Category: Politics

God save the Queen

Updated on

03/06/2022 by author

God save the Queen from Boris Johnson, Brexit and Prince Andrew. Our latest edition of ‘The Son’ previews a weekend of flagshagging. Just in case you are confused, here is a fact and faction decoder:

FACT: There have been bunting shortages[1] for the jubilee! It does not come from the EU though as intimated in some circles …

FICTION: A pint is not 562 ml. It is 568.26125 ml. Millilitres are not the product of EU law but the result if SI units. Lions are not English even though they appear on t-shirts. FACT: A pint is not a standard measure as a US pint is not the same as a UK pint with a US pint coming in at 473 ml. The obsession of the British government with imperial measures is simply another piece of ‘red meat’ to feed to Brexit voters at the jubilee!

FICTION: Sue Gray has never appeared in Eastenders, nor have the Mitchell brothers removed her organs in an East End styled murder. We are pretty sure that Boris Johnson would have her removed if he thought he could get away with the dirty deed however.

FACT: Priti Patel has not ordered teachers to bear arms in schools as yet. Give her time …

FACT: Liverpool football fans were held up at Dover for hours[2], as Brexit border controls started to bite hard. Is this what you voted for when he said we would be “taking back control of our borders”?

FACT: Boris Johnson has cancelled the part of the Ministerial code that holds him responsible if he breaks the law. The law literally no longer applies to him. Is this what you voted for when he said we would be “taking back control of our laws”? Priti Patel continues to try to cancel refugees through sponsored drowning and sending to re-education camps in Rwanda. Culture secretary Nadine Dorries is trying to cancel culture. It’s all a bit Reginald Perrin really. If the going gets tough, Kim Jon Bojo will likely cancel general elections.

FACT: Quite subtlely, Conservative ministers have started to blame Ukraine for domestic problems when the feed through to our economy is largely not related to problems in Ukraine as yet. Rishi Sunak did it at the so-called emergency budget on 26 May 2022 by stating that 80% of our problems were ‘global’. Horseshit. Brexit has made an impact of some 4-5% on inflation, all of this man-made and therefore avoidable. Lee Anderson inferred that the poor were to blame for poverty. Subtle mentions of Africa in relation to Monkeypox cement the idea that the disease has an ethnic component for feeble racist minds.

FACT: Ireland is not to blame for Brexit. It is wholly the product of our own government. We own it. It’s ours. 100%. Priti Patel has used the spectre of a repeat of the Irish potato famine[3] to feed weak English minds and distract them from the plain facts of Brexit.

God save the Queen from Johnson! Download Prince Andrew is a Sweaty Nonce to tell Boris Johnson and Justin Welby that child abuse is NOT OK. Mumsnet ate Boris Johnson for breakfast the other day. Our analysis of the encounter via the medium of “Just a Minute” follows.

Well worth your time

[1] Bunting shortages www.theguardian.com/business/2022/may/27/bunting-shortage-looms-as-platinum-jubilee-revellers-scramble-for-supplies

[2] Champions League www.cityam.com/dover-chaos-liverpool-fans-and-families-on-half-term-getaways-stuck-in-security-bottlenecks/

[3] Priti Potato Famine inews.co.uk/news/politics/priti-patel-ireland-food-shortage-no-deal-brexit-leo-varadkar-home-secretary-warning-318794

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Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Democracy, Economics, Football, Northern Ireland, Politics, Sovereignty | Leave a reply

Street Brexorcism

Updated on

31/05/2022 by author

Peter Cook

It’s the Queen’s platinum jubilee and the Brexit gammon are high. On Saturday 28 May I met one of the Brexit flagshaggers at 7am in the morning, at my train station in Kent, en-route to Brighton to give a masterclass on rejoining the EU. I decided to perform a miniature Street Brexorcism. The conversation went something like this:

HIM: Oh, I suppose you are off to one of those remoaner protests in London again, having fucked the country up (he had noticed my Break Brexit Before Brexit Breaks Britain t-shirt).

ME: Not exactly. I’m off to talk to a bunch of entitled lefty twats in Brighton about my latest book.

HIM: That’s not very nice.

