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An Innocent Man

Jailbreak

Yesterday, I walked out of Medway Police station as an innocent man. But there was no jailbreak or incarceration in “Kentonville Prison”. I merely handed myself into the Police to assist them with their investigations. This followed a complaint in The Daily Express from someone in Yorkshire about the re-branding of Kent from The Garden of England to The Toilet of England.

The Kent Toilet of England story was reported the world over, from The Guardian, The New European, Evening Standard, FT to Scotland, Ireland, Wales and as far as The New York Times and in Abu Dhabi. Reports said that the police were investigating. It turned out that the Police press officer had made the story up as an “official response”.

Jailbreak. Turns out that Natalie lied.

I had a cordial conversation with the officer in charge at Medway Police station and then left without the need for waterboarding, electric shock treatment or a cake with a nail file inside.

One man from Yorkshire commented: “The petulant, infantile antics of swivel-eyed Remainers never ceases to amaze.”

The Daily Excess

ITV News picked up on the story behind the jailbreak headline, as did Kent Live. The Kent Toilet of England exercise was organised to highlight the combined impact of COVID crisis + Brexit disaster = A Britastrophe. In the event the ITV news interview was truncated down to the parochial issue of the lorry parks and Brexit readiness in Kent.

Here below are the original interview questions and our full answers. There have been recent instructions for local authorities to say nothing bad about Brexit, so the Councillor’s hands were tied. Careful analysis of his statement does reveal that the Councillor more or less told viewers to stockpile food and fuel as he cast doubt on whether supplies would get through. I guess that ITV want to only spread good news in the season of goodwill, but I had hoped for better from them. It seems that everyone is scared of this Government, but why?

Shock horror – a suit !!

Q1 Kent County Council say that everything will be fine after Brexit. What do you say?

A This is disingenuous at best and a downright lie at worst. I understand that people want to feel optimistic at this time of COVID crisis and Christmas. However, in my long experience, optimists are usually people who have not had enough experience. The French prefer experience over fantasies. They showed that a 70 second transit time produces a 5 mile queue. This has been confirmed by the Government’s own reports on the matter. I myself have spoken with Kent Councillors, who confirm that once contagion takes place with cars, we are likely to see gridlock in towns and village, as members of the public attempt to use rat runs etc. It has recently been reported that Government plan to use the military to fly COVID vaccines into Britain – obviously the roads are OK then?

Q2 You organised a stunt to change the signage at the Kent border to say Kent, Toilet of England. What was behind that?

A We did it to highlight three main points:

Brexit can be stopped or suspended.  Although legally we have left the EU, stopping or suspending Brexit is merely a matter of political will.

Nobody voted for the toxic combination of Corona crisis plus Brexit disaster, which I call a “Britastrophe”.  We must Re-Boot Britain and that’s why we feel the need to re-start the conversation with all the people who voted in the referendum.

We have interviewed former MEPs across the political spectrum.  They confirm that no deal is more or less the same as a Brexit deal. Theresa May was right when she said “NO deal is better than a bad deal”. She might have added that NO Brexit is better than a Britastrophe

Jailbreak
A man from Yorkshire complained about the signage in the Daily Express – that’s hardly “Fury” 🙂

Q3 What should Kent County Council do now?

A They must ask Boris Johnson to suspend or stop Brexit in the wake of Corona. Border delays are the tip of a much bigger iceberg socially, economically and politically. The GDP shock to our country will be between 5-10 times larger than the 2008 crash. People have no idea just how bad this will be. We have to endure Corona as a natural phenomenon. We don’t have to endure Brexit on top of Corona. Tonight we’re gonna have a Jailbreak …

Please take action by writing to MPs and EU leaders. Ask for Brexit to be stopped or suspended for two years minimum.

Here is the “I am Spartacus” video we made with the help of people across the globe who admitted to the sticker crime. I am hoping all of them manage to make a jailbreak …

Spartacus lives !!
Doing time for Brexit.
Brexit Hits The Fan
Click on the image to read Brexit satire.

Musings of a former Conservative Councillor

Many years ago, the Conservative grandee Lord Hailsham observed that, constitutionally, Britain is an “elective dictatorship”. Boris Johnson’s regime is demonstrating the truth of his warning, particularly when power falls into the wrong hands.  Dominic Cummings, until recently Johnson’s over-powerful senior adviser and the driving force behind his policies, was autocratic by nature. Cummings treated MPs, including Johnson’s Brexiteer supporters, with contempt. During his period in power, he created a centralised and unaccountable  power base at the heart of Government with key functions such as appointments, vetting and control of data in his own hands. Parliament was increasingly sidelined. The hallmark of  the regime became the advancement, employment and enrichment of persons noted only for their loyalty to himself and the Brexit cause, with no consideration given to their merit, experience, suitability or capability to carry out their duties. A stench of corruption and cronyism began to emanate from No 10. 

