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Category: Britastrophe

Police Corruption

Police and Thieves

From Don Adamson, Brexorcist in Chief from Yorkshire.

This week’s comments: “Rape in Britain has the lowest charging rates of all crimes: less than 2% of reported rapes lead convictions (COMMENT:  especially when the rapist is a Member of Parliament) … an exhausted and demoralised NHS workforce was leaving to take low paid work in the private sector putting patient safety in jeopardy … Johnson received over a £1M from a crypto mogul …. moonlighting MPs have been paid over £17M from second jobs since the last election … Over £180M has flowed into political parties since 2019 … self elected band of overly ambitious sociopaths … sadly for Britain’s politics the saints are outnumbered by the rest … National Health Service is in a poly crisis … underfunding … post Covid demand … post Brexit skills shortage … multiple systematic meltdowns … hundreds of excess deaths per week … long term impact will be more severe … outcomes way poorer than in comparable countries … ability to deliver is collapsing … not some contingent crisis triggered by Covid, inflation and incompetence … scandalous mismanagement … this government demands more productivity from people who are already working many hours a day for free …

Covid and the war in Ukraine help to make the terrible effects of Brexit … the deep, painful and avoidable damage that Brexit has done and will continue to do is becoming clearer … makes us poorer … substantial loss to the economy and the government’s revenue … the frothing Europhobes, racists and swivel eyed loons have to be fed and the country has to suffer … inevitable and painful consequences …  the government knows what is happening … serious shortages worsening … crops rot in the field … Treasury is lobbied by every sector for help … the government is entirely deaf to requests … whatever the economic damage … severe shock to the economy … self harm that works directly against Downing Street’s stated aims … shameful Rwandan policy … blind indifference to economic damage … needs … would require an honest government … buggerations of Brexit … fair play to Lancashire police … in issuing a penalty charge to Richy Scumbag … perhaps take the same approach to PPE fraud, tax avoidance misconduct by Johnson … and Thick Lizzie …  what a ridiculous mess Brexit has created … scandals taint No 10, business, civil service and the BBC …increasingly toxic miasma surrounding the government … states collapsing under the weight of corruption … Cabinet Secretary Simon Case displayed the intellectual and moral brilliance of Baldrick on a bad day .. seemingly endless other matters …Scumbags premiership has not imploded as spectacularly as Thick Lizzie’s but it has failed … done nothing to show he understands what is happening to the NHS … an addled King Canute sitting helplessly in front of waves he could have done something about … pledged to run a government with integrity but has some kind of personal involvement in every scandal … Johnson’s memoirs cost Murdoch £6M … sensational inside stories that will be profoundly damaging for the current PM …Zahawi demanded Johnson’s resignation because Johnson lacked integrity … Zakawi’s demonstrations of poor integrity … Telegraph’s jaw dropping admission that Tories had made a mess of Brexit …Brexit extremists again hole Britain below the waterline … sheer plodding obviousness of the corruption … 

Volodymyr Zelensky cracked down on government corruption and the privileges of some Ukrainian officials (COMMENT: That would not happen here. Rupert Murdoch would not allow it) … Despite glimmers of good news a downturn is still likely … Fortune has smiled on Europe (COMMENT:  might that be because Gammons and Flagshaggers are no longer around to p*** in the soup?) … car making in Britain is far graver than in decades … manufacturers are voting with their feet … if the government wants to help British industry it should focus on basic responsibilities …Six years ago British motor industry was purring like a Rolls Royce … Brexit makes it look more like a Morris Marina … 2022 was the worst year since 1956 … chances of a revival are ebbing …. Britain’s withdrawal from the EU … globalisation was good for Britain … and membership of the EU … vulnerable to government policies that reduce its allure … Brexit was that writ large … Brexit has added reams of paperwork … stymied investment at a crucial period … Richy Scumbag resembles a hapless character from Evelyn Waugh (COMMENT: Waugh was a frightful snob and professional Catholic – just like Rees Mogg) …

Scumbag is accident prone and surrounded by colleagues who cause harm … unable to escape the Bollingeresque chaos that surrounds the Tory Party … Scumbag’s inability to bring his party to heel makes him look weak … record waiting lists in A&E departments … after 12 years in power the Tories can be blamed …  cuts … skimping on equipment … schemes now seem ludicrous … planners underestimated demands … Soviet fixers were called Tolkachi. In England they are known as Tory donors … Britain is vulnerable to graft … Government policies create a huge mismatch between supply and demand… Supply chain woes … unsustainable economy … projects of dubious value … jittery investors … these numbers are catastrophic for the poor… It stretches credulity to say that the Russians did not interfere in the 2016 US Presidential election and the Brexit Referendum …

