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Private Eyelines

Humour as a weapon against fascism

Private Eyelines : Have I Got Fake Brexit News for EU is just released. Humour is one of the few weapons this Government cannot take away from us. It’s a historical and hysterical record of #Brexit and one that holds this #fascist government to account in ways that spreadsheets and graphs do not. The book helps us deconstruct the fake news of populist media from “The Son” to “The Daily Maul” “Excess” and “Telegravda”. Grab copies for yourself and your Brexity friends now on Amazon or order discount copies direct from the author by e-mailing us at reboot@academy-of-rock.co.uk Here is the book blurb below:

Satire reaches the parts that spreadsheets, graphs and logic do not. Brexit provides a rich dark seam of tragicomedy in a Kafkaesque world of gaslighting, shapeshifting and shameless lies. We live in desperately sad times. But simply drowning in the sadness of Brexit does not help us deal with paranoid populist politicians. Bittersweet levity cuts through people’s minds to their visceral core. Simply stated, satire heals.

Populist media brainwashed leave voters to believe in Brexit unicorns. I tried my hand at parodying these media to expose the lies on which the Brexit hydra reared its many ugly heads. I found that people rather liked my gutterpress pages. Some even believed that they were real!

To change minds on Brexit, it is not sufficient to break the parliamentary paralysis which continues to enable the slow-motion destruction of Britain. Nor is demographic change, aka death, a success recipe. We must actively work on the huddled masses. People almost literally eat lies for breakfast from a biased populist media, owned by people who seem just a little bit too friendly with Vladimir Putin. Private Eyelines opens up the conversation anew with Brexiteers with buyers’ remorse, or Remainers numbed into submission by six years of bullshit and bullying from our so-called political leaders.

Peter Cook is a unique combination of scientist, business consultant and musician. As a 60’s child, his mum made him watch Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, saying “it would be good for him”. It wasn’t! Instead, Peter built a solid career bringing life-saving treatments for diabetes and HIV / AIDS to the world, 18 years tutoring MBAs in academia, writing books and 28 years running a business. His early exposure to Cook and Moore suddenly came to the fore after 24 June 2016, as satire met real life through Brexit. His mis-spent youth and creativity have been rejuvenated through campaigning, writing, music, film making and speaking about our rightful place in Europe. It was good for him after all. Mum was right!


Available to order direct from Amazon – click to view. Discounted copies available direct from the author.

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Brexit Doesn't Pay

Brexit Doesn’t Pay

We want to explain a long term project to send a potent message to Brexit supporting MPs that Brexit Doesn’t Pay. We will do this by damaging the majorities held by Brexit supporting MPs in Parliament by systematically engaging their constituents in conversation about their record nationally and locally, through information leaflets and on social media. We plan to do this as ‘non party campaigners’ and will offer no guidance as to how people vote. We will just ask them not to vote Tory. By doing this we will leaven their majorities and allow other political parties to do their best.

Join us every Monday at 8 pm on ZOOM via https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81072241054 to discuss the project.

We have a database that identifies a number of MPs who have:

  • Slim majorities.
  • An association with the far right side of the Conservative party and, of course, Brexit.
  • Some “Trophy Tories” who we would like to send a message of shock and awe to, per Dominic Cummings’ strategy for Brexit.

Find the database at Google Drive. Add your name and mail your details to peter@academy-of-rock.co.uk to help lead the project in your local area.