Conservatives have a long track record in crime.

Johnson’s regime is also unconservative. Conservatives instinctively want to conserve, as the name implies, but his is an administration of destroyers.  Cummings was never a member of the Conservative party and his appointees in No 10 reject traditional Tory respect for continuity and compromise, in favour of creative destruction. Their current targets are the BBC, the impartial civil service, and the judiciary. Our planning system and, indeed, our whole structure of local government are due to follow. Under Cummings, the Conservative tradition of managerial capability and economic credibility has been discarded, as demonstrated, inter alia, by the extraordinary failure to report  and then trace the contacts of almost 16,000 COVID-19 cases, a major blunder to which the Government reacted with barely a shrug.  Cummings’ departure opens the door to a new start where realism replaces dogma, honesty and transparency replaces lies, corruption and cronyism, and where respect for our institutions and constitutional conventions and, in particular, the rule of law is restored. 

What must be done?

  1. Radical U-turns by the Conservative party are required to expunge Cummings’ legacy.  The largest and most immediate is the withdrawal of  the Internal Market Bill and, in particular, the removal of the clauses which break international law and curtail Parliament’s powers. 
  2. There should be no further talk of lowering our food and environmental standards at the behest of the United States, nor of downgrading worker protection. 
  3. The Culture Secretary’s plan to abolish the BBC and replace it with American-style radio and TV must be shelved.
  4. Hancock’s questionable appointment of an old university girlfriend to a post in his department should be this administration’s last vestige of cronyism.
  5. The Cabinet Office’s involvement in hospital and medical procurement should be terminated and all further government contracts undergo transparent and competitive tendering processes as the law requires.
  6. There should be a general review of appointments made under the Cummings regime in No 10 and the public service, with a view to removing those who are patently unsuitable or incompetent. The Prime Minister would do well to carry out the same exercise amongst his second and third-rate ministers once Brexit is over and blind obedience to that objective can cease to be the sole qualification for advancement.
  7. This should be accompanied by an end to lying and xenophobic propaganda, if Conservatives still wish to regain any trace of being a one-nation party.

Only if a programme of this nature is followed can we hope to regain a Government worthy of respect, both at home and abroad. Its present state was well summed up in the words of a Tory former cabinet minister: “ This is a bad English nationalist government with no idea of where it’s going.” Unless Johnson shows himself capable of changing this judgement in the near future, it is in the interests of his party as well as of his country that he be replaced as soon as possible.

The writer resigned from the Conservative party in protest against its SE branch’s policy to force Remain members to vote for extreme Brexiteers in the choice of candidates for the 2014 European elections.

Brexit Wars

BREXIT WARS

It seems that we have reached the stage of the Brexit Wars. We knew it would come. This is the first time that a country has declared war on itself and Britain leads the world in this area. Here is our latest Daily Maul page on Brexit Wars, with a fact and fiction checker below, just in case you cannot tell the difference.

Click image to read our Brexit satire book on Amazon.

In case of doubt …

FICTION : Cod have not learned to speak, although they speak more sense than Boris Johnson when he says that The Royal Navy is to be converted to the Royal Fish Fingering Fleet in readiness for the Brexit Wars. I prepared a new advert for The Royal Navy to help them recruit First Fish Officers.

Brexit Wars
Cod Wars.

FACT : Scotch Egg sales have risen on an unprecedented basis.

FACT : Boris Johnson and David Frost did look like a sack of potatoes when they attended the dinner with Ursula Von der Leyen and Michel Barnier, who looked stylish. Even cats were dismayed at the contrast.

New Look for Johnson
The slobs formerly known as Frost and Johnson out vogued by some cats and some dignified leaders.

FACT : The Brexit Microwave deal has not been delivered. This was an election promise. For an explantion of how we got here in five minutes see “Brexit in five minutes”:

Talking Heads – Steve Peer interviews Peter Cook.

FICTION : Priti Patel is NOT re-enacting the Irish Potato Famine in practice. However, she is in principle by threatening trade wars.

FACT : Kent County Council is not ready for Brexit. Kent is set to become the Toilet of England. See our appearance on “Have I Got News For You”:

Watch Have I Got News For EU.

FACT : Matt Hancock stood alone in cabinet, asking for the COVID vaccine to be prioritised. Perhaps we should thank him for standing up to idiots and Dominic Cummings. We are not sure he actually cried as it seemed to be interspersed with laughter. The search for onions continues.

Tears of a clown.

