Back to Top
MEN

Madchester

In our final satirical piece in the series, we take to the Manchester Evening News for some sizzled up news, based on facts, but not limited by them. Our fact checker is out in force below the front page. Read on.

Find all our satirical pieces by clicking on the image

Fact and Fiction Checker

Jacob Rees-Mogg was not searching for drugs but his shameful interview with Charlie Hutchins must be seen. The “Charlie” mentioned in the paper is not Charlie Hutchins, but Charlie Chalk, much beloved by Michael Gove.

As far as we know, Priti Patel has not had work done at The Smile Centre. Perhaps she should. It may just make her more believable when she is viciously threatening the poor and people without homes. Priti Patel’s policies on the right to protest, so-called policing reforms, drowning immigrants and marginalising poor people are steady steps on our sleepwalk towards Brexit fascism.

Bully Back Better

If you like what you see here, give us a tip via Paypal or Patreon. This work takes time and skill – please support it.

Priti Woman – warning adult themes

Rishi Sunak did point out that we’ll have to pay for Brexit in various ways. Watch out for tax rises, NI, triple lock pension removal and a suite of other ways to refill the coffers to pay for the next election.

Tory Party Conference Special

The Party Conference to end all Parties

In this special edition of “The Sun“, we offer you a short series of the achievements of The Brexit Party aka the Tories in recent times. The Sun presents FAKE news so that you don’t have to hunt for your own. However our own brand of The SUN is filled with some actual FACTS !!

Find The Eyline Times at https://brexitrage.com/gutterpress

FACT not FAKE

Carrie Johnson IS expected to deliver the 11th Johnson baby around Christmas. This will present the ideal distraction from empty plates and missing Christmas trees.

ONS reported that wages have dropped consistently under 10 years of Tory rule. Even Andrew Marr was unable to stomach Johnson’s attempts to distract him from the hard facts. Here’s one part of the car crash interview. It’s hardly possible to call it a car crash these days due to petrol shortages!

2000 soldiers are expected to deliver petrol starting from Monday. We are short of 100 000 lorry drivers, thanks principally to Brexit with further food shortages expected across the mid-term according to the Chancellor Rishi Sunak.

Germans ARE being recruited to help drive lorries as are prison inmates. There’s no need to have experience, as we are desperate thanks to Brexit. Why not go the whole hog and recruit German Prisoners of War? Hence our banner picture !!

We have always had pints, miles, pounds and other imperial measures throughout our time in the EU. The idea that Pints are to be reintroduced by The Sun is FAKE NEWS.

Johnson also reported that wage growth is more important than life expectancy and cancer deaths recently. Still happy?

Brexit Choices for a Better Britain

As negotiations reach another hiatus, it’s a good idea to remind people that Brexit is not inevitable now that less than 37% of people still think that Brexit is a good idea. Here are the Brexit Choices for a Better Britain open to us at the moment.

Brexit Choices for a Better Britain
By the way “probability” is perhaps better expressed as “betting odds” – the numbers do not add up to 100% of course

In case people don’t understand why the EU cannot just give the UK what they want, consider the EU as a golf club with 28 members. One does not want to pay the subscriptions but still wants to use the club for gala dinners, special events and demands a free set of golf clubs every year without paying. The head of the golf club must decline. If he says yes, he will face a backlash from the other 27 paying members who will also want a rebate or more services for less money. The primary job of an enterprise is to protect its members and, regardless of our belligerence in the talks, The EU must set this aside and protect the greater good of the union.

We also have an unlikely ally on our side in the form of Theresa May at the moment, who has rebelled on several occasions taking others with her:

“I might have thought the government would have abandoned algorithms by now.”

We also heard how the Tory party abandoned Conservatism last week.

In case of doubt as to how these evaluations were arrived at, please read the associated articles:

SUSPEND BREXIT

THE REJOIN UNICORN

Brexit Choices for a Broken Britain

Take Action:

Report MP’s for breaking international law

Write to your MP and ask them to make Better Brexit Choices for a Better Britain, by opposing reckless behaviour by the Cabinet

Join us at Futurama – an arts festival to change the world

Please subscribe to our platform by clicking the e-mail button and selecting the categories you wish to include on the right hand side of this page.

