Boris Johnson has declared war on France, leading the charge in a flotilla of pedalos. Fearless Johnson was reported to have said:
In other news, it is the local elections in England, Wales and Scotland today. Make sure you vote and don’t vote for a swan or a signet.
Forget Hartlepool. Forget the gaslighting of Gove, Jenrick, Johnson et al. Here’s what the papers won’t say about the local elections. It seems that the our efforts as non-party campaigners helped quite a bit. The Tories lost overall control of Tunbridge Wells, with the leadership of Nick Pope and the Lib Dems in that area. We also helped turn parts of Kent Green with an incredible team of people who went out leafletting and talking on the street. I also understand that these results spread far and wide through those who took our leaflets in Hampshire, Scotland and the West Country. In most cases, we made a contribution to the leavening of the Tory vote across Britain. Tory party HQ will be discussing these results more than the story they want us to focus on. We are still awaiting insights from Swindon, Cornwall and some other places.
A massive thank you to the team who designed the leaflet, produced the graphics and layout and who went out tirelessly to deliver them. Also a big shout out to EU Flag Mafia for the loan of the Mini Cooper.
Our next projects aims to re-energise people to take to the streets across summer. We need £260 for a video and up to £500 to pay for social media ads to mainstream the initiative “We are Everywhere”. To contribute, please go to Re-Boot Britain. Please join us on Monday 10 May at 8 pm to help design the video release. Here is a draft which the film maker is to improve upon:
In other news, next Friday, we are part of a major marketing campaign to Rejoin the EU via The New European.
COVID has taken residence in people’s minds. Low turnouts. A retreat to the safety levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs in the face of post-COVID PTSD.
Scotland deserve better than Brexit.
Brexit won’t lie down and any party that thinks it will must reflect, learn and act.
An unwillingness to collaborate allowed the Tories to maintain the illusion that they won.
In our occasional series of Brexit satire we offer you Railway Modeller and The Northern Farmer. Plus a fact checker to help you tell Brexit facts from fiction.
FICTION : AC DC’s Angus Young does not have a signature hormone fed steak pie. He has a signature Gibson SG.
FACT : Australian beef is hormone injected. It can be selectively fed to children and vulnerable people as UK Government rules allow for cheap food to be dumped on schools, the NHS and care homes. Our EU membership protected us from dodgy food standards but we opted for a blue passport.
FACT : Liz Truss has NOT struck a great trade deal with Japan. Japan benefits five times more than we do. Our desperation to get Brexit done makes us an easy target for “fire sale” type trade deals. Truss wants to claim success by striking a deal with Australia. We will pay for this dearly. Free trade in 15 years time will decimate the economies of Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and parts of England.
FICTION : Boris Johnson is not a train enthusiast. Allegedly he paints cardboard buses.
FACT : The rebrand of Great British Railways is an expensive distraction. See Grant Schapps’ ludicrous flag shagging video filmed with emotional music at the National Railway Museum in York, shortly to be renamed the Great British Brexit Museum.
FICTION : Mallard is not being put back into service, nor The Rocket to power HS2.
FACT : The Australian trade deal will spell a sharp decline in farming in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.
FICTION : Ringo Starr is not stuck in the tunnel from Scotland to Northern Ireland. The tunnel is a work of fiction rather like Brexit.
FICTION : Jennifer Arcuri is not a farmer. She is about to release a TV drama in which she describes her sex life with Johnson : “We read sonnets to each other, then he rolled onto me like a binbag full of custard, gasping like an asthmatic octogenerian, as he reached his climax & I wondered if he’d got it in yet”.
In this edition of the Daily Maul, we cover BOJONA-21 – the New Variant Brexit. It seems that the Brexit deal we did has mutated, so now we must waste more time and money trying to get a new deal after we already left. Fat chance. Read the terms and conditions.
The Maul also covers the Australian deal, an exposé into the private life of Boris Johnson and a new hardcore approach to immigrants by Priti Patel. As always, a fact and fiction checker has been prepared as it is hard to tell the difference between farce and fact with our Government.