COUNTYConstituencyMP first nameMP surname
SOUTH
HertfordshireHitchin and HarpendenBimAfolami
Welwyn HatfieldGrantShapps
StevenageStephenMcPartland
East SussexLewesMariaCaulfield
HampshireAldershotLeoDocherty
FarehamSuellaBraverman
New Forest WestDesmondSwayne
North East HampshireRanilJayawardena
North West HampshireKitMalthouse
Portsmouth NorthPennyMordaunt
Southampton, ItchenRoystonSmith
KentDartfordGarethJohnson
DoverNatalieElphicke
GraveshamAdamHolloway
Sittingbourne and SheppeyGordonHenderson
South ThanetCraigMackinlay
Gillingham and RainhamRehmanChishti
OxfordshireWitneyRobertCourts
SurreyCarshalton and WallingtonElliotColburn
Epsom and EwellChrisGrayling
ReigateCrispinBlunt
Esher and WaltonDominicRaab
Surrey HeathMichaelGove
BerkshireWokinghamJohnRedwood
BuckinghamshireWycombeSteveBaker
Isle of WightIsle Of WightBobSeely
West SussexCrawleyHenrySmith
East Worthing and ShorehamTimLoughton
HorshamJeremyQuin
BedfordshireMid BedfordshireNadineDorries
WEST
AvonNorth East SomersetJacobRees-Mogg
North SomersetLiamFox
Weston-Super-MareJohnPenrose
CornwallNorth CornwallScottMann
South East CornwallSheryllMurray
St Austell and NewquaySteveDouble
DevonNewton AbbotAnne MarieMorris
DorsetChristchurchChristopherChope
Mid Dorset and North PooleMichaelTomlinson
SomersetSomerton and FromeDavidWarburton
YeovilMarcusFysh
NORTH 
NorthumberlandBlyth ValleyIanLevy
Berwick-Upon-TweedAnne-MarieTrevelyan
HumbersideCleethorpesMartinVickers
Haltemprice and HowdenDavidDavis
North YorkshireThirsk and MaltonKevinHollinrake
West YorkshireMorley and OutwoodAndreaJenkyns
ShipleyPhilipDavies
South YorkshirePenistone and StocksbridgeMiriamCates
SCOTLAND
ScotlandMorayDouglasRoss
West Aberdeenshire and KincardineAndrewBowie
LONDON
Greater LondonChipping BarnetTheresaVilliers
KensingtonFelicityBuchan
Islington NorthJeremyCorbyn
Hornchurch and UpminsterJuliaLopez
Uxbridge and South RuislipBorisJohnson
Sutton and CheamPaulScully
EAST
NorfolkGreat YarmouthBrandonLewis
South NorfolkRichardBacon
SuffolkSuffolk CoastalThérèseCoffey
CambridgeshireHuntingdonJonathanDjanogly
EssexBraintreeJamesCleverly
Epping ForestEleanorLaing
Harwich and North EssexBernardJenkin
MaldonJohnWhittingdale
Rayleigh and WickfordMarkFrancois
Rochford and Southend EastJamesDuddridge
Saffron WaldenKemiBadenoch
ThurrockJacquelineDoyle-Price
Chingford and Woodford GreenIainDuncan Smith
WithamPritiPatel
WALES / NORTH WEST
ClwydClwyd WestDavidJones
South GlamorganVale of GlamorganAlunCairns
Mid GlamorganBridgendJamieWallis
LancashireFyldeMarkMenzies
MerseysideSouthportDamienMoore
CheshireMacclesfieldDavidRutley
Greater ManchesterBolton WestChrisGreen
Bury NorthJamesDaly
Bury SouthChristianWakeford
Bolton North EastMarkLogan
Heywood and MiddletonChrisClarkson
Blackley and BroughtonGrahamStringer
Hazel GroveWilliamWragg
MIDLANDS
NorthamptonshireCorbyTomPursglove
DaventryChrisHeaton-Harris
Northampton SouthAndrewLewer
South NorthamptonshireAndreaLeadsom
WellingboroughPeterBone
MansfieldBenBradley
NottinghamshireGedlingTomRandall
StaffordshireLichfieldMichaelFabricant
South StaffordshireGavinWilliamson
StoneWilliamCash
TamworthChristopherPincher
Stoke-On-Trent NorthJonathanGullis
WarwickshireNorth WarwickshireCraigTracey
West MidlandsDudley SouthMikeWood
Halesowen and Rowley RegisJamesMorris
SolihullJulianKnight
Hereford and WorcesterBromsgroveSajidJavid
North HerefordshireBillWiggin
RedditchRachelMaclean
ShropshireShrewsbury and AtchamDanielKawczynski
NORTHERN IRELAND – DUP
County AntrimLagan ValleyJeffreyDonaldson(Sir)
South AntrimPaulGirvan
North AntrimIanPaisley(Jr)
East AntrimSammyWilson
County DownUpper BannCarlaLockhart
Belfast EastGavinRobinson
StrangfordJimShannon
County LondonderryEast LondonderryGregoryCampbell

In turn, we will supply support through bringing the team leaders together, supplying leaflets at various points and providing training in the gentle art of Brexorcism. We have just completed our our second book on the subject:

Re-Boot Britain
Click to order on Amazon or direct with a discount via e-mail reboot@academy-of-rock.co.uk

Essential reading to change minds about Brexit

What needs to be done?

