Our latest edition of the Daily Maul covers the massive litter tray of dead cats generated by Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, Rishi Sunakered and Nadine Dorries. This in the wake of Johnson’s long overdue fall from grace for killing 30 000 people unnecessarily and giving us an oven burned bungled Brexit. Please see our fact and fiction checker to tell the difference between facts and fictions in our edition of the Maul. Grab a copy of Private Eyelines for more of this stuff. Fight fascism with satire – the one thing they cannot take away from us.
Click on a dead cat to read Private Eyelines.
HARD FACTS
FACT : Liz Truss went on GB News (Gammon Balderdash News) last night, appearing to forget that she supported Remain in 2016. Her parents have disowned her. The kids must be next. Although she has not formed the BUSS (Boris-Truss) party, stranger things have happened. The Truss is out on manoeuvres to kill little Rishi Sunak along with Mad Nads and some other Tories.
Liz Truss was a Remainer Liz Truss backed REMAIN Liz Truss tweeted in 2016: I am backing Remain as I believe it is in Britain's economic interest and means we can focus on vital economic and social reform at home.
FACT : Boris Johnson was found guilty of lying repeatedly by a committee comprised mainly of his own party members. No amount of gaslighting or dead cattery can cover this up. Read the Select Committee report.
FACT : Boris Johnson started new job as Daily Mail columnist the day after the Select Committee (aka Kangaroo court) report found he lied repeatedly to Parliament. They have clearly picked the right man to lie for them. This itself is another breach of the Ministerial Code. His first report concerns the vitally unimportant fact that he takes drugs to stop him raiding the fridge at night for cheese and chorizo. He needs really to take drugs to stop his infatuation with fridges …
The real Daily Maul. Click to read the satire version.
FACT : Boom and Brexit Busted : Mark Carnage reports on Brexit Carnage and its effects on inflation in the Telegraph. YES, the Telegraph !! There was no Boris Brexit Boom. Carney was former Bank of England chief.
Click on the image to read the ‘Telegravda’.
FACT : Jacob Rees-Mogg and the other few remaining nutters on the deck of the SS Brexit are now calling for the removal of our sovereignty. Sovereignty was the very thing that they said we had to have back as the main reason for Brexit. This by the genius Cold War Steve:
Click to see Cold War Steve’s work.
FACT : Rishi Sunak has resorted to wearing brown boots that are nearly bigger than his torso in order to look like a ‘hard man’. Caught smiling on camera whilst the police raided a home yesterday in the traditional racist smirk pioneered by Priti Patel and gold-plated by Suella Braverman.
FICTION : As far as we know, Boris Johnson has not ordered Carrie to deliver a new baby on Monday as a distraction when Parliament vote to accept the Select Committee report. Nor has Nadine Dorris moved back into nursing, or delivered a Cesarian section. However, if I were Carrie, I would not let Mad Nads near her.
Do you want to save the ‘Bollocks to Brexit’ Mini Cooper from the scrap yard? We need funds to take ‘Johnson’ the mini on the road around UK and Europe to remind people that Brexit has failed. The car has generated significant mainstream media publicity for the Rejoin / anti-Brexit cause. Accordingly, now that less than 1/5th of British people think that Brexit was worth it, we plan to take the car on tour to local groups for the purpose of mass Brexorcisms. Our visits can be accompanied by a musical protest and motivational speeches.
3 Dec 2019 – London, UK – Minis in Essex Street, London in a stunt organised and crowdfunded by anti-brexit campaigning group EU Flag Mafia.Arrested by Essex Police.3 Dec 2019 – London, UK – Outside Tate Britain, a stunt organised and crowdfunded by anti-brexit campaigning group EU Flag Mafia.The Stop Brexit Job organised by EU Flag Mafia.
This story went across all mainstream media in UK, Ireland and Europe. It went as far as the New York Times and Australia !! It’s a superior return on your investment.
We have taken the car from Dominic Cummings house to Barnard Castle to check our eyesight. Also to Brussels, and all round Britain. The car, codenamed ‘Johnson’ was stopped by Essex Traffic Policeman PC Smith, in a rage on the M25 motorway. Smith asked us to remove the signage on the car on the hard shoulder of the M25, putting the police officer and the passengers at risk of death. Subsequently, Smith has not been located by Essex Police some three years after we provided his full details to the force … All that is needed is political will to change the ongoing ‘Britastrophe‘.