FACT : Australian beef is hormone injected. It can be selectively fed to children and vulnerable people as UK Government rules allow for cheap food to be dumped on schools, the NHS and care homes. Our EU membership protected us from dodgy food standards but we opted for a blue passport. Liz Truss faces a dilemma on whether she kills British farmers or British children.
FICTION : Poots is not undergoing conversion therapy but he does need to re-take CSE History and Science.
FACT : Priti Patel has had some ‘tough girl’ photographs taken so she can look tough on immigrants. At the same time Liz Truss will be agreeing to give Indians freedom of movement as part of her Brexit “fire sale”. This is all grandstandin on Patel’s part to make her look like she is respectin the will o’ the people. It’s just a photo scam.
FACT : In other news The Department of Health wanted to send 1.6 million pieces of PPE to India but the Treasury stopped them because of Rishi Sunak and Priti Patel’s overseas aid cuts. Noice
Get in touch to find out how you can help on the ground or on social media.
FACT : The new DUP leader Edwin Poots is a creationist who claims that the earth is only 6000 years old. Just when you thought that it could not get any madder than Arlene Foster …
FICTION : Boris Johnson is not full of custard. He is however full of shit.
FACT : “Sir” David Frost continues to pretend that Brexit is the fault of the EU. Frost is a serial failure as a civil servant who got lucky by suggesting that he would be a useful liar for the Government. In an astonishing move, Frost said that noboby expected Brexit to cause problems in Northern Ireland. Marina Purkiss sums it up well. Sounds a bit like the Monty Python Spanish Inquisition sketch …
In our occasional series of Brexit impact roundups, I’d like to be able to tell you that Brexit is going well. However, I cannot tell a lie, unlike Boris Johnson and the Cabinet. Here are just some of the recent impacts that are either partly or wholly attributable to Brexit via the Five F’s of Brexodus
Despite the promises made by Boris Johnson’s Government, fishing continues to be a disaster area wholly attributable to Brexodus. Livelihoods continue to be lost and the vague promises to compensate fisherman will not deal with the loss of their way of life. In Jersey, the problems continue, compounded by the fact that Jersey did not have a voice in the 2016 referendum. Furthermore, Norway is threatening not to make a post-Brexit trade deal with Britain, with fishing being a major issue in the North Atlantic, the source of our fish and chips. Turns out that Brexodus means we’ve had our chips!
Another predictable impact of Brexit was the movement of the centre of gravity in Financial Services away from London to Ireland and mainland Europe. It was reported that UK plc lost £2.3 TRILLION in derivatives trading in just ONE MONTH recently. Now it seems that many firms are relocating away from London in the wake of Brexit. The trickle down effects for service businesses in London will of course follow.
Liz Truss continues to tell lies about British farming in her bid to secure a fire sale deal with Australia that will see Britain accepting hormone fed beef. We were told this would never happen, but lying is a hardy perennial in Brexit negotiations. Even arch Brexiteer Nick Ferrari squewered Truss on LBC. Farmers will lose their livelihoods for the sake of a blue passport and our Brexodus.
Northern Ireland continues to show signs of violent uprisings. This is an entirely predictable and unacceptable outfall of Brexit.
The Office for National Statistics reported that the combined impact of Corona and Brexit shows that trade with EU countries has declined 23.1%. The report points out that Brexit problems far outweighed Corona issues in the first quarter of 2021. As stated last year Corona crisis + Brexit disaster = Britastrophe. To read more on this go to Brexit Carnage.
Meanwhile today, Dominic Cummings provides evidence to the select committee. It becomes clear that COVID was used as a cover for Brexit. It also becomes clear that there was insufficient bandwidth in Government and the Civil Service to cope with the Corona Crisis + Brexit Disaster. It’s a simple time management problem. Please retweet and build on the thread to Mr Cummins.
