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Category: Boris Johnson

COVIDIOTS break lockdown

As COVIDIOTS break lockdown, we sum up Brexit and other world news. Using the medium of “The Sunday Sun” …. Yesterday’s news tomorrow.

Turkeys vote for Brexit Christmas

Here’s a few facts to ground the populist satire:

Boris Johnson actually used M People’s “Search for the Hero inside yourself” in his party conference speech last week. This marked his complete transition to the “David Brent” of politics. He also quoted himself when talking about windpower. He suggested that “someone else” said that windpower could not blow the skin off a rice pudding. That someone else was in fact Boris Johnson.

Matt Hancock broke lockdown rules by drinking in The House of Commons after 10 pm. Stanley Johnson has also broken lockdown rules on several occasions recently. As COVIDIOTS break lockdown, we ask how reasonable is it for Police to fine members of the public or insist on lockdown rules. As they say in Leadership “The fish rots from the head”.

MP’s have been denied a say on laws that define our food safety. This opens the door to hormone fed beef and chlorinated chicken. Britain moves from a standard bearer to a law breaker.

MP’s have been awarded a £3300 pay rise. Just for comparison, Brexit has cost each and every one of us £3000 so far. Is this what they mean by “levelling up”?

Stockpiling has begun again in earnest, with restrictions on the purchase of some goods. The COVID food crisis was more or less caused by panic buying. However the looming Brexit disaster will be based on real supply shortages over the medium – long term. Here’s a list of foods that will likely be in short supply after Brexit, if we allow this “Britastrophe” to continue.

With thanks to Helga Perry, Susanna Leissle, Irina Fridman and Judith Spencer for the inspiration for our “Sun” page.

Food shortages after BRexit

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Anti-Conservative Tory Government
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The Blame Game

The Blame Game

When cases began to rise at the start of the present COVID wave, Boris Johnson laid the blame on the general public i.e. us. He said that people had been too relaxed and freedom-loving to obey the rules and that if restrictions were needed it would be our fault. The blame game is utter nonsense. Yes, some people broke rules, notably Dominic Cummings, Robert Jenrick and the PM’s father. But Brits are generally very rule-abiding and complied with lockdown etc. more than other European countries. This isn’t surprising … one of our national traits is a love of queues. We join one even before we know what it’s for!  The likely reasons for the rise were the government’s easing from first lockdown which was:

  1. Too early – the science suggests cases would have halved if it had continued for 2 more weeks.
  2. Too much too soon and all at once so the cause of the rise was unclear.
  3. Telling people that going to pubs was their ‘patriotic duty’.
  4. The Government’s reluctance to ask people to wear masks until the end of July.
  5. The ‘Eat Out to Help Out’ scheme, encouraging going to restaurants. This did not create any long term impact on the economy, but kept people mixing.
  6. Announcing summer holidays were ‘on’.
  7. Telling people to return to the office and that those who didn’t would be more likely to lose their jobs.

The public did nothing wrong except follow government advice

The Blame Game
The Blame Game

The first new restrictions applied by Johnson were too feeble to stop cases from rising exponentially. These have led to general  lockdown.  Johnson and his cronies probably knew this would happen.  However, by blaming the public for the initial rise and telling us it would be our fault if it carried on, he had to maintain the credibility of his scapegoat for sufficient time, to avoid taking any responsibility himself.

History is now repeating  itself 

In March, Johnson’s failure to lock down 10 days earlier cost the deaths of twice as many people as would have otherwise occurred. Delay this time in putting effective measures in place will again result in the needless deaths of thousands of people.

Too little, too late
Too Little, Too Late again

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Write to your MP and demand that they oppose the toxic combination of Corona + Brexit

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Brexit Too Little, Too Late

The Lies Have It

The lies have it, the lies have it !!

During heated exchanges with Sir Keir Starmer in the Commons this week about remaining in the EU Medicines Agency, Boris Johnson claimed that this would have slowed our vaccination programme.  Afterwards, Starmer is said to have  accused Johnson of lying as they spoke at the entrance to the “Aye” lobby but later apologised.

Leadership in all fields relies on trust

If that was all that took place, there was no need whatsoever for an apology. Johnson was lying as usual. If we were still in the EU, we would have been entitled under the  Agency’s rules, to carry out our vaccination program precisely as we did . This is yet another case of our prime minister making lying propaganda at every possible opportunity.