Study the list of locations and find people who will be willing and support to lead the campaign in the different areas. Both in terms of your real life contacts and via social media. When you get someone who is interested, pl send their details over to me via e-mail reboot@academy-of-rock.co.uk

Support our activism via Patreon, Paypal or GoFundMe

Books : Let’s Talk About Brexit, Re-Boot Britain

Music : Rage Against The Brexit Machine

Subscribe to our EU TUBE channel : EU TUBE

Find us on Twitter and Facebook

Jacob Rees-Mogg

Moggmentum

Jacob Rees-Moog has given up on his new job on day one. Instead of coming up with Brexit Freedoms, he chose to ask Sun readers what they might be. This is both a complete abdication of duty and a clever trick so that he can blame the people for the fact that there are no Brexit freedoms further down the road. Not wishing to be outdone, we decided to write to Jacob to offer some assistance. Please write your own Moggmentum letter to Jake at jacob.reesmogg.mp@parliament.uk or Jacob Rees-Mogg, House of Commons, London SW1A 0AA. Here is our list of suggestions to help you on your way with thanks to Helga Perry, Martin Fletcher, Jo Carr, Greg Newman, Phil Turbefield, Ken Hughes, Stanley Aylott and Julian Spencer Cakebread for the assistance with Moggmentum. Whilst you are here, please sign our project to prosecute Boris Johnson. Please suggest additions as there must be thousands. All credit given. You may also like to hunt through this article by EU Law Analysis.

Dear Jake you ask me for laws we can get bak now Brexit is done cos that eu cant stop us well I think there are loads