FACT : No deal Brexit and a Brexit deal are virtually indistinguishable from a practical viewpoint. Brexit can be stopped or suspended if political will changes. See our interviews with MEPs.

Sajjad Karim, Conservative.
Molly Scott-Cato, Green.
Julie Ward, Labour.

Write to opposition MPs. Ask them to oppose all forms of Brexit. Silence is assent.

Brexit Wars. What are they good for? Absolutely nothing.

Huh !!
Cod in Bitter Sauce – Image Cold War Steve.
The Codfather

Mark François lives

Mark François lives ! And it’s Christmas ! Praise the lord. I had been worried about Mark’s wellbeing ever since he disappeared at the beginning of August. I had feared that he might have been kidnapped by angry Remainers in his constituency of Rayleigh, or, worse still, had been arrested for a minor offence such as shoplifting. Mark stood down from his post as the leader of the ERG and disappeared from public life. This is unusual for a soldier. Mark is partly responsible for the decision to patrol the English channel with gunboats to protect English Cod and I think that should be applauded.

The Codfather. Mark Francois.

In other news, the Police have dropped their investigation into the Tory rapist. Mark had been widely thought to be under suspicion for this, but the evidential threshold for prosecution was not met.

The law is the law and I’m pleased to welcome Mark back to public life. Mark François lives to fight another day. If you feel like me, that we should mark this development, I’ve created a unique Christmas gift that you can send to Mark via e-mail mark.francois.mp@parliament.uk It’s a remake of the Plastique Bertrand classique “Ca Plane Pour Moi” as “Francois Pour Moi“.

GIFT the song to Mark François with a personal message. The song is FREE. Find the gifting option at Bandcamp.

If you like Francois Pour Moi, please buy “The Brexit Party Album” for friends and enemies across the world – it’s the party album to end all tomorrow’s Brexit parties. All proceeds go towards anti-Brexit activism and to help sustain our musical activities.

Click to buy The Brexit Party album.

Check out the video with a nod to Cold War Steve and Barbara Windsor.

You are the King of the gammon …

Lyrics

Poupee le celophane. Mark François snorts cocaine

Brexit, le vache (m) qui rit. Fucking the economy

You are the King of the Gammon. Hou Hou Hou Hou. You are the King of the Gammon

Trapped on the Essex plains. Priti vacant, pretty vain

Wanking off to Brexit dreams. Fishing for some foreign bream

You are the King of the Divan. Hou Hou Hou Hou. You are the King of the Divan

François pour moi, François pour moi, François pour moi, moi, moi, moi François pour moi, Hou Hou Hou Hou, François pour moi

I want it hard, Brexit dream. Jacob Mogg, I like his cream

Well gel, I’m from Rayleigh. Carping on about the sea

You are the King of the Gammon. Hou Hou Hou Hou. You are the King of the Gammon

François pour moi, François pour moi, François pour moi, moi, moi, moi François pour moi, Hou Hou Hou Hou, François pour moi, Innit

Lost in Essex, well reem. Touched a chick to make her scream

S.A.S, he’s well extreme. Holding on to Brexit dreams

You are the King of the Gammon. Hou Hou Hou Hou. You are the King of the Gammon

François pour moi, François pour moi, François pour moi, moi, moi, moi François pour moi, Hou Hou Hou Hou, François pour moi

Take action

Write to MPs Ask them to suspend Brexit.

Support our work

Gift our book “Let’s Talk About BREX .. it” to a weary remainer or a Brexiteer in regret.

Gift our music to friends and enemies.

SuspEND Brexit
Support our work – click on the image.
Looking after No 1

Looking after No 1

As Christmas comes, it is traditional to think of others rather than Looking after No 1. Selfishness or Looking after No 1 gave us Brexit. So, it warms my heart to discover that Dominic Cummings has taken a £45 000 pay rise. I imagine that this is a bonus for Dom’s “leadership” in breaking lockdown rules, by driving 500 miles to take an eyesight test. This, while Boris Johnson asks public sector workers to take a pay freeze. Yes, Dom deserves is £45 000 and the nurses, doctors, carers, council workers et al deserve nothing at all. Looking after No 1 really works.

Our remake of Durham Town. Poignant.

It’s even more gratifying to learn that Jacob Rees-Mogg, Minister for the 18th Century, has condemned UNICEF’s attempt look after others, after they tried to help the world’s most vulnerable children. I understand that Mr Mogg intends to start workhouses for these children rather than rely on handouts from damned charities.

Jacob is a disgrace.

Herd Immunity

As the COVID R rate for Britain rises to 1.1-1.2, it is heartwarming to learn that the virus does not visit Private schools. Eton College is closed but state schools remain open. I confidently predict that we are headed for another national lockdown to mask problems from “Getting Brexit Done”. Johnson may lack competence in many things but he is brilliant at Looking after No 1. Locking us down after Christmas and using the law to enforce the measures will ensure that people are unable or unwilling to protest or riot against Brexit.

