps it’s time to “Make Britain Whirl-beating”.

Since he was a cub reporter in Brussels, Johnson has always been a fan of hot air: from the supposed ban on prawn-flavoured crisps, to a fabrication on euro-coffins, he’s always known the power of a good wind-up. As a man capable of fabricating ‘an inverted pyramid of piffle’ on a whim, we’ve seen his promises on a checkless border for Northern Ireland, an oven-ready Brexit deal and 40 new hospitals for the NHS. Ireland is an unsolvable conundrum, the oven-ready deal’s in the bin, and 40 has shrunk to 6. So, how many times can a man talk up an empty pledge, before he can die in a ditch? Perhaps the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Whilst a blow-by-blow account of Boris’s lies has inflated more blogs than your average gas-bag, let’s look at few choice outbursts:

Let’s spend £350 million per week on the NHS.

Let’s take back control of our fish.

There will be no checks on goods coming and going to Northern Ireland.

We’ll build 40 new hospitals. Six were built.

If I don’t get Brexit done by Halloween, I will die in a ditch.

“How many times can a man talk up an empty pledge, before he can die in a ditch? Perhaps the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind” – Jane Berry

“Wind power couldn’t take the skin off a rice pudding” – Boris Johnson

We’ll get 50 000 more nurses in the NHS.

Pop Brexit in the microwave, gas mark 4.

I’ve had to give drinking up until Brexit is done.

When we leave the EU we can ban shark fin soup.

“Operation Moonshot” (millions of Corona tests with results within minutes) will see mass Corona testing by November. He did not say how many minutes or which year.

When we leave the EU we can have straight bananas.

We’ll get 20 000 more police officers on the street. They sacked 20 000 police offers in 2010.

EU regulations stop us lowering lorry windows to help cyclists.

“I didn’t make any remarks about Turkey” in the referendum”, after indicating that Turkey (population 76 million) is joining the EU.

With thanks to Catherine Reynolds

I will lie (sic) down in front of the bulldozers at Heathrow to stop them building the runway. Instead he was AWOL at the vote.

There may be bumps in the road with no deal.

 “I have not had an affair with Petronella. It is complete balderdash”.

Of the tests conducted at the 199 testing centres, as well as the mobile centres, they’re all done within 24 hours.

We will have a world-beating “test and trace” system by 1 June. Johnson did not say which year …

If you have lived overseas for 15 years Britons, unlike other foreign nationals, get no vote. Boris promised to abolish this law / rule when he came to power.

[20 000 people died unnecessarily in care homes] because too many care homes didn’t really follow the procedures in the way that they could have.

We will beat the virus by Christmas. He did not say which year …

We’ll help everyone cycle via the fix my bike scheme. The website broke on launch and then they said the scheme had closed.

And some surprises we did not expect:

A hard border in Kent and a “passport” scheme for people driving to Europe.

“Black people are piccaninnies with watermelon smiles”.

On Muslim face veils, Johnson said it is “absolutely ridiculous that people should choose to go around looking like letterboxes”.

Johnson backed a failed plan for a “floating paradise” across the River Thames wasting £43 million of your taxes. A mere trifle in comparison with the £200 billion blown on Brexit so far.

Boris has always favoured breezing through life with no responsibility. But with 15,000 test results lost, 70 mile lorry queues predicted for Kent, and power cuts predicted for next year, perhaps the time is coming when he might reap the whirlwind after all.

Don’t just sit there:

Gift Britastrophe to MPs to prick their consciences on the toxic mixture of Corona + Brexit

Report MP’s for breaking international law

Ask your MP to act to suspend Brexit 

Find out why Suspending Brexit is still possible

Find out why Rejoining is a unicorn in the mid-long term

Join us at Futurama – an arts festival to change the world

With thanks to Chris Barnett, LCD views, Malcolm Miller, Jane Berry, Janet Ashton, Helga Perry, Catherine Reynolds, Elaine Machin.

Daily Maul

Daily Maul Mangles Brexit

Take Action:

Report MP’s for breaking international law

Join us at Futurama – an arts festival to change the world

Find out why Suspending Brexit is still possible

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Anti-Conservative Tory Government
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Whatever it takes, you fookin’ liar Rishi
Eat out to kill people – Johnson
He is now drinking his urine
Alright Geezer

Brexit Choices for a Better Britain

As negotiations reach another hiatus, it’s a good idea to remind people that Brexit is not inevitable now that less than 37% of people still think that Brexit is a good idea. Here are the Brexit Choices for a Better Britain open to us at the moment.

Brexit Choices for a Better Britain
By the way “probability” is perhaps better expressed as “betting odds” – the numbers do not add up to 100% of course

In case people don’t understand why the EU cannot just give the UK what they want, consider the EU as a golf club with 28 members. One does not want to pay the subscriptions but still wants to use the club for gala dinners, special events and demands a free set of golf clubs every year without paying. The head of the golf club must decline. If he says yes, he will face a backlash from the other 27 paying members who will also want a rebate or more services for less money. The primary job of an enterprise is to protect its members and, regardless of our belligerence in the talks, The EU must set this aside and protect the greater good of the union.

We also have an unlikely ally on our side in the form of Theresa May at the moment, who has rebelled on several occasions taking others with her:

“I might have thought the government would have abandoned algorithms by now.”

We also heard how the Tory party abandoned Conservatism last week.

In case of doubt as to how these evaluations were arrived at, please read the associated articles:

SUSPEND BREXIT

THE REJOIN UNICORN

Brexit Choices for a Broken Britain

Take Action:

Report MP’s for breaking international law

Write to your MP and ask them to make Better Brexit Choices for a Better Britain, by opposing reckless behaviour by the Cabinet

Join us at Futurama – an arts festival to change the world

Please subscribe to our platform by clicking the e-mail button and selecting the categories you wish to include on the right hand side of this page.

Brexit Choices for a Better Britain