  1. Return football to 4 4 2 format we won the cup
  2. Sack P&O staff with immunity
  3. Get rid of sweepers
  4. Reinstate Bobbi charlton as England captin
  5. Freedom to use asbestos in school an hospitals
  6. Alf ramsey back in goalfor England
  7. War with Russia
  8. Ban transfers from forin clubs
  9. Install bollards in town tostop those yobs on lectric bikes
  10. Jail Johnson no need fer that EU cort of justise
  11. The sublimation of women
  12. Ban tennis and other poncy games done by thewokeist lefty loosers
  13. Bring back syphilis to stop wimmin shaggin around so much in my area
  14. Ban forin beer in my local watneys redbarell in all pubs
  15. Ban all thoise drinks for the toffs campari perno pimms keep it reel
  16. End votes for women youknow that they canntthink look at that Truss
  17. Reinstate tortose shell earings forthe missus she likes em
  18. Bring back smoking
  19. Ban lefty loosers from going on questun time billy bragg blair lammy all that lot
  20. Bring back booze cruises
  21. Rebuild pebble mill bbc studio
  22. 20 benson and hedges a day made compulsory
  23. Jail Johnson and Dick
  24. Rerun crossroads miss diane as news presenter
  25. extended work hours but no more pay
  26. Bring back R-Whites lemonade
  27. SOVRINTY SOVRINTY SOVRINTY
  28. Ban the metre and 564 ml in pubs an clubs
  29. Make all single alcohol measures doubles forthesame prize
  30. Coal mines re-opened and age of employment reduced to five years
  31. Im all in favour of drinking my pints by the gallon then paying for them in pre 1971 prices of £.S.D.
  32. Misogyny to be properly rebranded as a crime aginst MEN as Dominic Raab defined it
  33. Sterilise lesbos and gays the only bent thing in brexitbritain should be bananas see also banana
  34. Keep killing the illegals on the boats harpoon them if necessary
  35. freeports we always ad em of course but now we can say it was that eu lot that stopped us avin em
  36. End vacinnation and 5G masks
  37. Jail Johnson on sheppey
  38. Shit in our rivers
  39. Louder vacuum cleaners
  40. Incandessent light bulbs and incandessent voters
  41. Valerie Anne Brown writes in to say stop the channel crossings Jacob! Take us out of the ECHR or whatever it’s called !!
  42. Jacob to avoid that nasty tax by the EU
  43. Dogs off the leash in parks ban cats
  44. More K-TEL albums.  Ban byonce adele sheeran and all those woke claptrap poncy screechers an crooners bing crosby and perry homo
  45. Reform The Slade cockney rejects and Sham 69 hurry up harry
  46. short bak & sides 4 evry1
  47. Bare bating as olympik sport
  48. Bring bak dog license
  49. Woolworths to return and k-tel records on the shelfs
  50. The catholic church is the only true faith lets burn any heretics to be decided by the local planning committee this will make things very simple in Englund
  51. Jail Johnson bang im up for life
  52. Evryone to wear size 7 shoes
  53. Make trainers £7 a pair
  54. Make all the food free for Brexit votersas you promised not calamari tho i dont like it
  55. Recalibrate dart boards to use imperial measures
  56. Buy British cars
  57. World war III putin bankrolled Brexit to destabilise the west now he can walk into eastern europe to take back control
  58. Get rid of mobile phone regs higher prices for all
  59. Get rid of citizens rites
  60. Get rid of eu driving lisences are lisence is the best one for driving in europe
  61. Shut that french tunnel and the frogs
  62. Jail Johnson
  63. Ban seat belts they are inconvenient whilstwatching videos in the car
  64. longer lorries on are roads
  65. Bring back the burch 
  66. Love thy neghbour on prime time TV with Nigel farridge
  67. Ssgregate the blacks and chinkeys
  68. Get rid of Scotland nothin but trubble 
  69. feet and inches guineas
  70. Stop wimmins sports xept mud resling in bikinis
  71. Watrebording for traffic offenders
  72. Keg bitter back on menus babysham for the missus
  73. Welsh lamb replaced by imports
  74. Hormone filled beef to make us beefier
  75. Get rid of eu flight compesantion directive
  76. Scampi in the basket back in berni inns
  77. Bring back hanging for asbos
  78. Jail Johnson for shagging that bird
  79. Give are Queen life peeridge hang that nonce andrew
  80. A banon garlic sauce in restorants 
  81. Get rid of that Saddam Kahn and the mossies
  82. Evryone toget degrees when they leave sckool ban universitys and books
  83. Free food gas and electrisity
  84. Ban tampons from EU they dont stoptheflow
  85. Jail Johnson cos hes a nonce
  86. Gypsy camps moved to Guantanamore bay
  87. Scrap NHS itonly encourages sick people
  88. Ban abortons to cuntrol populashun
  89. Woolworths back in towncenters
  90. More british kidneys in fraybentos pies rename fraybentos as fraybilston build the factory inthe black cuntry
  91. Ban euros in shops
  92. Musicians to write more patriotic songs scrap radiohead pink floyd tracy chatman and all that lot
  93. Prawn cocktail back
  94. Jail Johnson he lies
  95. Stop porn being shown in muslim churches
  96. Bingo halls inevry town bingo
  97. Railway time brought bak
  98. Ban sesame seeds on burger buns astheyget in my teeth
  99. Introduce a rule to stopimports of bentbananas see bananas
  100. Ban forin dentists one had a go at my mum aboutnot cleening teeth
  101. Chips to be fried in lard
  102. Potato famine for irish they eat two much anyway
  103. Jail Johnson for letting Priti Patel in
  104. British bangers for British gammon no richmond irish sausages
  105. Nigel farridge for chanceseller
  106. Strippers in all restaurants ITS NOT SEXIST Jake !!!
  107. Sort out endangered species whatever
  108. GB News to be national channel
  109. english channel, to be guarded by alsations
  110. Salute are Queen evry morning
  111. Sun university to start the peoples degrees
  112. Jail Johnson do it Jake he hates you and is not as posh, as you are
  113. Run are own Eurovision song contest we don’t need romaniuns
  114. Bring back traditional British diseases consumption lasser fever typhoid polio
  115. Speak in propper English like an eastender
  116. Ban the word NO better be brexit optimists
  117. Boris to replace prince charles
  118. Traffic police to carry guns
  119. The right to restart the troubles in northern ireland
  120. Bring back hangin for sum lefty loosers
  121. No more french sticks just hovis
  122. Benefit scroungers to work on farms
  123. get rid of cycle lanes they clog up towns make, it danger for drivers
  124. OAPs to work inprisons they are takers not givers Jake
  125. Priti patel torun a restaurant shes no good at the illegals
  126. Pitta bread and Chibatter banned innit
  127. Unlimited fishing
  128. Somerset brie cornish gouda deptford champagne
  129. You are English if ur ancestry goes back to 1066 anyone who cant prove residence from that date must leave
  130. GMT brought back all over the world
  131. Guardian to be closed down and all journos locked up
  132. Ban the dutch cap french letter and spanish fly
  133. Freedom to use leaded petrol
  134. ban olives they make me shit green
  135. King arthur to come back with the round table best king we ever had
  136. Cuntry Manor to be the national wine at £1.29 a quart
  137. Let me knockdown my wall inthe consrevation area topark my car
  138. Let my husbandget loadsa gov contracts without having tofill in stipid forms
  139. Wars with india china russia africa borneo take bak are cuntries
  140. Jail Johnson and Dorries shes aving im ain’t she?
  141. Pole dancing on ice sat at 7 o clock on the BBC
  142. Stop the 24 hour clock cos its confusing
  143. england flags on all dwellings
  144. Bakelite plugs and round pins
  145. Tank tops compulsory
  146. Bring page 3 back
  147. Women to only be allowed to order cocktales when the. football is on in the pub takes too long
  148. Vegans locked up
  149. Mines in the channel, stop them dingies gettin to England
  150. Fracking
  151. Halal meat and veg banned
  152. Freedom to grow are own pineapples for english gammon
  153. Restart Laker Airways so me and the missus can use my uncles appartmint in Benidorm
  154. Green Shield stamps whenever I has to use a bus go shopping or sups a half downa local
  155. snickers to be renamed marathon
  156. Freedom to leave fish to rot on, the dock of the bay
  157. Dyson motors to be as big as we like
  158. BSA norton bikes back no yamaha
  159. Bring back coal mining
  160. 179 000 unnecessary COVID deaths to mask Brexit by BOJO
  161. Scampi fries to be made of real scampi
  162. Mark francois to be made a lord for services to women
  163. Contraception banned for Brits we need more of us to take on the wokeists
  164. Bring back wrestling on a Saturday afternoon Boris johnson v big daddy
  165. The biggest oneof all sovrinty priceless
  166. The blue passport shood onlybe valid for England
  167. New austin allegro model and ford anglia
  168. Freedom to construct buildings of whatever materials we want to use
  169. No right of entry to England for France Holland Germany Italy that will keep them out
  170. Public floggings to be reinstated on sunday afternoons
  171. Call it the tory brexit berlin wall across the channel are boys are cuntry
  172. I can work in kent essex but not normandy dont care whatever
  173. Ramsgate to build new martello towers
  174. capitol punishment brought back for women who lead men into crime
  175. Cheryl Lewin writes in from British Life on Facebook saying “Yes he’s better than the nobs that r in votes would b better if they got ride of all labour the r scum bags trying t destroy our country”
  176. Prince Andrew to come bak
  177. Are queen to recover from Euro Covid
  178. Bonsai plants to be banned too small oaks better
  179. Ian duncan smith can pick his nose in public he used to have to do it in the toilets before brexit