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Yesterday’s “Domshell” revelations from Cummings are out there for all to see. However, Cummings managed to sidestep one vital issue. The extent to which the Government’s decisions on COVID were themselves informed by the obsessive need to “Get Brexit Done”. Here we report on the Cummings and Goings after a brief interlude from a spoof edition of “FHM Magazine” which illustrates the type of gaslighting we will be expecting in the cummings days:
Cummings could hardly admit that his pet project of Brexit was in any way a cause of the indecision, cronyism, delay and lies put forward to fool the public about our world beating deaths under COVID and the losses of lives and livelihoods due to stop start lockdowns and failure to use circuit breakers under the advice of scientists. However, it is plain to see that Johnson used COVID as a mask to “Get Brexit Done” last Christmas, when no-one seemed to care about anything else other than turkeys and an end to the COVID crisis. Johnson was able to railroad his own MPs and the opposition into signing a deal with zero scrutiny. We are only just beginning to see the outfall of Johnson’s decisions on Brexit, see Brexodus and to misquote a well-worn phrase “the worst is yet to come”
At the most basic level, our problems with COVID deaths and emerging Brexit problems are a resourcing and time management issue in Government and The Civil Service in spite of best efforts on the part of most people. No other civilised country in the world has tried to deal with a pandemic PLUS a constitutional coup at the same time. Stretched resources meant that decisions were either not taken or delayed. Bad decisions cost lives in a pandemic, at least 150 000 unnecessary COVID-related deaths. The decisions made by Johnson’s Cabinet were masked by lies, which also grew on an exponential scale alongside pandemic deaths.
Although Matt Hancock has been served up to face the public, he is not the root cause of the problems with COVID deaths. They go back to the irresponsible decision to Get Brexit Done alongside the pandemic and the people who pushed for this are strangely silent. Lest we forget their names:
If we are to learn anything from Cummings, it is that a full public enquiry into Brexit needs to be done NOW. Write to your MP using the resources provided by Paul Bowers on this site and demand that this be done TODAY.
We warned of the problems from dither and delay over a year ago in March 2020. Cummings revelations are welcome. If he is now to clear his record, he must go further and admit that the toxic combination of Corona crisis + Brexit disaster has delivered a Britastrophe. I am not forgiving Cummings yet, but his candour is welcome and I believe his testimony. To quote some well worn phrases:
Desperate to avoid responsibility for the breakdown of the Good Friday Agreement, Johnson seeks to place the blame on the EU. He and his henchmen describe the EU’s position as “purist” and demand that the EU show flexibility. As usual, where Brexiteers are involved, matters are not so simple.
During the referendum campaign, the sillier Brexiteer parents made little placards stating “We want WTO” for their children to wave at demonstrations. Except in the case of tariffs, that is precisely what they got. Non-tariff barriers, which include health and safety regulations applicable inter alia to sausages,, have since 1 January 2021 fallen under WTO rules in trade between UK and the EU. One of the strongest principles of WTO is non-discrimination between members. If one member ‘relaxes’ rules on one or more products to the advantage of another member, then it must extend the relaxation to all the others. So, if the EU abandons the right to check sausages and other processed meats brought into Northern Ireland from Britain, it is bound to do so for the US, Mexico and other WTO members exporting meats such as sausages. The EU negotiators therefore have practical grounds for rejecting the UK demand, to protect their single market.
It is in fact the British government which is open to the accusation of being unreasonably purist, by refusing to align with EU food standards. For over 40 years we have lived comfortably with these standards – and indeed helped to draw many of them up. Now we refuse to solve the Northern Ireland problem by aligning because “it would compromise our sovereignty”. This is dogmatic bigotry. If Johnson and his regime stick to it at the expense of the Good Friday Agreement, any resultant bloodshed will be on their heads, and theirs alone.
By Adrian Ekins-Daukes
Five years on and Brexit’s still undone. I often get quaint looks when I talk about Brexit in Kent now and some subtle or even less subtle social disapproval. For the record, I’m quite happy to be considered to be “so last year” until I am returned to the soil by my maker, or Brexit is placed in a shallow grave, whichever comes soonest. Brexit is in fact undone now that Johnson has realised he never read the contract. It will never be “done”. I told everyone that we’d be doing Brexit for the next 50 years and it begins to look that way. In five years it becomes apparent that we still don’t know what Brexit means but we are beginning to make some evaluation of what Brexit has brought us.
£2.3 Trillion was lost in just one month from the city of London. Just for comparison and scale, that’s 58 years’ worth of our contribution of £39 billion to the EU wiped out in just one month. So, we would have to make up our losses due to Brexit until 2079 just from this impact alone. Let that sink in!!