Already, we have 20 mile queues in Kent on the roads. We are also told that the lorry parks promised by Kent County Council will not be ready for months, due to “unplanned rain”.

Operation Pisspot.
Have I Got News For You features “Operation Pisspot”.

Devaluation of the truth

We have also been let inside the not so secret recipes of the Conservative Party recently. Wellingborough Conservative Party advise that sometimes it’s better to lie quickly rather than tell the truth slowly. Does that accord with you to get on in life as part of Looking after No 1?

Is self interest our default position?

Can we not do better than this?

Keir Starmer must oppose Brexit.

Where is the opposition?

Keir Starmer appears to be following the lead of The Midwife of Brexit aka Jeremy Corbyn, by appearing to back a deal. There is no good Brexit deal and the will of the people has changed dramatically. At what point will he and Labour oppose the greatest disaster to face our children? When it’s too late?

Some other bugger’s fault

Looking after No 1 demands that everything is always someone else’s fault. As expected, Johnson continues to blame the European Union for Brexit. I mean, it’s obvious:

  • The Conservatives set the Brexit vote up to heal a problem of cohesion within their own party.
  • The plan failed. Brexit has consumed three Prime Ministers so far.
  • The concept of No Deal was invented a year after the vote was taken. It was never mentioned at the time of the referendum.
  • Various aspects of Brexit have been deemed illegal. These are clearly the fault of judges, doomsayers and snowflakes

All of the above is clearly the fault of The European Union and not the Conservative Party and those who were taken in my the lies. How could anyone think it was Britain that voted for Brexit?

The Blame Game
The Blame Game.

Brexit Means Brexit (still)

Everywhere I work, people are puzzled about why we are still pursuing this and I did this explainer video for our American friends the other week:

Season’s Brexit Greetings.

Enjoy spending your sovereignty this Christmas.

Infect a friend.

Looking after No 1 seems to be in vogue at this time. I am sure that karma will eventually kick in on this shower of liars, bullies and cheats. Britain was better than this … remember Live Aid?

Will the British people do the usual thing? To walk on by and ignore our sleepwalk into fascism? To moan about what happened AFTER it happened?

We can do better than this

Come out of the darkness

Into the light

Our requiem for Brexit. Please download the songs on Bandcamp.

Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit

Just a day after Johnson appeared to have made a “Canada style” deal, it turns out that all is not well and the industrial scale lies and gaslighting has started again. Our deal is really a Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit. Here we report the news via the medium of populist press parodies. Today it’s the Daily Maul and The Sun. Including a fact and fiction checker. As always it’s action that counts. Please follow the links at the bottom.

Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit
It’s always Fury in the Maul. Check our work in this area by clicking the image.

FACT AND FICTION CHECKER

TRUE : Boris Johnson has thrown students under one of his buses by cancelling the Erasmus scheme. In one of his empty flourishes he says he plans to replace it with our own scheme which he has rather oddly titled The Turing System. FALSE : It does not require students to undergo castration like Turing had to, leading to his suicide.

TRUE : Britain “leads” all of Europe in terms of COVID deaths. We are once again back up at peak deaths per day as we experienced in March 2020. This is because Johnson has prioritised the economy above health throughout this crisis, acting too little and too late and using the science when it was expedient to do so and then ignoring it to silence opposition.  As a result, Britain lurches from lockdown to lockdown.  The result will be a prolonged crisis rather than a rise to zero.  Schemes such as eat out to help out and the use of exceptions mean that everyone loses as the pandemic flatlines at 400 – 700 deaths per day.

FALSE : Police did not threaten to taser lorry drivers to prevent them urinating.  However, they used tactics reserved for totalitarian states in their attempts to control people who, through no fault of their own, were trapped at Manston airport and remain so.

TRUE : Plans exist to evacuate the Queen in case of civil unrest over Brexit. This unrest can only come from those who apparently have “won” Brexit, since remainers are largely unable to contemplate acts of civil unrest. beyond eating cucumber sandwiches and sitting down on the grass opposite parliament.

TRUE : These charts are an accurate appraisal of the Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit deal, as compared with our existing arrangements with the EU.  It tells a very sorry story. To read the full text of the trade deal go to Brexit Trade Deal.

Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit
Brexit Fury in “The Sun”. Read Private Eyelines by clicking on the image.

FACT AND FICTION CHECKER

TRUE : Jacob Rees-Mogg did in fact blame UNICEF for feeding children at Christmas.  This is beyond shame.  FALSE : As far as we know, Mogg has not opened a workhouse in Chew Magna, But one never knows.