You are the man you can get it done Jake !! take us bak ome tell that Euro lot they can go fuckthemselves

You have six kids as well a man aftermy own hart keep spreading the British seed

Kep the Moggmentum up !!

Pete

Book : Reboot Britain by changing minds on Europe and Brexit

Music : Rage Against The Brexit Machine

Subscribe to our EU TUBE channel : EU TUBE

Find us on Twitter and Facebook

Support our activism via Patreon, Paypal or GoFundMe

Please sign our project to prosecute Boris Johnson

Moggmentum
More Moggmentum – PG rated
Yet More Moggmentum

Patricia Halls offered this late entry … whereas Eileen Kent is despondent about the list …

Brexit Freedoms
Brexit Freedoms
True and Fair

True and Fair

I was privileged to attend the launch of the True and Fair Party today by Gina Miller, devoted to reform of our politics and to end the cosy duopoly of Conservative and Labour. Find out more at True and Fair. Truly differentiated from Labour in saying that business is not a dirty word. Refreshingly willing to oppose Conservative sleaze, law breaking and a slide into an elected dictatorship. Willing to say the word Brexit, now banned in Parliament and in polite English political discourse. Brave enough to stand for a reform in our voting system. True and Fair ask you to join them in this endeavour to demand change if you feel politically homeless. I feel that’s all I need say for now. We simply need to be True and Fair.