Transparency International 2022 Corruption Index … The UK is a country to watch but not in a positive way … historic low … declining public trust in government … appointment of politically connected people to senior roles … attacks on democratic institutions … systematic bias …ministerial misconduct … woeful inadequacies in political integrity systems in Britain … NHS crisis has put Richy Scumbag on the ropes … swamped A &E departments … epic staff shortage …  soaring numbers waiting for treatment … Like all desperate lightweights he keeps throwing one desperate counterpunch … attacking the Welsh NHS … Labour led government in Cardiff is doing more than Tory led government in Westminster … Wales spends 8% more on healthcare than England … on social services Wales spends 43% more than England … Wales has 270 hospital beds per 100,000 people compared to England’s 170 … skills gap crippling UK wide … Civitas, Right Wing Think Tank, call for Scumbag to rekindle the bonfire of income tax cuts that Thick Lizzie promised before she torched Britain’s public finances … Wales NHS performance achieved by Labour demonstrating honesty and competence … with the pandemic receding the economic effects of Brexit can no longer be blamed on Covid … polls show on 34% of British people now think UK was right to leave the EU … Brexit continues to be a major problem for the UK … the degradation the Tories have inflicted … the chasm between public opinion and the reality denying stance of the Government and the ‘make Brexit work’ stance of the opposition is growing …

Rees Mogg continued to defend on the BBC …  he did not have to fight many colleagues to get the gig … corrupt and corrupting PM … a government that overlooks the damage  … final nail in the coffin for the car industry … Britain is not open for business … 13 years of total incompetence … immense damage … British car industry is finished … madness of ‘Global Britain’ … overly optimistic to the point of delusion, underfunded, naive ideas … fell at the first hurdle …  pathetic … a shameless attempt by the blustering buffoon … complete bullshit … completely uncompetitive … UK car industry probably doomed … industry decided to invest anywhere but the UK …  just one sector that Brexit is making far worse … a harbinger of what is to come … Brexit was promoted by economically illiterate know nothings …  UK gets the worst of both worlds … Rupert Murdoch fell for Johnson’s hard luck stories … agreed to £6M deal for \Johnson’s memoirs … Murdoch knows he is over paying for the book … Johnson must still be contractually bound to come up with devastating revelations … will have spooked Richy Scumbag … Johnson got Barclay at the Telegraph to £275,00 a year for 10 hours work a month, which Johnson described as ‘chickenfeed’ … British Council paid scores of teachers in Afghanistan … these individuals are on Taliban death lists … a great many of them have gone missing …  they are in danger and are not allowed to come to UK … our policy is to render no assistance …Brexit has been about disrupting systems and coming up with fantasy replacements …

Telegraph says ‘Tories desperately need a Johnson comeback … delusional … all too predictable fiasco of Brexit … We give away £4B tax relief to the wealthy … Tories immoral maze … Tory cesspit … Whole edifice of the ruling class is rotten to the core … Shocking rise of something for nothing Britain bellowed the Daily Mail … far too many people are indolent and unproductive … according to Right Wing think tank  Civitas … Civitas report focussed on retired households which received more in benefits than they pay in taxes … pensioners make up a substantial proportion of Daily Mail readers … decision to attack them as feckless spongers looks brave … National Health Service is littered with reforms that work inside a health secretary’s head but not in practice … Stratford on Avon residents appalled by careless tax affairs of their MP. Even Nadhim Zahawi’s Tory colleagues have tired of him … most people involved in last Autumn’s Truss disaster keep their heads down …

Middlesbrough South MP Simon Clarke explains how Thick Lizzie was fundamentally and importantly right … Royal Mail Chief Executive Simon Thompson was recently criticised for his ‘toxic inexperience’ … twitchy, blinking, toe curling performance … good at evading questions …. with every answer he gulped, recoiled and raised his eyebrows at the question … a more awkward witness had not been seen at a parliamentary hearing in many years … doubts were raised about the accuracy of the evidence he gave … Cast of weirdoes spouting conspiracy theories on GB News … Brexit induced restrictions risk impeding improvements …In December Britain borrowed £27.4B, the most for that month since records began … Many economists had similar beefs about the BBC’s coverage of Brexit, accusing it of trying to balance the overwhelming consensus in the profession a few fringe figures who suggested that leaving the? EU would boost growth … (COMMENT: BBC and Tory Party get their knowledge of economics from 1950s vintage Commando Comics) …

Family doctors in Britain see a year’s worth of accident and emergency patients in a month … 15% more patients than in 2019 with less funding and fewer doctors … fewer resources to meet rising demand and complexity … voted for a Brexit that had been burnished with the sepia tint of WW2 … nostalgia can come with a cost … less than 2% of reported rapes lead to conviction … Thick Lizzie, the shortest reigning PM ever, provided a terrifying example of how bad things can get and how quickly … a re-emergence of the miserable political paralysis that jammed Westminster 2016-2019 after Brexit triggered a nervous breakdown … “

Learn the skills of Brexorcism here.

