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Category: Economics

Windpower

Today, Boris Johnson will promise to power the UK with wind by 2030. In particular he promises £160 million in ports and factories across the country to manufacture the next generation of turbines. Malcolm Miller helpfully points out that this is about “half a footballer”.

It’s an ideal time for Boris to harness the winds of change. While he hasn’t quite blown it with the electorate, some of his back benchers have really got the wind up recently: at his inability to provide leadership, to offer a strategy or fulfil the simplest 3-word pledge. Now, perhaps it’s time to “Make Britain Whirl-beating”.

Since he was a cub reporter in Brussels, Johnson has always been a fan of hot air: from the supposed ban on prawn-flavoured crisps, to a fabrication on euro-coffins, he’s always known the power of a good wind-up. As a man capable of fabricating ‘an inverted pyramid of piffle’ on a whim, we’ve seen his promises on a checkless border for Northern Ireland, an oven-ready Brexit deal and 40 new hospitals for the NHS. Ireland is an unsolvable conundrum, the oven-ready deal’s in the bin, and 40 has shrunk to 6. So, how many times can a man talk up an empty pledge, before he can die in a ditch? Perhaps the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Whilst a blow-by-blow account of Boris’s lies has inflated more blogs than your average gas-bag, let’s look at few choice outbursts:

Let’s spend £350 million per week on the NHS.

Let’s take back control of our fish.

There will be no checks on goods coming and going to Northern Ireland.

We’ll build 40 new hospitals. Six were built.

If I don’t get Brexit done by Halloween, I will die in a ditch.

“How many times can a man talk up an empty pledge, before he can die in a ditch? Perhaps the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind” – Jane Berry

“Wind power couldn’t take the skin off a rice pudding” – Boris Johnson

We’ll get 50 000 more nurses in the NHS.

Pop Brexit in the microwave, gas mark 4.

I’ve had to give drinking up until Brexit is done.

When we leave the EU we can ban shark fin soup.

“Operation Moonshot” (millions of Corona tests with results within minutes) will see mass Corona testing by November. He did not say how many minutes or which year.

When we leave the EU we can have straight bananas.

We’ll get 20 000 more police officers on the street. They sacked 20 000 police offers in 2010.

EU regulations stop us lowering lorry windows to help cyclists.

“I didn’t make any remarks about Turkey” in the referendum”, after indicating that Turkey (population 76 million) is joining the EU.

With thanks to Catherine Reynolds

I will lie (sic) down in front of the bulldozers at Heathrow to stop them building the runway. Instead he was AWOL at the vote.

There may be bumps in the road with no deal.

 “I have not had an affair with Petronella. It is complete balderdash”.

Of the tests conducted at the 199 testing centres, as well as the mobile centres, they’re all done within 24 hours.

We will have a world-beating “test and trace” system by 1 June. Johnson did not say which year …

If you have lived overseas for 15 years Britons, unlike other foreign nationals, get no vote. Boris promised to abolish this law / rule when he came to power.

[20 000 people died unnecessarily in care homes] because too many care homes didn’t really follow the procedures in the way that they could have.

We will beat the virus by Christmas. He did not say which year …

We’ll help everyone cycle via the fix my bike scheme. The website broke on launch and then they said the scheme had closed.

And some surprises we did not expect:

A hard border in Kent and a “passport” scheme for people driving to Europe.

“Black people are piccaninnies with watermelon smiles”.

On Muslim face veils, Johnson said it is “absolutely ridiculous that people should choose to go around looking like letterboxes”.

Johnson backed a failed plan for a “floating paradise” across the River Thames wasting £43 million of your taxes. A mere trifle in comparison with the £200 billion blown on Brexit so far.

Boris has always favoured breezing through life with no responsibility. But with 15,000 test results lost, 70 mile lorry queues predicted for Kent, and power cuts predicted for next year, perhaps the time is coming when he might reap the whirlwind after all.