Dump Trump

DUMP TRUMP

This is an incredibly short post to ask you to do whatever it takes to get the democrat vote out on Tuesday and find any means, fair or foul to incarcerate Trump voters on election day. In short, we need to Dump Trump. I won’t make the arguments here as I’m sure most people are both familiar and bored with them. I am also aware that there are issues on both sides of US politics. However, as always in these matters, voting is a choice between lesser evils rather than ideals. Here’s two resources you can use to Dump Trump:

The Western world, it is explodin’

COVID flarin’, bullets loadin’

You’re old enough to kill but not for votin’

You believe in Donald Trump, but what’s that mask you’re totin’?

And even the Yukon river has bodies floatin’

But you tell me over and over and over again my friend

Ah, you don’t believe we’re on the eve of destruction

Don’t you understand, what I’m trying to say?

And can’t you feel the fears I’m feeling today?

If Trump gets elected, there’s no running away

There’ll be no one to save with the world in a grave

Take a look around you, boy, it’s bound to scare you, boy

And you tell me over and over and over again my friend

Ah, you don’t believe we’re on the eve of destruction

The planet’s boilin’, it’s all coagulatin’

Trump’s sittin’ there, just prevaricatin’

Don can twist the truth, he knows no regulation

His Executive Orders pass all legislation

And Black Lives Matter can’t bring emancipation

When human respect is disintegratin’

This whole crazy world is just too frustratin’

And you tell me over and over and over again my friend

Ah, you don’t believe we’re on the eve of destruction

Think of all the love there is in Oklahoma!

When Trump takes his hand to Melania’s Vag**na!

Ignorance is bliss when you’re lost in space

But when you come back, it’s the same old place

The poundin’ of the planet, the pride and disgrace

You can bury your head, but you still leave a trace

Hate your next door neighbor, but don’t forget to say grace

And you tell me over and over and over and over again my friend

You don’t believe we’re on the eve of destruction

No, no, you don’t believe we’re on the eve of destruction

In case you are wondering about the relevance of this in an anti-Brexit platform, a Biden government will give Johnson no place to go in Brexit negotiations. If the Good Friday agreement is threatened, we can also expect a vigorous reaction against the UK’s Brexit illusions by the Biden administration.

On to video No 2 – Trumptown – written in 2015 but still relevant.

Please gift the Dump Trump album to American colleagues who can act on the minds of others. Trump threatens the health and well being of not just the American people, but the entire world. All proceeds will go towards our tour with the Mini Cooper and the staging of Futurama:

Help SuspEND Brexit – Click on the image
Taking Back Control of our Laws

Take Back Control of our Laws

Write to your MP, asking them to Take Back Control of our Laws, now that Brexit is done. A couple of example letters for you to base your letter on are included below. The sample letters range from the sublime to the ridiculous. Pick your style and get writing. Let’s hold our MPs to account for the Brexit illusions from 2016 now that we can expect the sunlit uplands to appear. Your MP’s email is of the form firstname.lastname.mp@parliament.uk

Dear xxx,

I write to ask for the £350 million every week for the NHS, now that you have got Brexit done. Please can you provide a discounted cash flow statement for these inputs, set against the £200 BILLION or so of costs accrued so far on Brexit. Can you also provide an account of all the contracts issued to companies who failed to deliver PPE, test and trace and so on so I can calculate the impact on my tax bill.

All the best

*********************

Dear xxx,

Now that you have got Brexit done, I write to ask you to help rid the UK of those EU laws which were holding us back. In particular I ask that you attend to the pressing matter of upgrading the lightbulbs in my street lamps. They offer no illumination and were installed by my council, following pressure from residents to restore the street to Edwardian times. As well as this, they have been forced to introduce the ritual of regular bear-bating sessions and the infection of local people with syphilis and typhoid. I understand from the Council that they were forced, yes forced, to have these practices, because of EU laws imposed upon our once great nation.

Please also table a motion in Parliament to insist that all bananas conform to a maximum angle of curvature of 7 degrees. I chose the number 7 for no reason other than it is a prime number.