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Britain can be rightly proud of its achievement with the vaccine rollout. This, however, was due to the expertise, efficient planning  and hard work of the scientists and administrators involved, and no thanks whatsoever to the politicians. For weeks since the need was identified to tighten up the quarantine system and tracing of entrants to  the UK, Johnson has dithered. Meanwhile entrants potentially infected by new virus strains are circulating more or less unchecked whilst hotels  waiting to receive them lie empty. A junior minister is left to blather helplessly in defence oft his master’s incompetence. More than an apology will be required from Johnson if  because of  his dithering the lockdown has to be extended and lives are lost as in the past.

Write to your MP to raise the matter of lying.

A stitch in time saves nine

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Der Clown

Boris Johnson ist ein clown

This latest piece of music portrays Boris Johnson as others see him. Set in the mode of a Kraftwerk song “Boris Johnson ist ein clown” tells the terrible story of Johnson’s record on COVID, Brexit and his personal life. Download the album on Bandcamp to help us continue our work. Please don’t just steal the music, it takes a long time to produce. The video is free and needs sharing widely with this post. Here is just a small segment of Johnson’s record to ponder:

150 000 unnecessary COVID deaths due to Johnson’s “too little too late policy”.

£37 BILLION spaffed away to his mates for non-existent or non-functional PPE. Some of the companies hired to make PPE had no experience in the field.

Breaking lockdowns with lavish parties whilst others saw loved ones die alone in care homes and hospitals.

Multiple lies about non-existent Brexit benefits.

Killing 27 migrants at sea with a policy that has been judged by HMG as “dangerous”.

Still waiting for the £350 million every week for the NHS.

Left his wife for another women whilst she had cancer.

Lied to the Queen.

Watch the video, share and download the songs to support our work

Worst record on COVID in Europe.

Failed to sack Cummings and Hancock whilst he allowed junior ministers to resign for less serious offences.

“Frictionless” trade killing businesses despite promises that Brexit would be “oven ready”.

£840 per roll for wallpaper for the flat at 10 Downing Street on the whim of Carrie.

“Bonfire” on red tape has produced intolerable levels of … Brexit red tape – who knew?

Changed the rules on sleaze to protect Owen Patterson.

Illegally shut down Parliament because he could not get his way.

Failing to wear masks at hospital visits.

Stripped people of their human rights and threats to reintroduce English concentration camps for migrants. In case of doubt, it was England that introduced the idea of concentration camps during the Boer War.

Promised 50 000 more nurses for the NHS, but failed to deliver.

Blames the EU for our self-imposed Brexit when it is his decision alone.

Lied about the Northern Ireland protocol. Continues to threaten peace in Northern Ireland by breaking international law.

Counts hospital refurbishments as “new hospitals”. Counts a pair of gloves as two items of PPE.

Bungled projects : The Garden Bridge. The Scotland-Ireland Bridge. The Isle of Man Bridge. Boris Island. The Festival of Brexit.

Stopping food aid to most vulnerable children in a pandemic.

Allowing water companies to dump shit in our rivers.

Far from Boris Johnson ist ein clown, Boris Johnson is a very dangerous clown. Check more of his lies out at Boris Johnson Lies.

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With thanks to Colin Taylor, Irina Fridman, Susanna Leissle, Richard Hewison and Ambasuthan J. for their help with this.

Brexit is Broken

Brexit is broken. We are just about to notice now that the mask of COVID has come off. Here is our latest parody issue of the Telegraph with a fact checker attached, just in case you cannot tell the difference between Brexit fact and fiction:

FACT : Brexit border controls begin today. The EU has allowed us a full years grace on our desire to become a third country. The delays and tariffs are all on our own Government. early indications suggest that there will be significant impacts. See The Independent, The FT, The Mirror for more details.

FACT : So concerned are our Government to “mask Brexit” that they have instructed civil servants not to mention the word. Sadly we are unable to comply. If Brexit is so great why are they not instead publishing the benefits of our departure? The best that Johnson can mention is the reintroduction of pints in pubs. I may have amnesia but I thought we had pints before?

FACT : Dr Liam Fox went on BBC to lie about Brexit yesterday. We decoded his response to the question. You have to be really good to lie and Liam is just not very good at anything. Liam said that the main point of Brexit was to reclaim sovereignty. If that’s true how come nobody wants to buy my bargain bag o’ sovrinty?

FACT : Boris Johnson has not built any of the promised hospitals. It seems that pop up tents in car parks are now being classified as “hospitals”. We lead the world in COVID infections once again although Johnson feels unable to make the tough decisions that are needed, as he has not got the support of his own party to make decisions in the best interests of the people.