Ashamed.

FALSE : Although “John” has not taken over as home secretary , this regular attendee at 10 Downing St is an advocate of hanging.  TRUE : He often turns up drunk at 10:00 o’clock in the morning to sing songs such as Bye Bye EU. In fact this is his only song .

TRUE :  Oi band the K**TS managed to get to #5 in the Official Charts this week with their song Boris Johnson is a F*****G C**T.  Speaking as a musician, I cannot say this song is particularly well written, but clearly the sentiment has captured the mood of the nation.  Ursula Von de Leyen is in fact a gynaecologist, but did not utter the words about Johnson, apart from expressing some hand relief in her dignified speech on Thursday afternoon.

True leadership.

TRUE : The French provided relief to stranded lorry drivers with 10,000 COVID tests. The Germans airlifted supplies in, whilst Sikhs from Gravesend cooked thousands of curries for lorry drivers stuck in Kent through no fault of their own.  In contrast, Kent County Council managed to provide a snack bar, whilst Kent Police locked the drivers in at Manston airport and wielded tasers in order to frighten them.  Kent County Council’s CEO also was complicit in lying about the numbers of lorry drivers stranded in the County, suggesting that it was in the hundreds rather than thousands.

TRUE : Boris Johnson attempted to cover up the fact that he has given a lot of ground to the EU by refusing to publish the details of the deal.  He is calling it a Canada style deal, when in fact it is what I’m calling Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit.  Meanwhile today Michael Gove is involved in gaslighting us to talk about a “special relationship” with Europe, in order to stop scrutiny on the deal.  Keir Starmer is still undecided as to whether to oppose, abstain or support a Brexit deal.  Although it’s a difficult choice, an abstention would be the minimum best course of action given that Boris Johnson will blame Labour if they back the deal.  Where are your six tests Keir?  And your backbone?  John Redwood wishes to write a spoiler clause into the EU trade agreement, saying that we can cancel the agreement at any time without consequence.

This piece of excellent analysis by James Chespy who has read the entire EU Trade Agreement on Boxing Day – a Herculian effort:

The purpose of a Free Trade deal is to remove barriers to trading across frontiers. Having read this EU/UK Trade and Cooperation Agreement I can say with some degree of certainty that this is not a free trade deal it is not even a Canada Style deal which the Prime Minister articulates. The deal is a regressive agreement because imposes barriers to Trading across frontiers. It imposes extra bureaucracy for businesses to adhere to. That means extra costs of doing business and that will mean lost jobs and reduced profits.

When companies are having their profit margins hit by the extra bureaucracy they will take the view that it will be far easier to conduct their business from within the EU than from within the UK.Whilst its welcome that there are no tariffs on exported or imported goods the extra cost imposed on businesses by the extra bureaucracy will make the fact that there are no tariffs rather meaningless.

Take action

Write to Keir Starmer and Labour MPs.  Ask them to abstain as a bare minimum response to the Canada MINUS MINUS Brexit trade deal.

Continue to operate divide and rule tactics in the Tory party in whatever way you can. Use their own tactics on them and better their strategies rather than copy them.

Wash your hands of Johnson – Click to support.

Arise, Sir Keir Starmer

At this point in time, Sir Keir Starmer says he plans to back Johnson’s oven ruined Brexit. We must change this through writing letters to Keir and Labour Party MPs. Here are some sample letters to use. Please adapt them for your own MP and send a copy to Keir. It is best if you write your own letters but please use these for inspiration. Arise, Sir Keir Starmer.

The e-mail format to use is firstname.lastname.mp@parliament.uk Look your MP up at Write To Them.

Dear Keir,

I write to urge you to at least ask your party to abstain from the Brexit Trade deal vote. Many people are surprised that you said you would back it without even seeing it but I also understand that you are fighting an untrustworthy PM. In such circumstances, it pays to learn from Sun Tzu, Machiavelli and the world’s best poker players, by not revealing your final strategy until you have seen Johnson’s final position and voting intentions close to the vote.

I wrote this press statement for your elaboration, should you choose to abstain:

“On Christmas Eve, I was minded to back Boris Johnson’s deal in the national interest. I acted in good faith, placing my trust in the PM and put my faith in the Brexit deal as presented. It has since become apparent that the deal is far from what he presented. I have today tabled amendments that would have made the deal better but these have been rejected. As a result I cannot in all good conscience support a deal that is bad for the people of Britain. At the same time, I must take account of the views of my MPs and party members. In the words of Bonar Law ‘I am their leader, I must follow them’. I ask Labour MPs to abstain in the vote.”

You know full well that Johnson will make sure Labour get the blame for his Brexit as he has a reliable track record of deflection. Back the deal at your peril and ultimately that of your party.