Don’t just sit there:

Gift Britastrophe to MPs to prick their consciences on the toxic mixture of Corona + Brexit

Report MP’s for breaking international law

Ask your MP to act to suspend Brexit 

Find out why Suspending Brexit is still possible

Find out why Rejoining is a unicorn in the mid-long term

Join us at Futurama – an arts festival to change the world

With thanks to Chris Barnett, LCD views, Malcolm Miller, Jane Berry, Janet Ashton, Helga Perry, Catherine Reynolds, Elaine Machin.

Daily Maul

Daily Maul Mangles Brexit
Re-Boot Britain

Take Action:

Report MP’s for breaking international law

Join us at Futurama – an arts festival to change the world

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Anti-Conservative Tory Government
Click the image to support our work
Whatever it takes, you fookin’ liar Rishi
Eat out to kill people – Johnson
He is now drinking his urine
Alright Geezer
Der Clown

Boris Johnson ist ein clown

This latest piece of music portrays Boris Johnson as others see him. Set in the mode of a Kraftwerk song “Boris Johnson ist ein clown” tells the terrible story of Johnson’s record on COVID, Brexit and his personal life. Download the album on Bandcamp to help us continue our work. Please don’t just steal the music, it takes a long time to produce. The video is free and needs sharing widely with this post. Here is just a small segment of Johnson’s record to ponder:

150 000 unnecessary COVID deaths due to Johnson’s “too little too late policy”.

£37 BILLION spaffed away to his mates for non-existent or non-functional PPE. Some of the companies hired to make PPE had no experience in the field.

Breaking lockdowns with lavish parties whilst others saw loved ones die alone in care homes and hospitals.

Multiple lies about non-existent Brexit benefits.

Killing 27 migrants at sea with a policy that has been judged by HMG as “dangerous”.

Still waiting for the £350 million every week for the NHS.

Left his wife for another women whilst she had cancer.

Lied to the Queen.

Watch the video, share and download the songs to support our work

Worst record on COVID in Europe.

Failed to sack Cummings and Hancock whilst he allowed junior ministers to resign for less serious offences.

“Frictionless” trade killing businesses despite promises that Brexit would be “oven ready”.

£840 per roll for wallpaper for the flat at 10 Downing Street on the whim of Carrie.

“Bonfire” on red tape has produced intolerable levels of … Brexit red tape – who knew?

Changed the rules on sleaze to protect Owen Patterson.

Illegally shut down Parliament because he could not get his way.

Failing to wear masks at hospital visits.

Stripped people of their human rights and threats to reintroduce English concentration camps for migrants. In case of doubt, it was England that introduced the idea of concentration camps during the Boer War.

Promised 50 000 more nurses for the NHS, but failed to deliver.

Blames the EU for our self-imposed Brexit when it is his decision alone.

Lied about the Northern Ireland protocol. Continues to threaten peace in Northern Ireland by breaking international law.

Counts hospital refurbishments as “new hospitals”. Counts a pair of gloves as two items of PPE.

Bungled projects : The Garden Bridge. The Scotland-Ireland Bridge. The Isle of Man Bridge. Boris Island. The Festival of Brexit.

Stopping food aid to most vulnerable children in a pandemic.

Allowing water companies to dump shit in our rivers.

Far from Boris Johnson ist ein clown, Boris Johnson is a very dangerous clown. Check more of his lies out at Boris Johnson Lies.

Please click the boot to support our work

With thanks to Colin Taylor, Irina Fridman, Susanna Leissle, Richard Hewison and Ambasuthan J. for their help with this.

Railway Modeller

Levelling down

Here’s our latest piece of satire, based on the familiar railway magazine beloved of Boris Johnson when he is not painting Brexit buses:

Find all our work at Gutterpress – click the image

Read The Financial Times to follow the story of Johnson’s U Turn on the Northern Powerhouse. Some trainspotting notes:

The Diesel in Thomas the Tank Engine was known to be the most belligerent, paranoid, devious and neurotic engine on the SODOR railway. Fitting then that Priti Patel should take the footplate with her £77 000 lashes.