In the wake of the collapse of Ann Summers’ exports to Ireland due to Brex-rated blue tape and costs, this update charts various issues relating to BREX and the city.
Con-domination
Ann Summers pulled out from direct sales to Ireland last year. They stated that ‘higher operating costs’ associated with Brexit made it ‘uneconomical’, according to their anal report. Despite promises of frictionless trade by Michael Gove, no amount of business lubrication could save Ann Summer’s operations. Brexit has literally fucked people over.
ANALYSIS : The Ann Summers story is one of a kind. Rishi Sunak has had to offer inducements aka bribes to keep Jaguar Land Rover in Britain and prop up Tory MPs in the Midlands and West Country. Read the report from the Tony Blair institute for more insights into Brexit carnage. One of the predicted outcomes from Brexit is a decline in trade East – West from GB to the island of Ireland and an increase in trade North – South from NI to the Republic of Ireland. Rishi Sunak was right when he suggested that NI had the best of both worlds. The rest of Britain should follow this example and Join EU anew.
ACTION : Please join us Wed 7th June on ZOOM to consider next steps to take action on ending Brexit and joining EU anew.
Britain – once again the sick man of the world.
New Ann Summers reps recruited after collapse of sex chain in Ireland. Click image to read more.
Indecent proposals
Rishi Sunak has decided that he does not want trusted colleagues to see his WhatsApp messages for the COVID inquiry. Instead he has decided to take the Civil Service to court to prevent them being able to do their job properly. Sunak’s attack on the judiciary and civil service is something that would be more at home in North Korea, Russia, Nigeria, Pakistan etc., an indecent proposal. So much for Sunak’s promises of integrity, professionalism and accountability. Somewhat strangely, Johnson says he has lost his phone from 2020 – 2021 and has not complied with the request for transparency. At the back of this story are all the people whose loved ones died and were unable to say their farewells. These include the Queen. All while Boris Johnson partied hard. It is beyond words to describe the contempt with which this Government view the general public and their loved ones.
Johnson lied, people died.
ANALYSIS : It seems extremely odd that Rishi Sunak would take civil servants to court for trying to do their job properly. Especially so when it was his Government who actually commissioned the inquiry that they are now trying to stop. The Government has admitted that they are not expecting to win this challenge, yet they are willing to waste taxpayers’ money to do so. There must be such damning material in the diaries and WhatsApp messages that Rishi Sunak feels he has no choice but to criminalise the civil servants he asked to do the work. It also allows for more dither and delay to bury the evidence along with the bodies. Another possible explanation is that this is a stand-off between Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak, with Johnson using the inquiry to discredit Sunak for a heroic comeback. Whilst I personally believe that Johnson is terminally injured by his actions as PM, Johnson’s level of hubris may mean that he thinks otherwise. We shall see. In any case, this is a new low for Sunak.
ACTION : We are presently preparing a petition about the need to repay taxpayer’s money on this legal case. More about that soon.
The Queen sat alone whilst Johnson partied hard, snorted coke and broke swings.
Brexodus and the city
One of the lesser reported impacts of Brexit is the slow brain drain of finance professionals from the City of London to Brussels and Dublin. Here are some facts about Brexodus and the city from UK Government:
UK GDP is set to shrink by 1 per cent this year, compared to 0.1 per cent for the eurozone.
Brexit has reduced our GDP by 5.5 per cent, investment by 11 per cent and reduced goods and services trade by 7 per cent.
The London School of Economics found that Britons are paying an extra 6 billion pounds to eat because of Brexit with food inflation running at more than 13 per cent.
The estimated cost to the Treasury in lost tax revenues due to Brexit is £40 billion, more than the supposed £39 billion savings promised by Brexit.
The number of businesses in London experiencing at least one skills shortage has now risen to almost 7 in 10.
The number of jobs in London held by EU-born workers has fallen by over 80,000.
“While Whitehall has taken a vow of silence on the damage Brexit is causing, businesses across the country are drowning under the weight of increased bureaucracy, staffing shortages and supply chain challenges. London is being hit hard by the loss of trade and talent to our global competitors.” Sadiq Khan, Mayor of London.
ANALYSIS : You may be asking why this matters? Well, in 2021, the financial services sector contributed £173.6 billion to the UK economy, 8.3% of total economic output. The slow destruction of the sector will impact all that serve the sector, from taxi drivers to restaurant owners.
ACTION : There are no actions that we can take in the short term to stop this. Even undoing Brexit is unlikely to stop the flow of people and wealth from the City of London. This is an example of what I call an irreversible change from Brexit.