Private Eyelines
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Reboot Britain
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Brexit is finished

From Don Adamson, Brexorcist in Chief from Yorkshire.

This week’s comments: “Britain left the EU on the back of dodgy promises … all over Europe leaving the EU is seen by ever more voters as a mistake after Britain’s wretched display … price of populism is becoming clearer … even Marine Le Pen has toned down her Euro bashing … voters now see that populism is long on rhetoric but short on solutions … I just do not believe a word this government says …

Richy Scumbag is briefing that the next election will be 1992 all over again … they are wrong … however bad the Tories were in 1992 they are now on another level … Richy Scumbag is more unpopular than any party leader in history after 100 days … his personal ratings have plummeted down to that of the Tories … there is no expectation of economic growth … wherever he looks there is another dead end or fundamental crisis … mired by endless allegations of sleaze … grim situation … impossible dream … truth matters … standards matter …

Rees Mogg got roundly rubbished … howls and head shaking scorn … people know that that Brexit is not working … Right wing economics have failed again … Austerity kills growth and productivity … UK fell further behind … growth lowest than any decade since the Napoleonic Wars … hard right continues to persuade people that they can have first rate public services  and tax cuts … intellectual justification … low taxes create growth … no evidence this is true … state is profoundly weakened … half remembered Thatcherism … ideological drag of Brexit … UK destined to have the worst recession of the major economies, including Russia … like madman they repeat the same experiment in the hope of a different result … Johnson’s resignation honours still to be announced … always the odd preposterous name on a list … Johnson’s are all preposterous …

BBC is a place of fear and loathing … post Brexit buggerations … screams of an incompetent liar … pathetic attempts to distract attention from a dodgy loan … Floundering economy … foolish monetary policies …  advice of experts ignored …  corrupt and incompetent supervisors looked the other way … crackdown on asylum seekers … nothing the government has tried has worked …

Richy Scumbag’s legislation is likely to end in disappointment … impractical as well as morally dubious … shortage of experienced Home Office Staff … sloppy decision making … the longer it takes for Britain to resolve these questions the further it will fall behind EU countries … sleaze is again crippling the Tory Party …  the tax burden has rarely been so high, the public services so creaky. … as for Brexit the best its backers can claim is that it is a work in progress …

Boorish Lee Anderson elevated to deputy chairmanship of the party … Westminster echoes with the chiselling of Tory epitaphs … Thick Lizzie hopes that history will eventually smile on the premiership that wrecked the Tory Party’s reputation for economic management …  Johnson wishes to be remembered for helping Ukraine TV interview with Nadine Dorries, the most adoring of his erstwhile cabinet (imagine the Watergate Plumbers interrogating Richard Nixon) … “ Meanwhile Rishi Sunak has not denied the existence of aliens in Downing Street …

Learn the skills of Brexorcism here.

Private Eyelines
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Reboot Britain
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King Charles III

Coronation celebrations

I now write for Byline Times in Scotland. Above all else, the Coronation celebrations on 6 May will be a welcome relief from Tory gaslighting in difficult times for some. But will it be a mixed blessing for Charles and Camilla? It’s not exactly like the works’ Christmas curry in terms of just trying to get the seating plan right and avoiding embarrassing encounters. The entire world will be watching, analysing, hypothecating and so on. Please read our latest article on the Coronation celebrations at Byline Times. Find it below by clicking on King Charles III or a chicken:

King Charles III Coronation celebrations
Possible PhD project title : “The phenomenology of barbed wire, culture wars and societally caged monarchs – Royalty in aspic”

JOIN US AT OUR NEXT REBOOT BRITAIN MEETING WED 10th May at 8pm via ZOOM

Although I’m agnostic about the royalty and definitely do not want President Boris, I am having trouble swallowing my breakfast at the thought of swearing allegiance to a King who takes no view on the macro issues that affect his ‘subject’s lives and livelihoods’. The BBC are trying to suggest today that having a ‘piss up’ will heal Brexit Britain. It won’t. Just for clarity I made this mini film for Chris Mason, Mishal Husain, Martha Kearney, Amol Rajan et al.

The Police were quick to move in on protestors. They even arrested people who had not actually done any protesting. This is the ultimate manifestation of 1984 Brexit thoughtcrimes. If you are thinking, it’s now possible that you will be arrested for it …

Shouting God Save the King is OK. Shouting Not my King is a public order offence. Jesus Christ !!
Suspicion of crime is now the new standard for arresting people in Brexit Britain.
Thought Crime 1984

If Charles is to prevail, he must exercise some influence upon the Brexit fascists who now run our country. Undoubtedly, it’s the least KC III can do to earn the nation’s respect. The age of deference has gone for most people in Brexit Britain. Finally, whilst we are on the subject of monarchy, here’s some more royalty:

Gimme fried chicken …. image by P Paton.