Yours sincerely

Peter Cook

Bragg gets it spot on every time.

Dear friends and comrades

We are just 3 days away from Boris Johnson’s bad Brexit deal being voted on in parliament.   While this government has pulled us back from the brink of a catastrophic No Deal outcome, we must be under no illusions. Johnson’s Brexit deal will damage our economy and leave us all poorer during the worst recession in 300 years.   The government will get its deal through the Commons – I have  no doubt about that – but it should not be endorsed by anyone who believes Boris Johnson’s Brexit is bad for Britain.

We should hold this government, and this government alone, responsible for this terrible deal. Opposition MPs must refuse to endorse it and lay the blame squarely at the door of this government.

This so-called free trade agreement in the history of free trade agreements is the only free trade agreement that actually erect barriers to trade. We in the Labour Party should not get our hands soiled by walking in the voting lobby alongside Boris Johnson he has negotiated this insanity which will leave us all worse off.

The purpose of a Free Trade deal is to remove barriers to trading across frontiers. Having read this EU/UK Trade and Cooperation Agreement I can say with some degree of certainty that this is not a free trade deal it is not even a Canada Style deal which the Prime Minister articulates. The deal is a regressive agreement because imposes barriers to Trading across frontiers. It imposes extra bureaucracy for businesses to adhere to. That means extra costs of doing business and that will mean lost jobs and reduced profits. When companies are having their profit margins hit by the extra bureaucracy they will take the view that it will be far easier to conduct their business from within the EU than from within the UK.

Whilst it’s welcome that there are no tariffs on exported or imported goods the extra cost imposed on businesses by the extra bureaucracy will make the fact that there are no tariffs rather meaningless.

That is why I am calling on you to refuse to endorse the deal by abstaining. should you on examination of the agreement decide to vote with the government I won’t hold it against you after all we are all Labour and you must do what you think is right according to the dictates of you own conscience and I do believe that this matter is a conscience decision.All I would ask is after careful consideration you do what you think is right.

Kind Regards,

**************************

Arise, Sir Keir Starmer

Dear Keir,

I am sorry but you are entirely wrong to back the Brexit deal . There are no advantages to Labour in doing so and you will be a hostage to Johnson’s gibes for the future. This is not a good deal it is not even an acceptable deal it goes nowhere near meeting the 6 tests you set out. It is not up to the Labour Party to make sure Johnson doesn’t end up with no deal by default. He has to sort that one out for himself.

Many of the Labour voters in the Red wall seats did not vote in 2019 turnout was relatively low . Proper analysis of the figures shows many of the former Labour voters in those seats started voting UKIP or Tory years ago. You have bought in to the Southern /Westminster narrative about the 2019 election. Many who did not vote couldn’t vote for you predecessor .

Unforgivably, you are taking most Labour members who voted remain for granted and assuming you can count on our support. That is a big assumption. You are now following a path likely to alienate many Remainers as well as not winning over leavers. Why would they choose to leave Johnson and Co? They are not going to vote for the imitation when they can have the real thing.

Labour is about to become completely irrelevant if you are foolish enough to vote for this deal.

Yours sincerely,

**************************

Dear xxx,

I am as furious as I am sure you are to find that Boris Johnson’s Brexit bears no resemblance to what was promised. It is a bad deal for Britain that will cause economic and social harm to our country. 

The Government has run down the clock on negotiations with foolish negotiating tactics, leaving MPs with a very difficult decision when it comes to the upcoming vote on the deal. But this is not a vote between deal or no deal – there are three ways to use your vote. It is clear that the government will get its deal through the Commons – there is no doubt about that – but it should not be given a ringing endorsement by anyone who believes Boris Johnson’s Brexit is bad for Britain.  

It is in the national interest that Boris Johnson’s Government takes full responsibility for this bad deal, and that Labour is not seen to endorse this moment of national self-harm. Any sense of opposition parties taking joint ownership of this deal will make it more difficult to hold this government to account for the damage it will cause. 

Abstaining on a matter of such great national importance may be difficult to do.  But it is an honest position, which recognises the impossibility of rubber-stamping this bad Brexit, and of risking a harmful no-deal outcome.

That is why I am writing to you today to ask: will you abstain on this bad Brexit deal?  

Kind regards

With thanks to James Chespy, Ellin Stein, Moez Adamjee and Catherine Reynolds for these.

Arise, Sir Keir Starmer

Bragg about it.