FICTION : The Queen is not prosecuting Prince Andrew even though she ought to, ma’am.

FACT : Boris Johnson is still a fu…king cu…t entered the UK charts at No 5, confirming the nation’s view on his premiership.

FICTION : Peppa Pig is not taking up a post as a doctor in the NHS, even though he has “most admired” status by Boris Johnson.

FICTION : Lenny the lion has not eaten Liz Truss as yet. We hear that Lenny is unlikely to do so as he favours eating brains.

FACT : Britain drowned 27 migrants in the channel due to their Brexit policy, which has been demonstrated to be completely unsuitable and dangerous method of addressing the issue. The United Nations reported the story as the worst disaster on record. Kent residents laughed about the deaths of women and children. This is what Brexit has brought us. Do you really support drowning women and children who are fleeing terror?

FICTION : Geoff Boycott has not written a book on cricket and racism. Maybe he should?

FACT : Brexit is broken. Read all about it at Brexit has Failed.

Write to your MP today to tell them that Brexit is broken. Demand better.

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Read our book to help with having the difficult conversations about Brexit.

Brexit is Broken
Border Farce

George came up with this helpful explanation of Brexit for toddlers:

Brexit has failed

I never thought I’d be able to say that Brexit had failed so quickly, as we supposedly ended up with a Brexit deal rather than “WTO, way to go”. But, already we are seeing the “hors d’ouevre” of Brexit. I have summarised just some of the early impacts, as Brexit reality meets satire. This is a long post so hold on to your butts.

Hotel California Brexit

It seems that the British people are fed up with Brexit – A recent report from The Guardian stated that Britons do not want continuous negotiations with the EU over Brexit. This failure to understand the complexities of international trade and co-operation infected the Brexit debate and it will not go away just because people wish it. In the words of some leave voters, Brits had better “get used to it”, especially as the obstacles to progress continue to come from the UK in the main. For example David Frost’s repeated demands to cancel the Brexit agreement which he signed. Such things simply frustrate the prospects of making the relationship work and it is plain that Brussels and the 27 states are getting tired of our repeated sabre rattling, done only to create the impression that Britannia rules the waves. Hotel California seems to describe Brexit well, as we keep wanting to change aspects of an agreement that we signed in haste so that Johnson could claim that Brexit was out of the oven.

Crocodile Dundee Brexit

Liz Truss’ much spun trade deal with Australia is worth just £1 per person per year. How will you spend it? A pack of Tim Tams perhaps? Against that backdrop, The National Farmer’s Union reports that the Australian Trade Deal will break British farming. Listen to Farming Today on Radio 4 which should now be renamed Brexit Carnage Today.

Rough Justice

In another massive climbdown from the promises of Brexit, hidden from view by COVID, Johnson’s Government has just agreed to accept jurisdiction from The European Court of Justice (ECJ). This was one of the cornerstones of Brexit – if you remember the idea of “taking back control” of our laws and so on. So far we have not taken back control of our borders either and we already had our own currency.

We must continue to change minds on Brexit – please buy our book on Amazon – chick on the image

Frosty the No Man

Lord David Frost has just run scared from his role as Brexit negotiator, just ahead of January 1st 2021 when the grace period ends and we commence full customs checks and tariffs on imports and exports to the EU. This is expected to add on average an eye watering 11% to costs of goods entering the UK and will further exacerbate the near 5% inflation that is predicted for 2022 in the UK. This follows 4.2% inflation in 2021, an unprecedented figure with a major contribution from Brexit. Our predictions of stagflation are gradually coming true.

This twitter thread explains the carnage to come in January better than I can:

Ryanair have just abandoned the London Stock Exchange in preparation for Brexit. Expect more of this as Brexit Britain melts down.