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Learned Helplessness

Learned helplessness

I recently published an article on Labour’s position (or lack of it) on Brexit. You can find the article at Bylines Scotland. It provoked an angry visceral reaction from Labour ideologues on social media. Louis told me the article was incorrect and badly written. When I asked him to point out the inaccuracies and poor writing, he couldn’t. Eventually he told me that we must all keep quiet about Brexit, deliver a crushing defeat to the Tories in the local elections and then Rishi Sunak would call a General Election. I asked him to explain his logic. He refused and drifted off into the notion that the UK will be ended if a General Election does not happen in 2023.

Sadly Louis refused to justify his appraisal of the article. And he claims to be a scientist.

Louis’ logic from the exchange can be summarised here:

The Tories suffer a crushing defeat on May 4th.

Sunak must then call a General Election.

He does this so that he can suffer another …. crushing defeat.

Can anyone help me figure out how this works? Call me cynical, but politicians do not call elections that they intend to lose. I agree it’s not impossible but it would require significant public and political pressure. With the nurses having caved in on a pay deal yesterday, I sense that the Tories are now over the hump of public unrest, due to the passivity of the British people. We’ll have to see …

Another chap called John simply called me a silly infant. I asked him to justify his statement. He could not. I don’t mind being called an idiot, but I do mind it when the people doing it cannot justify their insults. Several people have apologised privately on behalf of John, telling me that (a) he’s a bit old (so am I) (b) he’s a bit nutty (do I have to put up with that?) and (c) he is horrible to lots of people so that’s OK (does that make it right?). Here are some of John’s tweets:

No explanation, no apology – the same behaviours as used by Brexiteers

A clear demonstration of learned helplessness

I was also schooled online by Supertanskiii that ‘now is not the time to mention Brexit’. I beg to differ Tan. Airbrushing the word Brexit out of the lexicon is a one way journey, sponsored by the Tories and Labour alike. Brexit is the single most important socio-economic, political, legal and environmental disaster of our age. Denial is not a river in Egypt.

Supertanskiii is a potent online campaigner, but I fear she is emotionally addicted to Labour

John’s views are symptomatic of what is called in the trade ‘learned helplessness’. Remainers lost two elections and a referendum through setting low expectations, accepting rules on democracy which Brexiteers ignored them, believing that we don’t deserve any better and so on. This extract from the book Reboot Britain summarises the ‘condition’:

Learned Helplessness
Learned Helplessness – Click the graphic to read more

So, it seems that we are back into the binary political trap that delivered Brexit. Tony Blair was right when he said that the Labour party often suffers from the triumph of ideology over pragmatism, a disease which caused the Tory party to cannabalise itself with Brexit. Have a look at the Scottish Bylines article and let me know what is inaccurate or stupid about it in the comments or via Twitter. To my Labour chums, I repeat my usual challenging unemotional questions:

What are the differences between a red or blue Brexit? No one will explain them and I have asked many times.

There is a clear business case to support the argument that Brexit has failed. Why won’t Keir Starmer move to this position?

Why will the right-wing media eat Starmer for breakfast if he states that Brexit isn’t working? Read the point on sunk costs in the article to understand this point better.

What makes people believe that Labour will reform the FPTP electoral system in a binary prisoner’s dilemma, all the while they believe that it benefits them? By the way, all the research evidence from UKICE points to the fact that Labour would benefit from electoral reform, in terms of votes, seats and number of terms in power.

If 70% of Labour members wanted to Remain, why are they so docile? What does this say about Labour’s approach to democracy?

Why do people believe that Keir Starmer will rejoin the Customs Union and Single Market when he has flatly refused to do so on many occasion? Surely this makes him a liar? The right wing media will certainly be all over this if he were to gain power.

Hard Labour
Hard Labour – Click to read the article. Image by P Paton

To understand the various options for joining anew, please see London 4 Europe’s article on this.

Join us at our next Reboot Britain meeting on Wed May 10th May at 8 pm via Zoom. Find the link at Reboot Britain.

Rehman Chishti

Tories fighting like cats in a sack

Recently, I took the new prospective local Tory Councillors to task over their inability to answer a simple question about the local impacts of Brexit. See this microblog on twitter for the background to this article:

The sorry tale of Ms Venus

In the course of my e-mail exchange with Tina Venus-Coppard, it transpired that she and her husband had become ‘angry birds’ due to my over familiarity, but most particularly because I explained that it was nothing to be proud of by supporting drowning children in the channel in order to ‘pray at the racist altar’ of Brexit. Of course, Ms Venus vigorously denied supporting Suella Braverman’s policy, although I pointed out that if they were Tory party members, then surely they supported the values and behaviours of that party? They did not answer. Mr Venus pretended that he wasn’t a Tory nor did he back Brexit and that was the end of the matter ….