Pornservatives
The Conservatives still find themselves with a number of ministers in post with some kind of sexual offences lodged against them. I fail to understand how this can be allowed. In times past, the Profumo affair was sufficient to topple the career of an eminent MP. But this is Brexit Britain, where sex, drugs and rock’n’roll are part of the daily diet of our elected politicians. Neil Parish, Rob Roberts, Imran Ahmad Khan, David Warburton, Chris Pincher, Charlie Elphicke, Damien Green, Andrew Griffiths, Rob Roberts and the Tory rapists. I’ve added an ‘s’ to rapist, as I’m sure that, like buses with £350 million painted on the side, another one will be along in a moment.
Let’s talk about BREX baby … click image to read the book.
In this edition of the Daily Maul we look at how the populist media keep us focused on dead cats rather than the things that affect our futures … To read more of these please check out Private Eyelines. The book makes an excellent gift for Brexiteers in regret. Private Eyelines provides a sense of uplift for people who are sick to death of fascist Nat-C Brexit Britain. Here’s some hard facts and fiction busters to help you navigate today’s papers.
Cash ‘n’ Carrie
FACT : Carrie Johnson is NOT delivering the 3rd Johnson baby on Thursday at 4pm as far as we know. However, a public inquiry about Johnson’s conduct is in progress. Baroness Hallett has called for Johnson’s WhatsApp messages to help with that inquiry. It therefore seems terribly convenient that Carrie is up the duff. Swivel headed Tory loon Andrea Jenkyns said that we must leave Johnson alone, as Carrie is having a baby. Johnson literally did leave Carrie alone, by jetting off to the US to earn millions on the conference circuit, instead of spending time in his Uxbridge constituency and supporting his wife.
By giving Johnson more time to produce the evidence, it gives Johnson more time to delete messages that would incriminate him. In case you think that this witch hunt is bad form, never forget that Johnson’s decisions caused 30 000 unnecessary deaths. These were political CHOICES and not necessities. Ethics matter if you are leading the country through a pandemic. People misunderstand the difference between leadership and comedy.
FICTION : As far as we know Johnson has NOT shagged Andrea Jenkyns. His diary is full. Doubtless Nadine will be trying to access Johnson’s binbag.
To distract us, this is what the papers actually say today. Who gives a flying fuck what Holly Willoughby is doing?
You are being taken for fools.
Whats Appened?
FACT : Rishi Sunak has said that he does not think it would be helpful for the COVID inquiry to see his WhatsApp messages, claiming that they would be irrelevant. In the words of the Police “if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear sir”. What might Rishi be wishing to hide? FICTION : as far as we know, Rishi Sunak has not ordered more shredders for The Cabinet Office. It already has plenty from the Johnson era.
Cats Against Brexit Mayhem
FICTION : Larry the cat has NOT been arrested, nor beaten up by the Met Police. FACT : We don’t know if Matt Hancock has deleted WhatsApp. We do know that he gave out COVID PPE contracts to people with no experience of making medical devices. He also gave special access to Tory donors, irrespective of whether they were experienced PPE manufacturers. We know that much of the PPE did not work. We know that this cost the earth when a more responsible approach was needed in a crisis. We also know that reputable manufacturers were ignored in favour of pub landlords and personal friends. Michelle Mone and Dido Harding are still at large.
The real Daily Mail today – Leading through FURY, shock horror and plain lies.
The Daily Mail, Express, Sun et al systematically delete and downgrade inconvenient truths whilst distracting us with trivia and hyperbolic headlines. Many people almost literally eat their lies for breakfast. It works because many people would either prefer oblivion or entertainment to the awful truths about Brexit, the cost of living, global collaboration, wars and so on. Despite what many would say, these big issues DO affect our daily lives. One of the things the populist media wish to distract us from today is the simply appalling CPTPP trade deal that we did not vote for. Nor does it make up for the losses from Brexit in any way shape or form. The CPTPP deal will only contribute 1/50th of that needed just to stand still after Brexit. And that only after 10+ years. CPTPP contribution to GDP is + 0.08% over 10 years. Brexit losses worth MINUS 4% GDP. Do the math. Simply stated:
— Reboot Britain – Rage Against The Brexit Machine (@BrexitRage) May 31, 2023
Cold Chain Shane misrepresenting CPTPP on BBC Radio 4.