Brexit Choices for a Better Britain
Rejoin EU

Routes to Rejoin EU 2021-2031

Here are our first cut stories from our Scenarios to Rejoin exercise.  We are still working on these and you can join in every Monday at 8 pm via ZOOM. So far we have four thematic stories which may end up mixing and intermingling but at present are separate:

Bluff, Bluster and Bust – predominantly macro-economic

Breadline Britain – predominantly socio-economic

The Empire Strikes Back – predominantly political 

The Eye of the Irish Tiger – predominantly global but focused on the post Brexit world outside Albion, so not exclusively Ireland, more a competitive scenario as to how the world responds to Brexit especially near neighbours

I’ve yet to capture some of the other scenarios – environmental and long range legal stuff.  But we have made huge progress down to your efforts.  Please get in touch to add your fingerprints to the work.

Please be kind. These are by no means finished and need your input.

Bluff, Bluster and Bust 

London made a bid for independence in 2030 as news that the UK economy slipped from No 4 in 2015 to No 11. This had been preceded in 2029 after the UK Brexit economy finally tanked.  The Sun reported the headline “England sick as a Brexit dog”.   

The rot had started much much earlier, when Rishi Sunak removed the triple pension lock in 2022. This produced a generation of pensioners that were effectively living on the breadline, unable to support children and grandchildren, selling off their homes to pay for retirement and care homes.  This was compounded by stagflation due to Brexit, as wages levelled off and National Insurance increased.  Working people struggled to get well-paid jobs.  Brexit economists struggled to find diversions to point the finger for Britain’s problems elsewhere but the underlying logic of high structural costs and declining economic activity defined our early years of so-called freedom.  Things became so bad in 2024 that some people in UK insist on being paid in Euros.  The Lugano Convention had still not been signed by 2026 but Britain continued to rely upon services to drive it’s economy, yet Lugano prevented UK from thriving in a post Brexit world.  Save for an uptake in food production which happened as a necessity after The Hunger Games in 2022, Britain was broken.

The new EU tax avoidance scheme came into force on January 1st 2022.  Brexit supporters started to become angry that it meant that Amazon et al had to pay tax in the countries they operated in within EU countries, whilst Britain became a haven for companies who wished to avoid tax.  This meant that people were exploited to even greater levels than before and thus the dream of Brexit became even more distant.

Contributory factors to the decline of Britain as a world economic power began quickly after Brexit with Scottish independence in 2023, Irish unification in 2025 and a decision by Wales to seek independence in 2027.  Their economies disappeared too, although Boris Johnson tried to hold back Scottish independence by moving UK public service agencies out of Scotland.  Once the contagion began, it was unstoppable with London seeking to make itself a Crown Dependency and Cornwall and The North-East asking for Regional Parliaments.

In other disruptive and unexpected events, cybercurrency became regulated as the Bitcoin economy collapsed in 2025.  Jacob Rees-Mogg lost everything in 2024 in the Sterling Crisis, after overplaying the markets with his financial trading company. The Daily Express headline said “How the mighty have fallen”, whereas The Sun ran with “Mogged off’.  The Brexit illusion of Singapore on Thames came back to bite people where it hurt most. Never more had bluff, bluster and bust made more sense to the blowhards of Brexit.

AC Grayling
Join us on Wed 8th September to discuss Rejoining the EU with Professor AC Grayling – Click picture for your ticket

Breadline Britain

By 2031, the impact of The Brexit Hunger Games had been felt through civil unrest, the formation of The People’s Progress Party (PPP), formed from the fragments of Labour, Lib Dems, a merger with The Green Party and Memoranda of Friendship with the independent Governments of Scotland, Ireland, Wales and The European Union. Although the party could not stop the damage done by Brexit, Brexit carnage had eventually unified the people against the remnants of the Conservative Party.  This took place after an attempted takeover by Jacob Rees Mogg and following the worst riots ever seen on the streets of Britain in 2022, after the impact of Brexit on food supplies, prices and availabilities of goods and services previously taken for granted.  One of the earliest acts of the PPP was to prosecute various culture carriers of Brexit.  In 2026 a group of these people were jailed for various offences, including Boris Johnson and Priti Patel.