Until today, when the local Tory MP, Rehman Chishti published an article in The Observer, yes, The OBSERVER, saying that he does not agree with Braverman’s racist remarks about Muslim grooming gangs. Chishti stopped short of criticising Braverman’s policy on racist abuse of people fleeing from terror and therefore her policy on migration and asylum via deportation to Rwanda. Chishti calls Ms Braverman’s comments ‘inaccurate’. Translated, that’s a LIE. Rehman is himself a Pakistani Muslim and the son of a preacher imam, He campaigns on various issues of cross faith religious co-operation, when he’s not taking consultancy fees for Saudi defence ‘consultancy’ and taking £22 000 pa salary for a US fundamentalist anti-abortion pressure group.

Nonetheless, I must welcome Chishti’s candour in this matter, particularly as his voting record shows that he votes with the Government on nearly every issue he is presented with. This is presumably a throwback to the time when he became a prefect at the local Grammar school. However, I am naturally suspicious that this is a carefully crafted stunt, simply designed to curry (sic) favour with the local Conservative party and the Pakistani community for the local elections on Thursday May 5th. Interestingly I am told that Mr Chishti’s daughter is also a local Tory candidate in my area. It is notable that Chishti did this almost immediately after I challenged Ms Venus on her immigration credentials. Last time Chishti opposed something was over the illegal pro-roguing of Parliament by Boris Johnson. He voted against the bill initially as it was safe to do so but then subsequently he voted it through. But to see the good in what he has done, this is a major contribution towards racial harmony in an area full of knuckle dragging white supremacists in Medway and Mr Chishti should be applauded for this. I wait to see what happens on Friday 5th May for my final analysis. I note that the Tories are now fighting like cats in a sack over this trumped up issue and look forward to the eventual climbdown. In case Rehman is looking, here is my answer to immigration and asylum in just two minutes. Having gone this far, it is time to lead Rehman. Who knows, Mr Chishti may well cross the floor to Labour again or The Lib Dems as he did many years ago in order to win the 2010 General Election in my area.

What should we learn from this? Click on the links to read more:

Letter writing works – CLICK

Multiplying your impact works – CLICK

The Tories are scared of the electorate – CLICK

Learn the gentle art of Brexorcism here – CLICK

I am tired of Tories who pretend that local politics has nothing to do with national policies. In this context, I ask that you support my campaign to GET THE TORIES OUT. My campaign in 2019 demonstrated that if I’d campaigned seriously I’d have a fighting chance to wreak some serious damage. This time I will adopt a longer term and more serious approach to the matter.

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An Innocent Man

Jailbreak

Yesterday, I walked out of Medway Police station as an innocent man. But there was no jailbreak or incarceration in “Kentonville Prison”. I merely handed myself into the Police to assist them with their investigations. This followed a complaint in The Daily Express from someone in Yorkshire about the re-branding of Kent from The Garden of England to The Toilet of England.

The Kent Toilet of England story was reported the world over, from The Guardian, The New European, Evening Standard, FT to Scotland, Ireland, Wales and as far as The New York Times and in Abu Dhabi. Reports said that the police were investigating. It turned out that the Police press officer had made the story up as an “official response”.

Jailbreak. Turns out that Natalie lied.

I had a cordial conversation with the officer in charge at Medway Police station and then left without the need for waterboarding, electric shock treatment or a cake with a nail file inside.

One man from Yorkshire commented: “The petulant, infantile antics of swivel-eyed Remainers never ceases to amaze.”

The Daily Excess

ITV News picked up on the story behind the jailbreak headline, as did Kent Live. The Kent Toilet of England exercise was organised to highlight the combined impact of COVID crisis + Brexit disaster = A Britastrophe. In the event the ITV news interview was truncated down to the parochial issue of the lorry parks and Brexit readiness in Kent.

Here below are the original interview questions and our full answers. There have been recent instructions for local authorities to say nothing bad about Brexit, so the Councillor’s hands were tied. Careful analysis of his statement does reveal that the Councillor more or less told viewers to stockpile food and fuel as he cast doubt on whether supplies would get through. I guess that ITV want to only spread good news in the season of goodwill, but I had hoped for better from them. It seems that everyone is scared of this Government, but why?

Shock horror – a suit !!

Q1 Kent County Council say that everything will be fine after Brexit. What do you say?

A This is disingenuous at best and a downright lie at worst. I understand that people want to feel optimistic at this time of COVID crisis and Christmas. However, in my long experience, optimists are usually people who have not had enough experience. The French prefer experience over fantasies. They showed that a 70 second transit time produces a 5 mile queue. This has been confirmed by the Government’s own reports on the matter. I myself have spoken with Kent Councillors, who confirm that once contagion takes place with cars, we are likely to see gridlock in towns and village, as members of the public attempt to use rat runs etc. It has recently been reported that Government plan to use the military to fly COVID vaccines into Britain – obviously the roads are OK then?