This film we made about Boris Johnson’s burned Brexit deal way back is now coming home to roost. All the Brexit carnage was baked in by Johnson and now we are in ‘Brexit fire sale mode’, willing to make deals at ANY cost.
Reject the lies. Reject the Maul, Excess, Son, Telegravda. Reject Brexit
Don Adamson reports the news that the papers refuse to print. Don writes from his Brexit bunker in Barnsley.
When a child is born
This week’s homework: Discuss the following statements:
1. Johnson fanzine has announced that Princess Nut Nuts is expecting again. This is (says the Daily Mail) Johnson’s 8th child. There are probably more that we do not know of. Johnson objects to contraception for ecological reasons. He is against single use plastic. Gammons and flagshaggers will tell you that genetics count for more than experience or learning. That being Johnson and his ilk should be forcibly vasectomised.
2. Johnson is the diarrhoea that keeps on giving.
3. Discuss the following statement: ‘Gentlemen in England now abed will hold their manhood cheap and think themselves accursed they were not here.’ Shakespeare reckoned without Johnson, Nigel Garbage and other Brexit war heroes who brag about their superlative gallantry in wars that ended before they were born. Did Shakespeare get it wrong or is it more a case of Johnson, Nigel Garbage and other Brexit war heroes may be a lot of things but they are not gentlemen?
Coincidence or cock up?
Have Patience
This week’s quotes: “Lady Patience Wheatcroft is not in favour with the Tories after shifting from the Tory benches to the cross benches and, while once reliably Conservative, has made her opposition to Brexit clear … after voting for Brexit Bournemouth is in deep remorse, with the Lib Dems establishing themselves as the dominant force on the local council … Dorset Chamber of Commerce complained that Brexit was having ‘serious detrimental impact on exports’… not delivering the positives that were promised … Scotland may yet prove a steep uphill climb for Labour while it continues to be pro Brexit … don’t write off the SNP … Labour’s position on the EU and the Lib Dem’s ambivalence … will be an open door for The SNP at the next election … ‘Voter ID’ did not help the Tories … next they will stipulate that the only valid proof of ID will be a Tory Party membership card … inaugural conference of the Conservative Democratic organisation, convened by those Tories horrified by the sudden leftward lurch into outright Communism that the party has taken under Richy Scumbag (stop laughing) … Jacob Grease Bogg … perhaps still stung by the fact that during his tenure as Secretary of State for Brexit Opportunities he never found any …. started plucking Brexit benefits from his limited imagination … spectacular Bulwarks even by Grease Bogg standards …
Have Patience.
Anger is an energy
Commons Speaker Sir Lindsay Hoyle is incensed … If Lindsay Hoyle is angry with Tories then they really are running out of friends … Johnson leans on rich friends for freebies … on 25 separate occasions since August he has passed through Heathrow airports palatial Windsor Suite. At £1,800 a pop the suite is part of Heathrow’s VIP experience. He has received almost £50,000 in lounge hospitality alone …£250,000: Johnson’s legal fees funded by the taxpayer…. £2.5M advance Johnson received from speaking agency in January …
Surrey Heath council covers Gove’s constituency was won by the Lib Dems … Reigate and Banstead is now the only council in Surrey where Tories have a majority . Right across the stockbroker belt Tory ministers and ex ministers saw control of councils go to the Lib Dems’… another example of this government’s neglect and mismanagement…
Abandon ship
NHS is now so overloaded that delays and human errors are inevitable and increasing … subject to aggressive litigation … as if doctors needed another reason to abandon the NHS … a recent survey by the Medical Protection society of doctors who had been reported to the GMC in the past five years … nearly a third had experienced suicidal thoughts … NHS has always been reliant on overseas trained doctors, even more so now that many UK trained doctors are leaving …
GMC has adopted 23 recommendations to stamp out bias against ethnic minority doctors. A greater problem is that GMC expects impossibly high standards of performance in a crumbling health service with more complaining patients … workload is higher than the service can competently manage … Regime’s ineptitude. Hobbled by Cronyism and graft … economy is creating fewer opportunities … less direct foreign investment … danger of accelerating, perhaps violent, decline …
Nowhere man
We have no clue what Starmer really believes in … will not tell us what our post Brexit relationship with EU should be … Britain’s Public Order Act goes too far … UN High Commissioner for Human Rights said it imposed ‘serious and undue restriction’ … fears of erosion of civil liberties in Britain … Further indication of Home Office authoritarian tendencies …. a law does not need to put people in prison to do damage … further eroding trust in the police following a series of dreadful scandals at the Met … badly written law … hard to justify a move to Britain … Britain’s car industry is another pressure point ….