ME: Nah, it’s OK. People in Brighton can probably afford to ride the storm of Brexit. It’s the people who live here in Medway like you and me that I feel sorry for. They must bear the consequences.

HIM: Nah. We’d have been alright if it had not been you lot stopping us getting Brexit done properly.

ME: But you have a pretty hard Brexit. Boris popped in the oven and it’s done. What did you get from Brexit by the way?

HIM (dithering slightly and getting a bit angry): It’s too soon to say (obviously he could name nothing).

ME: OK, but what did you want from Brexit?

HIM (calming a little): Well, I wanted local democracy rather than being told what to do?

ME: Have you got that?

HIM (confused): Too soon to say. You lot spoiled it anyway.

ME: We can agree that we have not got more local democracy. But you give me too much power by assuming that I can change anything. We are all ignored by politicians. I’m sure you realise that Brexit was not for us. It was for them. You do realise that Johnson cancelled democracy yesterday when he put himself beyond the law by cancelling the ministerial code?

HIM (he did not know about the changes to the ministerial code): I don’t care about Boris. He can fuck off.

ME: Anyway, I must be off to talk to the ‘entitled lefty pricks’ of Brighton. Nice to speak.

HIM: That’s rude. You are not going to call them that are you?

ME: Of course. They know who they are, as we do. I’m just intelligent scum. Anyway, thank you for speaking with me.

To my surprise, he shook my hand!

Learn how to Brexorcise people – Buy the book : Changing Minds on Europe and Brexit

To perform a ‘Brexorcism’ you need some way to ‘activate’ your subject. This t-shirt was my chosen method at the station.

Within minutes of entering the station I had an entirely different conversation with the South Eastern ticket clerk:

HER: No bike today?

ME: No, I’m loaded up with books to go to Brighton.

HER: Can I get hold of one?

ME: Yes, but not now as they are all packed. I will give you my card.

Brief Encounter at platform 9 and three quarters

And on arrival at St Pancras I bumped into BBC Travel Correspondent Simon Calder.

ME: Hello Simon. We met years ago and talked of The Beatles and riding shotgun on Indian Railways.

To my amazement, Simon seemed to remember our conversation. If not, he was very kind.

ME: I’m off to give a talk in Brighton about Rejoining the EU and the tragedy of Brexit.

SIMON (looking around and pointing at Eurostar queues): All this is totally down to Brexit! Good luck.

Listen to Simon speaking on travel delays and naming Brexit as a cause at BBC Radio 4 Today, today Tues 31 May 2022 at 8.45 am.

I met Simon Calder again on Saturday at St Pancras en route to Paris. Had a great conversation about The #Beatles and #Brexit. He pointed out that all the queues were down to Brexit
— Reboot Britain – Rage Against The Brexit Machine (@BrexitRage) May 31, 2022

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqrAPOZxgzU&ab_channel=SexPistolsVEVO

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Brexorcism, Britastrophe, Democracy, Politics, Sovereignty | 2 Replies

Food Fight Fury

Updated on

29/05/2022 by author

Peter Cook

In this edition of the Daily Excess we focus on the effects of Brexit on food price rises and the extraordinary statements by Tories blaming the poor for their plight.

FACT: Lee Anderson claimed that people on low wages were not able to cook economically and said that he could cook a meal from scratch for 30 pence[1]. The Trussell Trust replied: “Cooking from scratch won’t help families keep the lights on or put food on the table, if they don’t have enough money in their pockets”.

FACT: A snickers bar, a curly wurly, a finger of fudge or a raw egg are not a substantial meal. Remember however that a Scotch egg was classified as a substantial meal[2] when Rishi Sunak wanted to encourage people to ‘eat out to help out’ in 2020. However the benchmark price of a Scotch egg in a pub is £5.00 and it would have to be consumed with a pint of beer to be considered a ‘substantial meal’. This is somewhat more than 30 pence.

FICTION: Various Tory MPs have started blaming Ukraine for food price rises, when, apart from just a few items, these price rises have not fed through the food chain at the time of writing in May 2022. Food inflation due to Brexit[3] accounts for some 6% and, in some areas such as meat, the rises have been substantial. It is despicable behaviour by Tory MPs to blame Ukraine but, of course, totally true to form to blame someone or something else.

