From Adrian Ekins-Daukes.
One of the key Brexit texts is “Change, or Go: How Britain would gain influence and prosper outside an unreformed EU.” written in 2015. Highlights summarised below by Jennifer Rankin (Guardian):
Taken together, Gove’s speech and the Change or Go report make it clear that Brexiteers believed:
Incredibly, Leave Voters still seem to believe much of this nonsense in the face of all the evidence and the passage of time. In particular they cling to the to the idea that Merkel will come to the rescue of the negotiations at the last moment and that the obstructive Barnier will be sacked (editor’s note, we have seen the Cummings and goings of many UK trade negotiators and whipping boys whereas Barnier has remained in place all through this process). Our Government believe that all that we have to do is to continue to allow David Frost, our negotiator, to continue repeating idiotically “we are now an independent country”, and the EU will finally concede.
Michael Gove’s lies and various other lies are captured in this piece of music which is prophetic in terms of our sleepwalk into a banana republic and a fascist state.
The “B*llocks to Brexit” Mini Cooper known as “Johnson” is making an unprecedented historic trip to Durham under strict COVID-safe conditions, so that the driver can get his eyesight checked by taking an excursion to Barnard Castle for his wife’s birthday and stopping at a few beauty spots. The trip, inspired by Dominic Cummings, has been arranged by EU Flag Mafia in conjunction with Rage Against The Brexit Machine, to highlight the problems of adding Corona crisis to Brexit disaster, creating a “Britastrophe”.
11% loss in GDP from Corona, when added to 9% predicted loss from Brexit will make an exponential impact on jobs, lives and livelihoods of people in Britain. Johnson the Mini will make the journey in order to wake people up to the oncoming economic and social tsunami. We only needed 3.5% GDP loss to create the 2008 crash. Corona is a natural born crisis and we must endure it. However, we don’t need to add the man-made Brexit disaster to the mix.
“Johnson’s driver” Peter Cook is taking a four-year-old baby “Bobo” on this historic journey. Bobo has promised not to urinate for the entire trip, although the Mini will be making stops in Rugby, Manchester, North Yorkshire and Newcastle, also taking in Southampton, Dorset, Wiltshire and Kent in the coming weeks. For Baby Bobo, it is a UST (Urination Stamina Test).
“Rules are rules and we must stick to them for everyone’s safety, even if Johnson, Cummings, Farage, Jenrick, Half Cock Handcock and Papa Bojo choose not to”
The last time “Johnson” made an appearance on Britain’s roads, we were stopped by an Essex Traffic Policeman Smith, in a rage on the M25 motorway. PC Smith asked us to remove the signage on the car on the hard shoulder of the M25, putting the police officer and the passengers at risk of death. We are hoping to return to Essex to meet PC Smith for a cuppa. Smith has not been located by Essex Police some 8 months after we provided his full details to the force …
EU Flag Mafia are hoping that “Dick and Dom” aka Boris and Dominic will hear our call that this is the worst time to take Brexit out of the microwave. If they checked their eyesight, they would now realise that there is a substantial gap in the will of the people, with nearly a ten-point gap of people now wishing to remain a member of the EU. All that is needed is courage and political will to change the oncoming “Britastrophe”.
“We must re-boot Britain in the wake of Corona. It’s time for our leaders to show true courage and take a bold move to build, build, build a Better Britain in a Better Europe for a Better World. To this end I have formed an unpolitical party to end all political parties. It’s time we had leaders that we could look up to and trust. Our movement is designed to help achieve that. I’m proud to work with EU Flag mafia to help put the great back in Britain.
Peter Cook
p.s. We have just received a request to take “Johnson” to Greece to check our eyesight, via Bulgaria. We are just checking the logistics of the trip, although all seems well, since Stanley Johnson recently made a similar pilgrimage to check on a holiday let.
For an exclusive interview on our “Unprecedented Ocular Pilgrimage” around the UK, please contact Peter Cook, Brexorcist in Chief on 07725 927585 peter@academy-of-rock.co.uk
I was gobsmacked to note that The Sun reported the possibility of water shortages under Brexit the other day. Yes, water shortages !! Also food and electricity. Well it’s all going well …
The more subtle story that The Sun did not report concerns the watering down of the water regulations (pun intended) under Brexit. This means that we will have dirtier rivers again, polluted beaches, etc. The EU are largely responsible for environmental improvements such as clean beaches and there are clear public health consequences for such policies.
Aside from clean water, another assumption that Vote Leave played under Brexit was that it would enable us to take back control of our border and therefore immigration. This is yet another piece of blind faith.
Once Brexit is done, our “border” will be on British soil / waters, whereas before it was on French soil. Since migrants have essentially no economic value to the French, it’s really quite likely that the French will not seek to stop them travelling to Britain, as it relieves France of the “problem”. Equally, we will not be able to send them back to Calais and will have to repatriate them to their country of origin, effectively sending them to their deaths in some cases. I am left wondering how happy the brave keyboard warriors will be to know that they have put children to death in order to “take back control” of their blue passports?