Under pressure
Steelmaking is also under strain … too many unanswered questions … Brexit upheavals add to uncertainty. … Over 2M British homes suffer from disrepair that pose a risk to public health … costs to NHS estimated at £290M a year …Tories and Britain would like to forget about Thick Lizzie … on tour … to chide the enemies of freedom and stand up to China … given her record it is surprising people listen to her … calls for an ‘economic NATO to stand up to China … (COMMENT: There is one: the EU) … Thick Lizzie may be the least successful PM in British history … emblematic of deeper problems in government … complains about having no control (COMMENT: Surely that is the whole point of Brexit?) …
Extract from Private Eyelines – click to view.
Migration observatory
Braverman complains about 1M immigrants to UK this year without mentioning that she is responsible … Thick Lizzie is a problem for the Tories not because she is the exception but because she is the rule … her ideas live on … Johnson intervenes only if he thinks it will enhance his slim chances of a return to power … loony economic policies … Fox News fired *ucker Carlson … viewership fell from 3M during his final week to 1.5 the following week … biggest beneficiary has been Newsmax, even further right than Fox … viewership rose from 150,000 to nearly 500,000 ..
Praise the Lords
Loss of Carlson’s divisive populism has led 1.15M people to abandon conservative cable news in prime time… Performance in the House of Lords by Lord Johnson of Lainston … caused despair even on Tory benches … decline in car manufacturing is an especially depressing example of Brexit affecting industry … Johnson saw it as an opportunity to take puerile swipes at the EU … disturbing comments by Cur James Dyson (COMMENT: notorious Brexiter) that the government was not on the side of industry …
Lord Fox (Lib Dems) said industry was at a watershed … car manufacturers would simply go to France or Germany … one Tory peer said waves of political appointees have made Tory benches a laughing stock … worst fears for the Lords realised … gift for the abolitionists ….
Gammon corner
All Perspectives is still pumping money into GB News despite £33M losses … takes funds injected by investors to £120M … Who can explain what Labour’s economic policy is? … numbers raising their hands to answer alarmingly low … at Derby …’Is Brexit going well or badly? Result Well 0% Badly 100% … Same in Edinburgh and Glasgow … populists love to inflame their fellow believers with slogans, myths for a past that never was … recent National Conservative conference highlighted the threat of the far right … most mainstream Tories wisely stayed away.
Why Michael Gove chose to appear is baffling (COMMENT: Not baffling to me – Gove is a Murdoch lackey of the worst description) … strange and unsettling London conference … home to an evangelical Christian church … Johnson was hardly more popular than Scumbag…. inward looking, illiberal, censorious conservatism … nostalgia for a rose tinted past … fuelled by anger, pessimism, paranoia and disdain for any who disagree … portray opponents as sinister and evil. Object furiously when the same accusations are levelled at them … demonisation of anybody to the left of them; which is probably 95% of the British population….
Nat-C Party
NATcees assertion of moral superiority … no acknowledgement that they have won four successive elections and might themselves be responsible for the dire state of the nation … Braverman distanced herself from an immigration which she has been in charge of for 7 months … Johnson was the embodiment of selfish reckless individualism that they now decry … Rees Mogg did admit that requiring ID cards to votes was a failed attempt at gerrymandering … hailed Brexit … none thought fit to mention the calamitous consequences of Brexit … has actually boosted immigration …
Braverman castigated the ‘prognosticators of doom’ who said Brexit would be a catastrophe … Tory Party beginning to fragment into warring factions as it faces an electoral drubbing … an ugly search for scapegoats … sensible Conservatives stayed away …
Don Adamson Pip Pip Medway Delta (Retired) Brexorcist and Saboteur First Class
Here are some simple comparisons between what politicians said in 2022 versus just a few months on in 2023, for busy people who can detect liars and cheats. Plus ça change.
‘If you’ve nothing to hide, you’ve nothing to fear sir” – The Police.
Boris Johnson’s diary is the political equivalent of Tom Riddle’s blank notebook which hid many secrets in ‘Harry Potter’. Johnson’s diary keeps delivering its dirty secrets. Accordingly, I imagine he also wished it had been written in invisible ink. Johnson had insisted that no rules were broken all through 2021 and 2022. It turns out that these were lies. Now in 2023, it turns out that Johnson’s official diaries have been handed over to the Police and he has refused to provide details of comments made about Sarah Everard, the woman murdered by the Metropolitan Police. Johnson insists that there is nothing to see here. His track record suggests otherwise. Never forget that Johnson’s decisions led to the unnecessary deaths of 30 000 vulnerable people.