SuspEND Brexit

Dither and Delay

On September 22, Boris Johnson was advised to go into lockdown. Six weeks later we are going into lockdown … but not until after we have infected more people via Halloween and Guy On September 22, 2020, Boris Johnson was advised by experts to go into lockdown. Six weeks later we are going into lockdown … but not until after we have infected more people via Halloween and Guy Fawkes night. Since there is a cycle of several weeks between infection and illness, most of the unnecessary deaths from COVID are already ‘baked in’.  Johnson used dither and delay back in February whilst minting 50p Brexit coins, hiding in fridges, avoiding COBRA meetings, bonging Big Ben etc. instead of listening to experts.  This accounted for tens of thousands of unnecessary deaths in care homes.  It is not fair to say that Johnson is doing a good job on COVID.  These are political choices and others were available to him rather than his chosen strategy of herd immunity

Dither and Delay means Deaths

Too little, too late
Too Little, Too Late again.

As a cynic, you might suggest that the only reason Johnson dithered was to ensure that people were too busy / frightened / shocked etc. to notice whether he “Gets Brexit Done”. Cummings promised “Shock and Awe” in autumn and the current wave of fear is exactly their plan. We will have just 11 days, JUST 11 days to “Get Brexit Done” once we lift lockdown. Michael Gove has already admitted that lockdown might be extended past December 02. It is sheer madness and irresponsibility to combine Corona Crisis and Brexit Disaster for a Britastrophe at this point.

Contact “super spreaders” on Social Media (Twitter and Facebook etc) with messages about Suspending Brexit. Use the hashtag #SuspendBrexit. Sample tweet:

Serial Killers.

Here are some super spreaders to consider – make your own list : @campbellclaret @peston @kayburley @afneil @mrjamesob @AndrewMarr9 @bbcnews @itvnews @DavidGauke @theresa_may @Jeremy_Hunt @MichelBarnier @13sarahmurphy @RussInCheshire @AcademyOfRock @guardian @bbclaurak @SirPatStew @EdwardJDavey @Keir_Starmer

This is how The Daily Maul see the need to Suspend Brexit due to dither and delay:

Click on the image to read our Brexit Satire book.

Take action – Click on the links

Write to your MP today and make the case for Suspending Brexit in the wake of Corona 2nd wave, dither and delay and just 11 days till Christmas to Get Brexit Done

Do the same by writing to the media on all sides

Support our “Red Wall” tour of the UK with the Bollocks to Brexit Mini Cooper

Find out why Suspending Brexit is still possible

Find out why Rejoining is a unicorn in the mid-long term

Read more of The Daily Maul, Sun and Excess

Suspend Brexit - end dither and delay
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Suspend Brexit - end dither and delay
Suspend Brexit – end dither and delay.
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The game has changed

The game has changed. Here’s a quick piece of Brexit analysis on the day that the world turned in on Trump and Brexit populism.

Johnson’s Brexit strategy has relied on the ability to bully Europe. Johnson has used the bargaining chip that Britain will become a rogue state on the edge of Europe with an Anglo-American trade deal. The game has changed …

NO LONGER APPLIES

Joe Biden has a long memory regarding Johnson’s attacks on Obama, women and ethnic minorities. The game has changed and the so called special relationship …

NO LONGER APPLIES

Johnson had relied on breaching The Good Friday Agreement and breaking international law to “Get Brexit Done”. The game has changed …

NO LONGER APPLIES

The EU has tried to accommodate Britain in Brexit negotiations, so as to maintain a sense of decency in world politics. This, despite the fact that Britain has not made any good faith attempts to negotiate. The game has changed …

NO LONGER APPLIES

True leadership.

Trump favoured UK in terms of doing a trade deal, as a means of pivoting against the EU. Biden’s appointment means that the EU’s main focus will now turn to America, rather than a small country in economic and social ruin. The game has changed …

NO LONGER APPLIES

True leadership.

We can no longer expect Trump to be focused on the UK and Brexit. His next two months will be fully occupied in fighting legal actions, making himself look even more foolish and gradually being ostracised by his allies. I imagine he will spend a lot of time on the golf course. Perhaps a slot on “I’m a failed celebrity, get me out of here”. The game has changed …

NO LONGER APPLIES

In conclusion, the game has changed and …

BREXIT NO LONGER APPLIES

Take Action

Write to your MP and demand that they oppose the toxic combination of Corona + Brexit – sample letters below.

Write to the press with the same ambition.

Write to EU leaders and encourage them to hold firm on Brexit negotiations now that Johnson is alone.

Please read Brexit Choices and Suspended Animation.

Johnson – alone again naturally
Betrayed by Brexit Johnson
Dry your populist tears Johnson

Sample Letters to MP’s – TY Rachel Ashley and Catherine Reynolds

Dear xxx,

Given the Biden victory, would you now agree that a two year extension to the transition period is probably wise, to allow Britain to cope with the COVID crisis?