Trussed up on Brexit Bollocks

Liz Truss has been lined up to succeed David Frost. Perhaps this an attempt by Johnson to ensure that “The Truss” does not manage to launch a leadership challenge, after all Brexit has already consumed five ministers. Or, perhaps it is intended to demonstrate the impossibility of Brexit due to Liz’s unprecedented levels of incompetence. Nonetheless, the DUP see Liz as an easy touch and have already begun to lobby her to invoke Article 16 and threaten peace and stability in Northern Ireland. Nice people! See Trussed up

Unmasking Brexit Carnage

In the months after Boris Johnson signed his post-Brexit trade deal with the European Union, COVID masked the economic damage of leaving the bloc. As the pandemic drags on, the cost is becoming clearer and voters are noticing. Goods trade with the EU was 15.7% lower to October 2018, in line with HM Government predictions.
The article above shows that Brexit has been a drag on growth. It brought new red tape on commerce between Britain and its largest and closest market, and removed a large pool of EU labour from the country on which many businesses had come to rely. The combination has exacerbated supply chain shortages, stoked inflation and hampered trade. In March 2020 I coined the phrase Britastrophe to describe the toxic combination of Corona crisis + Brexit disaster. It has literally allowed Johnson to mask Brexit:

Download Britastrophe

Clapping for shortages

Still Johnson continues with distraction, dither and delay. This costs lives. I predict a new round of clapping soon …. What shortages did I miss?

Monday : Turkey farmers, postal workers and food pickers

Tuesday : Gas workers, plumbers, hospital porters and brewers

Wednesday : Foreign butchers, space scientists and food processing staff

Thursday : Foreign surgeons, opticians, researchers and podiatrists

Friday : Dentists, accountants, computer programming specialists, security staff

Saturday : Hospitality staff, customer service agents, warehouse staff, teachers

Sunday : Fork lift truck drivers, social carers, radiographers, distribution agents

We may have to double up on most days due to the number of sectors and people affected …

Image by the wonderful Aidan Grooville

Killing in the name of Brexit

Brexit ideology kills. Plain and simple. Write to your MP to tell them.

So, here it is, merry Brexmas, everybody’s having fun. Look to the future. It’s only just begun …

Download The Brexit Party Album via https://academy-of-rock.bandcamp.com/album/now-the-brexit-party-album
What distractions will Johnson think of next to continue his reign of incompetence?
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Find Aidan at Twitter https://twitter.com/AidanGrooville

Peter Cook

Election FAQs

Many thanks to those who got in touch re my candidacy for the Branches Forum Chair position at The European Movement. I’ve made some responses to the issues you have wanted to know more about below:

Collaborations with Grassroots Groups and activists

There’s a very long list LOL !! Some notable entries include driving to Barnard Castle in collaboration with the EU Flag Mafia to test my eyes … Stopping along the way to deliver collaborative events with Leeds for Europe and North East for Europe in Leeds City Centre and Durham. I was the first to review the In Limbo book for an international human rights leader. Subsequently I wrote a song to amplify the book around the world, incorporating 30 spoken voice contributions from all over the world and taking three months to complete. The song reached No 1 on Amazon. I have also written Op Ed pieces for The New European, Grassroots for Europe and Hendrik Klassens, founder of the FBPE hashtag. Among the many partners I’ve collaborated with over the years, the list includes Berkshire and Hampshire for Europe, Manchester for Europe at the Tory Party Conference, Brighton and Hove for Europe at The Labour Party Conference, No 10 Vigil, Voices for Europe, Essex for Europe, SODEM, Eddisbury for Europe, Swindon for Europe, AC Grayling, Tunbridge Wells IN, The Rejoin Party, Enfield for Europe, New Europeans, Young European Movement and many more. Aside from that, I’ve just written an article for The Federal Trust on Brexit and musicians. We plan an event featuring some music giants following the release of the article. We are also about to undertake a national tour of UK with a number of branches and groups to re-engage people on the rocky road to rejoining the EU. At present the list includes Sheffield for Europe, Cornwall for Europe, EM Staffs, Glasgow Loves EU with more coming on board daily.

Our torch song we wrote to re-ignite people young and old in pro-EU activity

Diversity

Clearly it would be easy to make the critique that I’m male and pale. But I’m certainly not stale, having spent lots of my time working with young people of all persuasions in the various collaborations above. We really do need to attract different demographic and lifestyle sectors, having myself campaigned at Pride and other events. We are working at The Reading Festival this weekend with just the aim of reaching new demographics in mind. Through my personal networks, I am to engage new sectors and help develop leaders to take EM forward with a rainbow coalition of people united with the aim of building a better Britain in a better Europe for a better World.

Pride in the name of Europe – One of our performances at Pride

Uniting The European Movement

Colin Gordon from Oxford for Europe asked the question reference the BARNS reforms which are a vital part of the Organisation Development for The European Movement. I’ve simply copied his question and my answer here for transparency for all that are interested.