Sunakered – Click image to listen to our radio interview on the matter.
No sooner than making a big policy statement on stopping the boats, Rishi Sunak rowed back on the proposal, now that official figures show that more that net migration exceeded 600 000 in 2022. Brexit was supposed to ‘take back control of our borders’. It didn’t. See Brexit has failed.
Jeremy Hunt is now willing to allow UK to slide into recession in order to cut inflation whereas he previously was not. Of course, all these things are a delicate balance and Britain is exposed to global factors. That said, Brexit destroyed Britain’s resilience to face global headwinds and, unlike these effects, Brexit is a self-inflicted choice which we did not need to make. By comparison, the EU demonstrated resilience in the face of Brexit as this book demonstrates. Brexit Broke Britain.
Brexit Broke Britain.
Flip flop Bad Enoch Powell.
Kemi Badenoch flip flops literally on a daily basis. She is a climate denier and a Brexiteer. These things are often correlated in Venn diagrams. Now the Nigerian fraudster U-turned on the bonfire of Brexit laws, angering her ERG handlers. Accordingly, just like Liz Truss, Kemi Badenoch demonstrates the toxic cocktail of confidence and incompetence.
She attacked her own department for reporting the abysmal trade figures from the much trumpeted CPTPP trade deal that she signed in desperation. The deal contributes 0.08% over TEN years. We will need some 50 such deals JUST to stand still to match the 4% GDP LOSS from Brexit. There are not 50 trading blocs to make deals with … Plus ça change.
From The Telegraph of all places!
Suella Braverman, a former Attorney General, thinks that the law is for others to keep.
Suella Braverman is yet another enigma. An economic migrant who hates migrants. Also, Braverman is a Brexiteer who benefited more than most from EU freedoms through her ERASMUS backed studies in France. A racist who is married to a Jewish man. Furthermore, a former Attorney General who believes she is above the law. Here’s a few hard facts about the lies put forward on immigration by Lord Callanan et al. on BBC Any Questions yesterday in a Twitter thread for sharing:
Both Lord Callanan and Bridget Phillipson to a lesser degree fell into the trap that training is the ONLY answer to #Brexit#Britain’s workforce problems. It’s not a question of SKILL, it’s a question of WILL. 1/
— Reboot Britain – Rage Against The Brexit Machine (@BrexitRage) May 27, 2023
Read the full Twitter thread. I nearly got on BBC Any answers to say this, but the programme was fully occupied by the current outrage on social care. Plus ça change!
Rishi Sunak supports Braverman, mainly because he is weak. Sunak also feels he must support her illegal, immoral and indecent approaches to asylum seekers, because he is frightened of her and the people who hide in the shadows behind her. Watch our two minute film on fixing immigration below and listen to our latest interview with James O’Brien on LBC.
Sunak does not want to stop the boats even though answers are available.
I’ve briefly restarted our parody newspaper format. In these editions of the Daily Excess and the Daily Maul (Maul credit Aidan Grooville), we cover what the papers say … and what they do not …. To read more of these please check out Private Eyelines. The book makes an excellent gift for Brexiteers in regret and provides a sense of uplift for people who are sick to death of fascist Nat-C Brexit Britain. These days I have to include a fact and fiction decoder as few can tell the difference between fantasy and real life.
Click the dead cat to read Private Eyelines.
Click the Cruella children’s doll to read Private Eyelines.
FACT and FICTION analysis
FACT : Nigel Farage has declared that Brexit has failed. Yes, Brexit has failed !!! However, of course, it’s not his fault. Evidently, it’s never Nigel’s fault !!
Brexit has failed. Own it Nigel.
FICTION : Liz Truss has not declared war on the Japanese with cheese or in real life.
FACT : However, three years after the Brexit deal, the fiendishly clever Japanese are still copying Cornish Pasties and other British Brexit favourites as this report shows. Liz pretended that Welsh lamb, Whitstable oysters, Thurrock gammon etc. could now be protected names after Brexit, but it turns out she was wrong (again). Also, Liz managed to waste £70 billion on her ‘Brexonomics’ experiment on the nation with her boyfriend Kwasi Kwarteng. Kwasi refuses to apologise for ruining young people’s lives as this interview on Channel 4 News shows.