Whilst you are doing this, I have a number of annoying migrating birds in my garden. Many are of European origin. I have invented a unique device that traps the foreign ones and then deprives them of food until they are no more. I have shown my design patent to Priti Patel. Would you like to see it? (under confidential disclosure of course). I am presently designing an upgraded model that strangles the birds whilst playing Ode to Joy, in the hope that the word will get back to Brussels that we don’t want their stupid Beethoven music. After all, we have Robbie Williams.

Let’s Take Back Control of our Laws.

I await your reply.

Keep up the good work.

Peter Cook

******************

Dear xxx.

Brexit is done ! Thats the battle, crying on the street. Now we can take bak control of our money, boarders and laws. I write to ask. you to deal with this pressing matter,

There is a man called Tomek in my town. We call him Tommy and he likes it, But he doesnt speak propper English. When I speak with him he OFTEN gets things WRONG. It annoys my wife and my friend Brad in the pub where we have illegal lockdown boozing sessions. Please have Tommy arrested and sent to the Ascension Islands to learn. I know he run’s the only super-market in town, but we were fine before Tommy came here. so we will be grate agin.

We must take bak controll of are shops. Do it today and. show these forins hat we can grow are own.

Cheers matey

Graeme

*****************

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Take Back Control of our Laws
Sovereign Tea

Sovrinty

In the wake of absolute Brexit destruction, The Daily Excess reports on distraction via “Sovrinty”. Excess readers are easily fooled with colourful stories. Are you?

Sovrinty

Happy fish

Trade deals with rogue states

Buying nuclear weapons to make us feel safer

Asylum seekers being sent to Scotland and The Isle of Man

If you are not fooled by The Excess please join us at Re-Boot Britain.

Dying for Boris
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Brexit opportunities

Career opportunities

There is a job going for Director, Brexit opportunities in the Cabinet Office – I was excited by the prospect of finding out what these were after five years of waiting patiently so I have applied. My application is below. I’d urge you to do the same. Here is the specification:

Brexit opportunities

Dear Lord Sir David Frost,

I have been an avid follower of your work ever since The Frost Report and I was excited to see your research post for a Director of the BOU (Brexit Opportunities Unit). You need look no further, as you have found your man. To quote ELO, ‘I’ve been searchin’ for five years on my own account, meticulously comparing what we had in the EU with what we are getting, now that Brexit is out of the oven. I’d like to continue that research in the quest for the economic, social, technological, ethical, environmental and constitutional benefits of Brexit. As far as your job specification goes, I meet and exceed your requirements, in brief:

  • I am a skilled researcher, covering qualitative and quantitative methods, survey design and communications. With 3.5 degrees covering science, business and HR, I am quite used to dealing with the distortion of data by politicians, so I’d be more than able to extract the Brexit benefits from the background noise, if they exist. Broadly speaking, I am happy to continue with your line of “if the facts don’t fit the story, change the facts or just erase them”.
  • I am used to dealing with intelligent senior people across industry, politics, media and in public life. I am quite sure I could “level down” to work with imbeciles, sycophants and psychopaths as required by the role. I met the Prime Minister in 2012 shortly after the Olympics when he was dating a young woman so we have actually met.
  • In terms of change management, I have written 12 books on leadership and one on the question of changing minds on Brexit. Admittedly, the strategies in “Let’s Talk About BREX .. it” are directed towards the removal of illusions and fantasies about Brexit, what I call “Brexorcism”. However, these change management strategies are just as applicable to the erasure of people’s minds who voted to Remain, although it may be a lot quicker to round these people up and send them to a BCC (Brexit Concentration Camp) – in fact, I will make a proposal on this separate matter to Priti Patel shortly. I am prepared to work on this for 50 years as suggested by Jacob Rees-Mogg.
Change minds on Brexit
  • In terms of commanding confidence, I am a skilled practitioner of speaking truth to power. I see that lying is a precondition for doing the job and I would cope with this by using a placard saying “fake news” whenever I give a public brief to the media for greater clarity. In any case, in the post-Brexit world, the truth is an expensive luxury. I see that you, Johnson, Patel, Hancock, Raab, Duncan Smith, Francois et al. have managed to get by without needing to get dragged down by the truth. Bravo!!
  • As regards changing laws, I have no respect for the law, having been let down by the Police on several occasions when being attacked by Brexiteers. This means that I regard the law as unimportant in the quest to get Brexit done. Judges and the judiciary are one of the areas we must target to remove the scales of justice from people’s eyes.
  • I was considered to be too organised to get a job for Dominic Cummings. This demonstrates my ability to stick at something that has been a proven failure over the long term.
Dealing with the Russians at Parliament – Photograph by Bruce Tanner http://www.brucetanner.com
  • Crucially I have no political experience at all, a massive asset in a political world befuddled by political experts.  Who needs experts (Gove, Govia). But I am good at coming up with meaningless phrases to describe the toxic cocktail of Corona crisis + Brexit disaster aka “Britastrophe“.
  • In the words of The Clash “I hate the army and I hate the R.A.F. I don’t wanna go fighting in the tropical heat. I hate the civil service rules. I won’t open a letter bomb for you.”
  • Put plainly, if Dido Harding can run the NHS, I can run the fucking Cabinet Office, FFS.
  • In summary, 27 years diverse experience as a business consultant, author, speaker and academic, working with companies such as Unilever, Pfizer, The UN, Virgin, BP. Find me at Linkedin.