FACT: By the same token, they have blamed oil and gas rises on Ukraine when these price rises were factored in before the invasion of Ukraine by Russia. In fact, money saving expert Martin Lewis[4] warned as early as late 2021 on the matter.

FICTION: Liz Truss has not so far recommended that the poor begin cooking their pets to cope with food poverty. Give her time. She did recently get her picture taken with Larry the cat, perhaps to improve her popularity with old ladies, or perhaps in preparation for Larry’s sacrifice at some point in the future.

FICTION: If Boris had written The F Plan diet, the word F would not have stood for fibre! Nor has Boris ever had a meal for 30 pence.

FACT: The recent emergency budget measures set out by Rishi Sunak will not address the needs of people at the edge of poverty through Brexit assisted price rises. It is yet another example of a ‘too little, too late’ strategy by the Conservative government.

FACT: Grilled wasps are neither tasty nor nutritious.

[1] ITV News www.itv.com/news/central/2022-05-13/food-bank-row-tory-mp-lee-anderson-says-he-has-proven-he-can-make-meals-for-30p

[2] Politics Home – Scotch eggs www.politicshome.com/news/article/substantial-meal-pub-alcohol-rule-scrapped-boris-johnson

[3] Food inflation due to Brexit www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/brexit-food-prices-living-costs-b2065985.html

[4] Money saving expert www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2021/12/martin-lewis–even-the-cheapest-deals-are-more-than-double-than-/

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Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Food, Politics, Ukraine | Leave a reply

With or Without EU

Updated on

19/05/2022 by author

Peter Cook

In this Irish special we focus on the U2 question posed by Liz Truss “With or Without EU”. It becomes clear that she still hasn’t found what she’s looking for with Brexit.

As things continue to become more bizarre by the day in Brexit Britain, we focus on the Irish question in this fake version of The Mail on Sunday.

FACT: Liz Truss is prepared to risk the breakdown of the Good Friday Agreement and 30 years of peace on the island of Ireland to improve her chances of becoming PM. In 2019 the Conservatives said that peace in Northern Ireland and independence for Scotland were prices worth paying to “Get Brexit Done”. One of the few truths they told.

FACT : It was the BRITISH government that signed the Brexit deal which required the border in the sea between Britain and the island of Ireland. Blaming the EU is simply gaslighting. We are a third country and, to quote the Brexiteers we should “Get over it”

FACT : ‘Sir’ David Frost read the deal and then ignored it in order to “Get Brexit Done”. This problem is ENTIRELY of our own Government’s making and Frost’s squirming is pathetic. He’s not even elected.

FACT : Boris Johnson said that a border between Ireland and Britain would only happen over his dead body. We note that he is still alive.

FACT : The majority of people and politicians in Northern Ireland want to keep the Northern Ireland Protocol. Some 70% of people voted for parties that support peace on the island or Ireland.

FACT : ‘Sir’ David Frost is now pretending he was railroaded into signing the deal. The word scum is not bad enough for someone who refuses to own his Brexshit.

FACT : Johnson needs this distraction to ensure people don’t think about unnecessary COVID deaths, Leadership failures via Partygate, the cost of living crisis, Brexit carnage, Levelling down, NI rises, Pension unlocking, killing bees, killing kids by encouraging them to eat more junk food, the list goes on.

FICTION : Whereas Coleen Rooney has not shagged Johnson, Arlene would do anything to restore the troubles to Northern Ireland, including a performance with Dolly Parton if one could be arranged.

Whilst the EU are the adults in the room, they should respond to this childish behaviour by our adapted children in Government.

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Posted in Article 16, Borders, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Cheese, Ireland, Northern Ireland, Partygate, Politics | 2 Replies

Electoral Reform

Updated on

09/05/2022 by author

Peter Cook

Guest article from Jean-Pierre Feyaerts on electoral reform. In the wake of some seismic changes to the political landscape in Britain it is time to consider this. I’m especially delighted that Reboot Britain contributed to the loss of 10 Tory councillors in Royal Tunbridge Wells and this demonstrates that we can still achieve impact with a faulty electoral system. TEN !!!