Q2 You organised a stunt to change the signage at the Kent border to say Kent, Toilet of England. What was behind that?

A We did it to highlight three main points:

Brexit can be stopped or suspended.  Although legally we have left the EU, stopping or suspending Brexit is merely a matter of political will.

Nobody voted for the toxic combination of Corona crisis plus Brexit disaster, which I call a “Britastrophe”.  We must Re-Boot Britain and that’s why we feel the need to re-start the conversation with all the people who voted in the referendum.

We have interviewed former MEPs across the political spectrum.  They confirm that no deal is more or less the same as a Brexit deal. Theresa May was right when she said “NO deal is better than a bad deal”. She might have added that NO Brexit is better than a Britastrophe

Jailbreak
A man from Yorkshire complained about the signage in the Daily Express – that’s hardly “Fury” 🙂

Q3 What should Kent County Council do now?

A They must ask Boris Johnson to suspend or stop Brexit in the wake of Corona. Border delays are the tip of a much bigger iceberg socially, economically and politically. The GDP shock to our country will be between 5-10 times larger than the 2008 crash. People have no idea just how bad this will be. We have to endure Corona as a natural phenomenon. We don’t have to endure Brexit on top of Corona. Tonight we’re gonna have a Jailbreak …

Please take action by writing to MPs and EU leaders. Ask for Brexit to be stopped or suspended for two years minimum.

Here is the “I am Spartacus” video we made with the help of people across the globe who admitted to the sticker crime. I am hoping all of them manage to make a jailbreak …

Spartacus lives !!
Doing time for Brexit.
Brexit Hits The Fan
Click on the image to read Brexit satire.

Musings of a former Conservative Councillor

Many years ago, the Conservative grandee Lord Hailsham observed that, constitutionally, Britain is an “elective dictatorship”. Boris Johnson’s regime is demonstrating the truth of his warning, particularly when power falls into the wrong hands.  Dominic Cummings, until recently Johnson’s over-powerful senior adviser and the driving force behind his policies, was autocratic by nature. Cummings treated MPs, including Johnson’s Brexiteer supporters, with contempt. During his period in power, he created a centralised and unaccountable  power base at the heart of Government with key functions such as appointments, vetting and control of data in his own hands. Parliament was increasingly sidelined. The hallmark of  the regime became the advancement, employment and enrichment of persons noted only for their loyalty to himself and the Brexit cause, with no consideration given to their merit, experience, suitability or capability to carry out their duties. A stench of corruption and cronyism began to emanate from No 10. 

Conservatives have a long track record in crime.

Johnson’s regime is also unconservative. Conservatives instinctively want to conserve, as the name implies, but his is an administration of destroyers.  Cummings was never a member of the Conservative party and his appointees in No 10 reject traditional Tory respect for continuity and compromise, in favour of creative destruction. Their current targets are the BBC, the impartial civil service, and the judiciary. Our planning system and, indeed, our whole structure of local government are due to follow. Under Cummings, the Conservative tradition of managerial capability and economic credibility has been discarded, as demonstrated, inter alia, by the extraordinary failure to report  and then trace the contacts of almost 16,000 COVID-19 cases, a major blunder to which the Government reacted with barely a shrug.  Cummings’ departure opens the door to a new start where realism replaces dogma, honesty and transparency replaces lies, corruption and cronyism, and where respect for our institutions and constitutional conventions and, in particular, the rule of law is restored. 

What must be done?

  1. Radical U-turns by the Conservative party are required to expunge Cummings’ legacy.  The largest and most immediate is the withdrawal of  the Internal Market Bill and, in particular, the removal of the clauses which break international law and curtail Parliament’s powers. 
  2. There should be no further talk of lowering our food and environmental standards at the behest of the United States, nor of downgrading worker protection. 
  3. The Culture Secretary’s plan to abolish the BBC and replace it with American-style radio and TV must be shelved.
  4. Hancock’s questionable appointment of an old university girlfriend to a post in his department should be this administration’s last vestige of cronyism.
  5. The Cabinet Office’s involvement in hospital and medical procurement should be terminated and all further government contracts undergo transparent and competitive tendering processes as the law requires.
  6. There should be a general review of appointments made under the Cummings regime in No 10 and the public service, with a view to removing those who are patently unsuitable or incompetent. The Prime Minister would do well to carry out the same exercise amongst his second and third-rate ministers once Brexit is over and blind obedience to that objective can cease to be the sole qualification for advancement.
  7. This should be accompanied by an end to lying and xenophobic propaganda, if Conservatives still wish to regain any trace of being a one-nation party.