Jennifer Arcuri reported that Boris Johnson offered to be the throttle to power her business. Was this an Alan Partridge metaphor?

Meanwhile, there will be no return to steam or diesel power on Britain’s rail network, as there won’t be a northern rail network. Another Johnson promise broken. If we really needed HS2, it was the part connecting the northern cities rather than the piece we have darn sarf, taking maybe 20 minutes off the journey time to London.

If you like this post please give us a tip on Patreon or Paypal. It takes considerable time to generate these pieces.

Priti Vin Diesel – sorry about Ringo

Steve Baker

Guest post by Pedr Ap Robat

My dense but impressionable MP tweets this photo, commenting grandiloquently:

“THIS IS WHAT WE BELIEVE.”

I note that:

  • The Bible didn’t make it into the self-styled Christian libertarian’s shortlist;
  • Both Hayek and Popper warned against the dangers of fanaticism. If I were Steve – though a wise and benevolent Deity has deemed that I’m not – I’d read some Orwell too. And I’d remember that throughout history the best people haven’t believed: they’ve questioned.

Editor’s note: These are the underlying beliefs and driving forces that drove Brexit. Notions of taking back control and saving the NHS are cannon fodder designed to distract you. It is time to stand up and be counted. Enough is enough!!

Behind the mask : fascism unveiled
MEN

Madchester

In our final satirical piece in the series, we take to the Manchester Evening News for some sizzled up news, based on facts, but not limited by them. Our fact checker is out in force below the front page. Read on.

Find all our satirical pieces by clicking on the image

Fact and Fiction Checker

Jacob Rees-Mogg was not searching for drugs but his shameful interview with Charlie Hutchins must be seen. The “Charlie” mentioned in the paper is not Charlie Hutchins, but Charlie Chalk, much beloved by Michael Gove.

As far as we know, Priti Patel has not had work done at The Smile Centre. Perhaps she should. It may just make her more believable when she is viciously threatening the poor and people without homes. Priti Patel’s policies on the right to protest, so-called policing reforms, drowning immigrants and marginalising poor people are steady steps on our sleepwalk towards Brexit fascism.

Bully Back Better

If you like what you see here, give us a tip via Paypal or Patreon. This work takes time and skill – please support it.

Priti Woman – warning adult themes

Rishi Sunak did point out that we’ll have to pay for Brexit in various ways. Watch out for tax rises, NI, triple lock pension removal and a suite of other ways to refill the coffers to pay for the next election.

Tory Party Conference Special

The Party Conference to end all Parties

In this special edition of “The Sun“, we offer you a short series of the achievements of The Brexit Party aka the Tories in recent times. The Sun presents FAKE news so that you don’t have to hunt for your own. However our own brand of The SUN is filled with some actual FACTS !!

Find The Eyline Times at https://brexitrage.com/gutterpress

FACT not FAKE

Carrie Johnson IS expected to deliver the 11th Johnson baby around Christmas. This will present the ideal distraction from empty plates and missing Christmas trees.

ONS reported that wages have dropped consistently under 10 years of Tory rule. Even Andrew Marr was unable to stomach Johnson’s attempts to distract him from the hard facts. Here’s one part of the car crash interview. It’s hardly possible to call it a car crash these days due to petrol shortages!

2000 soldiers are expected to deliver petrol starting from Monday. We are short of 100 000 lorry drivers, thanks principally to Brexit with further food shortages expected across the mid-term according to the Chancellor Rishi Sunak.

Germans ARE being recruited to help drive lorries as are prison inmates. There’s no need to have experience, as we are desperate thanks to Brexit. Why not go the whole hog and recruit German Prisoners of War? Hence our banner picture !!

We have always had pints, miles, pounds and other imperial measures throughout our time in the EU. The idea that Pints are to be reintroduced by The Sun is FAKE NEWS.