Colin Gordon : You may recall [see below] that I sent you on July 2nd a letter from our chair Dr Peter Burke to Andrew Adonis setting out out concerns about the BARNS proposal. We wrote about the proposal to establish a separate status and rights for branches and affiliates that “A new formal division within the largest pro-European organisation could look from outside (and inside) like a significant own goal ”. You replied to me: “I …. concur with the points in the below letter.  It is important to build the organisation as strongly as possible and I don’t think that the “own goal” serves EM well, especially at this time when we have unprecedented levels of “Brexit Apathy” within the UK and therefore the movement.” In your more recent candidate’s statement, you say that if elected you will work on “completing the BARNS reforms”. Does that mean that you support the BARNS proposals for a different constitutional status and rights for groups classed as branches and groups classed as affiliates?

Peter : The BARNS issue is a complex problem.  It rather seems that a number of internal issues were conflated with external ones and this has clearly led to disquiet amongst members.  Whilst rejecting the vote or attempting to re-run the vote have parallels with the Brexit referendum, what is wise here will be to analyse the 28% and find ways to disentangle the separate issues and find solutions or mitigations to these issues where possible.  I would offer to bring parties together to process the “unfinished business” on this matter to facilitate an equitable resolution of the matters.  This is what I do for a living.

Uniting The European Movement will not occur until there is substantive movement on the organisational issues that need addressing. This needs active intervention to harmonise the various viewpoints and will not heal by simply repeating the words unity. I say this with 27 years of experience dealing with Organisation Development (OD) issues of a complex nature at Human Dynamics.

Reaching outside the bubble

It’s vital that we reach outside the bubble as a European Movement. This means that I have targeted mainstream media outlets in collaboration with others. I realise that media coverage in populist media is outside the preferred range of some of our members, and I have recently received some private critique (and a healthy dose of praise) about it, arising from a misconception about the reasons I have done it. Yet I believe it is necessary if we are to change minds on Europe and Brexit and I just happen to be good at such things. We achieve nothing other than tea and empathy by staying inside our own safe places. I intercepted this malicious communication from Patrick Reynolds, who accidentally sent it to me without realising I was a Branch Chair. if people are going to do bad stuff, it helps to be good at the job. Patrick seemed somewhat embarrassed about this and wanted me to remove this from public view. We uncovered much more of this material being circulated on whatsapp groups and in underground chat groups. These appear to have emanated from Yvonne Wancke’s team and Grassroots for Europe, although it is not clear just who originated the smear campaigns:

From Patrick Reynolds, Sevenoaks Swanley & Tonbridge in Europe SSTIE – an alternative view from Adrian Ekins-Daukes follows:

I believe that Peter is the right person for the job since he has the qualities of, inter alia, leadership, imagination and determination to get a job done.  He is an ‘ideas’ man and a strong chairman but listens to the views of others and is open to their suggestions. He is skilled at addressing waverers on the EU and stands up vigorously for our cause against its opponents when the occasion arises. His is the style of leadership that European Movement branches need  in the present circumstances. For too long it has drifted, preoccupied with its own internal problems, communicating mainly with its own supporters and converts, and encouraging members occasionally to write letters to their MPs who disregard them. I agree that the candidate whom you support, Yvonne Wancke, possesses impeccable  qualities which would make her a very good candidate for the chair of a wide range of organisations. The European Movement, however faces opponents who are dishonest, corrupt and completely unscrupulous. Beyond Brexit, they are set on undermining our democracy and retaining power for the rest of this decade and beyond. The Movement’s leadership has been slow to recognise this in the past and there are still those who turn a blind eye to it. If we really hope to achieve our goal, we need leaders who take a tougher and more active and inventive approach than at present. Peter is the man to steer our branches along this arduous track.

I am proud that we have reached into the BBC, Guardian, France 24, ZDF, New York Times etc. AND The Mail, Sun, Express, RT and the populist press, all done with no agents, no budgets, just with an intelligent approach to PR and media relations. We cannot rely solely on demographics to help us Rejoin the EU. I will help Branches and Affiliates to leverage their talents to do this, whilst respecting that we are all made differently. Some prefer letter writing, others street events, media work and so on. All are valid, as our guide to activism shows.

Legitimacy

Another untrue rumour was raised and shared to all those with votes via WhatsApp and other messaging platforms that I had insufficient service as had only been a member for two months. This is not true. I have in fact been a member for over a year. It would have been two years but my EM membership direct debit failed the first time I applied and I did not realise for 6 months. Aside from that I have been a member of the Mid Kent EM for 4 years and was instrumental in starting our events across the area. I had eventually to write to The European Movement about these matters although they and Yvonne Wancke refused to do anything about it.