An alternative to the British ‘First-Past-the-Post’ system – A Belgian perspective

People, even in England, are finally starting to see the limitation of the old fashion FPTS electoral system.

In principle that system, especially at the end of the Middle Age and Renaissance made sense when it was very important to safeguard local interests, with a special interest to the financing of wars and more generally the public finances.

With time, the system was regarded as safeguarding rather stable majorities in Parliament, at least for the duration of a legislature and avoid the need to have repeated elections before the end of the said legislature.

One (if not the major) shortcoming of the system is that it provides an over representation of a part of the population. Furthermore, the culture of compromise was replaced by the law of the strongest (with derivation to the spoiling system, like in the USA).

For the British citizen however (and probably more for the English citizen) it remains difficult to accept a proportional system and even more difficult to find an agreement on a type of proportionality (for example as used for the former election of the British members of the European Parliament).

In theory, the elected members of the Parliament (of the House of Commons), are there to represent the citizen of their constituency, not only those who voted for them but any citizen of the constituency, regardless of its preferred party. In practice, they are just the local representative of a doctrine (which use to differ from the manifesto of the party). If this is the case, the approach of one single representative has no more sense.

At least, for an interim period, it does not seem possible to move to the current political system to a political system adapted to the XXI^st century (rather than the end of the XIX^th – beginning of the XX^th) in one stage. UK need at least to adopt a phased approach.

A rather simple one, but not used elsewhere, to my best knowledge, would be to divide the number of constituencies by two and to elect two representatives instead of one. As such, it is easy to understand, does not require too much changes (except grouping the current constituencies by groups of 2[1]).

The difference with the current system is that rather the first past the post, here it would be the two first past the post[2].

This is simple, but it changes a lot for the strategy of the parties and may give more importance to local interests.

British (in particular English) have no tradition and expertise on how to find agreements and compromises and it will take surely more than one legislature to can be accustomed to it, and the same is even more true for the voters! The experience with the Eastern European countries for returning to democracy proves that both categories needs to learn how to behave in such new environment but it cold be easier than the reform proposed in 2011. Britain needs electoral reform. It will be difficult all the while both sides of our binary politics believe they can win, but Thursday’s local elections have disrupted the cosy arrangement.

[1] In real exceptional cases, a constituency with one single representative could be envisaged or a constituency grouping three former ones with eventually, for one legislature, 3 representatives as a transitional measure)

[2] Possibly, this is the case for one or another State of the USA for the Senate election.

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Posted in Brexit, Elections, Leadership, Politics | Leave a reply

Europe Day

Updated on

09/05/2022 by author

Peter Cook

It’s Europe Day … a brief reminder, lest we forget.

It cost each of us 37 pence a day (or half a Mars bar) to belong to the World’s greatest peace project. I can think of nothing one could buy with 37 pence that would amount to what we got by being part of the EU, faults and all.

Now we left via Brexit, Putin’s plan to create war in Europe continues and our Government plan to restart the troubles in Northern Ireland.

What did we leave for? I’m still waiting for answers beyond mythical notions of freedom. Answers on a postcard.

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Footnote : I watched The Killing Fields yesterday afternoon for a reminder of how far we have travelled and just how easy it is to return to a world of violence inspired by ideology.

Posted in Borders, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Democracy, Europe, Immigration, Politics, WW III | Leave a reply

Party Party Party

Updated on

19/04/2022 by author

Peter Cook

It’s Party Party Party in the Telegravda. Come on down and celebrate death by Brexit. Taken from a forthcoming book on the Kafka-esque political world in which we now operate.

FACT: Drivers stuck on the M20 [1]are not allowed to leave their cabins to urinate or defecate by Kent Police, so that traffic can continue its slow grind towards Dover. It’s not Party Party Party if you are stuck in your cab with a bottle of urine and a pile of Brexshit on the floor.

FICTION: The M20 has not been turned into a rave venue and the drivers are not drinking their own urine during ‘Operation Pisspot’[2].