We must Flush Brexit down the pan … I was assembling my equipment for our Silent Brexit Protest in Kent last Friday evening … Musing upon the bizarre week of 1984 styled events, especially the spectacle of thousands of portaloos arriving in Kent to cope with 72 mile tailbacks of traffic on the main arteries (A2, A20, M20, M2, M25, M26, A299, A256, A28, A251, A249, A229, A228, A25, A26, A259, A227 etc.). Riffing on the idea of Flush Brexit, it came to me:
I considered scouring the town’s skips for a suitable toilet bowl, but time was short, so I decided to focus on more important matters …
On Saturday morning, whilst driving down to Lenham, w came upon a bidet bowl (forin’ innit) and cistern that had been fly-tipped on a drive of a country house just off the A249 trunk road. It was difficult to stop with lorries behind me, but I knew we were meant to Flush Brexit from my Friday night brain dump. I decided to make a detour of 7 miles by driving back up the A249 and returning to pull into the tiny hollow. We collected the bog by the side of the road. Mischief managed.
This put me in mind of the shit that is published by the Daily Mail, so here is today’s news dressed up as the Maul on Sunday:
In case you doubt where the actual stories come from, here are a few references:
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On this day when the Government says that we need to extend Brexit negotiations and that Brexit is all Cummings’ fault anyway. It also emerges that a US trade deal is years away. Here, we offer a news roundup via the medium of the satirical “Kent Massager”, as Brexshit hits the fan.
In case of doubt …
FACT : The Daily Express DID report on FURY re our Kent Toilet of Britain project. In fact it was not mass fury. FICTION : The Express managed to find just ONE person, in Yorkshire, who objected to the signs in Kent.
FACT : Trials at the border show that if it takes 70 seconds to check a lorry, a five mile queue ensues. We can expect significant and continuing gridlock in Kent and maybe even into Sussex, Surrey and London if Brexit happens.
FACT : The Archbishop of Canterbury has rebuked the Government over breaking Manifesto promises on overseas aid.
FACT : There has been a prediction of an increase in dogging in Kent after Brexit. We are not sure why it matters but there you go. I prefer Labradors to Terriers myself. How about you?
FICTION : Priti Patel has NOT unblocked a toilet. FACT : She has blocked the futures of EU Citizens living in UK and UK Citizens living in Europe. Our video Priti Woman has been banned for under 18’s after complaints by the Conservative party. We don’t know why. Here it is for your pleasure.
The favourite Brexiteer slogan was “Take Back Control”. No one promoted it more actively than Dominic Cummings, chief advisor to Boris Johnson. Now it is clear that he meant this control to be exercised by himself. Increasingly we see that he, not MPs, not ministers, not even the Prime Minister decides policy, or makes appointments and public statements. This Lord of No 10 has recruited a pack of advisors whom he has spread across Whitehall to ensure that his will is done. No laws or rules apply to him. The Prime Minister seems unwilling or unable to rein him in as he openly assumes the powers of a dictator, removing the checks and balances in his way.
Over the next weeks, we will examine Cummings’ record in detail and look into his intentions and motives.
I’m really sick of Brexit. I’m even more sick of Remainers! Well, not all of them of course. Just the ones that waste their and my time telling me we cannot stop Brexit or that we must have a Brexit deal, even if it is shit. My angst extends to some of the key culture carriers of Remain, such as Femi Oluwole, Mike Galsworthy, People’s Vote rebadged and the self-appointed Byline Times leaders, who are merely gold-plating the reasons why we lost three elections and behave like an outreach group of the Labour Party rather than an apolitical coalition devoted to saving the UK from itself.
However, we are all on the same train in one respect, but these people have satisficed themselves with a longer term unicorn of some vague renaissance of a United Kingdom in a reformed EU at some point between 2024 and 2029. This MAY happen, but the probability is low, especially if we get a Brexit deal, as Brexit will be settled for a generation, with no-one wishing to re-open the toxic issue.
There is a short-term imperative that these people are not addressing. That of Suspending Brexit altogether. I was gutted to listen to Femi “drinking the Johnson Kool Aid” last week, laying out options for future resistance but not listing the goal of suspending Brexit as one of them. Sadly, 500 Remainers listened to this and because we are largely a law abiding lot, most of them probably believed it. Here I set out the rationale as to why Suspending Brexit in the next 2-3 months remains a viable strategy.
We can foresee a veritable shitshow in the next few months, an Autumn of Discontent. Here’s just a few of the things coming over the hill in terms of psycho-socio-economic and political factors:
Will Johnson do another U-Turn on Brexit? It’s possible if we act upon moderate MPs and embolden the opposition to grow backbones. He is possibly one of the few people who could do this AND get away with it.
When Remainers tell me that we passed a law to get Brexit done, they seem to forget that our Government break the law on a daily basis. They have just withdrawn the withdrawal agreement, the very law that would “Get Brexit Done”. And just recall all the other laws they have broken of late:
Since our Government break the law and do U-Turns on a daily basis, they can also suspend Brexit or do a U-Turn on it. There are plenty of good “excuses”, with COVID at the top of the charts.
In simple terms, all that is needed is a phone call from Boris Johnson to Ursula Von Der Leyen. The EU have always left the door ajar for this. This opportunity will not prevail forever, but it is still possible at this time via whatever excuse Johnson can create and whatever mechanism the legal profession can manufacture.
Of course the phone call is not enough. But lawyers would make millions providing the “legal theatre” necessary to “christen” the decision by writing hundreds of documents to validate the decision and make it look difficult. More work for the legal profession.
Paradoxically the removal of a Brexit deal from the mix of negotiations would actually help create the chasm between No Deal + Corona i.e. a Britastrophe:
