Here is the spreadsheet of how much it takes to rent a Tory. The surprising finding is just how little it takes to gain influence with these people with Teresa Villiers at just £2000 if paid in Roubles. Times must be hard …
Our chancellor costs just £6000 for example. He is currently serving beer and full English Brexits at Wetherspoons for hardly any inducements.
If you want access to the very top, you might want to try something a little more exotic, with Brandon Lewis at circa £50K.
Write to your chosen MP and make some gentle enquiries about the money. Ask them if they will offer you personal services for a knockdown price.
Some Remainers hold the view that Britain rules the waves and that we can rejoin the EU at some point in the future. The assumptions on which they base their predictions are that nothing changes in Britain or in the EU after Brexit. Yet this is fundamentally unlikely to be true and our chance to reverse Brexit is therefore time limited. Consider the effects of change over the next 5-10 years in socio-economic and cultural terms:
Scotland will have a legitimate case to leave the UK if Brexit happens. This will be followed by movements towards re-unification of Ireland, then the separation of Wales and so on. It is not too fanciful to suggest that England will gravitate towards The People’s Republic of Thurrock over the long term, as atomisation becomes fashionable. After all, Brexit is really about the creation of Singapore on Thames for a few people, the realignment of Britain with the worst of what the US has to offer and a narrow islander’s outlook on world affairs and racism.
In terms of economics, we have had a first wave of companies leaving the UK in 2017 – 2018 then another after it became clear that tariffs and a customs union will be a Brexit reality. The third wave will follow if Brexit happens, once companies understand that Brexit means No deal, No trade and No hope. The Russian experiment to destabilise Europe will be complete.
These economic and social changes will be accompanied by a consequential brain drain by people with portable skills in the 4th industrial age and a transition to a low skills / low wage culture. Brexit is Jacob Rees-Mogg’s wet dream of a return to an upstairs downstairs society of servants, serfdom and the workhouse. Quite why working class people voted for Brexit, apart from as a protest, still escapes me as someone who began life in a working class family but who now works globally as a knowledge worker. Brexit will make little impact on me personally, but I cannot understand why those who will lose most still seem to want it just because they “won”. Read what the University of Oxford has to say about our brain drain, which has increased by some 30% in recent times with Brexit being the dominant driver of “cerebral migration“.
“According to the study, the numbers of UK citizens obtaining EU member state passports provides evidence that an increasing number of UK immigrants are making long-term migration decisions to protect themselves from some of the negative effects of Brexit“
The net effects of these socio-economic and cultural changes will be deep and long lasting. They may result in the UK being unfit to re-join the EU as “Little Britain” may not even be able to meet the joining criteria. In any case, Britain may find itself in a queue behind Albania. Queuing is at least something that British people understand!
At the same time, the EU will not remain static across a 5-10 year period . Some of the likely effects on the EU side of things include:
The EU experience of our continuing desire to “have our cake and eat it too” may well persuade Brussels that Charles De Gaulle was right about Britain. De Gualle warned his five EEC partners that Britain had a “deep-seated hostility” to European integration that could bring about the end of what was then referred to as the “common market.” He also worried that in crunch times, Britain would always side with the United States over its continental neighbours. Britain has attempted to do just that by trading hormone fed beef and chlorinated chicken against our food supply from Europe and even our own farmer’s livelihoods. A nation that puts food before wellbeing needs to have a word with itself.
Over the last four years, as well as Britain’s decline as a nation, the EU has had time to mitigate the worst effects of Brexit for themselves. For example they have struck trade deals which will allow industries and countries to make up any losses from Britain’s involvement in the EU. This will lower their need to deal with us, especially if our trajectory is towards lower standards and US domination of our trade.
Given the atrocious way in which the UK has handled negotiations with Brussels, using table thumping techniques and inept negotiators such as David Frost, any such re-entry would likely be accompanied with a “terms and conditions” apply clause. For example Schengen, the Euro and so on. Europe will also learn from Brexit and not wish to have a repeat performance of the petulance and adapted child behaviour that has bedevilled Brexit.
Britain may even fail the criteria for being a democracy in 5-10 years, which is a pre-requisite of joining the EU. Important signifiers of our decline into a banana republic include:
The EU is no longer interested in wasting their time on Britain and this has consequences for any future relationship with Europe. Donald Trump will not rescue Britain, apart from asset stripping the NHS and killing our farmers.
The current migrant fiasco is a current example of our appalling behaviour towards others. Priti Patel attempts to suggest that people voted to kill migrant children by voting Brexit in 2016. She also argues that our inability to handle migration is France’s fault. This is a potent example “arrested development”. Three year olds in a playground arguing about who should have a piece of chocolate may actually demonstrate more advanced behaviours that our present political masters.
Write to your MP using this article to inform your letter.
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Today we visited Cooling Castle, home of Jools Holland with the Bollocks to Brexit Mini Cooper. Here is a report from our resident maritime consultant and Brexit sea dog Don.
I arrived at the rendezvous at 5 bells in the Afternoon Watch. That is 14.30 for landlubbers and when the big hand is on the six and the little hand is on the two for Gammons and Tories. My fellow Saboteurs came separately. For those who have not been paying attention “Saboteur” is the term of derision that Gammons and Tories chose to refer to decent people who oppose Brexit. The term quickly fell out of favour in Gammon and Tory circles when we pointed out that “Saboteur” was what Vichyites called the French Resistance. Comparing me to the French Resistance is about the nicest thing anybody ever said about me. I took it as a compliment: Vive les Saboteurs! “Vive la Resistance” Merde a Brexit!
The Bulwarks to Brexitmobile led the convoy and we drove around the environs. We set up a stall in Gillingham High Street near the church and our musical director set up his gear and serenaded us with anti-Brexit music. I chose a spot where I could keep a look out for Gammons, Tories and nobbled coppers. We did not hand out leaflets for social distancing reasons. I saw somebody advance purposefully towards our musical director. I thought I might be needed but I did the newcomer an injustice. He wanted to get involved. Took a couple of our flags and joined in the fun.
A few people gave filthy looks and made vulgar gestures then moved on quickly. For the most part people were supportive, gave the thumbs up and wanted to photograph us. After a while we set off for Rochester. It was much the same there. Some people walked off pointedly refusing to look at us while others gave the thumbs up. By this time my old knee injury was playing up so I decided to call it a day. I can walk for miles and feel better for it but standing around plays havoc with my old injuries.
People in Ashford are unhappy about recent developments. It has sunk in that Brexit is going to cause delays at Customs so this hopeless inept government is setting up a huge lorry park for stranded trade vehicles. The site had been chosen for a new Amazon facility that would have provided employment. Instead they are going to get trucks belching diesel fumes because the drivers will need to run the engines to keep refrigeration plants working. That will not improve the atmosphere at all. This is not the earthly paradise that the people of East Kent thought they would get when they voted for Brexit.
Tomorrow we go to Tunbridge Wells on a circular tour starting at 11.00:
Route will include London Rd, High St, Sainsbury car park, Mt Pleasant, Town Hall, Monson Rd, Camden Rd, Powdermill Lane, Southboro High St. Then back down St John’s Rd, Mt Ephraim Rd, brief stop at Victoria Place, back up Lime Hill to London Rd.
There remains a possibility to visit Hythe and East Kent later on tomorrow
Here are the details of our marathon road trip from Islington to Old Durham Town … in the B*llocks to Brexit Mini. Please support the venture via Go Fund Me.
PRESS RELEASE
I’m gonna leave old Durham Town … to check my eyesight
The “B*llocks to Brexit” Mini Cooper known as “Johnson” is making an unprecedented historic trip from Dominic Cummings house in Islington to Durham under strict COVID-safe conditions, so that the driver Peter Cook can get his eyesight checked. Peter is taking the excursion from Islington to Barnard Castle for his wife’s birthday and will be stopping at a few beauty spots along the way. The trip, inspired by Dominic Cummings, has been arranged by EU Flag Mafia in conjunction with Rage Against The Brexit Machine, to highlight the problems of adding Corona crisis to Brexit disaster, creating a “Britastrophe”. We will be performing songs from our catalogue of anti-Brexit songs, including ‘Alo Vera – Brexit’s Comin’ ‘Ome and a Chas & Dave Cockney Brexit Knees Up.