Johnson also reported that wage growth is more important than life expectancy and cancer deaths recently. Still happy?

2016 revisited

I came across a Linkedin post that wrote just before the referendum in May 2016 entitled “Should I Stay or Should I Go“. It attracted a lot of commentary including a 2916 word essay from one chap who outlined all the benefits of Brexit. I was reminded of the article and struck by just how inaccurate his predictions were. I reminded the chap of this, an HR professional, now retired. He replied that it was a casual comment and not an essay. He then became angry as I called him to account and phoned me up to tell me to ‘lighten up”. Why would I when he has ruined future generations’ futures? Later on he removed his comment and left Linkedin to cover his tracks. I confess that this was not my finest act of Brexorcism, but nonetheless, I’m sure his essay will have appeared to have weight. I’ve summarised it here as an interesting record of Brexit illusions. The trouble is, he still believes them!! Here is a summary of the main illusions that Paul has swallowed:

TRUE : We are not leaving NATO et al

FALSE : Security implications of Brexit remain unclear

FALSE : Border and travel issues are a major source of Brexit problems

FALSE : The UK economy will benefit by Billions – in fact the reverse is true

FALSE : Farming is a shitshow under Brexit and has hardly begun. Fishing the same

FALSE : Human rights are significantly reduced under Brexit

FALSE : European workers have not continued to flock here under Brexit. We are yet to see the full impacts in transport, NHS, care, hospitality, construction and so on

FALSE : Jobs and production will not move out of UK. We have seen a steady stream of jobs leaving the UK under Brexit and again this is just the beginning

TRUE : We never lost our sovereignty. The withdrawal act stated it on the first page of the document

TRUE : You cannot eat sovereignty

The Euros

The Euros 2021

Brexit : they think it’s all over. But it’s far from done. As the COVID umbrella lifts, Brexit is beginning to show its ugly heads. And, in the vernacular of Priti Patel, it’s all kickin’ off on Saturday 12th June with the worldwide premiere of Rage Against The Brexit Machine’s new song Alo’ Vera – Football’s Comin’ ‘Ome Euro Mix.

Saturday marks the start of the Euros and an exclusive live performance of the song at Chesham to celebrate Rejoin EU’s campaign in Chesham and Amersham. As with the Eurovision song contest, it rather seems that Global Britain’s attitude to aid and trade will leave us with “nil points” when it comes to re-booting Britain.Having asked for extra time for the transition period to mask Brexit carnage, Johnson is now losing trillions of pounds on “penalties” and he no longer knows where the goal is. But has Britain got the legs? Or will it crash out of the Euros, and of being a serious player on the world economic pitch?

Find all buying options at https://orcd.co/7x80v1j

Rage Against The Brexit Machine (RATBM) aims for the Premiere League, lining up for a Number One on Friday June 18th. Alo’ Vera latest release in our Pop versus Populism series, a rousing football-inspired pop pathos marching tune. A match for any match, it’s a tale of what’s finally comin’ ‘ome, and it ain’t Priti Patel’s fruit pickin’ teams, the European Corona care nurses or the easiest deal in history.

“Brexit was a game of two halves … but now the players are off the pitch, we wonder whether we should be supporting another team?”

Peter Cook, Brexorcist in Chief, RATBM.

The Euros

Alo’ Vera – Football’s Comin’ ‘Ome is the follow up to “The Brexit Party” album” – the party album to end all parties. This includes other Brexit classics, which we will be performing from 11.00 am in Chesham, an unlikely location for a worldwide song release!

• A Chas & Dave Cockney Brexit Knees-Up “Bollocks to Brexit”.

• The punk-metal-trance-funk grind “Nigel Farage’s Garage”.

• The unforgettable Bojo French sex anthem “Take Back Control”, a fusion of “Je T’Aime” and AC/DC.

• A poignant dance floor track called “In Limbo”. An epic project with 20 voices from all over Europe.