Not sorry, not sorry
FACT : Boris Johnson has sired another child. The news coincides with the verdict on Johnson’s conduct in office from the select committee this week. Seems convenient. Accordingly, this follows a long list of lies from the Johnson stable. Perhaps you remember when Johnson went into hospital with COVID on Good Friday. Subsequently he was deemed as being at serious risk and needing a ventilator. However, on the third day, he rose, just like Jesus and was deemed to be as fit as a butcher’s dog. Strange. Even stranger, the nurses who cared for him disappeared without trace!
FICTION : Bojo is not making 10 000 doses of his sperm available for a EUgenics experiment on the mass production of Johnson’s. Nadine Dorries is not acting as an incubator for the Johnson seed.
— David Lawton #FBPE #FBPA #RejoinEU 🇪🇺 🌵 (@Scrabble817) May 22, 2023
Thanks to David Lawton
Dancing on thin ice
FICTION : The BBC are not changing the formula for Dancing on Ice to include a sewage dance floor as a contribution to environmental stewardship. Nor is the programme to be renamed Dancing on Shite.
FACT : Therese Coffey has claimed that there is less sewage in our rivers although this is clearly untrue. Moreover, Coffey also dodged questions about Suella Braverman’s interference regarding her convictions including having no knowledge of her phone number. Significantly, Rishi Sunackered seemed unable to make any meaningful comment about Suella Braverman when pressed on the matter in Japan.
— kerry ✊💙💙 (backing Nurses) (@hewitson10) May 21, 2023
Sheer lies.
FACT : Suella Braverman and Priti Patel are fighting like cats in a sack over the prize on who is the best fascist after her denouncement of Braverman at the Alt Right Conservative Party Conference last week. This follows our recent revelation that Conservative MP Rehman Chishti also criticised Braveman in order to prop up the Pakistani vote in the local elections. Accordingly, Suella wins our award for fascist of the year, along with Jacob Rees-Mogg:
I have said on numerous occasions that populism will eat itself. And so it comes to pass, as Nigel Farage decides to cannibalise himself by stating that “Brexit has failed” this week. I wrote a song in 2018 that predicted Nigel’s demise at the confessional box of Farage’s fascist funeral. Just like Eleanor Rigby, nobody came. Check our film “We are Donkeys” out on our EU Tube Channel. It’s a dark dystopian piece of ambient jazz. not destined for the pop music charts, but it tells the tale of Nigel’s lonely demise in his bunker:
We are Donkeys.
EU-logy
Nigel was a great opportunist. Having failed to mobilise any meaningful movement around his euroscepticism over 20 years whilst taking a large salary from an employer he hated, he weaponised Tory austerity from 2010-2015. Angry people need something or someone else to blame. Nigel spotted that immigrants were an excellent target for ‘othering’. He set about leveraging the dissent within knuckle dragging racists and people with feeble minds who felt they did not have a voice in David Cameron’s Britain. Borrowing an old Nazi poster from the 1930’s, Nige kept his message simple and clear. “Breaking Point” was a huge success, contributing to a 12% swing in the referendum result which would have otherwise been 60 : 40 in favour of remaining in the European Union. When combined with the vacuous promises of Boris Johnson about “Taking Back Control” and giving £350 million to the NHS EVERY week, it represented a potent cocktail which people drank in straight glasses with a crown on the side. Cameron was caught with his pants down as he also assessed Nigel as an utter tosser. He could not believe it when Nigel use the killing of Jo Cox in the final push towards victory. Now that Nigel is dead, he seeks forgiveness for his sins, along with his wife Ann, who could not even afford a cheese sandwich at his funeral, choosing to appear on GB News instead. Nigel leaves his German children with a blue passport, a Toby jug and a 1970’s alarm clock to remind them of the final destination of Brexit. Nigel is remembered as being quintessentially a pound shop fascist and a piece of Eurotrash, not even worthy of a slot on Antoine de Caunes’ famous expose of all things kitsch, arcane, bizarre and just sad.
Cats look for a cheese sandwich … Click image to support our work.