11% loss in GDP from Corona, when added to 9% predicted loss from Brexit will make an exponential impact on jobs, lives and livelihoods of people in Britain. Johnson the Mini will make the journey in order to wake people up to the oncoming economic and social tsunami. We only needed 3.5% GDP loss to create the 2008 crash. Corona is a natural born crisis and we must endure it. However, we don’t need to add the man-made Brexit disaster to the mix.
“Johnson’s driver” Peter Cook is taking a four-year-old baby “Bobo” on this historic journey. Bobo has promised not to urinate for the entire trip, although the Mini will be making stops in Rugby, Manchester, North Yorkshire and Newcastle, also taking in Southampton, Dorset, Wiltshire and Kent in the coming weeks. For Baby Bobo, it is a UST (Urination Stamina Test).
“Rules are rules and we must stick to them for everyone’s safety, even if Johnson, Cummings, Farage, Jenrick, Half Cock Handcock and Papa Bojo choose not to”
The last time “Johnson” made an appearance on Britain’s roads, we were stopped by an Essex Traffic Policeman Smith, in a rage on the M25 motorway. PC Smith asked us to remove the signage on the car on the hard shoulder of the M25, putting the police officer and the passengers at risk of death. We are hoping to return to Essex to meet PC Smith for a cuppa. Smith has not been located by Essex Police some 8 months after we provided his full details to the force …
Peter hopes that “Dick and Dom” aka Boris and Dominic will hear our call that this is the worst time to take Brexit out of the microwave. If they checked their eyesight, they would now realise that there is a substantial gap in the will of the people, with nearly a ten-point gap of people now wishing to remain a member of the EU. All that is needed is courage and political will to change the oncoming “Britastrophe”.
“We must re-boot Britain in the wake of Corona. It’s time for our leaders to show true courage and take a bold move to build, build, build a Better Britain in a Better Europe for a Better World. To this end I have formed an unpolitical party to end all political parties. It’s time we had leaders that we could look up to and trust. Our movement is designed to help achieve that. I’m proud to work with EU Flag mafia to help put the great back in Britain.
p.s. We have just received a request to take “Johnson” to Greece to check our eyesight, via Bulgaria. We are just checking the logistics of the trip, although all seems well, since Stanley Johnson recently made a similar pilgrimage to check on a holiday let.
For an exclusive interview on our “Unprecedented Ocular Pilgrimage” around the UK, please contact Peter Cook, Brexorcist in Chief via peter@academy-of-rock.co.uk
We were part of the farmer’s march in London yesterday. I experienced the bizarre spectacle of following a load of vegetables who were marching on parliament to a load of … er … vegetables. Our vegetables were fresh, alive, full of vitamins and so on, whereas the Westminster crop are genetically modified with its leader hormone infested …
See Farming Today for an account of our day in Parliament.
We also did a piece of media coverage about Dominic Cummings at his house in Islington for the Ham and High. We spoke with one of his neighbours who demonstrated the ‘English condition’ in terms of not wishing to speak ill of his neighbours. Instead, he spoke of the Cummings child and how nice Mary Wakefield is. I imagine people said the same of Eva Braun … ‘Englishness’ is responsible for three losses – the referendum and two elections. Vote Leave did not have the same regard for the law or everything in moderation. We must not copy Vote Leave but we must better them.
We next move on to the West Country at the weekend. Starting early on Saturday am, we will visit Stonehenge at sunrise for photos, then on to Salisbury, Blandford Forum and Dorchester. Then a tour of the Dorset coast – Bournemouth, Poole, Weymouth etc.
On Sunday we head to Wiltshire with places like Cricklade, Devizes, Chippenham and Swindon in mind.
If you wish to host the car with a static or mobile pop up event, please contact me to arrange. We will perform some music in each location.
Extract from the book Private Eyelines. Britain officially slid into what looks like an L-Shaped recession today (L stands for LONG). Whilst Corona undoubtedly provided the tipping point into recession, we must also look longer into the past for the underlying reasons. The FT reports that UK is the worst performing nation in Europe regarding our decline into recession under Corona. Brexit must therefore be added in terms of how deep and rapid our plunge into recession has been. Brexit uncertainly has laid the table for our Britastrophe, making Britain especially vulnerable in terms of resilience. The term resilience is essentially our ability to ride out tough times. Longer term, adding a man made disaster in slow motion (Brexit) to the Corona crisis offers us a “Britastrophe“. We have to endure Corona, but we need not have Brexit.