• An 18th Century Tory Trance Floor Acid House Groove “Jacob Rees-Moog”.

“Music reaches our heads, hearts and souls in ways that politicians only dream of. The art of protest just found its 21st century voice. Corona Crisis + Brexit Disaster = Britastrophe”.

For an exclusive interview on Rejoining the EU, contact me and we will arrange with the Rejoin party leader / candidate.

Rejoin EU

Reasons to Rejoin

Please join us in Chesham/Amersham this weekend to support The Rejoin EU Party from 10 am each day and tbc Batley and Spen. The economic reasons to rejoin the EU are now so widely published, given the disasters that have unfolded for so many industries since Brexit day (the fishing industry, the farming industry, the finance industry, the entertainment industry, the list goes on!) that I do feel that for many of us on the Rejoin EU side of the argument it’s become low hanging fruit.

But let’s remind ourselves there are so many more reasons to be part of the European Union than the economic ones.

The EU has been the biggest and most successful peace project in history, taking a continent that has an almost non-stop history of war for two-and-a-half millenia and forging an unprecedented peace. Some will argue that this is a product of a higher level of civilisation we have now reached, and it would be simply unthinkable to go back to our warlike roots. But when you consider the speed with which Britain despatched its warships to a protest by small fishing boats recently, you have to wonder.

People of my generation (mid 50s) were also able to take advantage of educational, cultural and lifestyle choices within the EU unrivalled by any other generation in history. The Erasmus scheme (which the current government spitefully chose to jettison, even though we could have continued whilst being outside the EU) opened the door for hundreds of thousands of UK young people to travel the continent. Many of whom chose to go on and base their lives within the city of their choice only to have it cruelly ripped away from them with Brexit.

As for the UK itself, it now finds itself in an existential crisis with the future of Scotland and Northern  Ireland more uncertain than at any point in recent history.

And then there’s the science projects, the global environmental activism, the protection of food standards, the safeguards on dignity of lifestyle for those of us in the LGBTIQA+ community. All gone in a heartbeat, with total power over all our lives now in the hands of a hard right government with no obvious moral values (and I certainly don’t need to remind anyone where that can lead to).

So, to a question I often find myself turning to these days : “where is the opposition to this”?

When I was persuaded that establishing the Rejoin EU party as a registered political party as well as a pressure group was appropriate, I thought we’d spend more time supporting other opposition parties and their candidates then standing ourselves. We are pledged to provide a rejoin EU voice in any by election where one doesn’t otherwise exist.

In Scotland, that means very little work on our part. With the Scottish Greens and the SNP unashamedly arguing for our return to the top table, all our party has to do is be as supportive as possible.

Sadly, we don’t have the same options in English by elections. The Labour Party are calling on us to “embrace Brexit”, the Liberal Democrats have a leader who’s stated they are “not a rejoin party” and shows no sign of retracting this statement, whilst the Lib Dem conference supports only a “long term aim” of rejoining the EU (i.e. WON’T be giving voters that choice in the next general election) and the Green Party limit their discussions to rejoining the customs union.

Whilst many firm pro-EU advocates within these parties are trying hard to get stronger commitments, the collective narrative that “Brexit is done” becomes harder and harder to shift. Which is why we are lucky to have two amazing candidates in Brendan Donnelly for Chesham & Amersham and Andrew Smith for Batley & Spen in the upcoming by elections.

And even if, as Private Eye have phrased it so eloquently in the past, we end up as the only folks “sitting on the fruit cake stall” whilst the political mainstream ignore the issue so be it. I regularly ask myself, am I just crazy being the only one who can’t see the benefits of Brexit? Perhaps it’s part of the arrogance that comes with being a middle aged white dude, but in this instance, to quote Lily Allen, : “it’s not me, it’s you”.

Richard Hewison

Leader of Rejoin EU Party

www.TheRejoinEUParty.com

Join us at the weekend