We’re only making plans for Nigel
Nigel’s admission will have systemic consequences. What does Rishi Sunak now do about his pound shop fascist Suella Braverman? What does Richard Tice do about the Reform party? How will the BBC find guests for Question Time? How will Jacob Rees-Mogg continue to espouse the benefits of Brexit in terms of cheaper training shoes etc.? How will Ann Widdecombe cope? Liz Truss? Penny Mordaunt? Kemi Badenoch? and much more … We finish with the A-side of the Nigel Farage single. “Nigel Farage’s Garage” is a song performed regularly on Downing Street and also in Swindon, The Reading Festival, Glastonbury, Leeds, Manchester, Harrogate, Durham, Barnard Castle, Brighton, Rochester, Deal, Faversham, Sittingbourne and …. Brussels. Please support our continuing work by buying The Brexit Party Album on Bandcamp. It’s the party album to end all tomorrow’s Brexit parties !!
From Dulwich Collage – As Nigel pointed out, he did not even go to the right school.
The Brexit Party Album – download from Bandcamp by clicking on Ann, a Moggy or Nige.
I met a ‘Brexit statistician’ called Daniel on Facebook yesterday. Sadly, he turned out NOT to be a statistician but Daniel WAS a liar. Sadly, he was not a good liar and got found out. He questioned the basis for the data that says 63% of British people now think that Brexit is a mistake. I answered his questions about vital statistics with patience. See Facebook for the full exchange. When I asked him for his qualifications and some other details to validate his statements he ran away. This is typical of the last remaining (sic) Brexiteers. Here’s a summary of Daniel’s intervention:
Shapewhifying is the way of the BRexiteer.Dainiel is unable to substantiate his claim so he just repeats it.Daniel refuses to substantiate his credentials and tries more shapeshifting.Finally Daniel runs away when confronted over lying.
Vital statistics – Daniel
If I were to credit Daniel with the benefit of the doubt, he tries to set himself in the small space of not being a remainer, nor a Brexiteer, some kind of Schrödinger citizen. At the same time Daniel refuses to validate his claim to be a statistician. This is a strange thing for a statistician to say. Instead he attempts to befuddle me with pseudo BS by suggesting he has been ‘doxxed’. I’m not saying that Daniel is not genuine, but statistically speaking, these are the behaviours of Brexiteers who try to discredit facts but hide when challenged. One thing Daniel says is correct though. The above exchange reminds me that online Brexorcisms are notoriously difficult but still I feel I must try. See this extract from Reboot Britain to understand why online differs from real life:
To read inside Reboot Britain on Amazon, click the extract.
Last gasps
We really are now seeing the last gasps by the few remaining Brexiteers. They know that Brexit has failed, but a few still clutch their pearls, eager to diminish their cognitive dissonance over the contrast between what was promised on the tin and what they got instead. Even John Redwood went on Radio 4 this am to defend the indefensible. The vital statistics are compelling. Brexit is dead. We must Rejoin the EU. Check Reboot Britain out for strategies and skills to achieve the goal.
Last gasp by knuckle dragging Brexiteer @johnredwood on BBC Radio 4
Watch our latest film on Brexit impacts in terms of science, technological and environmental damage to Britain. The film took days to make and it’s well worth 12 minutes of your time on a lazy Sunday instead of shouting at Laura Kuenssberg on the telly box. Brexit is far from done, as Johnson, Sunak, Truss and Starmer would have you believe, with 63% of people now believing that it was a mistake and 86% of young people wishing to rejoin the EU. There was a deliberate intent to ensure that we had a ‘boiled frog’ Brexit. This was so that people would not notice our slow motion sleepwalk into Brexit oblivion. Our frog is probably only at 50 degrees Celsius as there’s plenty more Brexit carnage to come. People on both sides of the Brexit chasm tell me there’s nothing we can do about it. They are wrong.
Our film covers the 4th industrial age and Brexit, science, farming and Brexit. Also environmental standards and the bonfire of EU laws made by British politicians and how Brexit impacts climate disaster in the short, medium and long term. And much more. Check it out.
Boris Johnson promised that the Brexit ‘sunlit uplands’ would make Britain a country where innovation, competition and growth would all thrive thanks to reduced red tape and costs. These have not materialised. All the indicators suggest that this will be the case going forward.
In the 4th industrial age, we need to support STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) in order to innovate, reach sustainability goals and profit from the age of AI responsibly. All the indicators suggest that instead of this, we will plunder science and technology as Brexit cash cows, until we drive innovation out of Britain’s DNA.
Financial support for science looks set to dwindle in the post-Brexit world. Since science is a team sport, we can expect our reputation to decline in the coming decades.
All of this impacts climate change. We entered the EU as the sick man of Europe and we are leaving as the dirty man of Europe. All so that a few politicians can pray at the altar of the false God of Brexit.