Our Australia trade deal is worth 0.02% of GDP over 15 years. It would take 2000 deals like this to even make up our losses from our arrangements with the EU. At a generous estimate of our rate of deal making, we can expect to make up the losses from Brexit in trade deals by the year 3021. I know that’s bad economics as not all trade deals are worthless and some also take years not months but I think you should get the point.
£37 billion has wasted on test and trace. That’s more than what it takes to land a space mission on Mars at a mere £22.5 billion. Our contribution to the EU is £39 billion per year.
Despite promises made to fishermen on Brexit, the UK fishing industry will have been filleted by the time any new arrangements come into being with £1 Million being bled from the fisherman every DAY. Yet, we plan to spend £200 million on a Royal Yacht that the Royal family do not want or need. Brexit McBrexitFace will no doubt spend its time trawling international waters trying to net trade deals without catching anything more than scurvy.
Brexit shrank UK services exports by more than £110 billion over a four-year period. That’s 3 x our yearly contribution to the EU, much of which we get back.
Farmers have also been sold down the river with the introduction of hormone fed beef and the dumping of poor quality products into UK markets, just so that Liz Truss can claim success.
The building industry is beginning to show cracks with materials shortages and other supply chains being affected.
Food and drink exports from UK have declined by 50% since the beginning of 2021.
The UK has been on a downward slide in terms of our overall credit rating.
Coming soon, having lost EU steel import protections, our steel industry now faces a wave of cheap imports.
Brexit has been all consuming on Civil Service bandwidth and this means that there have been numerous areas of neglect. For example: social care, Grenfell, The Northern Ireland protocol and citizenship issues remain undone with massive consequences for lives and livelihoods. 305 000 people are caught in civil service backlogs for settled status and Johnson says he will not budge on the deadline of June 30th with impact on breaking up families and imprisonment at borders. Big issues in 2016 are still issues in 2021 due to the significant entropy of Brexit on progress across the board of Government.
“You can stay but your kids can’t”.
We are yet to see the whole impact of the end of the grace period at the borders but already all major supermarkets have imposed rationing on tinned tomatoes with food shortages predicted in the coming months and the army on standby.
There have been notable increases in racist attacks, tension between Brexiteers and Remainers and a disunited Kingdom.
And, of course, far from taking back control of £350 million per week for the NHS, Dido Harding is on the way to privatising your NHS. Was this on the side of a bus?
We did not need to do Brexit to deal with immigration. Our hostile environment has discouraged Europeans to work here. In particular we have seen a sharp decline in fruit pickers, care workers and other professions. The arguments made by Brexiteers to “grow our own” have not gathered any takers …
The destruction of peace in Northern Ireland has already begun by the reckless abandonment of the Good Friday Agreement. Johnson promised there would be no border down the Irish Sea. He broke that promise, ending 30 years of peace on the island of Ireland. Kate Hoey has been cynically and dangerously stoking the fires of unrest in Northern Ireland, having promoted Brexit.
The destruction of the United Kingdom has begun with Scotland seeking independence, reunification of Ireland and independence movements beginning in Cornwall and the North East. Independence for Scotland and unity for Ireland are of course good things and entirely predictable consequences of Brexit. In extremis, England will be reduced to the People’s Republic of Thurrock by 2040!! Gibraltar has special status as a means of dealing with the fact that the majority of residents work in Spain. In 10-20 years time we can expect Gibraltar to be under Spanish control. The same goes for The Falkland Islands, The Channel Islands and The Isle of Man.
The UK is now a four nation state and a one party state with no effective opposition. It may sound hard to say this but Brexit is as much a product of a passive and fearful opposition than it is the result of a hard core of Brexit ultras and psychopaths.
Britain no longer has a special relationship with the USA as President Biden seeks to re-educate us about the realities of breaking international law. At the same time Biden has forged stronger links with Europe as a natural partner of similar size in terms of trade and other opportunities.
Protest is now being clamped down on, using COVID as an umbrella to hide under. Boris Johnson is to remove the powers of the Electoral Commission after they asked awkward questions about the redecoration of his flat.