Only if a programme of this nature is followed can we hope to regain a Government worthy of respect, both at home and abroad. Its present state was well summed up in the words of a Tory former cabinet minister: “ This is a bad English nationalist government with no idea of where it’s going.” Unless Johnson shows himself capable of changing this judgement in the near future, it is in the interests of his party as well as of his country that he be replaced as soon as possible.

The writer resigned from the Conservative party in protest against its SE branch’s policy to force Remain members to vote for extreme Brexiteers in the choice of candidates for the 2014 European elections.

Brexit Wars

BREXIT WARS

It seems that we have reached the stage of the Brexit Wars. We knew it would come. This is the first time that a country has declared war on itself and Britain leads the world in this area. Here is our latest Daily Maul page on Brexit Wars, with a fact and fiction checker below, just in case you cannot tell the difference.

Click image to read our Brexit satire book on Amazon.

In case of doubt …

FICTION : Cod have not learned to speak, although they speak more sense than Boris Johnson when he says that The Royal Navy is to be converted to the Royal Fish Fingering Fleet in readiness for the Brexit Wars. I prepared a new advert for The Royal Navy to help them recruit First Fish Officers.

Brexit Wars
Cod Wars.

FACT : Scotch Egg sales have risen on an unprecedented basis.

FACT : Boris Johnson and David Frost did look like a sack of potatoes when they attended the dinner with Ursula Von der Leyen and Michel Barnier, who looked stylish. Even cats were dismayed at the contrast.

New Look for Johnson
The slobs formerly known as Frost and Johnson out vogued by some cats and some dignified leaders.

FACT : The Brexit Microwave deal has not been delivered. This was an election promise. For an explantion of how we got here in five minutes see “Brexit in five minutes”:

Talking Heads – Steve Peer interviews Peter Cook.

FICTION : Priti Patel is NOT re-enacting the Irish Potato Famine in practice. However, she is in principle by threatening trade wars.

FACT : Kent County Council is not ready for Brexit. Kent is set to become the Toilet of England. See our appearance on “Have I Got News For You”:

Watch Have I Got News For EU.

FACT : Matt Hancock stood alone in cabinet, asking for the COVID vaccine to be prioritised. Perhaps we should thank him for standing up to idiots and Dominic Cummings. We are not sure he actually cried as it seemed to be interspersed with laughter. The search for onions continues.

Tears of a clown.

FACT : No deal Brexit and a Brexit deal are virtually indistinguishable from a practical viewpoint. Brexit can be stopped or suspended if political will changes. See our interviews with MEPs.

Sajjad Karim, Conservative.
Molly Scott-Cato, Green.
Julie Ward, Labour.

Write to opposition MPs. Ask them to oppose all forms of Brexit. Silence is assent.

Brexit Wars. What are they good for? Absolutely nothing.

Huh !!
Cod in Bitter Sauce – Image Cold War Steve.
The Codfather

Mark François lives

Mark François lives ! And it’s Christmas ! Praise the lord. I had been worried about Mark’s wellbeing ever since he disappeared at the beginning of August. I had feared that he might have been kidnapped by angry Remainers in his constituency of Rayleigh, or, worse still, had been arrested for a minor offence such as shoplifting. Mark stood down from his post as the leader of the ERG and disappeared from public life. This is unusual for a soldier. Mark is partly responsible for the decision to patrol the English channel with gunboats to protect English Cod and I think that should be applauded.

The Codfather. Mark Francois.

In other news, the Police have dropped their investigation into the Tory rapist. Mark had been widely thought to be under suspicion for this, but the evidential threshold for prosecution was not met.

The law is the law and I’m pleased to welcome Mark back to public life. Mark François lives to fight another day. If you feel like me, that we should mark this development, I’ve created a unique Christmas gift that you can send to Mark via e-mail mark.francois.mp@parliament.uk It’s a remake of the Plastique Bertrand classique “Ca Plane Pour Moi” as “Francois Pour Moi“.

GIFT the song to Mark François with a personal message. The song is FREE. Find the gifting option at Bandcamp.

If you like Francois Pour Moi, please buy “The Brexit Party Album” for friends and enemies across the world – it’s the party album to end all tomorrow’s Brexit parties. All proceeds go towards anti-Brexit activism and to help sustain our musical activities.

Click to buy The Brexit Party album.

Check out the video with a nod to Cold War Steve and Barbara Windsor.