The PPP was formed in 2023 in a complete volte face of traditional politics.  People were selected for office, based on rigorous selection methods and then elected by people’s assemblies.  Whilst the party had some politicians drawn from the best of the crop, it was formed from people from business, the arts, community leaders and so on.  This was informed by the insight that some celebrities and sportspeople were more skilled and popular than Westminster politicians.  This was however no populist uprising.  The PPP insisted on informed democracy, fought the election in 2024 on some old-fashioned ideas about trust, reforming politics and healing the country.  They won a majority of votes but lost the election to the Conservatives due to the existing FPTP system  This was based on some very good campaigning, based on an Enough is Enough message and a promise to make a Better Britain in a Better Europe through Better Politics.  This included plans for electoral reform.  It had become clear that the European Union felt they were better off without Britain at the table and, although they had left the door open to rejoining the EU, it would come with some important pre-conditions.  The most important one was for a complete removal of the Brexit ultras from power, to avoid a “Hokey Cokey Brexit” i.e. in/ou/shake it all about approach to EU membership.  Other items such as Schengen and Euro membership were negotiable depending on whether they felt that our standards of democracy were acceptable and the degree to which English exceptionalism had been removed from the political culture.

Breadline Britain tipped over in September 2021, when children were seen crying in the aisles of Dudley Tesco, as their parents fought over the last packets of frozen chicken nuggets.  An angry woman was heard to say “I voted to get my country back, but not for a chicken shortage.  I was duped”.  Once Brexit food import restrictions kicked in on October 1st 2021, the situation rapidly deteriorated.  Shortages were not limited, sporadic and selected.  They were continuous, deep and they touched everyone in strangely different ways.  Still one or two leave voters celebrated the Blitz spirit.  Laura from Basildon won a prize on “Come Dine Without Me” and went to No 10 Downing Street.  She was reported as saying “I’m actually not that hungry”, when having an austerity Christmas lunch with Boris Johnson.

Government plans to mitigate foreign lorry driver shortages due to Brexit backfired badly into 2022.  The 2000 army HGV drivers diverted to deal with the 100 000 foreign lorry driver shortage were quickly rediverted to deal with the Autumn of Discontent, which emerged because of the food shortages and rationing of specific items.  Attempts by food retailers to up HGV driver wages to £55 000 were of course welcomed by lorry drivers.  However, it quickly became apparent that this would “drive traffic” around the supply chain of drivers, as some ambulance drivers, HGV drivers in other sectors etc. decided that they fancied a better wage.  It simply created deficits in other areas.  The initial reaction of the public to the “Keep on Trucking for Britain” campaign was positive but turned sour quickly, as people realised impacts on prices and NHS services.

A tipping point in the Brexit debate was the so-called “Pigs in Blankets” famine of December 2021 where frantic parents fought for Turkeys and the trimmings in supermarkets after the supply chain broke down.  Preceded by a number of marches for and wildcat disturbances at food depots in Britain, Bernard Matthews was asked to join a Government taskforce with Ian Botham and Roger Daltrey on the future of turkeys for Christmas.  Botham promptly attempted to blame farmers for the problem and was squewered by Matthews who was heard to say “Bootiful”.  Meanwhile M&S Chair and former Conservative Party MP Archie Norman pointed out “This is totally down to Brexit.  Nothing to do with COVID and the product of a party I was once proud of, but which has now put Brexit ideology above pragmatism”.

But Britain was not beaten.  Boris Johnson, buoyed up by the birth of his second son, Aristotle, whipped up enthusiasm for British Bulldog Spirit and initiated a new scheme called Grow for Britain, where house owners were given a £50 grant to convert their gardens to allotments, using Afghans as live-in labour as part of their cultural conversion.  Johnson appeared on Gardener’s World just before Christmas in a project with Monty Don to convert the Rose Garden into a cabbage patch just before Carrie delivered Aristotle to offset people’s thoughts about food shortages at Christmas.  In real life however, the British people found that micro farming was not popular, especially in the middle of winter.

Brits, freed from lockdown restrictions and loaded with cash sought to unload their excess financial baggage by holidaying in Europe and beyond in 2022 and 2023.  But they faced a new problem.  Sterling.  In 2022, Sterling had parity with the Euro and in 2023, with the dollar, due to Britain’s new standing in the world as a third country.  Although some continued with their holidays, Rishi Sunak introduced restrictions limiting the amount of money taken on holidays to curb the Sterling crisis.  The Daily Express was unable to blame the problem on Johnny Foreigner and used the headline “Pounded by Brexit”.  Queues at passport control when the EU channel was absolutely empty made holiday makers irate, aside from the hassle and £6 charge to go into Europe.  But most staycation holidays in Britain were out of reach financially for many people, as prices were hiked due to supply and demand considerations.