In March 2020, we made some socio-economic and political forecasts about the coming 6 months. Prediction is largely a dangerous game, but it turns out we were mostly right. We would be very badly advised to add Brexit to our list of problems in 2021 under this analysis:
But here at Rage Against Brexit we look deeper at the underlying economics and today we can report that it seems that Britain’s problems have been caused by … cheese ….
Liz Truss has made the protection of Stilton a red line in the Brexit talks with Japan. In case you are not familiar, Truss is a massive defender of cheese and has made it her personal mission to defend her “blue veins” against what she considers the “yellow peril” in Brexit talks.
In case you are wondering about the benefits of the “Stilton Clause” as it is referred to in Whitehall, here they are:
Our trade with Japan was worth £31.6 billion last year
The Stilton Wedge is worth £102 million
In case of doubt, a billion is more than a million – a lot more
70% of Japanese people are unable to eat Stilton due to lactose intolerance
Liz Truss: [furiously] “Tell the yellow midgets that they’d better start liking Stilton or they can make their fucking cars in their own country”
You may well ask, why is Liz standing up for cheese? Well, it may have escaped your attention, but we have not done a significant trade deal since we “left” on January 31st, 2020, although we all know that Liam Fox said that getting trade deals was to be the easiest thing in history. Liz needs to bring in the bacon (and brie) pronto, so that we can say we did a better deal with Japan than the EU did … because Stilton is included. Makes sense, eh?
The Stilton Clause” is said to include unlimited supplies of Cheesy Wotsits in exchange for the ceremonial inclusion of a Torii at Cheddar Gorge and its use on premium brand Cheddar:
In other news, the much vaunted moveable barrier for the M20 gridlock in Kent promised for 31 December 2020 by Grant Shapps is not going to be ready until 2022. Shapps was heard to say that this would not be a problem, as we would improvise with wedges of cheese in the two year intervening period. Here is an artists’ impression of the SS (Stilton System) in action during the Brexit food shortages.
As Boris will say:
Sadly Corona, Flu and Flooding are natural phenomena. Brexit is a man-made disaster and we don’t need to add it to the Winter of Discontent. We must avoid a BRITASTROPHE.
If you have six women in your life, it pays to make a law that includes them all to avoid anger, in a specific and limited way. In this article we consider the “joy of six”.
The Pound sustained a six week low as news of Brexit shambles reached the markets.
Six Londoners were either totally depressed about Brexit or optimists in a specific and limited way, for example, if you are a trader who can make money out of other people’s misery as well as their success.
Sir Keir Starmer had six tests for Brexit in 2017. He appears to have forgotten them. We haven’t. He now says that Brexit is done. It is not. See Suspended Animation.
A travel trade group identified six ways in which your travel will be affected by Brexit.
We have now had six rounds of trade talks with the EU. We have achieved nothing. In fact it’s worse than this. The high water mark of Brexit trade deals was Theresa May’s deal. Everyone agrees that, the deal has gradually been eroded since that time.
But Johnson gets to shag six women in a Boris Bubble, so that’s OK then?
From Adrian Ekins-Daukes.
One of the key Brexit texts is “Change, or Go: How Britain would gain influence and prosper outside an unreformed EU.” written in 2015. Highlights summarised below by Jennifer Rankin (Guardian):
Taken together, Gove’s speech and the Change or Go report make it clear that Brexiteers believed:
Incredibly, Leave Voters still seem to believe much of this nonsense in the face of all the evidence and the passage of time. In particular they cling to the to the idea that Merkel will come to the rescue of the negotiations at the last moment and that the obstructive Barnier will be sacked (editor’s note, we have seen the Cummings and goings of many UK trade negotiators and whipping boys whereas Barnier has remained in place all through this process). Our Government believe that all that we have to do is to continue to allow David Frost, our negotiator, to continue repeating idiotically “we are now an independent country”, and the EU will finally concede.
Michael Gove’s lies and various other lies are captured in this piece of music which is prophetic in terms of our sleepwalk into a banana republic and a fascist state.