FICTION: Sue Gray has not shown up in Ibiza. On the other hand, her report on leadership failures has disappeared without trace.

Sue Gray

Partygate — Chilled – Sue Gray

FACT: Johnson needs the Russian war to deflect attention from Brexit carnage, now that he has cancelled COVID, his leadership, gas, oil, petrol and food prices, national insurance, NHS backlogs, COVID … the list goes on.

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FACT: Johnson’s leadership is disliked by 72% of the population with the most frequent word mentioned about him being LIAR.

FACT: Let’s play the party game of ‘closets and skeletons’ whilst the drinking continue into the night:

Rishi Sunak defended Mrs S of her absolute right to legally pay as little tax as possible to the country that supplies her with the house she lives in. She was part owner of Lava Mayfair Club Ltd[3] (a private membership gym), which collapsed last year, owing almost £44 million to creditors, including £374,000 to HMRC.

Another of Mrs S’s ventures, education firm ‘Mrs Wordsmith[4]‘, went into administration last year owing £16.3 million … after receiving a £1.3 million loan from the Government’s Future Fund.

Digme Fitness, of which Mrs Rishi owns, received up to £635,000 of furlough money before it closed its eight studios in London and Oxford still owing HMRC £415,000. In case of doubt, 635 is more than 415.

So, Sunak introduces the furlough scheme … and the woman he’s sleeping with benefits by up to £635,000.

Sunak oversees the UK rules regarding non-Dom status[5] … and the woman he’s sleeping with benefits by over £20 million.

Sunak is supposed to be in charge of ensuring that the UK maximises its tax take…yet the woman he’s sleeping with has overseen companies going bust owing £789,000 to HMRC.

Sunak says his wife’s tax affairs are none of our business! Never mind, let’s party like it’s 1999!

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Brexit

Partygate — Click to view on Amazon

[1] Kent Messenger www.kentlive.news/news/kent-news/operation-brock-kent-residents-slam-6938937

[2] BBC Have I Got News For You on EU TUBE www.youtube.com/c/PeterCook1001

[3] Mrs Sunak www.easterneye.biz/two-businesses-in-which-sunaks-wife-had-shares-gone-bust-in-pandemic/

[4] FT Jim Pickard 11 April 2022

[5] Non-Dom: A good deal for Mrs S www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-61027058

Posted in Arts, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Gutter Press, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Partygate, Politics, Sovereignty | Tagged Boris Johnson, Brexit, Partygate, Tory Scum | Leave a reply

BANGED UP BOJO

Updated on

16/04/2022 by author

Peter Cook

Banged up Bojo. A fine is not enough. Jail Johnson !! Satire alert.

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I want to know if my MP broke the law. If these people were members of the public, their names would be in the papers. They are no different.

Write to your MP. Ask politely if they are a criminal.

Posted in Borders, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Britastrophe, Corona, Europe, Politics, Russia, Ukraine, WW III | Leave a reply

What’s going on with P&O?

Updated on

14/04/2022 by author

Peter Cook

By Elwyn Lloyd-Jones

P&O is one of the finest names in British maritime history, dating back to 1837 when the name was chosen to mean Peninsula & Orient; where Peninsula refers to the Iberian Peninsula, and Orient refers to the Eastern Mediterranean. Not much is written about the early years including its service to supply troop ships during WWII, but its current structure dates back to 2002 when P&O Ferries was formed as a Company in its own right, followed by its purchase by DP World in 2019.

In common with the Maritime Industry in general, it has always faced challenges and opportunities (none more so than at present); as it is forced to adapt to a changing world. Firstly, the very concept of a RORO ferry, was thought up when the cost of capital was high, meaning the turn-around time at port, and travel time was at a premium; and Carbon (and Sulfur) emissions where hardly on the agenda. Now, fuel costs and environmental legislation (e.g. the Sulfur Cap of 2020) are of prime importance, while the cost of capital is rock-bottom. Sea travel can however still be the cheapest and most environmentally friendly, but only if the ships can enjoy economies of scale, are packed to capacity, and can travel at a speed (sometimes as low as 2 knots) to optimize engine efficiency, tide, and berthing time table. This suits the container ship but is an anathema to the sea passenger. The RORO ferry however still has the edge for perishable goods.