Transparency

Colin Gordon from Oxford for Europe also raised the issue of what some people perceive is the “elephant in the room”. It seems that some people are asking about this topic, so I may as well deal with it openly and honestly.

Colin Gordon : In the same email you mentioned that you were presently fighting a case of potential unfair dismissal on behalf of your son Tom, who works as senior Digital Officer at European Movement UK, and that this was impacting on your communications with EM executives and your ability to comment on EM affairs. Can I please ask whether this dispute is still ongoing, and whether there is a risk of its impacting your work, if elected, as a member of the EM Executive Committee ? Should branches considering their vote in this election be taking account of  this issue?

Update 23 November 2021 : As was expected, the matter was resolved to everyone’s satisfaction with an agreement struck. It was never relevant to decision-making and this remains the case. For transparency, I have left my reply to Colin Gordon per the original post below. I am not Dominic Cummings, nor in the business of erasing history or culture wars, so my reply below remains as was originally posted at the time.

Peter : My son’s dispute is his dispute and not mine.  I had hoped that all would have been done and dusted, but there has been an unexpected delay in completion and it is now once again on the way to finalisation.  To answer your question, the matter should not be taken account of in decision making.  I am a professional business person and that’s all that matters for my part. It is completely irrelevant to my candidacy.

Profile statement

Finally, here is my 500 word statement to help guide your decision making. I bring considerable business experience to the role, plus prolific skills in grassroots campaigning and getting our cause into mainstream media. If you have questions for me, please feel free to call me.

Comedic leadership

It seems to me that people don’t understand the difference between a comedian and a world leader. This video makes the distinctions clear:

In case you are confused:

Johnson was at the Confederation of British Industry (CBI). The expectation was for a speech on business, not some ravings on a day out at a theme park.

A good sense of humour is indeed useful as a leader and as a device to be used as part of a presentation. It should not overwhelm the content of the speech. Johnson’s speech was content free. When Johnson said that most people would have got his point he was right, because there was no content and therefore no point.

Garry Honey reports “contacts in the FCO say Johnson was the worst minister in living memory who could never master the detail. Just because you can win elections doesn’t mean you are leadership material, track record will catch up with you!”

When Peppa Pig is more comprehensible than a world leader it is time to call time on the comedy act.

When Foreign Secretary Johnson was tasked with securing the release from captivity of a UK citizen in Iran, he went off script and said ‘she had been training journalists’ with the result that Nazanin Ratcliffe’s sentence was increased and she remains in captivity today.

We will fight them on the, uh… thingumies… forgive me… I uh… blast it… forgive me… BEACHES! Yes, that’s it, beaches, haha! Now, where was I? We’ll uh… oh cripes, who put these notes together? Probably some blasted foreigner. Anyway, uh… forgive me…. You get the general picture…. I make model buses… Oh look over there! An eagle! Thank you Marcus Richardson

Johnson is a national disgrace.

Day of Action

The European Movement held a day of action yesterday. Here are some of the image from events across the country.

My own contribution was in some 1:1 Brexorcisms in cafes and bars throughout the day and evening.

Our next action is to Get the Tories out in Sidcup and Old Bexley. Join us next Saturday via Sidcup and Old Bexley.

https://twitter.com/CampaignJane/status/1462082407025287169?s=20
Sheffield
Oswestry
Lewes
Swindon
Norfolk
Lambeth

Swansea
Cobham
Leamington

Railway Modeller

Levelling down

Here’s our latest piece of satire, based on the familiar railway magazine beloved of Boris Johnson when he is not painting Brexit buses:

Find all our work at Gutterpress – click the image

Read The Financial Times to follow the story of Johnson’s U Turn on the Northern Powerhouse. Some trainspotting notes:

The Diesel in Thomas the Tank Engine was known to be the most belligerent, paranoid, devious and neurotic engine on the SODOR railway. Fitting then that Priti Patel should take the footplate with her £77 000 lashes.

Jennifer Arcuri reported that Boris Johnson offered to be the throttle to power her business. Was this an Alan Partridge metaphor?

Meanwhile, there will be no return to steam or diesel power on Britain’s rail network, as there won’t be a northern rail network. Another Johnson promise broken. If we really needed HS2, it was the part connecting the northern cities rather than the piece we have darn sarf, taking maybe 20 minutes off the journey time to London.

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Priti Vin Diesel – sorry about Ringo