Can’t get no

Shortages continued at a deep level for two more years until 2024, but they never actually went away completely.  Some items simply disappeared from shelves.  Many were unexpected, such as bleach, diagnostic tests, tonic water and some medicines for rare conditions.  As with all crises, human ingenuity finds a way.  If an out-of-stock item was discovered in a particular town on a given morning, all the stock would be gone by 9 am and then sold on the black market.  “Only Fools and Horses” became the reality in trading scarce goods and every village had a character known as Del Boy.  Clandestine banana trading was used as a kind of proxy to preserve community spirit as Del liked to say “’Ave a Banana” to keep the neighbours sweet.  The Police noted a small rise in looting, not of money or property, but of vegetables from gardens.  All the while Boris Johnson refused to accept humanitarian aid from the EU during the UK “hungry gap”.  This is the few weeks, usually in April, May and early June, after the winter crops have ended but before the new season’s plantings are ready to harvest.  Boris Johnson continued his campaign of deflection into 2023 after he swapped Carrie up for a debutante who was working as a media relations executive at The Daily Express.  This followed Carrie’s failure to host a third child for the Johnson dynasty.

Little things seem to irritate more than the big-ticket items.  Whilst people were prepared to forget the £37 billion wasted on fictional PPE and the 150 000 unnecessary COVID deaths, they found it extremely annoying that the EU’s new satellite system Galileo made GPS navigation much more accurate with implications for driverless cars and HGV’s into 2027.  Insurance companies started to insist on the use of Galileo as the gold standard for driverless vehicles and people were able to access Galileo on a paid for basis.

Although Boris Johnson attempted to deflect the fact that Britain has systematically degraded its levels of food security over decades, people were more persuaded by the continuing food shortages in 2022 and the so called “Andrex Wars”.  Strategies to pay lorry drivers extra by commercial companies are seen to backfire after it becomes obvious that these were taking staff away from NHS ambulance drivers and critical services.  In any case smart young people who saw the future did not want to take up careers as lorry drivers as they saw the advent of driverless trucks in 2028.  Some hauliers upgraded to LHV rather than training new HGV drivers.  The trucks were more efficient, lower GHG emissions per tonne transported.

After a complete meltdown of the Conservative party in 2027 and the removal of the Brexit ultras from power with some being imprisoned, the PPP finally got elected in 2028 and began the business of Rejoining the EU.  This was preceded by riots by pensioners after free prescriptions were removed in 2026 on the road to privatisation of the NHS.

Rejoin EU
Join us on Wed 8th September to discuss Rejoining the EU with Professor AC Grayling – Click picture for your ticket

2016 revisited

I came across a Linkedin post that wrote just before the referendum in May 2016 entitled “Should I Stay or Should I Go“. It attracted a lot of commentary including a 2916 word essay from one chap who outlined all the benefits of Brexit. I was reminded of the article and struck by just how inaccurate his predictions were. I reminded the chap of this, an HR professional, now retired. He replied that it was a casual comment and not an essay. He then became angry as I called him to account and phoned me up to tell me to ‘lighten up”. Why would I when he has ruined future generations’ futures? Later on he removed his comment and left Linkedin to cover his tracks. I confess that this was not my finest act of Brexorcism, but nonetheless, I’m sure his essay will have appeared to have weight. I’ve summarised it here as an interesting record of Brexit illusions. The trouble is, he still believes them!! Here is a summary of the main illusions that Paul has swallowed:

TRUE : We are not leaving NATO et al

FALSE : Security implications of Brexit remain unclear

FALSE : Border and travel issues are a major source of Brexit problems

FALSE : The UK economy will benefit by Billions – in fact the reverse is true

FALSE : Farming is a shitshow under Brexit and has hardly begun. Fishing the same

FALSE : Human rights are significantly reduced under Brexit

FALSE : European workers have not continued to flock here under Brexit. We are yet to see the full impacts in transport, NHS, care, hospitality, construction and so on

FALSE : Jobs and production will not move out of UK. We have seen a steady stream of jobs leaving the UK under Brexit and again this is just the beginning

TRUE : We never lost our sovereignty. The withdrawal act stated it on the first page of the document

TRUE : You cannot eat sovereignty