Ferry services on the Dover Calais route have faced other competitive challenges, firstly from the over-priced but even speedier Channel Tunnel, secondly from Irish Ferries being allowed to ply the same route from March 2021, using third country contract seafarers. Brexit and Coronavirus must certainly have had their impact on ticket sales, staff shortages, and boarding delays. All together, these have cost the company £100 Million per year. One response has been in restructuring; another could be outsourcing ship’s construction to the Far East.

P&O Ferries is a British Company, owned by Dubai based DP World. The ships are flagged in Malta, and the staff paid out of Jersey. It is important to note that at sea, the Captain is the Sovereign Authority under the jurisdiction of the flag, and nobody pays tax anywhere. This may change once the ship enters territorial waters, and certainly will change once a crew member steps ashore. Tax arrangements are exceedingly complicated, as they depend on how much time one spends in each zone; with each jurisdiction measuring time differently! A seafarer can find that just one short delay, a change in shift patterns, or an extended shore leave can change his tax liability completely. Jersey is outside the UK and outside the EU. It is therefore an ideal jurisdiction for withholding tax till the year’s returns are completed (it’s very easy to forget or miss a rule). – In the light of seafarers working arrangements, I don’t think it was unreasonable for the CEO of P&O Ferries, Peter Hebblethwaite, to announce the mass sacking of staff by recoded video message. It was the only way to reach everyone fairly and simultaneously.

Malta is an EU Member State, well known as an off-shore tax-haven and easy centre for ships registration. As a new Member State, I have found them very lax in converging to EU Legislation. Because of their special sacrifices in supporting the allies during WWII, Britain is disinclined to find fault with them. And because of their smallness within the big EU picture, Brussels is hardly likely to take notice. But they will converge, eventually.

Dubai, as an Arab State probably has access to the best deals in bunker fuel. But more ominously, DP World has been advising the government on free-ports. DP World also has a majority stake in the container port of Yuzhny about 20 miles East of Odessa in Ukraine (acquired in 2020). Ukraine is the prosperous breadbasket of Europe and the World, and this is likely to be a very profitable asset once the war is over.

Now, what about the new outsourced third party crew, and what is life going to be like for them? Most young men take to sea to see the world, with full board and lodgings paid, and a little bit of pocket-money to boot; but when they come to the UK, they’re going to be very sorry indeed. They’ll be forced to stay on-board without a proper Visa, like any other tourist. (Or will they need the very expensive UK working visa, if they’re deemed to be employed in the UK?) – The EU has been working on this problem for years, trying to ensure that any legitimate seafarer can have shore leave based on his ship’s papers. This is now fairly well harmonized, including the right of transit from airport to duty ship, or between duty ships. The latest EU legislation however, restricts the rights of seafarers taking shore leave to cross Sovereign State boundaries. It is not a Schengen Visa. The UK is no longer party to this agreement, and as a result, third party seafarers may suffer. – The UK Government does have the right to detain a ship once it is in port, and prevent it leaving again; for instance, if debts have not been paid, if the ship has been found to be unseaworthy, or if the crew do not live up to the necessary standard of competence. This is very much the limit of the UK’s authority. Even the right to run a service can only be granted in agreement with the EU counter-party. Parochial British Trade Unions have very little purchase on the problem.

How could this sorry state of affairs have been avoided? In the USA, they have something called the Jones Act, which says that any service run between USA ports must be on ships that have been constructed, owned, and crewed by Americans. A federal Europe could do something similar; sure it is protectionism, but I think we need a bit of protectionism. And if we consider: wages, shipbuilding, and financing skills across Europe, I think there is plenty of scope for reasonable competition. In reviewing the above, it strikes me that we spend too much time and effort on: gaming the system, the tax system, and the shipping regulations. – It would surely be far better if those in the business where given a level playing field so that they could concentrate on what they know best: running a ferry service, or a shipping line. There are plenty of changes that are still needed in the industry.

Read our related article on P&O Ferries and Brexit.