Crony contracting continues as The Good Law Project reveals details of companies offered lucrative contracts based on personal networks rather than competence in the chosen industry. If you are to shrug and say “so what” to this, these contracts were for PPE. This means that people will have died unnecessarily because of faulty selection procedures. You may well say that the pandemic demanded a speedy response. Well the speediest response would have been to select companies with the capacity and competence to make the products rather than novices.
My own MP Mr Rehman Chishti is under investigation for having his hand in the till over property development scandals. You can help by reporting him to the bar council.
We have still not found the identity of the Tory rapist. Is this an example for our children to look up to?
It now seems that our children are to sing a Soviet styles song in school to unite the country. I have a better suggestion – see the song below
A collaborative effort to mark five years of Brexit carnage from Greg, Lisa, Patricia, Irina, Andrew, Adrian, Mike, Helga and the good people at Re-Boot Britain. Join us every Monday to Break Brexit Before Brexit Breaks Britain.
There is a job going for Director, Brexit opportunities in the Cabinet Office – I was excited by the prospect of finding out what these were after five years of waiting patiently so I have applied. My application is below. I’d urge you to do the same. Here is the specification:
Dear Lord Sir David Frost,
I have been an avid follower of your work ever since The Frost Report and I was excited to see your research post for a Director of the BOU (Brexit Opportunities Unit). You need look no further, as you have found your man. To quote ELO, ‘I’ve been searchin’ for five years on my own account, meticulously comparing what we had in the EU with what we are getting, now that Brexit is out of the oven. I’d like to continue that research in the quest for the economic, social, technological, ethical, environmental and constitutional benefits of Brexit. As far as your job specification goes, I meet and exceed your requirements, in brief:
On the suggestion of Julia Smith, may I ask for these other fringe benefits:
Yours in waiting
Peter
The repetitive “why” technique is good for getting to root causes which I’ve used extensively as a scientist and MBA tutor. Here is a vastly reduced form of the technique applied to the case of “Matt Hancock’s Half Hour”:
Q : Why is Matt Hancock being investigated?
A : Because he kissed a woman and grabbed her arse?
WRONG.
A : Because he made policy decisions that led to 150 000 Corona deaths?
WRONG.
A : Because Johnson needs a distraction from the growth of the COVID Delta variant?
In part, YES.
A : Because Johnson needs a distraction from the next stages of Brexit?
In part, YES.
Q : Should Hancock be sacked?
A : Yes, but, of course this lets Johnson, Gove, Redwood, Sunak, Leadsom, Patel, Raab, Baker, McVey, Francois, Truss, Whately, Duncan Smith, Mogg, Dacre, Murdoch, The Barclays, Foster, Davis, Jenrick, Zahawi, Coffey, Farage, Eustace, Hoey, Trump, Elliot, Cameron, Corbyn, May, Mc Cluskey, Fox, Field, Jenkin, Hannan, Cummings et al off the hook, not to mention their shadowy acolytes. Who did I miss? Sunak is an interesting example as many people think him benign. However, Julia Smith points out that Sunak deliberately ignored 3.5 million self employed people. A small number of these killed themselves as a result. Brexit extremism is not without its human consequences.
Q : What then is the root cause of Hancock? i.e. Why is Hancock Hancock?
A : Johnson.
Q : What then is the root cause of Johnson? i.e. Why is Johnson Johnson?
A : Brexit and Corona.
Q : What does Brexit and Corona lead to?
A : A Britastrophe.
Notes from Don Adamson on Hancock’s Half Hour:
(a) 100,000 of those deaths could have been avoided but for this government’s inexcusable incompetence. That makes Johnson and Hancock Premier League mass murderers.
(b) Brexit was always for the benefit of tax dodgers and other criminals. It was never for the benefit of decent people.
(c) Johnson has a licence to be dictator until 2024.
The worst is yet to come.
Read our recent articles:
Five Years – A review of five years of Brexit “benefits”.
Career opportunities – Our application to work for the Cabinet Office to find the Brexit benefits.
Join us every Monday to Re-Boot Britain. Gain access to our exclusive seminar with A.C. Grayling.
Thank you to Don Adamson, Rachel Ashley, Daphne Franks, Carole Stone and Julia Smith for their help with the production of this article.