On the suggestion of Julia Smith, may I ask for these other fringe benefits:

  • Free flags for my home, car etc.
  • Private health insurance delivered by the NHS
  • Cocaine discounts
  • Free use of the Royal Yacht Brexit McBrexitFace at weekends
  • Exclusive access to PPE contracts for which I am quite unsuitable @ £107 million per item
  • I require a minimum of two cats in the office at anyone time and a supply of fresh food for the kitties
  • A job for my son in strategic management
  • A gravy train and two year’s supply of Bisto

Yours in waiting

Peter

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Der Clown

Boris Johnson ist ein clown

This latest piece of music portrays Boris Johnson as others see him. Set in the mode of a Kraftwerk song “Boris Johnson ist ein clown” tells the terrible story of Johnson’s record on COVID, Brexit and his personal life. Download the album on Bandcamp to help us continue our work. Please don’t just steal the music, it takes a long time to produce. The video is free and needs sharing widely with this post. Here is just a small segment of Johnson’s record to ponder:

150 000 unnecessary COVID deaths due to Johnson’s “too little too late policy”.

£37 BILLION spaffed away to his mates for non-existent or non-functional PPE. Some of the companies hired to make PPE had no experience in the field.

Breaking lockdowns with lavish parties whilst others saw loved ones die alone in care homes and hospitals.

Multiple lies about non-existent Brexit benefits.

Killing 27 migrants at sea with a policy that has been judged by HMG as “dangerous”.

Still waiting for the £350 million every week for the NHS.

Left his wife for another women whilst she had cancer.

Lied to the Queen.

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Worst record on COVID in Europe.

Failed to sack Cummings and Hancock whilst he allowed junior ministers to resign for less serious offences.

“Frictionless” trade killing businesses despite promises that Brexit would be “oven ready”.

£840 per roll for wallpaper for the flat at 10 Downing Street on the whim of Carrie.

“Bonfire” on red tape has produced intolerable levels of … Brexit red tape – who knew?

Changed the rules on sleaze to protect Owen Patterson.

Illegally shut down Parliament because he could not get his way.

Failing to wear masks at hospital visits.

Stripped people of their human rights and threats to reintroduce English concentration camps for migrants. In case of doubt, it was England that introduced the idea of concentration camps during the Boer War.

Promised 50 000 more nurses for the NHS, but failed to deliver.

Blames the EU for our self-imposed Brexit when it is his decision alone.

Lied about the Northern Ireland protocol. Continues to threaten peace in Northern Ireland by breaking international law.

Counts hospital refurbishments as “new hospitals”. Counts a pair of gloves as two items of PPE.

Bungled projects : The Garden Bridge. The Scotland-Ireland Bridge. The Isle of Man Bridge. Boris Island. The Festival of Brexit.

Stopping food aid to most vulnerable children in a pandemic.

Allowing water companies to dump shit in our rivers.

Far from Boris Johnson ist ein clown, Boris Johnson is a very dangerous clown. Check more of his lies out at Boris Johnson Lies.

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With thanks to Colin Taylor, Irina Fridman, Susanna Leissle, Richard Hewison and Ambasuthan J. for their help with this.