You are the King of the gammon …

Lyrics

Poupee le celophane. Mark François snorts cocaine

Brexit, le vache (m) qui rit. Fucking the economy

You are the King of the Gammon. Hou Hou Hou Hou. You are the King of the Gammon

Trapped on the Essex plains. Priti vacant, pretty vain

Wanking off to Brexit dreams. Fishing for some foreign bream

You are the King of the Divan. Hou Hou Hou Hou. You are the King of the Divan

François pour moi, François pour moi, François pour moi, moi, moi, moi François pour moi, Hou Hou Hou Hou, François pour moi

I want it hard, Brexit dream. Jacob Mogg, I like his cream

Well gel, I’m from Rayleigh. Carping on about the sea

You are the King of the Gammon. Hou Hou Hou Hou. You are the King of the Gammon

François pour moi, François pour moi, François pour moi, moi, moi, moi François pour moi, Hou Hou Hou Hou, François pour moi, Innit

Lost in Essex, well reem. Touched a chick to make her scream

S.A.S, he’s well extreme. Holding on to Brexit dreams

You are the King of the Gammon. Hou Hou Hou Hou. You are the King of the Gammon

François pour moi, François pour moi, François pour moi, moi, moi, moi François pour moi, Hou Hou Hou Hou, François pour moi

Take action

Write to MPs Ask them to suspend Brexit.

Support our work

Gift our book “Let’s Talk About BREX .. it” to a weary remainer or a Brexiteer in regret.

Gift our music to friends and enemies.

SuspEND Brexit
Support our work – click on the image.
Looking after No 1

Looking after No 1

As Christmas comes, it is traditional to think of others rather than Looking after No 1. Selfishness or Looking after No 1 gave us Brexit. So, it warms my heart to discover that Dominic Cummings has taken a £45 000 pay rise. I imagine that this is a bonus for Dom’s “leadership” in breaking lockdown rules, by driving 500 miles to take an eyesight test. This, while Boris Johnson asks public sector workers to take a pay freeze. Yes, Dom deserves is £45 000 and the nurses, doctors, carers, council workers et al deserve nothing at all. Looking after No 1 really works.

Our remake of Durham Town. Poignant.

It’s even more gratifying to learn that Jacob Rees-Mogg, Minister for the 18th Century, has condemned UNICEF’s attempt look after others, after they tried to help the world’s most vulnerable children. I understand that Mr Mogg intends to start workhouses for these children rather than rely on handouts from damned charities.

Jacob is a disgrace.

Herd Immunity

As the COVID R rate for Britain rises to 1.1-1.2, it is heartwarming to learn that the virus does not visit Private schools. Eton College is closed but state schools remain open. I confidently predict that we are headed for another national lockdown to mask problems from “Getting Brexit Done”. Johnson may lack competence in many things but he is brilliant at Looking after No 1. Locking us down after Christmas and using the law to enforce the measures will ensure that people are unable or unwilling to protest or riot against Brexit.

Already, we have 20 mile queues in Kent on the roads. We are also told that the lorry parks promised by Kent County Council will not be ready for months, due to “unplanned rain”.

Operation Pisspot.
Have I Got News For You features “Operation Pisspot”.

Devaluation of the truth

We have also been let inside the not so secret recipes of the Conservative Party recently. Wellingborough Conservative Party advise that sometimes it’s better to lie quickly rather than tell the truth slowly. Does that accord with you to get on in life as part of Looking after No 1?

Is self interest our default position?

Can we not do better than this?

Keir Starmer must oppose Brexit.

Where is the opposition?

Keir Starmer appears to be following the lead of The Midwife of Brexit aka Jeremy Corbyn, by appearing to back a deal. There is no good Brexit deal and the will of the people has changed dramatically. At what point will he and Labour oppose the greatest disaster to face our children? When it’s too late?

Some other bugger’s fault

Looking after No 1 demands that everything is always someone else’s fault. As expected, Johnson continues to blame the European Union for Brexit. I mean, it’s obvious:

  • The Conservatives set the Brexit vote up to heal a problem of cohesion within their own party.
  • The plan failed. Brexit has consumed three Prime Ministers so far.
  • The concept of No Deal was invented a year after the vote was taken. It was never mentioned at the time of the referendum.
  • Various aspects of Brexit have been deemed illegal. These are clearly the fault of judges, doomsayers and snowflakes

All of the above is clearly the fault of The European Union and not the Conservative Party and those who were taken in my the lies. How could anyone think it was Britain that voted for Brexit?

The Blame Game
The Blame Game.

Brexit Means Brexit (still)

Everywhere I work, people are puzzled about why we are still pursuing this and I did this explainer video for our American friends the other week:

Season’s Brexit Greetings.

Enjoy spending your sovereignty this Christmas.

Infect a friend.

Looking after No 1 seems to be in vogue at this time. I am sure that karma will eventually kick in on this shower of liars, bullies and cheats. Britain was better than this … remember Live Aid?

Will the British people do the usual thing? To walk on by and ignore our sleepwalk into fascism? To moan about what happened AFTER it happened?

We can do better than this

Come out of the darkness

Into the light

Our requiem for Brexit. Please download the songs on Bandcamp.