Yours sincerely

Dear xxx

I see your government has done another u-turn on free school meals in the holidays for hungry children. Surely this is getting embarrassing for MP’s such as yourself, who support the government one week only for the Executive to do a u-turn the following week (or so). This looks like a failure of leadership to me.

I assume this was announced yesterday because most of the world of the world was watching Joe Biden defeat Donald Trump in the USA Presidential election. However President elect Biden’s stance on Brexit is well-known. He thinks the UK is following a foolish and divisive line which has the potential to severely damage Anglo-Irish relations and undermine the Good Friday Agreement. He has said more than once the USA will not trade with the UK if it breaks the Good Friday Agreement. It is telling that when asked by a BBC journalist if he had anything to say to the BBC he said ‘I am Irish’.

I ask you to reconsider your position. Brexit is going to add considerably more damage to the British economy at a time when it is massively struggling under the economic pressure caused by COVID. I am aware the PM Johnson was in talks with the President of the European Commission yesterday and I assume that is to try and cobble together some sort of deal for Mr Johnson to then sell to the British people as the best deal ever when we all know that at best it will give Britain a few crumbs from the EU table and will still cause, what could turn out be, irreparable damage to the British economy with no hope in the short or medium term of even the semblance of a deal with the USA to mitigate a small part of the damage.

I am therefore asking you to put Britain first and to put pressure on the Executive to go to the European Council and ask for Brexit to be suspended for 2 years with Britain still in transition mode. Your current leader should have no difficulty in doing another u-turn to achieve this as he is very used to doing them. A two year suspension of Brexit will give your Party time to sort out what is clearly a failure of leadership and the Government time to get control of how the country can begin to live with the COVID 19 virus without severely damaging either the economy or the health of the nation.

Yours sincerely

Life on Mars

Penny for the Guy

The Daily Maul. Click to read Private Eyelines.

In these crazy times it becomes difficult to tell satire from real life, so here’s a little help to separate facts from fiction:

FACT : Priti Patel has banned protests of more than two people so that Johnson can “Get Brexit Done”, without having to have any visible resistance on the streets. We can still organise resistance. See 11 ways to SuspEND Brexit in a COVID safe way.

FICTION : Donald Trump has not been accepted by Martians. Applications outside the Solar System have also been rejected by Star Trek command.

FACT : The Daily Express has blamed Remainers for the Joe Biden victory. I never knew we had so much power.

FICTION : David Bowie does not live on Mars.

FACT : The Trump meltdown means that Boris Johnson has no “BATNA” in negotiation terms (BATNA = Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement). Just to follow the car showroom analogy, the EU showroom and US showrooms are not of equivalent value anyway, since 50% of our trade comes from our relationship with the EU. Walking out of the EU showroom to the Trump one is rather like leaving the Mercedes showroom for the Trabant one, in terms of cars.

FICTION : Nigel Farage has not infected anyone with COVID. He has however infected 17.4 million people with a pack of lies. Many people have now awakened to this fact and no longer want Brexit.

FACT : Boris Johnson has had to do a U Turn on COVID, due to Dither and Delay for 6 weeks. He was told by scientists to introduce a lockdown on 22 September. Instead he waited 6 weeks to do so until bonfire night. In doing so he has already placed tens of thousands of people on the Corona bonfire. This will likely mean that the lockdown will be extended. Basically:

A stitch in time saves nine

FICTION : There is no such thing as a COVIDIOT detector. However there are many vital signs : the assumption that every nurse and doctor in the world is in on the “scam” ; the suggestion that dead people are fabrications and so on.

FACT : Nigel Farage’s new Reform party is spreading a very dangerous disease : ignorance. It will kill more people. Nearly 40 Tory MP’s turned into anti-maskers yesterday when the lockdown vote was taken.

FACT : Mars cannot support intelligent life. It can however support Donald Trump. Donald did claim that Mars was in fact part of the Moon in 2019. More on Brexit and David Bowie at Rebel Rebel.

FICTION : Larry the Cat has not been touched by Donald Trump.

FACT : Nigel Farage has not managed to blow up Parliament. Please give a penny for the guy, as Nigel’s Reform party appears to be failing. In other news, Thanet and Swale MP’s Craig McKinlay and Gordon Henderson have just voted against lockdown. It is perhaps no coincidence that their constituencies have the highest incidence of COVID in Kent. They get our award for COVIDIOTS and are literally going to be responsible for further unnecessary deaths through their careless attitudes towards the people that voted for them. Write to them to express your concerns : Craig McKinlay ; Gordon Henderson.

Click the image to support our continuing work
Click the image to support our continuing work.

With thanks to the image of Boris Johnson by Charlie Everett.